Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

Although I hope that my senior can accompany me...but I don’t want it to develop to "that point"?

Aine closed her eyes and curled up on the sofa.

Ever since she accidentally heard from Li Xi that Qiu Hui was going to quit, and then got confirmation from Qiu Hui herself, confusion and pain have been haunting her.

What on earth am I thinking?

What on earth should I do?

Chapter 42: Chihaya Aine's Thoughts

Chihaya Aine has never lacked friends and has never been afraid of socializing.

When she was in junior high school, she was elected as the student union president without any controversy because she had excellent grades and was energetic, and she was also very popular both inside and outside the student union.

She enjoys being in the spotlight, and she's not shy about admitting it.

The word "friend" has become as common and ubiquitous in her life as air and water.

Even when she transferred to Yugaoka, the first thing she did was to look for people who could easily make friends.

She made this choice without thinking, as natural as breathing.

“But, Senpai is different.” Aine muttered to herself.

It seems that there are really few friends of the seniors.

She is always alone in school.

If she is not invited to the astronomy room, she will always eat weird food alone in the classroom.

Whenever she was invited to do something, she would always agree as long as she was not working.

When I met my senior for the first time...even though we had only met a few times, he still chased me out like that.

"..."

Aine turned sideways and curled up on the sofa. She turned over silently and faced the sofa cushions, deliberately seeking the feeling of being in a small space.

Senior is a very interesting person. She thinks about things in a calm and steady manner, but when she gets emotional, she often reacts in a very cute way.

As a keyboard player, she works hard for me, Xiao Deng and everyone in the band.

At that show that ended with the band, her passion for music inspired me.

When I felt lost and wanted to escape, she and Xiao Deng pulled me back...

At this moment, Aine suddenly felt dazed.

My predecessors have done a lot for me, but my understanding of them seems to end here.

"I actually... don't know what kind of person you are, right?"

Aine closed her eyes and questioned herself in her heart.

Seniors have few friends. I have known this for a long time, but I have never seriously considered what it means.

I think making friends is easy and common. I have always treated my seniors as friends.

However, for seniors who have few friends. For seniors who may think that "making friends" is difficult, tiring, and heavy...

The word "friend" may have completely different meanings in the eyes of both of us.

Maybe, I just thought I was treating my seniors as friends.

However, Senior fell in love with me because of this. And, maybe he really liked me.

Aine recalled the conversation on the Ferris wheel. Akie once said that in her mind, "like" means "special".

Senior, please treat me as something special.

But what about me? What do I think?

Aine felt her heartbeat seemed to be getting faster and faster.

She recalled the conversation they had had in the aquarium.

My senior was very worried about my condition and wanted to find some way to comfort me.

But she is not good at comforting people, so she is always worried whether she has done something "unnecessary".

Aine closed her eyes in some pain. She felt as if her chest was spasming slightly.

Just as I don’t understand my predecessors, perhaps, my predecessors don’t... understand me very well.

She knew that I had many friends and could get comfort and care from many places. That was why she doubted whether she would be needed.

Stupid senior, you think I'm too perfect, don't you?

I would be afraid too...

Aine picked up a pillow from the sofa and hugged it tightly in her arms.

The soft touch made her feel a real sense of existence.

Just as the senior was doubting whether he was needed.

I am also afraid that with such frivolous intentions and always wanting to back out, I wonder if I am qualified to receive the small light and everyone's tolerance.

I've also been thinking about it... or rather fearing it, because I don't know how people will view me and my behavior.

Aine recalled what Akie said at that time. She said that she cared about me very much. And she herself didn't know why.

Could it be that she has fallen in love with me since then?

That's why she said she was scared, wanted to escape, and was afraid that she would do something irrational...

Senior, you are indeed the type who easily does stupid things when you are impulsive.

Just like when we first met, she chased me out and said a lot of serious things that were inexplicably funny.

But...if the senior is the type of person who values ​​friends very much.

If she were to magnify the small kindness that seemed insignificant in the eyes of others to the point where she would feel suffocated.

Then, of course she would be afraid of doing unnecessary things and becoming a superfluous person. Of course, she would always be thinking about whether she should do something, how she should do it, and how much she should do, and end up exhausting herself, right?

