Hikigaya Hachiman is still in the dark

I don't know how long it has been, but I came to the ramen shop again. I remembered what Senior Ai Shang said to me last time, "The light that never goes out?" I looked at the light radiating from the ramen shop and suddenly laughed for no reason.

"Hikigaya, you look at things too deeply and often forget the essence of things. For example, you know that the boss is a warm-hearted person, but you only keep the impression that he is a warm-hearted person. If you don't discover it, how can you remember the boss's enthusiasm? If there is any misunderstanding in the future, will you still misunderstand the boss?" "Things that you see through at first sight are often not taken seriously, but is that really the whole of a thing or a person? Isshiki Iroha, do you really know everything about her?"

"You rely on your own arbitrariness to understand the world and arbitrarily define the role you have identified. Hikigaya, don't you think such a person is arrogant?"

"Such a person..." I gritted my teeth, clenched my hands tightly, and slowly uttered the heavy words. Every word seemed to use up all my strength -

"Hopeless and incurable."

The autumn wind was still blowing, and I felt a bone-chilling cold all over my body.

The ramen curtain was lifted, and a figure glanced at me sideways.

"Hikigaya, I don't remember you having the habit of watching others eat ramen at night."

A familiar yet blurry face gradually became clear under the light.

"Editor-in-chief?"

Chapter 103 Everyone's Destination

No matter how big the city is, no matter how big the world is, there are only a few places where people can always go...

Seeing that I was stammering and unable to say anything, Editor-in-Chief Xiaozhi gave me an even more contemptuous look and coldly patted the seat next to him.

"Then Mr. Wataru, you made me wait for so long! Shouldn't you show some appreciation?"

An even more bone-chilling cold swept through my body.

"So what are you still standing there for? Hikigaya, are you the kind of person who shouts about youth, runs naked, and then jumps into the sea for a swim?"

I feel that such a person would never exist in real life... Although I thought so, I still sat next to Editor-in-Chief Xiaozhi. After greeting the boss, he asked me what I wanted to eat.

"Give him a bowl of soy sauce ramen."

Before I answered, the editor ordered a bowl of soy sauce ramen for me. I didn't really care. Given my current mood, it would be the same no matter what I ate.

Seeing that I had no objection, the boss nodded and went back to the kitchen. Perhaps he noticed the unusual atmosphere, so he was much quieter than usual. It would take a long time for the ramen to come. The editor didn't say anything to me, but was just bored and fiddling with his phone. I didn't know how to start a conversation, and I didn't want to play with my phone, so I just stared blankly at the incandescent light on the wall.

"What are you thinking about?"

I was startled by the editor's voice that came from the side for no reason, and looked around to make sure if the editor was talking to me.

"Is there anyone else here besides you? Should I ask the boss in the kitchen what he thinks about making ramen?" The editor-in-chief looked at me sideways, seeming dissatisfied with my reaction.

"Feel sorry."

"It's okay if you don't say such false words. So, what are you thinking about now?" The editor turned his head to the side and took a sip of hot tea provided by the store. The rising mist made the editor look less real.

I raised my head unconsciously, and the light of the incandescent lamp shone more strongly in my pupils.

"I do not know either……"

Dissatisfied with my answer, Editor-in-Chief Xiaozhi tilted his head and glared at me fiercely.

"What kind of answer is that? Hikigaya, is your brain controlled by someone else? You don't even know what you are thinking?"

I shook my head to try to make my thoughts clearer, but it was no use. My brain was still confused. I had no idea what I was thinking, what I was doing, what I was expecting, and whether I was really alive.

"I really don't know what I'm thinking. There are endless thoughts spreading in my mind, but every time I try to grasp something, I can't grasp anything. Editor-in-chief, do you know how this feels? I really feel like a failure. I can't succeed in anything I do. Now I can't even tell what I'm thinking or what I really think."

I spoke intermittently, and my words became choked without me noticing. I wanted to drink something, and at this time the editor-in-chief handed me a glass of beer.

I drank it in one gulp without paying attention to what was served. The spicy taste of beer instantly spread throughout my mouth.

