Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

"Lost, lost love?" Xiangzi opened his mouth slightly in surprise, as if he had forgotten to close it.

Does heartbreak mean what it sounds like?

For her, who has been struggling to make a living during this period and deliberately keeping a distance from her former partners, the premise of the word "broken heart" seems so far away.

"Yeah." Qiu Hui nodded slightly, and a hint of confusion appeared in her drooping eyebrows.

"With whom?" Xiangzi blurted out.

But then she realized that it might not be appropriate to ask this question rashly.

"I'm so sorry, should I ask that?" she said apologetically.

Just as Akihime treated her, Shoko would also pay special attention to controlling his sense of distance in front of Akihime.

Even if she accepts the other person's help and enjoys spending time with him/her, she will always remind herself: Don't be overly indulged and dependent on this feeling, and don't ignore the possibility of offending the other person.

However, Akie chuckled and shook her head.

"Don't worry about it." She sighed, "If I didn't want Xiangzi to know, I wouldn't have said it in the first place."

She showed a posture that Toyokawa Shoko had never seen before.

It was a kind of melancholy that stretched out, seemed fragile and powerless.

Qiu Hui temporarily removed her proper and tough disguise, and her beautiful dark eyes reflected the inner turmoil of its owner without reservation.

From the first time they met, Akie always maintained a friendly, steady and relaxed attitude towards Shoko.

Provide moderate help in an appropriate manner while keeping a distance from personal boundaries.

Shoko has become accustomed to it and has a vague longing for someone like Togawa Akee.

But today, Akihide showed an unexpected side of herself in front of Xiangzi.

"Rather, I actually want to talk about these things. Perhaps, this is what is called the 'desire to talk'."

She withdrew her hand from her chin, turned around and looked in Xiangzi's direction.

"I'm glad that Qiu Hui is willing to tell me this." Xiangzi responded a little nervously, "Then, who is the other party?"

"It's Chihaya Aine. One of the guitarists in that band." Akie answered, "You should have seen her too."

Xiangzi was stunned for a moment and said, "It's her?"

Wait, if the person I broke up with was Chihaya Aine...

“So, Akie, you just said that I can’t always be a support musician…”

Xiangzi keenly sensed something.

Before she could finish, Qiu Hui smiled bitterly and said, "I know what you want to say, but it's better not to say it."

"I always feel that... I was particularly interested in that band because of that reason, and I lost my passion for that band because of that reason, which is a bit shameful."

The other party is Toyokawa Shoko. Although she has various relationships with the members of that band, Akie knows that she doesn't actually have a deep connection with her.

Therefore, you can feel free to speak out your inner thoughts without having any worries.

“So Akie likes Aine… Wait, wait!”

Xiangzi suddenly realized something, and a rare blush appeared on his cheeks.

"You are all girls, right?"

"...Yeah." Akie nodded. "Is it weird?"

After saying that, she burst out laughing: "...I feel it's strange, but the fact itself is not strange. At first, I also thought that liking girls was a little bit abnormal."

“That’s why I decided to keep it a secret.”

At this time, Xiangzi, with a blushing face, recalled their last conversation.

"Then, the 'friend' that Akie mentioned last time..."

"You mean that?" Qiu Hui was startled, and then she lowered her head shyly, "...It's quite complicated to explain."

"On the one hand, when I asked the question, I was actually thinking of the friend who liked the girl."

"But in reality... there is indeed such a girl who really likes me..."

The more Qiu Hui talked, the more she wanted to find a crack in the ground to bury herself. What the hell was going on?

Even Xiangzi was a little down.

"Wait, so, there are two people, one is the one that Akiie likes, and the other one likes Akiie..."

"Yeah. I rejected the confession of someone who liked me, and my confession to someone I liked was also... rejected."

Akie concluded.

“This… I really didn’t expect it to be so complicated…”

The shock to Xiangzi seemed to be quite great, and even her old habits from when she was a young lady came out involuntarily.

“There’s nothing wrong with rejection. Feelings can’t be forced. Whether it’s Aine, me, or the person who likes me, we all agree on this principle.”

Qiu Hui said in a low voice, with fatigue clearly visible on her face.

"But even so, I couldn't convince myself to stop being depressed and miserable."

There was a gleam of water in her pupils, as if something would overflow in the next second.

"Since it cannot be avoided, we can only try to bear it."

"And Xiangzi, you don't have much interaction with the two of them, so I think it might be a better choice to ask you to accompany me to face this matter..."

Qiu Hui, who has let down her defenses, is still trying her preferred explanation and analysis due to the inertia of her past attitude.

This somewhat dragging posture, with a slight sense of shyness that was inconsistent with what one said and what one thought, irritated Xiangzi's nerves and made her seem to realize something.