Because I feel that I must do something, so even if I know that I might do something wrong, I always feel that it is better than doing nothing...

Thinking of this, Aine suddenly sat up from the sofa.

I was just lying on the sofa, but my heart was beating as fast as if I had just finished a physical test.

I still don’t know whether I can be considered as “liking” my senior.

And... maybe the senior herself is not very clear about whether she "likes" me or not.

Because she has few friends, she can't quite grasp the boundary between "friendship" and "love", and she's too sensitive to kindness, so she misunderstood me as "liking me". Is that a possibility?

Moreover, after being rejected by me, according to the style of my predecessors, she might think that she had made excessive demands and caused trouble for me.

Is that why she wants to stay away from me?

Aine felt the feeling of lack of oxygen once again.

Although she didn't "like" him, Togawa Aie's existence was... perhaps more important to her than she had always imagined.

Therefore, a strong driving force slowly formed in her heart.

I want to see the senior right now.

I want to make everything clear now.

Right now...

“…No, no, no!” Aine suppressed her impulse.

My mind is in a mess now, and I’m not suitable for doing that kind of thing!

Moreover, the seniors may still be troubled by various emotions.

"...After a while...Ah! By the way! Didn't you and Senpai make an appointment to go to the beach together?"

Aine suddenly realized.

"... During practice tomorrow, let's set a time for everyone to go to the beach together... No! Since we're all going to the beach... why not just do a training camp!"

Aine took out her cell phone and excitedly made plans on her memo.

A training camp, it sounds like a suitable place for a heart-to-heart talk!

Let’s take this opportunity to have a good chat with our seniors and clarify each other’s thoughts!

Chapter 43 Am I thinking too much?

the next day.

Chihaya Aine arrived at the practice room early.

"...You're here so early." Li Xi raised his head, looking unhappy.

The panda-like melanin deposits around her eye sockets indicated that she must have had a very bad sleep last night.

Standing next to her was Deng, who was holding a notebook and humming along to the lyrics on it, as if practicing a song.

When she saw Aine coming, she quickly put down her notebook and went forward to greet her.

"Good morning, Xiao Deng!" Aine seemed to be in a very happy mood today.

After greeting Deng, she turned around and looked at Li Xi with a sly smile.

“Rikki, you look really bad, did you stay up late last night?” Aine said with a smile.

"So what?" Li Xi replied indifferently.

As she spoke, she looked at the tablet computer that was displaying the music score, as if she was thinking about something.

“It’s nothing, I just think it’s amazing that Rikki works so hard!” Aine said with a smile.

This straightforward statement made Li Xi feel a little overwhelmed.

"...No, it's nothing. I just worked a little harder than you!"

Li Xi lowered his head slightly, but his tone remained unyielding.

Aiyin laughed out loud. She had just spoken like that with the intention of teasing Li Xi.

But the purpose of her doing this was actually to make herself less nervous.

She looked at Deng who was standing next to her and asked, "Xiao Deng, practice hasn't started yet, can you talk to me for a while?"

"...Yeah." Deng nodded. There was no particular expression on her face, somewhere between complete calmness and a little sadness.

Aine didn’t explain the reason, but it seemed like Deng had guessed what she was going to say, and the slightly worried look on her face became more obvious.

After the two of them stood together, Aine whispered, “There’s something I want to talk to Xiao Deng about. Senior told me before that after this performance, he might not continue to be a supporting musician…”

Deng's reaction was beyond Aine's expectations. She just nodded: "Akie-senpai has already... told me."

“Huh?” Aine was stunned.

Already... said that?

“…Haha, that’s right.” Aine smiled awkwardly, “Such a big thing, given Senpai’s personality, he would definitely tell everyone in person.”

Of course, seniors would do this. You can figure it out with a little thought.

However, Aine didn’t know why, but she felt inexplicably unhappy.

"Xiao Deng, I already know... How should I put it? I want to ask Xiao Deng's opinion." She said, "Actually, I hope that senior can continue to be a supporting musician."

"..."

However, Deng lowered his head silently, wondering what he was thinking about.

"Little Light?"

"...I don't know." After a long silence, Deng gave an answer that was not really an answer at all.