"Editor-in-chief, do you understand? When I was in high school, I often thought I was a god. Although I didn't say stupid things like "I am God", I really thought I was a god-like existence. What I did most every day was to sit alone in my seat, and then secretly observe the actions and reactions of the people around me, and then subconsciously judge their behavior, and use my own values ​​to measure the value of their actions. What's even more ridiculous is that I like to treat others with my own twisted logic. And for such things, I didn't reject them at all at the time, on the contrary, I enjoyed it."

The editor handed me another beer, and I drank it all in one gulp. At this time, I already knew that the editor handed me a beer, but I didn't care at all. If Mr. Hiratsuka saw me like this, he would probably beat me up again! No, I am an adult now, and Mr. Hiratsuka would definitely smile and order a lot of beer and clink glasses with me. Well, I am really an adult, and many things have changed.

"Editor-in-chief, you definitely can't understand my twisted theories. For example, at that time, I really hated gentle girls, and I created my own theory about gentle girls. There were many other theories, such as the need for enemies for the best operation of a team, and all kinds of dirty tricks can be used to win, etc. At that time, I felt that the world was really simple, so simple that I could see through it at a glance."

"But how could this be true? How could I really hate gentle girls? What I was expecting was actually a girl who was gentle enough to understand me. The team needs a leader like Ben Chugui. You must not know Ben Chugui, right? She is the student council president of our school, a very capable and annoying girl. And how can victory be achieved by unreliable means? That is just cheating. How can it be called victory if it is achieved by cheating? It can only be said to be a good result. It's like you cheated and got full marks on the test. Although you are glorious for a while, you are not... You can't feel the joy of victory, but instead you have to carefully protect your secrets. People close to you will be happy for your success, and people who hate you will be angry for your success. It's terrible, you are the only one living in this world like a thief, your emotions don't match your performance, and you are the only one living such a false life. Then one day, no matter how perfect your cheating is, it will be exposed. What will you face at that time? Scolding from family members? Disappointment from teachers? Alienation from classmates? None of them, but your relief, a relief that requires a lot of sacrifice to obtain. "

"So I was really ridiculous at that time. I lived in the world with twisted ideas that only I was willing to believe in, and I thought I was a god. My ignorance made people feel pathetic and ridiculous."

The light was so dazzling, so dazzling, it hurt my eyes like the midday sun. The world gradually became blurry, sometimes clear, sometimes blurry. I rubbed my temples hard, trying to see the world more clearly. The hand covering my cheek felt warm and wet, and my face did capture the fleeting chill.

Did I cry? When was the last time I cried? Chiba Sakura? When I graduated from college? Or in that small town?

It doesn’t matter what time it is. I look really ugly now. I am an adult but still act like a child.

"If I had realized my mistakes earlier; if I had corrected myself earlier; if I had learned to give up earlier, I wouldn't have lost so much. That gentle girl who understood everything about me, the first person I fell in love with, wouldn't have left me. I wouldn't still care so much about my past. I wouldn't be unable to save even one person until now!"

I spoke in tears, the syllables became incomprehensible amidst the tears and sobs, I no longer knew what I was saying. I just stood there crying, like a lost child.

"Hikigaya, you're drunk." The editor-in-chief, who had been silent all this time, spoke up and looked at me worriedly.

"How could I be drunk? I tell you I can drink a lot..." I said firmly. I can drink a lot. How could I be drunk with just this little bit of wine?

"It's okay, you can rest for a while." The editor-in-chief said softly, and she patted my shoulder, as gentle as if she were another person.

"Everyone's youth is like this. They think they are the center of the world, have their own twisted logic, and have their own irreparable regrets. Hikigaya, you are not alone. You are just one of many people in the world."

"Struggling, fearing, regretting, and fighting. This is how everyone grows up. Everyone is struggling to survive in this world."

"Every boy thinks he can rule the world with a sword, so why can't he be the hero? Every boy thinks he is the most suitable person, so why does he choose someone else instead of himself? Everyone's youth, everyone's society, and everyone's world are all such paradoxes. Hikigaya, you are too tired, just take a rest." When the editor-in-chief told me to take a rest, my eyelids quickly closed due to the fatigue of the past few days. The world became dark, without the dazzling light before, and it was as quiet as if it was a dark world with only me.

