Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

Page 152

...In the end, I still couldn't say it out loud.

Because that’s who I am.

Completely different from the uneasiness, tension and panic he had felt in front of strangers so far, what dominated Goto Ichiri at this moment was an unprecedented feeling of powerlessness.

Since I was a child, I have often been the one left behind in the group...

Ichiri buried his head between his knees.

…Even if you try to express yourself to others, you will almost always be regarded as a weirdo in the end.

That's why I never made any friends from childhood to adulthood until I met everyone who ended the band.

Because of this, Yili also realized that she, who had almost never made friends, did not seem to understand the definition and weight of this concept very well.

I want to be "friends" with Aki...

But what exactly is considered a friend?

Common topics? There are already a lot of them, whether it's school or band, there are a lot of things to talk about.

Help each other? Qiu Hui has always cared about me, and I... as the guitarist of the band, I can help her to some extent. This is the embodiment of helping each other, isn't it?

Not only that. When I feel confused, Qiu Hui will pay attention to my mood; and when Qiu Hui feels tired, I can also help her a little bit.

That's good enough, isn't it?

For someone like me, this is an intimate relationship that I never dared to think about in the past.

Even so, I still feel unsatisfied...

...What else do you want from Akie?

Goto Ichiri tried in vain to sort out the tangled mess in his mind, trying in vain to make sense of the myriad of threads.

The more she thought about it, the more confused she felt.

She didn't know what the answer to this question would be.

She just vaguely felt that the answer to this question would be very... scary.

Even though "that answer" had until now been just a chaotic and vague amorphous thought, Goto Ichiri felt an unprecedented fear about it.

She instinctively realized that the answer might be something too complicated, heavy, and terrifying for her, who had always been happy and satisfied with small things like "making friends."

Fortunately, just when she found it increasingly difficult to control her tendency to slide towards the abyss in her mind, an external force forcibly interrupted this process.

Miss Miao Meng came to her side, squatted down as well, and then greeted her with a smile.

"Ichiriko, what's wrong? You look so depressed so early in the morning."

For Miao Meng, talking to others like this is as common as eating and drinking.

But for Yili, even if someone just talks to him, it is a dilemma that he needs to cheer up and work hard to deal with.

"Miss Meow...ah, that...I..."

His heavy thoughts were interrupted. At this moment, Yili became panicked and spoke without thinking, as if he was caught doing something bad secretly.

“Hmm… well, how should I put it…”

She was at a loss for words and spoke hesitantly, her hands unconsciously tugging at the corners of her sportswear.

"I heard that the conditions for monetization have been tightened recently. Yes, it's a bit difficult..."

...I guess because he took into consideration that the other party was a video blogger, he brought up a somewhat strange topic.

Looking at Miao Meng's stunned and confused look, she more or less guessed that she might have messed up again.

"I'm sorry..." Ichiri apologized out of habit, "Did I start the wrong topic?"

"...Is that true?" Miao Meng couldn't help laughing. "If you suddenly talk to me about topics like monetization, I won't understand the situation!"

Unlike Qiu Hui, she didn't seem to have much intention of taking care of the other person's feelings.

After she finished laughing, she continued, "Well, I'm still very interested in why Ichiriko is so depressed so early in the morning..."

After saying that, Miao Meng looked meaningfully at Qiu Hui in the distance.

"…Is it related to Teacher Akirako?" she said with a smile.

Chapter 122 Three Major Misconceptions in Life

"…Is it related to me?" Qiu Hui was a little surprised.

Hong Xia in front of her nodded seriously: "I think it's very likely."

She didn't look like she was joking at all, so Qiu Hui had to take Hongxia's guess seriously.

"Pochi became depressed because of me..."

Qiu Hui was a little distressed because she couldn't figure out the specific reason.

As a bandmate, she felt she had an obligation to pay attention to Goto Ichiri's mental condition.

Correspondingly, if she realizes that there are problems that she cannot solve, she will also feel anxious because of her sense of responsibility.

"It's just my guess. Pochi-chan didn't say anything herself."

Even Hong Xia, who had always been cheerful and positive, now had a smile that was a little helpless because of worry.

"I tried to ask Pochi-chan, but she never gave me a direct answer and always made excuses."

Hongxia reached out to hold onto the wall beside her and sighed uneasily.

"If it's a normal Pochi, if we talk about a topic she doesn't want to talk about, she will always make some very unusual reactions to refuse. If that's the case, I wouldn't be so worried; but, didn't Akie see it just now?"

Hongxia turned her head and cast a worried look at Yili who was talking to Miaomeng at the moment.

"It was kind of scary to me that she said no so quietly like that."

"Pochi is indeed like that." Akie nodded, "If she wasn't acting as exaggerated as usual... I think it's probably because she's taking this matter extra seriously."

