What's wrong with me?

Chapter 19 Scars

In Tang Wanxia's memory, there were always people around her who told her that she was doting on Xiaoxia too much. It was understandable to love Xiaoxia, but doting on Xiaoxia too much would not only not be good for Xiaoxia, but might harm Xiaoxia instead.

This view mainly comes from Lin Shihan. As Xiaoxia's best friend and English teacher, she always says that she can't stand her excessive pampering of Xiaoxia, and says that her behavior will only destroy Xiaoxia's ability to take care of herself.

She also said that she was just his aunt, not his wife, and no matter how much she loved him, she could only take care of him for a short period of time, and not for his whole life.

Her sister, Xiao Xia's mother, also had the same idea.

She still remembered that when Xiaoxia was still in junior high school, her sister often advised her not to spoil Xiaoxia so much, saying that boys should be raised in poverty and that pampering him would only prevent him from growing up.

There are many similar examples, but Tang Wanxia never listened to them. She scoffed at their opinions because no one had ever understood her, nor did anyone understand her feelings for Xiaoxia and the importance of Xiaoxia in her heart.

Xiaoxia has lived with her since she started junior high school. Six years have passed now. However, compared to the time when Xiaoxia lived with her, the time when she and Xiaoxia were together and she started to take care of Xiaoxia can actually be traced back to an earlier time.

In Tang Wanxia's memory, when Xiaoxia was young, her sister and brother-in-law were often not at home because of work.

Although her brother-in-law is not an only son, all his relatives live away from home and there is no one on his side who can be entrusted with taking care of Xiaoxia. So from that year on, when her sister and brother-in-law are not at home, the task of taking care of Xiaoxia fell entirely on her.

That year, she was just 14 years old, and Xiaoxia, who was six years younger than her, was just 8 years old. It can be said that she watched Xiaoxia grow up little by little, or rather, she and Xiaoxia grew up together.

Perhaps it was from that time that Xiao Xia became an indispensable part of her life.

Some people also said that the reason why she loved Xiaoxia so much was because Xiaoxia was her sister's son. She regarded Xiaoxia as her own child and treated him as her own son, but.

Tang Wanxia still doesn't think so.

Her feelings for Xiao Xia are incomprehensible to ordinary people. Just as she often said, it might be because she was sick, and very seriously ill, and was terminally ill.

Even though you can't see anything now, a long time ago, she actually had some mental illnesses, but she never let anyone know, not even her sister, father, and mother knew about it.

Autism, also known as autism, is common to most patients with the disorder. During that period, Tang Wanxia had a strong resistance to communicating with others.

In daily life, no one can touch her. She hates others getting close to her. Anyone who comes within two meters of her will make her feel physically uncomfortable, even her father.

At first, during the period of her illness, she simply thought that she hated the opposite sex because contact with the opposite sex was particularly disgusting to her.

Later, she began to think that she might just have a wrong sexual orientation, but when facing girls of the same age in her class, she still couldn't help feeling disgusted.

She hated everyone, whether they were men or women, her relatives, friends, or family members, and she did not allow them to get close to her.

However, on that day, she unexpectedly encountered an exception, because a boy who was only 8 years old walked into her defense range without knowing it.

Other boys at that age would be annoying brats, but when his sister took him to her, he was always quiet and didn't make any noise.

He approached her without any preparation, and she thought she would immediately feel disgusted, and even get goose bumps as usual.

But it was not until he came close to her and grabbed her sleeve that she suddenly realized that she did not feel the slightest bit of disgust towards him.

Afterwards, she was convinced that she was neither misogynistic nor lecherous. She just simply hated anyone getting close to her except Xiao Xia.

The appearance of Xiao Xia meant a lot to her, because due to her illness during that period, she could only keep a distance from everyone. There was no one around her to talk to. She was like living in a small, closed space that was always closed. Xiao Xia was like her white moonlight, adding a dazzling light to her originally lonely world.

From that day on, Xiaoxia became the most important thing in her life. No matter herself or anything else in the world, to her, they were far inferior to Xiaoxia who had entered her life.

Since then, she has been like this. Later, with the help of Xiaoxia, her autism improved little by little. Until now, she has been taking care of Xiaoxia like this.