"This world has always been like this. When you understand it, you won't..."

The editor-in-chief's last words echoed in my mind like an echo in a valley...

"Brother, you called me over here in the middle of the night just for this drunkard?" the editor-in-chief complained to the man who appeared at the door of the store.

Senior Ai Shang smiled slightly and said, "Isn't it the editor-in-chief's duty to care about the author? And you came here obediently when I told you it was about Hikigaya, right?"

The editor-in-chief blushed, but quickly shook his head and denied it: "It's just work, just work, just work!"

"Okay, I get it. No need to say it so many times."

"Really? Brother is always like this. But brother actually has a habit of eavesdropping." The editor-in-chief looked at Ai Shang Shaojun with a very strange look.

"I wasn't eavesdropping. I was simply looking at the stars and the moon outside."

"Brother, it's cloudy tonight, there are no stars or moon in the sky..."

"Ahem." Senior Ai Shang coughed awkwardly, "Anyway, call someone to pick him up later."

"Brother is changing the subject again."

"It doesn't matter if you don't emphasize this kind of thing." Senior Ai Shang hit the editor-in-chief on the head with a sharp hand. Editor-in-chief Xiaozhi quickly covered his head exaggeratedly, and then stared at the senior with his watery eyes.

"Got it. I'll treat you." Ai Shang Shaojun shook his head helplessly, and the editor-in-chief quickly put down his hands and laughed.

"After all, my money is all the royalties you give me. What's the point of asking me to treat you?"

"That's different, okay? There's a lot of meaning in this, but brother, why did you know Hikigaya would come here?"

"Xiaozhi, it's very easy to understand a person! This city is so big, but there are only a few places where people go. If you know where a person goes, you know that person. What I said yesterday will definitely make him come here again."

"My brother always likes to say these inexplicable words..."

Ai Shang Shaojun reached out and stroked the editor-in-chief's head: "Just think of it as my own monologue!" Then he raised his head and looked at the glowing incandescent lamp.

In this city, there are only a few places where people can go.

No matter how big the city is, no matter how big the world is, there are only a few places for people to go.

"Boss, this guy is drunk, just give me his ramen."

"Hey."

After taking a bite of the soy sauce ramen that had just been served, Ai Shang Shaojun smiled faintly and looked at the unconscious Hikigaya.

"Look, this soy sauce ramen, which neither you nor I have tasted, is surprisingly delicious."

Chapter 104: As always, Yuigahama Yui remains

"Xue-no-chan, is Xiaoqi really going to be okay?"

"I've told you so many times, it's just an ordinary drunk, there's no danger to his life."

"But after so long, he's still in a coma. I always feel like something is wrong..."

As soon as I regained consciousness, the familiar voices of Yukinoshita and Yuigahama entered my ears. By the way, I was called a bad person so early in the morning. I really have no idea what to do.

Although my eyes were finally open, I still felt dizzy and painful in my head. Thinking carefully about what happened last night, it seemed that I drank a lot... This reason can fully explain why I am in this state early in the morning.

"Xiao Qi, you're awake!" Yuigahama spoke quickly when she saw me open my eyes. Hearing Yuigahama's voice, Yukinoshita also turned her gaze towards me.

"I told you I was just drunk. Look, this bacteria is fine."

"Well, of course I'm worried about him since he's been unconscious. Even if Yukino said that, I can't relax at all." After saying these words, Yuigahama exaggeratedly drew circles in the air with his hands and made strange "wa wa" sounds.

"Listen to me, Xiaoqi, you were like this yesterday, and then wow, so scary." "From your description, what exactly did I do!" I asked in surprise. What does this action mean? Aliens? Or monsters appear? Then I transformed into Ultraman or Ultraman to save the world?

Yukinoshita, who was standing by, couldn't stand Yuigahama's behavior and pushed her away forcefully.

"Yuigahama-san, please don't make such a move that will make the current situation more chaotic. I have stressed many times that Hikigaya is just drunk, and he made such a strange move last night only because he vomited!"

Yuigahama pouted and muttered quietly.

"What? Yukino-chan is obviously worried too..."

