Original God, I am the only designated Red King God Envoy of Xumi

Kavi is still very capable and he handled the matter very well.

"Since you are satisfied, then the balance, right..." Kavi asked a little embarrassedly. Amber curled her lips slightly and handed a bag of Mora to Kavi. Kavi took it, opened it, took a quick look, and showed a happy expression.

An excited cry came out of Kavi's mouth, and it took him a while to return to normal. Amber leaned on the sofa to rest. She planned to rest for an hour or two before considering preparing the thesis. After calming down, Kavi remembered the problem that he had been very concerned about.

"By the way, I actually... have a question I want to ask." Kavi frowned slightly, and with Amber's tacit consent, he asked the question: "Do you... know something about me?"

"Ah - don't get me wrong, I'm not overconfident or anything, um... how should I put it?" Kavi was distressed for a moment. He had no idea how to express why the money was so "timely" without revealing his true self.

"You are nominally my senior, so there's no need to be so restrained." Seeing Kavi's reaction, Amber relaxed a lot for a moment. This scene was really interesting. "If you are asking about your bankruptcy due to building Casazale Palace at your own expense, then yes, I know everything about it."

"..." Kavi fell into a long silence after hearing this. Although he had a premonition, he felt a little awkward when this matter was known so quickly.

After a while, Kavi spoke again. He looked a little hesitant, but he finally asked the question: "So, this money is yours...?"

"Are you asking if this money is my alms to you? No, your current worth is also worth this much. If you feel guilty, you can also regard it as me doing you a favor." Amber took the teapot from Aji who was walking over and poured two cups of tea. Kavi hesitantly picked up one of the cups, thinking about Amber's words.

"We live in the best of times, but also the worst of times. The good thing about this era is that it is much better than the past, but the bad thing about this era is that it completely ignores people's spiritual needs."

"I don't know if you've ever felt like you often don't have the right to complain. Every time you try to express your pain, someone compares you with those who are less fortunate than you, ultimately drawing conclusions like, 'At least you have a job, while some people don't even have one!' It's as if the person you're dealing with has no right to suffer."

"Is this really the case? If we follow this logic and keep comparing ourselves, won't we end up being compared to the dead?"

"—But the dead at least find peace, but you often feel uneasy."

"This uneasiness stems from the guilt in your heart. I don't know where this guilt comes from, but it's a lingering worry that you can't shake off. It's like a sharp triangular gear. Every time your heart beats, it turns a scale, and every time it turns, it stings you."

"You suppress this pain within yourself, never sharing it with anyone, because this era doesn't allow people to complain, especially a genius like you—how could a genius not be happy? He clearly possesses everything that ordinary people don't have, right?"

"You often do good deeds, but what is your purpose? Does it make you happy, or does it make you feel that the sins in your heart are being paid for, giving you a moment of relief?"

Amber looked into Kavi's eyes and spoke calmly, "Isn't your charity really an act of escape? Every time you do something good, the sins that have been chasing you seem to stop for a moment, and you get a chance to breathe. You use self-righteous behavior to escape the cage you have built for yourself. Is all this really okay?"

Chapter 86: The Importance of Self-Love

"...Haha, guilt, escape, how could it be possible--" Facing Amber's gaze, Kavi just responded with a dry laugh. He put on the smile he usually showed, but behind the smile was an indelible depression.

"You know what's going on in your heart, don't you?" Amber looked into Kavi's eyes with a gentle look. In her opinion, problems like Kavi's are common to many young people today. Such problems are often caused by an unhappy family or even something else, and are influenced by the current social environment, ultimately creating such a sensitive and repressed personality.

Being sensitive means being hurt more, while being repressed means they bottle up these wounds, never sharing them with others. But how can one contain endless darkness? Such people often explode at certain points, bursting into tears because they can't unscrew a bottle cap, or suddenly becoming furious because a thrown bottle didn't end up in the trash can as they'd hoped. The root cause is that they've suppressed so much and don't know how to vent it, so these backlogs are ignited by trivial things.