She liked the feeling when Xiao Xia was by her side, because it made her feel extra safe;

She loves to fulfill Xiao Xia's wishes, just to see his happy expression when he gets what he wants;

She also liked the satisfied smile on Xiao Xia's face when he tasted the food she cooked for him. She liked it so much that she even developed a resentment towards Xiao Xia's school cafeteria just by hearing that Xiao Xia planned to have lunch in their school cafeteria.

She could give up a better university for Xiao Xia and go to Nanshan University in the city. Although Nanshan University is still an excellent institution, it is definitely a huge waste compared to the results she got in the college entrance examination.

Lin Shihan also asked her if she regretted giving up a better university just to take care of Xiaoxia, giving up the offer and promise from a big company that was once within her reach, and instead opening a mediocre dance studio.

But for Tang Wanxia, ​​this question had no meaning from the beginning. How could these two things be compared? Is there anything more important in the world than taking care of Xiaoxia?

It can be said that her efforts and choices over the years have always been for Xiaoxia, and she thought that she would always be with Xiaoxia.

But it was not until that day that she realized that she could not be with Xiaoxia forever, because she was his aunt and only his aunt.

At that time, she had already graduated from college, and Shihan had already started working at Xiaoxia's high school, and happened to be teaching English classes to Xiaoxia, who had just entered high school.

That period was undoubtedly a dark time for Tang Wanxia, ​​because she learned from Lin Shihan that Xiaoxia was actually in love with a girl of the same age at school.

The girl was someone she knew, Xiao Xia’s childhood sweetheart, named Jiang Xinyao.

Perhaps fate had anticipated this day. Ever since Xiao Xia started playing with Jiang Xinyao a long time ago, Tang Wanxia had never had a good impression of Jiang Xinyao.

She had anticipated this situation a long time ago. She also knew that Xiaoxia would not be able to stay by her side forever. Xiaoxia would fall in love, marry a girl he loved, and then eventually leave her.

But she had been deceiving herself. She didn't want to think about it, and the resistance in her heart made her never consider the possibility that Xiao Xia would leave her.

But when all this really happened, it was like tearing open her scars with blood, leaving her in excruciating pain.

Chapter 20 Dedication

Boys in junior high and high school are all easily impulsive due to the secretion of hormones.

At that time, she was worried about Xiaoxia and afraid that Xiaoxia would be bullied by some blind bastards in school. So since Lin Shihan entered Xiaoxia's school, she had always asked Shihan to inform her of Xiaoxia's situation in school from time to time.

Shi Han did indeed do this with all her heart, but Tang Wanxia didn't expect that the first message she received from Shi Han was not about what Xiao Xia did today, but that Xiao Xia was in love with Jiang Xinyao at school.

This was undoubtedly a bolt from the blue. Ever since she learned that Xiao Xia had started dating a girl at school, Tang Wanxia felt that she had entered a very strange state.

On the one hand, she hopes that Xiao Xia can be happy and do everything he wants without worries, and this also applies to love.

But on the other hand, when she thought that Xiao Xia might be staying with another girl who was not her, she felt like her heart was being cut by a knife, and she even had a desire to destroy something.

She admitted that she was jealous.

That period of time was really too painful for her to recall. She didn't want Xiaoxia to know that she was a hateful woman who had such emotions just because he was in love. So after Xiaoxia came back from school, she tried her best to pretend to be the same as usual.

She had wanted to ask Xiao Xia more than once if she had done something wrong, if there was something about her that he didn't like, otherwise why would he fall in love with a girl like Jiang Xinyao?

But she couldn't say it. How should she ask Xiao Xia questions and make requests? Should she be an elder? Or something else...

What's more, now is not the same as before. People are much more accepting of high school students' love. They understand that it is better to loosen up than to block, and there are rarely cases of killing with one blow.

But jealousy can make people lose their minds and become ugly.

She felt as if she was in a sling, and as the sling tightened little by little, it made her anxious and crazy.

She also had many dark thoughts. She even thought about bringing a bottle of sulfuric acid and waiting on the road that Jiang Xinyao had to take on her way home from school. When she met the girl who dared to snatch her Xiao Xia away from her, she would pour all the sulfuric acid on her face.

As long as she was disfigured and no longer looked like a vixen seducing men, Xiao Xia would naturally leave her and come back to him.

She had also thought about hiring a few men to make Jiang Xinyao dirty. Jiang Xinyao would be dirty, while she would remain clean and pure. There would always be only Xiaoxia by her side, and then Xiaoxia would naturally remember her kindness and come back to her.

