The story we started

Moreover, Hikigaya, who is good at capturing the subtle changes in other people's eyes, also keenly discovered that when an accident happened, unlike other panicked people in the laboratory, the other party's eyes and expressions all revealed a meaning similar to "It's finally here".

Regarding these abnormal behaviors of the couple, Hikigaya had a bold guess in his mind.

"Could it be that my future self..."

Did he already know that the experiment would go wrong? Even... including the fact that he would die?

This matter is completely inexplicable from a logical point of view. Since the future Hikigaya Hachiman knew that there would definitely be an accident in this experiment, why did he allow the experiment to continue, and as the chief engineer, he did nothing?

Unless that's what he wanted.

This guess made Hikigaya frown tightly, and he supported his knees with his hands and squeezed the waistband of his school uniform into a ball. The messy folds of the clothes seemed to reflect his troubled heart.

——If his guess is true, it means that the tragedy that occurred at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in the future, which caused the deaths of many researchers, was not an accident at all, but a complete man-made accident!

It could even be that he is the mastermind behind all this in the future!

Reason told Hikigaya that this was most likely the truth, but his emotions made it impossible for him to accept this highly likely hypothesis.

Because he simply couldn't imagine how it was possible that his future self, knowing that the experiment was bound to get out of control, would still deceive everyone including his teacher, putting their lives in danger, and ultimately leading to the tragic deaths of so many innocent people?

Hikigaya does not consider himself a good person, and his ideological bias is considered by his instructor Shizuka Hiratsuka to be dangerously antisocial. Now he also admits that some parts of his personality do hide a certain degree of excessive radicalism and flaws, and this is an irrefutable fact.

But he never thought that he was the kind of cold-blooded person who would disregard the lives of others or even push them to death for his own purposes, and his future self would have no reason to do so.

If he really did this in the future, then what was the difference between him and a murderer who regarded human life as worthless? Was he really still...Hikigaya Hachiman?

If I really had to find a reason for my future self to do this...

"..."

His sister's brilliant smile flashed through his mind, and Hikigaya, who was originally conflicted, immediately fell silent.

This was the fact he had never dared to admit, but he had to face it.

If I really lose my sister in the future like "Hikigaya Hachiman" in the light curtain, what kind of person will I become?

Hikigaya didn't know, or he didn't dare to think deeply about this question, because he was afraid of coming up with an answer that would scare even himself.

Wait? When his thoughts wandered to this point, Hikigaya, who was originally daydreaming, suddenly woke up. This series of events almost made him forget his original purpose.

——I continued to look at the light curtain in order to find out the cause of my sister’s death in the future. Compared with this matter, other things were simply insignificant.

"It doesn't matter...just keep watching."

Hikigaya shook his head, drove away unnecessary thoughts, and whispered in a deep voice to Zaimokuza who was looking at him.

"If the current situation continues, we should soon be able to know the truth of the incident we have always wanted to know... How did Zaimokuza's family and I die in the future?"

"Collecting all the intelligence on this matter to prevent the same tragedy from happening in the future in our time period is the top priority."

Although he said so, the doubts that had been piling up in his heart increased again, squeezing in his heart like a lingering ghost that couldn't be dispelled.

"Oh - right! I almost forgot about this!"

After Hikigaya's reminder, Zaimokuza suddenly came to his senses and stopped caring about the matter. Instead, he turned back and continued to look at the light curtain in front of him.

"?"

But after turning around and casually glancing at Hikigaya's profile, Zaimokuza suddenly stopped what he was doing and looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Hachiman, you just..."

"what happened?"

Hikigaya turned his head to look at Zaimokuza, his dark eyes reflecting his hesitant expression, and asked curiously.

"...No, it's nothing."

Zaimokuza opened his mouth, but in the end he didn't know what to say, so he just touched his hair and spoke awkwardly, turning his face away.

That must be an illusion, right?

Thinking of the scene he had just seen, Zaimokuza couldn't help but rub his temples with his fingers in surprise.

He felt that he had become mentally weak because of the light curtain incident, which caused him to start hallucinating what he saw.

Otherwise, how could he have seen two Hikigaya Hachimans just now? One of them was even standing behind the other and looking at him?

"..."

Behind the two of them, Hayato Hayama, who was standing with Yukinoshita Yukino, remained silent.

