Hikigaya Hachiman is still in the dark

There is a grave in my heart, where the dead are buried.

I don't know where I heard this sentence from, I think I saw it in a light novel somewhere. I really don't know what the person who wrote this sentence felt at the time, but I guess he must have experienced a lot of things that no one wants to experience.

What a poetic sentence. Poetic sentences exist because of poets, and poets exist because of frustration. The creation of beautiful things is something that people avoid, and frustration is the source of creation. How ironic!

Throughout the history of literature in the world, most of the writers who wrote influential works have experienced failures in life, and even experienced the pain of war and fierce social conflicts in many cases; most of the works that have been passed down are tragedies or works that satirize the social reality of the time. Some works do not have high literary value, but because of their distinct practical significance, they have taught us a lot and have become popular through the ages.

Perhaps, true literature is born from tragedy.

Happiness can paralyze people's minds. When a person is living a happy life, why should he think about ambiguous words like "self", "society" and "world"? What a happy person should do is to grasp his own happiness. Why bother to reflect on everything around him?

Pain is different from happiness. Pain makes people think a lot. Objectively speaking, pain can also stimulate the activity of people's cerebral cortex. The reason why human beings can survive to this day is largely due to pain. If there is no pain, then human beings will not remember what can cause harm to themselves, will not understand what things cannot be done, and will not learn to protect themselves well. This truth is very simple. Human beings discovered warm flames because they are afraid of cold. Only when humans have pain can they better avoid people and things that will hurt themselves.

Is pain the driving force behind a person's growth and progress? This is a sad conclusion.

If you think about it carefully, people are born into pain. It is because our mothers suffer the highest level of pain medically defined that we are born into this world.

Buddhism also believes that life is born with pain, and Christianity also believes that life is born with sin. Only by constantly reflecting on oneself can one grow up. I have always felt that I have grown up enough to face this world, but not long ago, Mr. Hiratsuka said that I have not grown up yet.

Maybe growing up means letting go of your pain, but it is obvious that I still can't let go of the person in my heart.

I suffered for it, I struggled for it, I hated it. When the plots of the clichéd romance novels that I once despised happened to me, it hurt me so deeply that they were like chisels, leaving strong marks in my life.

Saying that you have forgotten it is absolutely a lie. If people could forget it easily, they wouldn't be so painful.

I heard the roar of a car. Following the sound, I saw a very high-end car parked in the middle of the road.

A black luxury car? The starting point of my high school life should also be such a luxury black car. It is such a long time ago. Although it is a long time ago, I still remember it vividly.

A man who looked like a deacon, dressed in black, got out of the car, walked to the side, opened the door, and stood respectfully beside the door, while a woman walked slowly towards him.

Ben Chugui? Although I already knew that the eldest daughter was born, it was rare to see such a scene.

The strange thing is that she is not wearing the uniform of Sobu High School, but a black evening dress that fits her body perfectly and perfectly shows her curves. She is wearing a white hat with black feathers on the brim. The white gloves that match the hat are quietly worn by Motoki, showing her enviable hands. Unlike the luxurious clothes, Motoki's face is filled with deep loneliness, as if it can infect the loneliness of this cold night.

"Book……"

I wanted to call Ben Chugui and apologize to her. Although the incident was caused by her, after all, Ben Chugui usually communicated with me in this way. Once a habit is formed, it is difficult to correct it. If you think about it carefully, I should be considered wrong for not correcting her habit at the beginning. In addition, as a teacher and a student, I really shouldn't be angry with my own students.

Education should be gradual. This is what I learned when I first met Star of the Sea.

Even though I wanted to speak, my mouth just remained open in vain and not a single syllable came out.

It's so embarrassing. When did I become so weak? I laughed at myself.

Ben Chugui didn't notice me. After she got in the car, the car disappeared into the darkness with the sound of the engine starting.

I looked up, but the light from the street lamp was so irritating that I couldn't open my eyes.

I am not a qualified teacher yet. Whether it is Motoki, Tamasaka, Umi no Hoshi, or Rumi, they all have many facts hidden from me. Even if they appear calm on the surface, they are like a lake with undercurrents. One day, at a certain time and place, the intensified conflicts may explode! That will definitely be a much more intense event than the quarrel between Motoki and Rumi today.

I still have a long way to go.

But I didn't feel depressed. When I decided to become a teacher, I was ready. I have to thank those two little ones. I haven't been back for a long time. I should find a chance to go back and see them more. I don't know how they are doing recently.

Having made up my mind, I continued to move my legs. After all, there were still important things to do.