However, these thoughts only swirled in her mind for a while. She did not put them into action because these things were illegal. Even if she was sure that she could handle it cleanly without anyone finding out, she was still afraid of the possibility that she would be caught. Who would take care of Xiao Xia? She had to leave Xiao Xia.

This kind of sleepless night life really tortured her terribly. She lost more than ten pounds in just one month. It can be seen that the period of time had a great impact on her, so much so that she later had to see a psychologist.

From a long, long time ago, her body and life no longer belonged to her. She had given both her life and the meaning of life to Xiaoxia a long time ago. They were all branded with Xiaoxia's mark. Therefore, she had to take good care of these things that belonged to Xiaoxia, unless one day Xiaoxia said that she didn't want them anymore.

That morning, after watching Xiaoxia go to school, she went to the hospital near her home to see the psychologist introduced to her by Shihan.

The doctor was a rather young man. Although he was very polite when he spoke, just being close to him made her feel so nauseous that she wanted to vomit.

But she also knew that she couldn't go on like this. If she did, her health would definitely be affected, which in turn would affect her ability to take care of Xiaoxia and would make Xiaoxia worry about her, which she could not tolerate.

She sat down, suppressed her discomfort, and explained to him the cause of her illness.

He said that it was because Xiaoxia had someone she liked and was in love at school that she became like this.

She said she was very anxious, afraid that he would be taken away by someone else, and that Xiao Xia would alienate her. Sometimes she even had some very bad thoughts in her mind.

Perhaps it was because he often encountered patients who asked him similar questions, so he answered very skillfully, saying that it would be very angry if the person he liked had someone else who liked him, and that this was just a normal reaction and he was just too nervous.

He said a lot and seemed to speak very professionally, but when he said that Xiao Xia was his nephew and she was Xiao Xia's aunt, he was simply silent.

She also said that Xiaoxia was very, very important to her. To her, Xiaoxia was everything. She was much more important than anyone else, not even herself. She was the meaning of her life.

She was really willing to give everything for Xiaoxia, even her own life. She also said that she often wanted to take Xiaoxia to a place far, far away, so far that no one could find her, and then live there with Xiaoxia for the rest of her life.

She asked the doctor if there was any hope for her.

Yes, she really wanted to know if she could still be saved. She also really wanted to know why she was like this and what exactly were the feelings she had for Xiao Xia.

The doctor introduced by Shi Han seemed to be very knowledgeable at the beginning, but as he listened to her description, he spoke less and less, as if he had never seen a patient like her before.

In the end, looking at his expression, she knew that he had no way to treat her. He prescribed some medicine for her, which seemed to be for depression? But she knew it was useless.

Before leaving, she heard him sitting there mumbling, "I didn't expect there are yanderes in this world, and they are the self-sacrificing type. I've really learned something new..."

She didn't hear clearly what happened next, but when she went back she searched online and found that she did fit the description, except that other yandere guys were of the opposite sex who could become their spouses, but she was his aunt.

She also thought that she couldn't go on like this. She was Xiaoxia's aunt and couldn't have such thoughts anymore. But the more she suppressed the emotion, the more serious the consequences of the backlash would be.

There was even one time when she dazedly picked up a fruit knife and walked towards Xiaoxia's school. It was not until she was halfway there that she suddenly realized what she was doing.

But fortunately, that period did not last too long. Not long after, Shihan told her that Xiaoxia and Jiang Xinyao had broken up.

She breathed a sigh of relief and her life continued, although those deep-seated illnesses were only temporarily hidden, silently waiting for the next outbreak.

But at least, before the next time someone tries to take Xiao Xia away from her, during this period of time, she will still be the gentle and kind aunt that Xiao Xia loves the most.

The cool breeze from the air conditioner blew Tang Wanxia's temples, and a corner of her dusty memories was lifted up. When she came to her senses, she had been sitting next to Xiaoxia for a long time, just quietly looking at his sleeping face.

Tang Wanxia stared at Qi Xia, with an inexplicable light in her deep and quiet eyes. Qi Xia was still sleeping soundly, and it seemed that he was really tired, otherwise he would not have dozed off during the morning class.

She looked at him, touched his nose and lips lovingly, then gently moved his head so that Xiao Xia could change to a comfortable position and then rest his head on her soft thighs.