But his eyes were very strange. Without being noticed, he kept looking at the back of Hikigaya Hachiman's head who was watching the light curtain, hesitating whether to speak.

Unlike the others who covered their ears because of the pain from the noise, Hayato Hayama also heard the sound but did not feel any discomfort.

Therefore, he heard everything that Hikigaya Hachiman said afterwards clearly, without missing a single word.

Hayato Hayama originally wanted to talk about this matter with the person involved, but after discovering that other people around him had different and intense reactions to the noise, he realized something was wrong and decisively suppressed the idea and stopped talking.

Portrait of Contemporary Youth

Author's message:

PS: My throat feels really uncomfortable, it’s swollen and I keep coughing, so this is all I can say today.

Next, I will try to complete the transition to the flashback section within three chapters.

Chapter position: 164 / Chapter price: 55 / Word count: 11032 / Update time: 2023-06-21 00:38:27

26. The Door of Memory: Bloodstained Memory (11.k)

[While Zaimokuza was still in a daze because of this strange change, a new change had already occurred in the darkness.]

[I don't know where it started, but the cold wind and icy rain came from the darkness created by the broken mirror in front of me.]

[The rain with heavy moisture splashed on Zaimokuza's face, instantly clearing his consciousness which was a little hazy due to his weakness.]

[At the same time, the surrounding darkness was like an ink painting with the ink washed away. Under the erosion of Feng Shui, it gradually turned into a pitch-black liquid, falling from all directions, revealing the scene behind the ink.]

【“…”】

[The surrounding darkness turned into melted water flowing on the ground, rushing towards Zai Mu Zuo, flowing between his knees. Sitting in the middle of the black tide, he was like a stubborn stone standing in a turbulent river, standing firm no matter how the tide washed him, and dispersing the endless darkness to both sides.]

【Zaimokuza, kneeling in the black water, stared blankly at the scene in front of him that was exposed after the darkness was washed away. He allowed the rushing wind and rain to wet his clothes without any defense. His clothes were completely soaked by the cold water droplets and stuck to his skin, sending a chill that penetrated his bones.】

[After the wind and rain washed away all the darkness, what appeared ahead was... a funeral. ]

[Several figures in black suits surrounded a pitch-black coffin, surrounded by white roses that spread out in a circle. The endless sea of ​​flowers formed another, even larger flower. The coffin in the center and the people around it were the stamens of the white rose.]

[The scene in front of Zaimokuza has become blurred due to weakness and the rain in his eyes, but he knows clearly what is happening there.]

[——The pink-haired woman was hugging the black-haired woman's slender waist, burying her head in her warm and flat chest and crying loudly, while the black-haired woman also hugged her tightly and buried her face in the pink woman's hair to prevent others from seeing her expression.]

[But from the slightly twitching shoulders of the black-haired woman, it can also be seen that her inner emotions are on the verge of breaking out, but in order to comfort her friend, she still gritted her teeth and suppressed it. ]

[Then… Zaimokuza’s bloodless lips trembled slightly, and he subconsciously stood up from the black tide, then staggered towards that side.]

[The white sneakers stepped over the blooming white roses. With each step, Zaimokuza's breathing became heavier. The scene in front of him kept shaking, and his body was so weak that it seemed that he would lose all his strength and fall down at any time.]

[And Zaimokuza's intuition also made him vaguely realize that if he fell this time, he would fall into eternal sleep.]

[Even in a dream, he will never have the chance to wake up again. ]

[But he still stubbornly took his unsteady steps, relying on his determination to support himself as he walked between the two women who were hugging and crying, and walked towards the other two people.]

【Zaimokuza walked towards the white-haired man lying in front of the coffin, and the short-haired woman in a black suit and long skirt squatting beside him.】

【"Why……"】

[A slightly fat, white-haired man in a black suit kneeled down in front of the coffin and spoke in a voice that sounded almost like crying.]

【“Yihui.”】

[The short-haired woman silently stood by his side, stretching out her hands as if wanting to hug him, but after hesitating for a moment, she gently placed one palm on the trembling shoulder of the white-haired man.]

[“Why did it turn out like this…”]

[The man raised his head, revealing a face full of tears—it was none other than the former Zaimokuza Yoshiki.]

