Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

Although her emotions have calmed down, the conclusion she has already reached will not change.

"What they say is that as long as I work hard, I can do it... That's obviously impossible." She smiled bitterly, "No matter how much I practice, I can't be as good as Lena. Deng said before that he wanted to be in a band for life, but I didn't have the confidence to agree to it."

"I have been avoiding it. I don't dare to face Le Nai, I don't dare to face the performance, and even... I don't even dare to face everyone's "kindness" to me."

Aine lowered her head in shame.

Chapter 57: I, No Fear of Escape (Part 2)

"I feel very grateful that everyone is willing to tolerate me and encourage me to face difficulties...but, more than gratitude, I am afraid."

Chihaya Aine expressed her thoughts with a wry smile.

"Because, in the beginning, I joined this band simply to 'fit in with the band atmosphere of Yugaoka' and to 'attract attention'."

From the very beginning, he acted with suspicious and impure motives.

"So, I didn't dare to agree to Deng's request at that time. Because I knew that I only joined the band for such a selfish and casual reason."

"After Lena showed up, I realized that I didn't have any special talents, and my attitude was frivolous and casual. I didn't have much passion for the band at all. Even if I forced myself to cheer up, I couldn't stick with it for long..."

Aine let go of Touma’s hand.

"I'm really grateful that Deng is willing to take the trouble to care about someone like me."

She smiled a pale and weak smile.

"But... I'm sorry, I really don't know what to do now."

I am afraid of people expressing kindness to me because the guilt will accumulate.

Because I feel that I am not worthy of accepting it, I subconsciously want to escape.

So, I dare not face the light that is encouraging me at this moment.

I didn't dare to face my senior who had been trying to comfort me.

I also don’t dare to face Su Shi and Li Xi… Especially Li Xi, even her attitude towards me seems to have softened a lot…

This is really... too scary.

“Aine…”

Deng wanted to take another step forward to hold Aine’s hand, but he was unable to take that step.

If Aiyin is feeling scared because of being lost, then I am willing to reach out and move forward with her in the confusion.

But...if she was afraid of my outstretched hand...

What should I do?

at this time.

“…So, Aine, that’s what you think.”

A familiar voice suddenly sounded at the entrance.

Deng turned around and found three familiar figures walking towards them one after another.

Riki, Suyo, and Akie.

“Wait, why… is everyone here?” Aine took a half step back unconsciously.

"It's because you suddenly ran away!" Li Xi glared at her, "Everyone is worried about you!"

"Yeah, it's really disturbing to see him suddenly run out like that," Su Shi agreed.

“…” Aine looked at the two of them timidly, as well as Togawa Akeie who was walking in front of them.

And when Deng noticed that something seemed amiss, he immediately stepped forward and took Aine’s arm.

Akie let out a long sigh and said to Aine who was restrained by the lamp, “Actually, when you were almost talking about ‘starting over again in Haneda’, I was already waiting there.”

“Ah? Then, Senior, could it be that…” Aine’s face suddenly turned red with embarrassment.

"I heard everything you said just now." Qiu Hui sighed.

"To be honest, after hearing those words, I was actually... quite happy."

"……Happy?"

Aine subconsciously wanted to retreat, but was unable to do so due to the restraint of the lamp.

Qiu Hui smiled and continued, "I was very worried about your condition before, so I wanted to find some way to comfort you. I'm not really good at comforting people, so... after noticing that your reaction at the time seemed unnatural, I wondered if I had done something unnecessary."

She gradually stopped smiling and her expression became serious.

“Aine, just as you are avoiding everyone’s kindness, I am actually… avoiding you as well.”

"I've been thinking about it... or rather worrying and panicking because I don't know what you will think of my actions."

“I care about Aine a lot, really… a lot. The specific reason, even I don’t really understand. So I feel scared, and I want to escape. I think this kind of unknown feeling will drive me to do irrational things… Aine, you know that too, right? I’m the type who will do stupid things easily when I’m impulsive.”

"You mean... like when we first met?"

"Yeah." Qiu Hui nodded, "I really don't know what went wrong with me at that time... I just chased you out like that, and said so many inexplicable things."

As she spoke, she couldn't help laughing out loud.

"Let's get back to the point. Because I was afraid of doing unnecessary things, I was always worried about the gains and losses, the methods and the scale, and I exhausted myself. In the end, I didn't help you at all. From the results, it's a lose-lose situation."

“Until you suddenly ran away just now, I felt that I was really an incompetent guy. I couldn’t find a perfect method, and I couldn’t act without thinking like Deng. As a result, I began to doubt whether I was qualified to help Aine at all…”

“…Just like you, Aine, doubt whether you are worthy of receiving everyone’s help.”