At least at this moment, she can still enjoy Xiao Xia snuggling beside her, a feeling that makes her want to indulge in it forever.

Chapter 21 Heartache

Qi Xia slept soundly, as if he had never slept as peacefully as he did today since he graduated and started working.

He had a very long dream. He dreamed that he returned to high school, changed all the regrets he had left in the past, and finally met Yue Ran again. But this time, he, Yue Ran and his aunt were always happily together and they had never been separated.

In his dream, he also dreamed that Yue Ran gave birth to two babies for him, a boy and a girl. He held them in his arms and felt that he was the happiest man in the world.

"Yueran... pour me a glass of water..."

I don’t know how long I slept, but Qi Xia woke up slowly, and his beautiful dream naturally turned into nothing.

Feeling a little thirsty, he subconsciously called out his ex-girlfriend's name. However, looking at the scene in front of him, Qi Xia, who was half asleep, suddenly remembered that Yue Ran was no longer by his side. He was now back in high school, so even if he called her, he should call her aunt.

"Hmm... When did I fall asleep? What time is it now? Wait a minute, I remember I have to go to class in the afternoon!"

Qi Xia touched his head, as if he remembered something. He raised his arm and looked at the bracelet with some horror. Sure enough, it was too late. The school might have already started the first class of the afternoon.

He immediately wanted to sit up, but was suddenly held down by a pair of soft hands.

"Sleep a little longer, Xiaoxia. I've already asked for leave for you. Teacher Li said you didn't get enough rest last night. Why don't you just rest at home in the afternoon?"

When Qi Xia heard her aunt's voice in her ears, she realized that she was actually resting her head on her aunt's soft thighs. No wonder she felt so comfortable when she fell asleep just now.

"Aunt, have you asked for leave for me?" Qi Xia asked, smelling the pleasant smell on his aunt's body, and was not in a hurry to get up.

He used to enjoy taking a nap with his head resting on his aunt's thighs almost every day, but it seemed like he had been away from this for too long.

Because he had lost something before, he especially cherishes the present time. He almost burst into tears just because he took a nap on his aunt's thighs again. Now Qi Xia just wanted to stay by his aunt's side and not go anywhere.

Although he had promised Lao Li to go back to school in the afternoon, he felt a little regretful for breaking his promise. But perhaps it was because he subconsciously did not want to leave his aunt that he deliberately fell asleep and was late. This way he had a reason not to go to school and stay with his aunt.

"Ah."

The aunt nodded to him as freshly and gently as he remembered, but he suddenly heard the aunt ask him: "But, Xiaoxia, who is Yue Ran you just mentioned?"

He did not notice the flash of light in Tang Wanxia's eyes, and Qi Xia's eyelids twitched heavily.

It's bad. Because of muscle memory, he called Yue Ran's name as soon as he woke up. His aunt must have heard it.

Although my aunt was generous and tolerant to him, she seemed particularly resistant to him having a relationship in high school.

He and Xinyao were in a relationship for a while when he was in the first year of high school, which made his aunt so worried that she lost a lot of weight. He didn't notice it at the time because he was immersed in the feeling of being in love. It was not until Lin Shihan reminded him that he discovered it. However, by then he had already broken up with Xinyao for a long time.

"Ah, that's just the name I saw in a movie last night, and I just dreamed about it and called it out."

Qi Xia scratched his head and explained that he didn't want his aunt to worry about him anymore. Thinking about how his aunt had lost weight because of worrying about him when he was in the first year of high school, he felt very distressed.

Although he felt sorry for Yue Ran, it was really the only thing he could say. Yue Ran's home and the high school she attended were both very far away from him. To him, Yue Ran was like a flower in the mirror and the moon in the water now, and he didn't even know where she was. If they had not gone to the same university, perhaps he and Yue Ran would never have had the chance to meet in this life.

"Is that so? I thought she was your new friend at school." Tang Wanxia nodded. She relaxed the muscles in her hands and let the nails that had been deeply embedded in the flesh return to where they should be.

"But Xiaoxia, although I don't object to you making friends, you have to see clearly what kind of person that person is. Not everyone who approaches you does it for your own good."

She gently stroked Qi Xia's forehead, but her eyes were still filled with deep worry. She believed that Xiao Xia would not lie to her, but Xiao Xia's hesitant look just now made her worry.