Real teaching, hypocritical gray life

Real teaching, hypocritical gray life author: year after year

Summary:

What is ordinary? Average but not outstanding.

What is man? The most advanced animal and the crystallization of wisdom on earth, the ruler of all species.

If this is the definition, then I am glad that I can still be classified as an ordinary person.

At least, I can still be called a "human being".

However, what I do has always been 'misunderstood' by others.

"What kind of ordinary people are you talking about? Or are they ordinary people who neither have the wealthy life of the industrial and commercial bourgeoisie nor the power of the ruling class? Or are they gods who can accept all events as expected and treat them as ordinary, while still maintaining their human bodies?"

Ichinose Honami: "Don't change the subject, Mu."

Ayanokouji Kiyotaka: "If I'm not mistaken, you are the product of that plan."

Ryuen Sho: "Even if there is absolute suspicion, you can't be that person. You are just a pawn being used."

He was in Class B, and was forced to say goodbye to his gray life after Ichinose confessed to him.

Chapter 1 Luo Mu's Inner Monologue

"Drip, drip, drip—"

"Crash, lala, lala -"

"Pap-ta-ta-ta-"

The sounds of rain are always very strange, they keep changing. They make different sounds when they fall on different objects. I think if we look at the world through them, we might feel differently.

The traffic light across the sidewalk was stained with a block of red light in the rain, which was less glaring than it should have been and became softer.

Yet it is still very eye-catching.

The transparent raincoat made a dense "ticking" sound, and there was a crowded crowd around it.

"Boom——"

A loud explosion-like sound spread in the dark night sky. Thunder on a rainy night should be a common thing, but I still couldn't help being attracted by this roar.

The dark purple lightning flashed through the thick dark clouds in an instant. This lightning had illuminated the world for a moment, but it also disappeared from the world after that moment.

This sentence is as repetitive as what I just said without saying it.

Maybe you can't understand what I'm talking about, but I just want to express that moment. Only at that moment can I feel novelty. In the end, what is left is a repetition of the past.

I once heard a proverb: Do you really live more than 10,000 days, or do you just live one day, repeated 10,000 times? This saying comes from the Portuguese poet Fernando Pessoa. I didn't understand the meaning of this saying before, but now I feel it deeply.

The past is but a fleeting cloud of smoke, and the present is like an old movie that is engraved on black and white film and played in a loop in an old projector.

I stared at the dark clouds on the rainy night, not knowing what I was thinking, or maybe nothing at all. With my unclear thoughts in mind, I turned my gaze back to the traffic light in front of me.

——Three, two, one.

This is not a countdown of loneliness, but an electronic timer that is more accurate than a pendulum, a red light, and the joy of going to the end together in my heart.

Unlike what I was wearing, no one in the crowd around me was wearing a raincoat. Instead, they held umbrellas in their hands.

They all had frowned brows, staring distractedly at the shiny white flour in their hands, and walked in a hurry.

I tried to move forward, but failed every time. Then I felt a push from behind me. The force was not strong, but I could clearly feel the rough malice and impatience. The push made it harder for me to move forward, but fortunately he quickly changed his approach.

He leaned sideways and pressed his shoulder against my arm, then pushed me backwards while he squeezed forward. With hatred in his heart, he put a lot of pressure on me before he left. As a result, half of his body was soaked by his raincoat.

It's not his fault.

The fault was my long stay... probably.

In fact, it’s not that I don’t want to walk on this sidewalk, but because of the crowds around me, I am forced to stay where I am. I imagine the scene in the two-dimensional anime happening, that is, the scene where I don’t move, but the flow of the crowd will spontaneously lead me forward.

But obviously, this is just my fantasy. This kind of thing also appears in those unrealistic novels. In real life, no one will spontaneously lead you forward. They will either replace you or destroy you.

The word "beauty" originally comes from the human heart, so there can only be beauty in the world constructed by the heart.

So, this world is really full of fickleness. I laughed at myself.

That's right, from the very beginning I had no chance to have fun in Utopia, and the 'crimes' I committed could only deserve this kind of treatment, or even worse.

As the green light was about to end, the surroundings became a little quieter. As the old era fell, a new era would rise. I knew this very well, so I took this opportunity to walk alone in the night.

The brim of a raincoat is always shorter than I imagine, so I can only lower it to cover myself and look down at the hurried footsteps around me.

The sound of footsteps in the puddles was completely covered by the rain, but I knew it was not the sound of rain, but the noise of the crowd. The mottled words of human beings always intersect and transform into the most noisy natural sound.

Isn’t this ridiculous?

It is said that nature is the purest sound, the most ethereal and cleansing. But is this really the case?

The sounds of running around and working are full of various life sentiments. Although different, without exception, their ultimate goal is the same.

The cover-up for not being able to make it to a party, the apology done to save face, the complaints of still having to work to transport goods, the joy of lovers, the exhaustion of a snack bar owner... everything has this face. The whole society, this second nature of human beings, ultimately cannot be separated from the so-called "interests".

Interests are the foundation of everything, and everything in human society is built on the supremacy of interests.

And we humans are just creatures that put profit above all else.

I wandered into the darkness of the corner alley, living there like a worm in a gutter.

1

Although it may be a little sudden, I still want to interrupt you here.

I would like to ask everyone here, what is the so-called meaning of life? Or what is the meaning of life?

Have you ever thought about this question? In your spare time after hard work, or when you are desperate and forced to suffer from hunger and cold, have you ever had the same doubts as me?

What is the meaning of life? Where is the meaning of life?

It seems that these two questions are completely unrelated, but in fact, the meaning of what I want to ask here is almost the same. In short, why do I exist in this world?