[He looked at the open coffin in front of him, and the body inside with a white scarf covering its face. He lost all strength to stand up again, and could only kneel down in the sea of ​​flowers as if his spinal cord had been pulled out.]

【“——Obviously, we made an appointment!”】

[A choking roar echoed here, and the surrounding scene instantly expanded in the sound of his weeping voice. A sea of ​​white flowers and coffins emerged one after another like mushrooms after rain.]

[This place is not their home ground or that coffin’s, nor is it just their sorrow, but the painful memories of countless people.]

[Many people in suits also gathered in the sea of ​​flowers, waiting in front of the coffins of their loved ones. Crying, roaring, and great sadness filled the world.]

[It seemed that even the heavens felt pity for the people’s grief. The sky was filled with a thick, heavy, leaden atmosphere, as if it would collapse at any moment. The roaring thunder was like a funeral march.]

[This is what happened on the seventh day after the accident—a grand funeral held by countless people.]

[After many years, Zaimokuza once again came to this sad place that he was most reluctant to recall, but he could only stand like an outsider, watching this tragedy that had already happened in the past and was powerless to do anything. ]

[“Why did you make me break my promise again…”]

[With a crying voice, the past Zaimokuza reached into his arms and unsteadily took out something wrapped in white cotton cloth.]

【“……!”】

【Zaimokuza was standing behind his past self, looking at the package that his past self took out. He seemed to realize something, and his body trembled slightly.】

【At this moment, Zaimokuza suddenly wanted to escape, wanted to escape far away, escape into the darkness of memory, and never come back.】

[But his legs, which were so fragile that they would sway at the slightest breeze, were now rooted to the spot, completely ignoring Zaimokuza's will, leaving him no way to escape.]

[The cold wind and rain suddenly became stronger, blowing countless rose petals in the white sea of ​​flowers, and they fell from the sky one after another, like the curtain falling at the end of a tragedy.]

[Two pieces of white cloth were also blown away.]

[In the coffin with white petals on the base, the familiar person was wearing a black suit, lying quietly on his back, his eyes closed as if he was sleeping soundly.]

[He looked just like when he was in Sobu High School. Whenever he felt tired, he would avoid everyone, find a backlit spot on the rooftop, lean against the wall, close his eyes, and fall asleep in the breeze, wasting the entire afternoon.]

[Several times when Zaimokuza found him on the rooftop, he was always deep in sleep. At that time, Zaimokuza, who was full of mischief, would always approach him silently, then lean over and whisper in his ear:]

[“——Hachiman, Komachi is here to see you!”]

[Then, the sleeping Hikigaya Hachiman would suddenly wake up, and in order to avoid being discovered by his sister, he would hurriedly tidy up his clothes and stand up. Zaimokuza, who had successfully pulled off the prank, would laugh loudly beside him, accepting his resentful and speechless gaze after he discovered the truth.]

[Therefore, many times, Zaimokuza always wondered, if he tried to call his best friend like this again at that time, would he immediately stand up from the coffin filled with white roses like before? ]

[Perhaps he would even lean against the edge of the coffin and admire his own stunned expression of surprise, and say with a hint of smugness hidden in his expressionless face:]

[“I finally fooled you once. Yes, I was pretending.”]

【But that is impossible.】

[No matter how much he begged, the cruel reality forced Zaimokuza to admit this matter, to admit the fact that he would never want to face.]

[His best friend, the first close friend in his life...]

【Hikigaya Hachiman is dead.】

What is death?

[It is the words "best friend" that I can no longer say, the shoulders that I can no longer hold, the sideways walks that person with, the face that I can no longer see in my life, and... the promise that I can no longer fulfill.]

[Zaimokuza's eyes reflected the sleeping face, and his pupils trembled violently.]

[“Obviously… I’ve already written it.”]

[His neck froze like a rusty machine as he turned his head to look at the book that his past self was holding tightly in his hands.]

[That book with a brown cover.]

【“——”】

【Zaimokuza's mouth opened at this moment, but his voice seemed to be taken away, and the vocal cords in his throat could only resonate in vain, making a faint and meaningless hum in the air.】

[His palm trembled for a moment, then he slowly raised it stiffly, inserted it into the bosom of his windbreaker, and grasped something.]

[The tattered book that Zaimokuza found when he first woke up from Sobu High School.]