Loneliness and Rock and Roll with Band Observer

Although Ruomai had not met her many times, he had some understanding of Aine's personality.

Aine is not the kind of idiot who only has enthusiasm but no brain. She must have her own considerations when she said that.

Well, if that's what she thought...

Wakamugi turned her head and looked directly at Chihaya Aine.

"Let me guess. You probably want to call Xiao Qiu over and do something together... Anyway, divert her attention to something else, right?"

She tried her best to hide the inexplicable dissatisfaction that was about to overflow in her heart and made such a guess.

“Shouldn’t it be like this?” Aine asked back, “I tried to ask Senpai what was going on before, but she didn’t seem to have any intention of answering.”

Unlike the worried Miao Meng, she looked much more relaxed and confident.

"Although I can't solve the problem without knowing the reason, but since Senpai is not in the mood to answer, don't insist on asking for the reason. Find a way to make her happy first. That's the most important thing, right?"

Aine crossed her arms across her chest, her expression serious, the corners of her mouth slightly raised.

Perhaps it was because she had experienced a series of events before and had crossed a certain line with Qiu Hui, so her mentality became more calm.

Her demeanor was relaxed and natural, completely different from Ruomai who was still trying to suppress her inner nervousness.

Ruo Mai could read a kind of inexplicable confidence from her, and felt as if everything was under her control.

Because of this, although her analysis made sense, such an explanation alone could not satisfy Ruomai.

"In that case, how do you plan to make Xiao Qiu happy?" Ruomai asked mercilessly, "You can't just talk and not do anything, right?"

There was a hint of gunpowder in his tone. She knew it, but she didn't care.

After all, she didn't have much desire to maintain her demeanor right now.

She usually chooses to smile and be friendly to others. On the one hand, this is a habit she has developed as a video blogger who often needs to appear on camera. On the other hand, trying to make herself easy to talk to is also an effective social strategy.

But... in front of Chihaya Aine, she always felt that she couldn't raise her head for some unknown reason.

She probably knew the reason. She was "the one who liked Akiie", but Aine was "the one Akiie liked".

This is a decisive difference. Although Akie is willing to accept all of Wakamaki's requests because of the heavy past, but... this is different from her attitude towards Aine.

The kindness shown as compensation for a debt and the kindness shown simply because one prefers the other party are obviously different in nature, and there is a clear distinction between the two.

Perhaps it was out of jealousy. Ruomai, aware of this subtle distinction, felt a vague pain in her heart and also added a bit of aggression to her words.

Her pointed question made Aine stunned for a moment.

"Hmm..." Although she thought hard, she couldn't seem to come up with any valuable conclusions. "...Thinking carefully, it seems that Senior doesn't really like gatherings. She usually..."

Aine slapped her cheek in annoyance.

"Thinking about it carefully, it seems like you really have no motivation to do anything recently!"

The few times I met with my seniors before, it was more like simply completing a job rather than enjoying the date!

Although my seniors always try very hard to make me happy, that kind of behavior, no matter how you think about it, can only be classified as "dedication to work."

In essence, it's just like her practicing hard in the band and updating her novel diligently. There's no difference at all.

So Aine shook her head helplessly: “…I don’t think I have any particularly good ideas.”

If you force her to do this or that, it might end up increasing her burden.

Although her senior would definitely not mind, that meant that even her way of relieving stress by blaming others was blocked.

"I told you, it's not that simple." Ruomai shook his head helplessly.

In the end, you don't have any special methods. You are obviously the favored one, but in the end you know nothing.

Come to think of it...Chihaya Aine, this guy even rejected Xiaoqiu before!

When Yutenji Wakamugi thought of this relationship, he even felt a little angry.

Some absurd thoughts then emerged in her mind.

If Aine had accepted Koaki's confession at that time... maybe...

Thinking of this, Ruomai's expression suddenly became uncertain, and a strange smile appeared on his face uncontrollably.

If that's really the case, maybe Xiaoqiu will feel a little better?

Of course, if she really accepted it, I would probably not even be able to get the opportunity I have now.

Qiu Hui's situation, as well as her personal desires. Just like the situation a few years ago, two conflicting demands were fighting in Ruomai's heart.

“Well, then, does Meow Mengqin have any good ideas?” Aine uncrossed her arms from her chest and looked up and down at Ruomai’s face, “You are living with your senior now, so you should know a lot of things that we don’t know, right?”

These words made Ruomai almost unable to hold back his laughter.

I'm not just living with Xiaoqiu.

There are so many things that I know that you don’t know!

"That may be the case. So, I do have something I want to ask you."

Although he thought so in his heart, Ruomai was very honest in his words.