"Yuigahama!" Frightened by the momentum of Yukinoshita's shout, Yuigahama was startled but soon calmed down.

Yukinoshita is worried about me? There is nothing strange about this. We have been together for so long that it is okay for us to care about each other even if we are not friends. Last time when I was drunk, it was Yukinoshita who took care of me. Now, even if Yukinoshita falls ill, I will take out half of the energy of taking care of sick Komachi to take care of Yukinoshita. Ignore Yuigahama. Idiots don't catch colds. By analogy, Yuigahama will definitely not get sick.

I looked at Yuigahama with very rude thoughts, and after noticing my gaze, Yuigahama quickly blushed and looked away.

"Xiaoqi, don't look here."

Wait, Yuigahama, I'm definitely not looking at you with gratitude after recovering from a serious illness. Please pay attention to the impoliteness of my eyes. "You are full of energy so early in the morning, Hikigaya-kun." Yukinoshita said coldly.

The freezing cold made me shrink deeper into my quilt. But I clearly remember that this apartment had heating, so why couldn't I feel the power of modern technology at all?

"Well, you see, it's autumn after all, so it's normal for the weather to be cold."

"What does that have to do with your recent faux pas?"

Is it related? It should be related. If I were to use an analogy, it would be like throwing a piece of paper in RB and then a major earthquake occurred in the United States... Warm reminder, please pay attention to public health and don't throw paper anywhere!

"Yuigahama-san, go to the kitchen and bring over the tomato juice that we prepared earlier."

"kindness."

After agreeing, Yuigahama quickly ran to the kitchen and brought over a glass of tomato juice in a short while.

Tomato juice! When I was drunk before, Yukinoshita also gave me this to drink. Thinking about it, I feel so emotional. Although the taste of tomato juice is not that bad, I am still used to having a cup of MAX coffee in the morning. It is better not to touch alcohol in the future.

After drinking tomato juice, my brain quickly becomes clear, and the effect is still amazing.

"So, is your brain clear?" Seeing that I didn't seem to be as uncomfortable as before, Yukinoshita asked me, and Yuigahama was also looking at me with a worried look.

"I feel much better now. Maybe my body unexpectedly likes healthy drinks like tomato juice."

"It doesn't matter if you don't say that last sentence. I don't care at all."

After hearing my answer, the worries in Yukinoshita and Yuigahama's eyes faded away, but Yukinoshita was still there arguing with a patient like me. Never mind, this has almost become the norm in our lives.

"It's decided then. We'll make this red, round thing for dinner."

"Yuigahama-san, please don't use such abstract terms."

Yukinoshita helplessly corrected Yuigahama, but as usual, Yuigahama still actively ignored it. Helping me put the cup of tomato juice on the bedside cabinet, Yuigahama sat next to Yukinoshita.

"Well, please explain what happened last night. In the middle of the night, Mr. Hiratsuka carried a drunk man to the door, said "please" and went downstairs quickly.

Then please trouble Yuigahama and I to take care of his inhuman behavior. Do you have anything else to say?"

Mr. Hiratsuka, I don't remember that I was a sack. Please be more careful about how you treat me. Don't just do it because it looks cool and like a hot-blooded comic!

“Thank you for your hard work…” I said tentatively.

"Why is it a question? And Hikigaya, you should understand what I mean." Yukinoshita looked at me coldly, and Yuigahama also looked at me with a worried look. She should also want to know why I was drunk and unconscious last night.

"Nothing, I just ran into some old friends, and then for some reason I got forced to drink, and then for some reason I got a little too drunk."

No matter what, I must not tell these two people about what I cried about yesterday, so I'll just fool around here. That kind of thing is really too shameful. Now thinking back, I was quite funny at the time! Why did I complain like this after getting drunk! Should I kill the editor-in-chief by the way? I seriously considered the difference in fighting power and felt that I should choose to give up. It's not because I can't beat her, but just because the editor-in-chief Xiaozhi is too scary...

"Who made you lose your composure like that?"

I was silent for a while, and finally whispered about my predecessor and studying in the United States.

"I see, it's Rumi-chan!" Yuigahama showed a disappointed expression after she realized what was happening: "We were definitely wrong about that."