After saying that, Qiu Hui let out another long sigh of relief.

Then he walked forward, came in front of Aine, and took her other hand that was not held by the lamp.

Her gaze passed through the lenses, as if conveying her feelings to the other person's eyes with an unstoppable momentum.

This time, it was Chihaya Aine who turned her face away shyly.

“Senpai…”

Aine's shy look irritated Akie's nerves.

She vaguely realized that the motivation she borrowed from Liang seemed to be almost exhausted.

So, I have to hurry and say what I want to say...

“…So, after I heard Aine’s thoughts just now, I was really happy.”

“Because I realized that what I did was not superfluous.”

“And if Aine also hesitates due to self-doubt and tries to avoid what she desires…”

Qiu Hui felt her cheeks were hot as if she had a fever.

But a strong impulse still drove her to say what she wanted to say in a shouting tone.

"...So we are partners in 'escape', right?"

The touch of Aine’s palm makes my rationality evaporate faster and faster, I must hurry up...

... Fortunately, my part is almost over now. Just bear with me for a little while, it will be over in a little while!

Qiu Hui clenched her teeth and shook her head vigorously to drive away the distracting thoughts from her mind and continued to express her feelings.

"It's okay to get lost. It's okay to run away!"

"All you have to do is muster up the courage to face the fact that you want to escape!"

Akie unconsciously tightened her grip on Aine’s hand.

"If you just try to face this fact, and bravely face the difficulties you want to avoid..."

"...Perhaps you will find out, like me, that the so-called difficulties you were worried about were actually all illusions you made up to scare yourself, right?"

Yes.

Whether it was the counter-effect, the other person's mood, or the sense of distance...all of them were just illusions I made up to scare myself.

If I can't speak out properly like this because I'm worried about those silly things...

...So no matter how heavy the feelings are, you will never be able to convey them to the other person, right?

Chapter 58: Moving Forward Even in Confusion

...Yes, that's true.

Aine nodded slightly unconsciously. Tears could not help but flow out.

It turned out that my senior had been worrying about whether I could accept her kindness and was afraid that this kindness would hurt me in return.

Well, by worrying about such meaningless questions as "whether I am qualified to accept the other party's kindness", wouldn't I be hurting my seniors, Deng... and everyone who has always cared about me?

“…What’s going on? Even Senpai has become like this. Saying so many weird things, it’s like… being an idiot…”

Aine, who couldn’t free her hands because of the two people beside her, could only let her tears of joy flow down her cheeks.

"Well, even if that's the case... then what should I do next? I don't know how to work with a guitar expert like Lenna... and I don't know how to perform properly on stage."

Looking at Aine who was completely shaken, Akie smiled and shook her head.

“I actually hate this kind of irresponsible line that sounds like a cartoon, but if it’s in this situation, I think it’s better to say it out loud—”

"——As long as everyone works together, we can always find a solution!"

...I really said it out loud. Qiu Hui smiled at herself in her heart.

so good.

This line is so stupid that it can even be said to be cute.

Although as a light novel writer, I always let my characters say such things casually, so it is impossible to take it seriously, and most of the time I just treat it as a joke.

But even so, I sometimes want to try to say a few lines like this from the bottom of my heart in the real world.

It’s great to be able to say it now, Qiu Hui thought with relief.

And these words that came out of her mouth also reached Deng's ears.

So, at this moment, Deng suddenly let go of his hand, and then suddenly as if he had made up his mind, he ran in a certain direction.

“Deng-chan?” Aine called out in confusion.

Deng came to a shelf where tourist questionnaires were placed, took down a sheet, picked up a pen next to it, and started writing quickly.

She wrote very quickly, scribbles and corrects herself from time to time, and eventually the back of the questionnaire was a mess.

Finally, she picked up the paper and solemnly handed it to Aine.

"This is……"

Ai Ne, with tearful eyes, wiped her tears with her free hand and tried to read the words above.

"A lost child?"

"Yeah." Deng nodded.

Ai Ne, holding the paper, tilted her head in confusion.

"Why do you say that?" she asked.

“I think that Aine just… hasn’t found the right direction yet, that’s all.”

Deng lowered his head and spoke in a low voice.

“Aine, you’re always moving forward. Even if you hit a wall, you’ll find another way out and try to keep moving forward.”

“When I… was in despair and couldn’t find a way out, it was Aine who pulled me up and told me what to do. Now, we can form a band together… I think I have to thank Aine.”

Deng took a deep breath to calm her nervousness. She had never spoken for such a long time before.

“Thanks to Akie-senpai, Aine can finally stop avoiding it and face everyone’s kindness calmly.”

“So, I…want to tell Aine what I’m thinking.”