With a look of helplessness and regret on her face, she asked, "How much do you know about Qiu Hui's situation?"

Maybe I should tell you about these things.

Because, it's not enough for me alone.

The unclear account between Xiaoqiu and I may never be settled by just her and I.

That's why I opened the door and invited them in just now.

Yutenji Wakamugi turned around.

She didn't want the inappropriate expression on her face to be seen by the three people behind her.

"I'll ask Xiaoqiu for her opinion," she said, "and then..."

She let out a long sigh.

"Let's have a brief meeting and exchange the information we know about Xiaoqiu."

Chapter 46: Stop Overthinking

"..."

Ruomai had asked Qiu Hui to wait for her in the room for a while.

So, Qiu Hui really just sat on the bed, waiting for her quietly.

In front of me was a turned-off computer screen, and beneath me was a soft, slightly sunken mattress. Apart from that, it seemed that there was no need for anything else in this world.

It doesn't matter if I wait like this. Even if Ruomai never comes back, it doesn't seem to matter much.

At the moment when all her goals and motivations were shattered, only a complete sense of nothingness enveloped Togawa Aie's heart.

Being busy, tired and stressed are not good things in any way, and she does not think that she is unique and can enjoy these things that ordinary people avoid.

Maybe I just can't wait to find something to fill myself up.

Even if you can't really feel happy from it, at least you can make up for the inner emptiness through work and socializing.

However, it seems that this trick can no longer be played now.

Qiu Hui shook her head in self-mockery.

If I really have the ability to bear all this, the pressure of work and social life, and the weight of reality...

Why did I run away from home in the first place? Why did I engage in those meaningless resistances?

Perhaps, it was also due to the impact caused by Ruomai's incident.

At the moment when she was strangled by the feeling of nothingness, Qiu Hui realized that she seemed to have seized the opportunity and realized a truth that she should have realized long ago.

I think I want to be a "qualified loser."

However, "a recognized job", "a decent income", "a stable social circle", "close friends", all of these...

...In fact, I have always been using the standard of "success" to demand myself.

There are no such things as qualified, correct losers.

There are only "successful ones".

On Qiu Hui's stiff face, only her eyes could reveal a hint of sadness.

Individuality, freedom, independence, these ridiculous words are just excuses I use to comfort myself.

All I was doing was...trying to lower the bar for success.

It's nothing but cowardly and self-righteous empty talk.

Qiu Hui allowed the inexplicable feeling of dizziness to take over her consciousness, and lay back on the soft mattress in relaxation.

But, all of this... doesn't matter anymore.

After her tense nerves broke, Togawa Aie was dominated by the morbid pleasure of doing nothing, and she felt a long-lost sense of security.

It's good to go on like this.

Thanks to my previous savings, I can still hold on for a while even if I don’t earn a single yen.

What happens next... let's think about it later.

It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter...

Extreme high pressure turns into extreme laziness. Perhaps many things are two sides of the same coin.

After operating at overload for too long, Togawa Akeie is now almost completely shut down.

The afternoon sun shone in from the window, shining on her lying flat on her back.

Qiu Hui placed her hands flat on her chest in a funeral pose.

Just then, she heard a noisy noise coming from outside the door.

There seemed to be many people talking. They all sounded familiar. There was Shoko, Aine, and Pochi seemed to be there too.

How did they find their way here?

"..."

If you think about it, this is only natural.

After all, I was the one who didn’t reply to the message before, so it’s normal for everyone to be worried.

But... despite everyone's worries, they actually gathered together like this and came to the door together...

"Everyone, do you really like me this much?"

Qiu Hui muttered to herself blankly.

It was expected that Aine and Pochi would come. But even Shoko-san...

How strange. I shouldn't have had that much contact with Xiangzi.

Qiu Hui tried to recall the things she had done during this period of time.

She did ask me for help, and I did help her a little.

But is this level of help really worth her making a special trip here?

Obviously, there are still band things to take care of...besides that, there are life issues that need to be considered before the band starts.

Can't figure it out...

…Then don’t even think about it.

Qiu Hui smiled bitterly and closed her eyes.

What everyone likes is probably the me who does this and that for a false goal, driven by obsessive-compulsive passion.

Everyone's good impression of me is earned bit by bit through my kindness and hard work.

Well, now I don’t want to think about anything, and I don’t want to do anything…

The conclusion is obvious.

It’s not the hypocritical and ridiculous subjective assumption that “I am not worthy of accepting everyone’s kindness.”

If the other party believes that expressing goodwill is desirable to him and can bring various benefits, then it is her own freedom and right to do so. The certification of the so-called "qualification" has already been completed when the other party has completed this series of value judgments.