At first, I took the initiative to build good relationships with my colleagues just because it was a social necessity; but recently, due to Mr. Fujiwa's retirement, I have begun to enjoy the friendship between my colleagues.

If I don't cherish the gentle Tsukishita teacher and the neurotic Mita teacher now, I will regret it when they leave their posts like Fujiwa teacher, and it will be too late to cherish them. In that case, I will definitely feel lonely.

Before, I also complained about Fujiwa's old-fashionedness, but after Fujiwa announced his resignation, I felt empty inside. People always feel lonely when they lose something, because only after losing something will the memory magnify the preciousness of the lost thing.

No matter what, being able to work together is fate, and it is this kind of fate that is constantly intertwined that constitutes my entire life now. If I don’t cherish these things, I will probably just continue to be lonely in the future.

The same goes for Sagami. It is definitely a great fate to be able to meet her again. It is time for me to let go of Sagami's past. I will discuss the ending of the stage play with Sagami a little bit. After all, the script is a common memory between Sagami and me, and it is our common youth.

This time, let's start as colleagues. We should be friends in a more correct way. The fate between us will be opened in the right way this time.

Thinking of this, I put on my glasses and pushed open the door of the sushi restaurant. As expected, Yuexia, Mita, and Sagami all stood up and smiled at me when they saw me come in.

This feeling is really good!

Chapter 115 Important Colleague Gathering

"Hikigaya, you're too slow no matter what! Even if you're busy with work, you can't be so late! This is an important gathering for colleagues." Mita complained when he saw me enter the store, and after I sat down, he leaned close to my ear and said aggrievedly in a voice that only the two of us could hear -

"You should also consider me a little. Tsukishita-sensei is fine, but it would be super awkward if Sagami-sensei were to be involved. I have no idea how to start a conversation with her. Because of her presence, Tsukishita-sensei and I can't communicate well with each other."

You can just approach her and chat her up like you usually do, aren't you usually very talkative? And if I remember correctly, there shouldn't be any feelings between you and Teacher Yuexia, please realize this and face the fact that the relationship between you and Teacher Yuexia is just a colleague relationship!

But it is understandable that Mita feels embarrassed. After all, it is normal to feel awkward when an acquaintance suddenly interrupts a group of people you are familiar with. I know the pain of not being able to speak in a crowd, but my level is different from yours. Even if I meet someone I knew before and he doesn't take the initiative to talk, I will never speak. I would rather enjoy being alone in a corner and watching the interesting expressions of people around me. Hmm, it seems that you still have a lot to practice, Mita Ichiro.

"I'm sorry I'm late, there's more going on than I expected."

Although I laughed at Mita's ability to control the scene in my heart, I still took the initiative to speak and broke the silence after I sat down. No matter what, it was my fault for coming late, and a sincere apology was necessary. Come on, Mita, let me show you the ability of Hikigaya's field control master.

"Well, look, Mr. Hikigaya has a lot of work to do, so it doesn't matter if he's busy. If I can help..."

Teacher Yuexia's voice was very loud at the beginning, but it became quieter as time went on, and in the end I had to prick up my ears to confirm what she was saying.

"Will you help me? I appreciate Teacher Yuexia's kindness, but aren't you a new teacher? You should still be a little uncomfortable with teaching, and Teacher Yuexia's class should be very troublesome..."

What I said was indeed true. Teacher Yuexia is a new teacher and of course she will not be assigned to a class where the students are very obedient.

The school likes to assign new teachers to classes with more troublemakers in the name of training new teachers. It is really a dirty workplace. Obviously, the experience and skills of senior teachers are better than those of new teachers, but senior teachers often use their status to take the easy work and leave the hard work to junior teachers, and they can also call it training to reduce their own burden.

"Well, my own class is going pretty smoothly..."

When talking about her class, Teacher Yuexia straightened her back unconsciously, looking very nervous. Although it's good to be serious like this, I always feel that it's a bit neurotic...

"Well, that's about right. My class also has a lot of troubles."

I think you are the biggest trouble in your class. I don't know whether the personal safety of the girls in your class is guaranteed. I am very worried about them.

"That's true. Even though my class is pretty good, there are still a few very difficult students in it."

Thinking of this, the shadows of Umi no Hoshi and Tamasaka emerged in my mind unconsciously. Strictly speaking, only Tamasaka is truly my student. Although Umi no Hoshi is Mr. Hiratsuka's student, after she joined the school magazine club, I had to take over Mr. Hiratsuka's blame.

