Real teaching, hypocritical gray life

The cold December air made my skin twitch, but when I realized it had nothing to do with it, it quickly returned to its calm state. Then, my body could no longer sense the cold.

But I still don’t want to answer anything actively.

Because I was asked similar questions and used them as a basis for action, in fact, the object of inquiry was not my own heart, but the heart of the people around me. I was just filling the void in the other person's heart and making contributions, which was not what I wanted, and I had no interest in these things.

In front of people who don't care about you at all, it's easy to make your personality perfect. But the side effect of gaining this ability is that you become at a loss in front of people you care about, as if any action will only leave a breath of nothingness in the real sense.

I was clearly aware of this sad state of mind, and the repeated emotions I experienced seemed as if countless brushes made of wire were constantly stirring my chest.

Has something like this happened before? Maybe, but it doesn't matter anymore, whether it happened when I was very young or in recent years.

When all this reaches a critical point, one will be forced by an unknown force.

[Is there anything strange about this............? ]

So I returned to my usual state.

"I am back."

"Welcome back."

I greeted him as usual, and Ichinose turned around and greeted me with a smile. Although I was actually very happy, I knew that the corners of my mouth had never risen.

In order to ease this unique feeling, I raised my hand to indicate the [trophies] I had obtained in the library. However, compared to the books, Ichinose seemed to care more about me. Correspondingly, he also glanced at the cover of the book "Distant Mountains and Pale Shadows".

"I brought the book that Ichinose wanted to borrow. Fortunately, it's still on the shelf."

"Thank you very much. Did Luojun borrow other books?"

Ichinose took the "Devotion of Suspect X" from me and shifted her attention to my right hand. While I was sitting, Ichinose's head also shook, which I thought was quite cute.

"Well. Since we're borrowing books, we might as well go together. I found this book by accident, and I heard it's quite famous. Although I don't know anything special about it............"

"Hills and Pale Shadows... huh? It's a masterpiece indeed."

I tilted my head as if I was struggling to recognize the vertical English letters. Then, Ichinose took my hand and asked me to let her flip through it, and I did as she asked.

If you are interested in books, you will naturally feel happy. Ichinose roughly understood the content of the whole story and then showed a sense of satisfaction.

This seemed to be an unexpectedly happy thing for Ichinose.

At least the look he gave me was much brighter.

Regarding this, Fanbo seemed to be always concerned about something and continued to cast casual glances at me.

So I also started to care about Fanbo's attitude.

"............Did you meet Shiina-san during your time in the library?"

I see. This way I can be sure of Fan Bo's feelings.

I thought about it for a moment and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes. I ran into Shiina in the mystery section while helping Ichinose with her book collection. Anyway, she still likes mystery novels as always."

"But what Luo-kun borrowed this time is a novel that explores war and human nature... In other words, it was not recommended by Shiina-san."

Ichinose came to the conclusion right in front of me.

Although the answer was quite affirmative, the look in his eyes still hoped for a definite answer. For this reason, I did not want to disappoint the other party, so I explained the truth in the most direct way.

"After all, I had been reading mystery novels for quite some time before the special exam notice for Paper Shuffle. I think it's time to change my taste. The final exams have given me more than a month to change... "

"But the topic of conversation with Shiina is still mainly mystery novels, and we occasionally talk about other types of novels."

"So what about today at noon?"

Ichinose asked me while holding "The Devotion of Suspect X".

"Today's lunch... most of the topics were about the new books in the library, and a few were like mixed chats, without a clear theme."

After saying this, I suddenly felt an indescribable fatigue in my body, so I decided to lie down on the desk for a while before the class bell rang.

He raised his eyes slightly, and was met with Ichinose's concerned gaze.

I was hit by a feeling of having nowhere to vent and being alienated and excluded at the same time. To be honest, I don't feel good right now.

"............What's wrong?"

"Luo Jun always says something that attracts me, and his actions also attract me a lot."

"That's not the case. I'm just telling the truth."

I can't easily get rid of the suspicion of self-indulgence, but the words Ichinose just said make me feel that something bad is going to happen next.

Could it be a confession of love...?

No, it would be something sharper than that.

"But it doesn't feel like that to me. Although I asked Luo Jun the question, even if there was something I wanted to say, it felt like Luo would only say half of it."

"You might feel better if you tell me everything frankly, and I'll feel relieved."

“…Even if Ichinose said so, I don’t understand what part I omitted.”

He shifted his perspective, changed the direction, and rested his head on his head, facing the scenery outside the window.

Then, Ichinose pressed her palms against my cheeks with overwhelming force. At the same time, her body even leaned towards me.

There is a feeling that I am being interrogated.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I felt like Ichinose had hit my weak spot very accurately.

I may have this strange self-awareness, and the attitude I want to express but don’t express is real. The other party’s sharp comments seriously disrupted my balanced distinction between neutral positions, which shocked me.

The aura surrounding Fanbo was very good, and the floating air gradually deprived me of the only strength I had.

At this moment, I thought of the dagger I hadn't seen for a long time. Perhaps continuing to do such things is my destiny.