To me, this may not be a request... but an opportunity provided to me by Akiie.

Knocked down by economic pressure, time and soul are wasted bit by bit in long and worthless work.

The opportunity prepared for me to "be needed by others again"...

Xiangzi suddenly couldn't help laughing out loud.

She felt that Qiu Hui in front of her might also like this way of description.

Then she recalled what had happened in Qiu Hui's residence before.

Maybe, it can be like that time...

So, she walked forward with a smile, opened her arms, and hugged Qiu Hui.

"what?"

She heard Qiu Hui's exclamation, felt her body temperature and touch, and subconsciously symbolically resisted.

"Like what you said, Akie, there's nothing wrong with refusing."

"Correspondingly, there is nothing wrong with being rejected."

Even with Su-shi, I don't think she really did anything wrong.

She was just, trapped by her own paranoia or something, unable to make the right decision.

"Even if it's not wrong, it doesn't mean it's right."

"Even if it's not true, it doesn't mean it's wrong."

Considering my current situation, it seems a bit ridiculous for me to say this, but...

"...So, it's better not to torture yourself like that all the time."

For some reason, Xiangzi reluctantly let go of her hand and looked at Qiu Hui with a smile.

"...Thank you." Akie nodded vigorously with a slightly blushing face.

This sentence may have made Xiangzi feel a little bit of "being needed" after a long time.

Chapter 15 A Moment of Rest

After a brief hug, the two returned to their seats.

"It feels... so wonderful." Akie whispered shyly.

"I have a feeling. If I were to persuade someone else, I might say the same thing Xiangzi said just now."

"Even if it's the same thought, the feeling you get from yourself and the feeling you get from someone else are completely different."

Xiangzi nodded: "Perhaps, it is true."

That little feeling of being needed is like a drop of dew falling on a long-dried soul.

Even though life has been a mess lately, at least there are still some things I can do.

It is for me to provide, not receive, help.

The beauty of the past took this opportunity to blossom, and she recalled the carefree, complete and flawless, elegant and strong life she had before she encountered her current predicament.

At that time, she met a girl who was troubled by her own sensibility on a bridge where petals were falling.

"Even if you just shout it out loud, it will have a completely different impact on your heart than silent contemplation."

Recalling the scene at that time, a long-lost bright color of excitement was reflected in Xiangzi's amber pupils.

“So, if you have an idea, you should try your best to express it.”

"If whispering doesn't convey my feelings, shout it out. If speaking doesn't convey my feelings, sing it..."

"...A band is formed by people who communicate with each other, a community with a shared destiny."

After saying this, Xiangzi shook his head shyly.

"Sorry, I accidentally got off topic." She said with a wry smile.

"Rather than going off topic, it's more like what Xiangzi and his classmate would think," said Akie.

Facing Xiangzi's puzzled expression, she further explained, "Xiangzi, after all, you are the one who created CRYCHIC. I think it is natural for you to have such a feeling that it is more artistic than a labor contract or a discounted bento."

Xiangzi couldn't help laughing out loud: "What? Such a statement!"

After laughing, she said, "But, when I think about it, it seems that I can only forget those unpleasant things temporarily in front of Qiu Hui."

"Why do you think so?" Qiu Hui asked, "I'd like to hear the specific reason."

"...Maybe it's fate."

Xiangzi said with mixed feelings.

“Since I transferred to Hanegaoka, I’ve been trying to avoid drawing attention to myself,” she said, “because what happened to me… destroyed everything I had been relying on.”

"The endless pressure makes me feel as if I have become something that my former self cannot understand."

"So, I refused, and that hurt everyone at CRYCHIC."

"Because I realized that no one had the ability to solve the problems I was facing...so I closed myself off and stopped wasting my energy and time on them."

She turned to look at Qiu Hui.

"But, Akie, you're different."

"A series of accidental factors forced me to contact you."

"After that, I gradually realized that you and I were facing a similar situation..."

"...Besides, you seem to be much calmer than me right now."

As Xiangzi spoke, he unconsciously moved closer to Qiu Hui.

“My life wasn’t easy, actually,” Akie added. “In the beginning, all kinds of terrible things happened.”

"Yes. But you succeeded in convincing me and made me realize that even if things become a mess, there is still room for doing something," said Xiangzi.

Qiu Hui smiled helplessly: "I never thought that I would have this kind of...how should I put it, role model value."

"Yes! That's what I want to say." Xiangzi nodded.

"Deng never realized at the time how powerful her thoughts were..."

She looked out the window thoughtfully, at the night sky where almost no stars could be seen.

"...I think there are some things that can only be seen through the eyes of others."