What about education? I do remember Hiratsuka-sensei saying that Uminehoshi's problem is actually the same as Yukinoshita's inability to socialize with others, and although Tamasaka's problem was not pointed out at the time, after getting to know her now, I have roughly understood Tamasaka's problem.

Like Motoharu Kei, these two people lack common sense in some areas. Tamasaka is easily gullible, while Motoharu Kei has many strange ideas in some areas, although she herself does not realize it. However, the person who instilled such strange ideas in her behind her back is really a bad taste.

The most important thing is the Star of the Sea. I found clues to the strategy a long time ago, but there has been no substantial progress in solving the problem so far.

If I think about it this way, I haven't made any progress on my two main goals this semester. I wonder if Mr. Hiratsuka will judge my performance as not up to par and deduct my year-end bonus.

Can't escape it after all? You work hard all year, but at the end of the year, your boss will still deduct your year-end bonus for various reasons. It's like an author who works hard and is constantly urged to write, but in the end no one reads your novel...

"It's really troublesome. I still don't have any idea how to solve the education of my two students with Mr. Hiratsuka."

I sighed deeply and took a sip of the water that Teacher Yuexia poured for me when I just sat down. Although it was a bit regrettable that it was not MAX coffee, but no matter how I thought about it, the drinks in the sushi restaurant would not contain MAX coffee. It turned out that mortals could not appreciate the beauty of MAX coffee.

"Oh, is that so? I think you get along pretty well with them, Mr. Hikigaya! When I saw you occasionally before, I thought you three seemed to have a good relationship."

Yuexia looked at me in confusion. I remember that Yuexia had come to our department office for work reasons before, and after seeing our daily work, she kept "muttering" there unwillingly. So what are you muttering about?

After hearing Yuexia's description, Santian suddenly stood up and looked at me seriously, then patted my shoulders heavily with both hands.

"Mr. Hikigaya, please control yourself! Humph!"

I think your most urgent task is to control yourself, instead of talking to others like a psychopath. By the way, why did your style suddenly change? Are you telling the heroes what to pay attention to when going to the Demon King's Castle? Also, I have to tell you something that is disappointing. The wonderful ending you dragged at the end does not make people feel warm at all.

"I have a good grasp of myself, but you, isn't it time to curb your own abnormal behavior and remarks?"

"Heh, Hikigaya, people who call others perverts are often the perverts themselves."

"I say, a rebuttal like yours seems to be something that only elementary school students can say, right? Where did you come from, elementary school student?"

"Huh? If you call others elementary school students, then you are the one who is an elementary school student, right?"

"Well, I don't want to mention it, but your behavior now is indeed like a quarrel between elementary school students..." Teacher Yuexia reminded me in a fearful voice, probably because he was frightened by the momentum of the quarrel between Mita and me.

"Puchi, what kind of performance is this? As a teacher, this is completely different from what I imagined. It's so interesting."

"Eh." The sudden addition of the voice made Mita, Yuexia and I all exclaim in surprise.

"Oh, sorry, I lost my temper."

Noticing our gazes, Sagami quickly waved his hands embarrassedly, then turned aside with a blushing face.

"Sorry, it was so funny that I couldn't help myself..."

"Oh, it's nothing at all. I was just suddenly attracted by your smile, Mr. Sagami..." Mita explained with a flushed face, but for a moment, he didn't know how to start, so he could only scratch his ears and cheeks like a monkey.

"It's okay, Mr. Sagami. We were just joking around and didn't care about your feelings. I'm really sorry. This is how we usually get along, so please don't take it to heart."

Teacher Yuexia was also explaining in a panic. What she said was indeed very reasonable. Normally, the mode of getting along between me and Mita Yuexia and the others was almost determined. Although we were chatting very enthusiastically just now, we completely forgot about Sagami's existence. In this case, Teacher Sagami, who was sitting next to us, was inevitably a little embarrassed. After all, among the four people present, only Sagami and I had some interactions before. Even if she wanted to open the topic, she didn't know how to start.

To be honest, even I, the only person she had ever interacted with, once appeared in her life as an enemy. So, we were not friends with whom she could talk about anything. In that case, Sagami's last stronghold would be gone.

"Hey, that's not the case. I just thought your conversation was very interesting and I couldn't help laughing. If you think about it carefully, I was the one who was rude. I hope you don't mind it." "Hey, hey, that, that, it's our fault... You shouldn't take it too seriously."

Mita's face flushed as he explained something.

Tsk, this sour smell that is almost like love, has this creature named Mita, whose brain has long been rotten, finally reached spring? But this is also good, I am more relieved about the safety of the girls in our school.