It's a long-lost feeling...

On the other hand, I resist touching things that [don't exist]. I prefer not to let anything special happen to me. So, I just pretend I don't know anything and just push the problem away.

There are about five or six minutes left before the class bell rings, and this amount of sleep is just right for me.

"Is he going to fall asleep like this?"

That was the last thing I heard.

I woke up to the ringing of the school bell and Ichinose's gentle patting.

0

After school, the phone immediately received a message reply.

I checked it out as usual.

[If there is no one else, I have no problem with that.]

Ji Ye sent this lighthearted message with a very personal touch.

In order to reply to this message, I tried to type on my phone, but after deleting and cutting the whole sentence, the status bar returned to a blank state.

Throwing a verbal blade is less difficult than replying to a normal message.

So I gave up the idea of ​​continuing, and instead focused my attention on Ichinose, who had already stood up and was stretching at the table in front of me......

The breasts to be exact.

Stretching is an action that naturally reveals the curves of a woman's body, especially if she is plump. Ichinose's upright breasts have a tendency to push open the buttons of her shirt under her uniform.

Lazy yet extremely diligent, as if you can do anything without any effort, this feeling makes people feel very comfortable.

However, Ichinose seemed to have noticed this behavior, and she shyly stopped and put one hand across her chest to cover it up. Even doing so could not suppress the ups and downs of her hemisphere, and it even made people's heart beat faster............

I reluctantly prepared to go back to hide my embarrassment.

"Luo Jun, were you looking at breasts just now?"

"Ah."

Ichinose asked with a slightly blushing face.

After all, it was force majeure, and I couldn't use other excuses to decorate it. In addition, since Ichinose asked directly, it means that she is ready to accept it.

"Why are you so unexpectedly frank about this............"

"Since it's been noticed, there's no point in making excuses."

"Actually, just kidding, my heart might feel better... Anyway, what are Luo's plans next?"

Although it was a bit awkward to change the subject, it was something that both of us urgently needed at the moment, so I privately agreed to this question.

"I want to go to the Kyudo club to observe. Does Ichinose want to come with me?"

When asked this question, Ichinose hesitated for a moment.

"I really want to stay with Luo Jun...but I have some things to deal with at the student union today. I guess we can only do it next time."

"Even though the second semester is almost over, is the student union still so busy? Do students need to handle the aftermath of the final exams?"

"Well, we, the student union, need to fill out the letters containing student learning information such as student grades and corresponding comments. However, we are only busy recently, and we will be free after the graduation ceremony. Maybe then I can............"

Is it hinting at something?

However, even if I don't do this, I have my own plans during the winter vacation.

I hope there won't be any unexpected changes...

"I see. We'll have to wait and see."

Fan Bo nodded slightly, and then continued to ask:

"Raku-kun went to observe the Kyudo Club...was it because of Class C's recent actions?"

"Hmm, are there any members of the Kyudo Club who are students from Class C?"

Fan Bo gave an expression that didn't seem to indicate acceptance, and he looked a little angry.

"Luo Jun is like this again, unwilling to tell me anything."

"............I know a little bit about Kyudo. Is this explanation okay?"

"No, I don't mean to force you."

She suddenly smiled, and it was then that I realized that Ichinose was deliberately showing obvious anxiety.

I felt like my sense of self was being played with.

However, I am not someone who can say whatever I want to say.

"Are you alone, Luo Jun?"

Ichinose leaned forward a little, and a fresh scent penetrated directly into his soul.

The feeling of being invaded and occupied is not comfortable.

I have been forcing myself, at least not giving up my patience.

"There will be at least two people. Only one person gave me a positive answer, and there are also restrictions... The others have not been asked yet. Who they will go with is also a question."

"Hum, that sounds complicated... Then I'll go to the Student Union first. If Luo Jun encounters any problems, you can contact me. The club's affairs are still within our jurisdiction. I will help to the best of my ability."

"If I ever come across that situation, I'll pay attention."

After a brief goodbye, I tried my best to finish preparing to go to the Kyudo Club and walked out of the classroom.

Waiting in the entrance hall outside the teaching building.

If it is a general group, they would probably call their friends in the classroom and go to the destination. However, the boys in our class A rarely do this. Most of them invite each other quietly, not just offline, but also make reservations in advance or communicate more online.

Maybe it's to avoid the embarrassment of being rejected in the real world.

Only after careful consideration can you make a rational choice.

This feeling is very strange, like the operation of the guillotine. When not in use, the blade cannot overlap with the position of the wooden strip. Only when there is an executioner, the two will completely overlap and maintain all the states...

This feeling is difficult to translate to other levels or to transfer directly.

After all, the blood and pain along the way are difficult to imitate, simulate, or replace.

The prisoner's head would soon lose consciousness after being cut off from the body... This was a more humanitarian consideration at the time and was also what most people believed.

Perhaps this is the meaning of the guillotine being created.

I touched my neck.

The meaning of thinking is limited, and anyone can get the [fundamental] conclusion by arbitrarily speculating from the surface. This dark fact does not seem to be a happy thing.