Some people say that they live for money, to repay the kindness of their adoptive parents, for the happiness of their children, to leave a name for eternity, for a happy marriage in the future... There are many such statements.

However, these are just some specific phenomena encountered in the process of pursuing life mission, not the essence.

So what is the so-called essence?

The answer is – ‘None’.

In just a hundred years, throughout our lives, we are nothing more than passers-by in time, and will eventually become just a speck of dust in the era, or even not even dust. All our achievements will also be blown away like human life.

After a dozen minutes of hasty thinking, I came to this conclusion

——There is no meaning in life at all, people just live for the sake of living.

If that is the case, then why should we be so obsessed with survival, instead of just ending it all and dying?

Perhaps you will let me think about it carefully and let me prove this point with a deeper argument, then I think I can give a brief discussion of it.

According to the law of increasing entropy, a system always tends to develop from order to chaos. Everyone has a moment of turning into dust, which is destined from birth. So our death is inevitable.

That is to say, when we leave this world, all the so-called material things, money, or even our bodies will be destroyed at that moment. What we can take away is the remaining spirit and faith of ourselves.

That is, the indelible consciousness and soul.

Let us just assume that the soul and consciousness are capable of possessing such characteristics.

According to this statement, when people are alive, they should pursue spiritual wealth, that is, to obtain emotional satisfaction and knowledge enrichment.

In this case, what we need in our lives is pure sensibility.

In the plain words of this world, it is happiness.

The meaning of our life is to pursue happiness.

However, although we seem to be on the road to happiness, we have actually strayed too far from it. We should have noticed this when everyone on the road frowned and hurried.

Endless learning, heavy mortgage payments, tough workplaces... these leave us with no chance to breathe. We say we are pursuing happiness, but in the end it's all about money.

To be precise, it should be - 'benefits'.

Human civilization has developed for thousands of years, and the operation of interests has promoted the rapid development of society, and even evolved to the point where people are afraid to talk about money. It has become that living is for one's own interests.

What a sad thing this is.

The original intention of civilization is not to gain more benefits, but to live the rest of your life the way you want, so as to gain greater spiritual wealth. That is, to pursue what people now call happiness.

But nowadays this is extremely difficult.

People spend a lot of time and energy, and even sacrifice their bodies in exchange for an unequal life. A hundred years is just a blink of an eye. From birth to school, work to marriage, to forming a family, to raising children, and finally leaving.

What can you do in just a hundred years? Can you really get spiritual wealth? No, you can't. You have tried your best, but when you look back, you find that you have always been working for the absolute material life. Don't say such stupid things as "at least you have tried hard". Such language is nothing more than paralyzing yourself.

What are these?

In the savage age of apes, strength is happiness?

In dangerous times of war, being alive is happiness?

The happiness of most people is just a social phenomenon reflected in their respective eras. The happiness we talk about is not happiness at all. We just pursue the interests of the second nature throughout our lives.

If you disagree with what has been said above, then let's skip the rebuttal and go straight to the so-called happiness.

You have not failed, you have stood at the top of the pyramid through your own efforts. You have achieved success and fame, and your name will be passed down for thousands of years.

But you have to accept that it's all fake.

Whether you are willing to accept or not, all traces of our human life will be erased billions of years later. No matter how brilliant your achievements are, no matter what status and power you have, they will disappear forever.

It is as if we have never appeared in the universe. On the large scale of the universe, everything about us humans is actually not worth mentioning at all.

Our existence or disappearance has no effect on the universe.

Material satisfaction and then spiritual satisfaction, oh, is this possible? Can you really last until that time? Even if you can last until you reach the peak, I am afraid that you will only be left with emptiness.

Since fate is no longer something that can be discussed, why don't people return to dust early and seek a grand liberation?

At least that's what I thought.

I left the darkness of this society alone, and at the same time felt a little bit of joy about my impending death, a result of failure, but more sadness.

I didn't see anything wrong with this approach, but he still stopped me.

".......Is this the reason why you are planning to commit suicide?"

"It's not preparation, it's an ongoing process, but you interrupted me." I knew very well that this topic would not be concluded in a short time, so I consciously got down from the bench.

"Do you think you are physically capable of dying by hanging?"

"I checked online and found that this is one of the most common ways of suicide. Although I don't think my cervical vertebrae will break and cause death, I still want to try it."

"You must have experienced this before... Even if you try to adjust, your body will become immune to this situation as a conditioned reflex."

"Conditioned reflexes are not uncontrollable behaviors, and the previous experiments were not conducted voluntarily by me. Suicide is death caused by one's own hands... I didn't expect you to visit my residence without permission today. I miscalculated... Next time, I will treat it as a mission and handle it carefully, and try not to let anyone find out."

I took two bottles of Coke from the refrigerator and sat on the sofa with him. I have no interest in drinks, but since I was here, I might as well treat it as a solace gift to myself.

"You want another chance?!" He snatched the iced drink from my hand angrily, opened the buckle with force, and took a big sip. "You really make sense."

"I'm just stating the facts." I imitated his movements and tried to pull the tab off the can.

"Am I letting you go free so that you can commit suicide?"

"Haven't I completed all your commissions? You said so yesterday." After going through a lot of trouble, I finally pulled the buckle open and took a sip.

…It doesn’t feel very good.

[I will not care about you anymore, do whatever you want. ]

Well, that's about it. I confirmed the image in my mind and nodded.

He heard my answer and rolled his eyes at me.

"That's not to ask you to do this. I said this with a clear purpose."

"Really? I didn't hear that."

“You really are…”

He shook his head with a helpless expression on his face. Then, he pinched his temples and closed his eyes to think for a while.

"Well, I'll arrange for you to go somewhere."