"I didn't care. On the contrary, I was looking forward to this job even more..."

The unexpected answer made me look at Sagami more seriously. Yuexia and Mita also listened attentively, waiting for what would happen next.

"Because when you talked about your students, even though you said it was troublesome, your mouths were filled with a warm smile. It was this smile that made me unconsciously look forward to my future work."

Hearing this answer, the three of us reacted almost at the same time and turned our red faces to the side.

"Of course not. Those students are very annoying."

"I also have a lot of unspeakable difficulties. Recently, students have assigned me a lot of work that should not belong to me. Sometimes I really can't understand what those students are thinking. I have been a little overwhelmed by these tedious things recently."

"The students are very well behaved, and I feel that I am living a happy life..."

Report to the police, there is a traitor among us!

Oh, then the beautiful lady is innocent! Is this a hasty judgment? I played out this scenario in my mind, but after we finished talking, I was silent for a while.

"You are right. Education is indeed a very happy job."

"Don't look at me like this, I really enjoy this job."

After a while, Mita and I slowly revealed our voices, and then the four of us smiled at each other.

"But, although the work is interesting, every time I go back to the office, a certain gloomy Chinese studies teacher can't make me feel any positive emotions at all."

"Huh? If you insist, how can you understand the pain of having to face perverts every day?"

Suddenly, Mita and I started fighting again.

Sagami held his chin with both hands curiously and watched the two of us pinching each other, while Yuexia, who was standing next to us, looked at us helplessly at first, and finally laughed softly.

Chapter 116: As always, Yuigahama is still confused

The content of the party afterwards was not much different from other ordinary gatherings. It was nothing more than talking about work, feelings, and finally gossip.

Life is like this. To be honest, teachers have to do those things, but it is difficult to be happy. As the old saying goes, it is easy to be born and live, but it is not easy to die.

To be honest, I was a little worried about whether Sagami could integrate well into our class and group. Now it seems that I was undoubtedly worrying too much. Sagami is enthusiastic, cheerful and a little gossipy. With such characteristics, he can perfectly integrate into our group.

After this small gathering, I could see that everyone was still a little reluctant to leave, but considering that we still had to work tomorrow, I was determined to end the party.

During the party, this kid Mita even suggested drinking a few glasses of wine to liven up the atmosphere. This guy always comes up with such disgusting suggestions in strange places.

I can still vividly remember what happened the last time I got drunk. I will never make such a mistake again!

I simply rejected Mita's unreasonable request on the pretext that I had work tomorrow. Since it was a legitimate argument, Mita had no way to refute me and could only eat sushi there quietly.

However, although this guy was eating, his eyes were always secretly observing Sagami. When he talked to Sagami, a blush that was completely different from his face would appear at inappropriate times.

Tsk… This feels like a romantic comedy. Is it true that the God of Youth Romance is only nice to fools?

After saying goodbye to the three people at the store door, I felt that it was already very late, so I had to take a more expensive taxi.

It seems that in the United States, as long as you stretch out your hand and stick out your thumb on the side of the road, there may be a very enthusiastic driver who will stop and ask you where you are going. If it is on your way, he will give you a ride. However, this does not apply to terrorists.

It's really convenient. The brilliance of human nature is revealed at times like this. When will RB be able to have such an enthusiastic driver? If so, I'm sure I can save some considerable expenses.

However, considering the facts, such an idea is still very unrealistic. But if we just change the perspective and use the "pilot" method, for example, we can promote it in Chiba, the most representative city. The rest of the cities in RB will tremble in despair in the rapid development of Chiba!

No matter how you think about it, the lines just now are all the lines of the villains! However, since I said it with full of momentum, I will ignore it for now. Judging a person's goodness or badness by lines is a routine in novels a long time ago. The villains in novels nowadays can smile at you all the time, and then suddenly stab you in the back two or three times at the most critical moment.

Well, it doesn't matter anymore. I just don't know how Zaimokuza's previous novel is going. But with the help of editor Miyano, even Zaimokuza can finish that novel well. Because if you have to say it, the identities of the hero and heroine of that novel are actually similar to them. Isn't the relationship between editor and author the relationship between superiors and subordinates on the battlefield?

The previous editor Kunihara often used this joke to tease me. He always thought that he was a great general or a great strategist who planned and planned in the camp, and I was probably just a stupid samurai who worked for him...

Do you think I will be so excited that I will work so hard to make money for you when you say nonsense like “you will lead the charge”?