However, when she thought of Hongxia's previous guess, she frowned slightly in confusion.

Is it because of me?

What did I do wrong? Or did I neglect Pochi unintentionally?

It doesn't feel like that... Pochi looks so depressed, something worse than the above must have happened.

What exactly will it be...

...It can't be because Pochi likes me, right?

Thinking of this, Qiu Hui couldn't help but laugh. This was too exaggerated.

It is a rare phenomenon for girls to like girls. If Pochi happens to be one of them, and the person he likes happens to be me, the probability is too low and can almost be ignored.

But if this is not the case, what could be the reason?

This made Akie think that maybe it would be a good idea to seriously consider "Pochi really likes me" as one of the options...

"Does Xiao Qiuhui have any ideas?" Hongxia asked.

"...Nothing." Akie shook her head. "I don't really have any idea. I'm really worried."

You can't tell Hongxia "I think Pochi probably likes me", right?

This is too... self-righteous.

Akihime reorganized her thoughts. No matter what, it was too far-fetched to think that the other person "liked me".

But, how should I put it, maybe we can consider it from the perspective of "troubles in love"?

"Nijiya, I think that Pochi's unusual behavior is probably because she encountered something that is quite unusual for her."

Qiu Hui stated her opinion seriously.

"If it was just a normal social problem, I think Pochi would have expressed it clearly in some ordinary or exaggerated way."

"But Pochi isn't saying anything right now... So, is it because he encountered something that he can't even tell us about?" Hongxia made a guess.

Soon, she opened her eyes wide as if she suddenly realized something.

"Akie, what do you mean..."

"...Yes, I think Pochi might be troubled by... the topic of love."

"Yes, yes, yes!" Hong Xia nodded repeatedly, "That's what I wanted to say!"

That’s why it’s hard to tell everyone…

When Hongxia thought of this, a look of serious thought appeared on her little face, and soon a blush suddenly appeared on her face.

"Wait! So, I thought Pochi-chan was worried about Akiie, but that means Pochi likes..."

"... Stop it." Qiu Hui interrupted Hongxia's wild thoughts somewhat awkwardly, "I didn't mean that... Why did you insist on the idea you had at the beginning?"

"Because, I feel like Pochi-chan has been paying attention to Akiho's affairs for a while now... Oh, right!" Hongxia deliberately lowered her voice, as if she was telling a shocking secret, "Akiho-chan, didn't you publish a novel under the pen name Akihoko? I think I saw Pochi buy it and read it before!"

“…I see.”

Qiu Hui's embarrassed expression became even more intense. She cleared her throat and signaled Hong Xia not to continue.

"Well, although I'm happy that she likes my novel... But to be honest, it has nothing to do with whether she likes it or not, right?" She explained with a bitter face, "There are at least thousands or tens of thousands of people who have bought my novels. If all of them like me, it would be too terrible!"

Seeing that Hongxia still seemed to want to argue, Qiuhui decided to continue her analysis, thus completely dispelling Hongxia's intention to consider the problem from this perspective.

"Or maybe we can use the method of contradiction here: Assuming Hongxia's assumption is true, it means that Pochi bought my novel to read because she likes me. And knowing that this matter is difficult for Pochi to talk about, can't we conclude that in order to prevent others from noticing the clues, she should secretly read the book I wrote in a place where no one can find her, so that Hongxia can't find out about this, am I right?"

"...It seems to be true." Hongxia nodded somewhat dazedly.

"But Nijixia saw Pochi reading my novel, right?" Akie sighed, "This means that she is not that careful about hiding it, which contradicts the previous premise. It can be seen that Nijixia's assumption is not true. Pochi didn't go to find my novel to read because she likes me..."

At this point, Qiu Hui had the urge to cover her face tightly and crawl into the crack in the ground.

Why am I here explaining this to Hong Xia...

"...I see. Well, let's think about it from another angle." Hong Xia nodded. "Ahaha, after all, how should I put it, it's relatively rare for a girl to like another girl."

"I told you...it's quite rare." Qiu Hui felt a little guilty.

After finishing the argument just now, she seemed to realize a problem.

Why was I so persistent in denying that "Pochi likes me"? Akie pondered.

Is it because I subconsciously feel very resistant to this?

Then, the reason is...

At this moment, someone suddenly ran down the stairs and came into the STARRY store.

Before Qiu Hui could see who was coming, the person who was most likely to be the "cause" came over and hugged her happily.

"senior!"

After Aine walked in, she gave Akie a gentle hug and then briefly separated from her, then looked at her with a smile.

"Akie-senpai... and Nijika-senpai, good morning."

Deng, who came in with Aine, greeted shyly.

Chapter 123: Overly Complicated Relationship