"I've seen many people like you, Kavi. You're sensitive yet repressed, and this makes you a weirdo in the eyes of ordinary people." Amber explained to Kavi what sensitivity and repression meant, and added: "...but in the eyes of others, you occasionally show extreme emotions over trivial matters. They don't understand you, and you appear very strange."

"This is the first question I ask you, Kavi. Have you ever hoped that there is someone who can understand you?" Amber raised a finger, drawing Kavi's attention to the finger, making him feel a little calmer.

"..." Kavi swallowed his saliva. For a moment, he felt his tongue and throat were dry. Although the sofa under him was extremely soft, he felt at a loss.

In front of Amber, his nominal junior, Kavi felt like a person who had been stripped naked. Everything was seen through and nothing could be hidden.

The last person who could evaluate him so accurately was his schoolmate, a genius named Elhaisen, who is now the new clerk in the House of Lords and has a bright future.

Elhaisen is probably very suitable for survival in this Xumi City. He sees through everything and is rational enough, which is completely different from Kavi who sees but pretends not to see and seeks to escape. Kavi hates Elhaisen very much, not only because of Elhaisen's irritating personality, but also because Elhaisen can really see through himself.

"...Yes." Kavi was silent for a long time, and finally nodded. "Yes, I have hoped that someone could understand me, and I still hope so now."

"Then the answer is, no one can really understand you." Amber pushed her glasses and made the final declaration calmly.

"......!" Kavi widened his glasses. He couldn't believe that Amber could say such cruel words. Such a cold style reminded him of El Haisen, a person he could not agree with at all.

"Don't be so quick to get angry. If you continue to act the way you want, no one will understand you." Amber narrowed her eyes slightly and responded to Kavi who was breathing heavily.

"On the one hand, you keep your worries deep inside and never tell anyone, but on the other hand, you hope that others can truly understand you. Are you relying on others to read your mind?"

"..." Kavi fell into a long silence again. He didn't want to admit Amber's words, but he knew that he couldn't refute it. Some things that he was unwilling to face in the past were put on the table by Amber.

"You have a passionate heart, which gives you endless enthusiasm and allows you to treat people and things around you gently. But this passion does not include yourself. It's like you care about others but not yourself - you are even willing to hurt yourself, as long as it can make others' lives better."

"For example, if I were to sell some handicrafts and advertise that every handicraft sold would provide a poor child with a meal, and you didn't have much money and met me selling them, what would you do?"

"..." Kavi didn't answer, and Amber didn't want him to answer himself. She continued, "You will buy them. Not only will you buy them, you will buy a lot of them, even if it means you go hungry for several meals."

"You can't just turn a blind eye to what's happening right in front of you. You know full well that in Xumi City, where medical care is basically free, there are almost no children who don't have enough food."

"All of this stems from the guilt in your heart. This guilt has shaped you into an overly sensitive person. If you don't buy the handicraft, it will hang over your heart like a dark cloud. Every time you think about it, you will feel a strong sense of guilt because you are afraid of even the smallest possibility. If it is true, you will attribute the reason why those children can't eat to your failure to buy handicrafts."

"Guilt haunts you like a maggot on your tarsal bones, shaping your extremely sensitive personality into what it is today. Some may see this as gentleness, but is this kind of gentleness that hurts yourself really necessary?"

"...I don't understand." After a long silence, Kavi took a deep breath and said, "Is there anything wrong with this? Can't people simply do something for others? What I do can always help those who really need help, right?"

"Then let me repeat what I said before. Do you do good deeds simply for the sake of doing good, or do you do it to escape the guilt that's chasing you?"

"..." Kavi was speechless again. He instinctively didn't want to agree with Amber's statement, but he couldn't think of any words to refute it.

"Besides, the point is not whether you can help others, but that you are ignoring your own behavior, which is very dangerous." Amber sighed and her tone softened a little.

"People who don't love themselves can't learn to love others, because their personalities make them insatiably crave love, longing for the care and affirmation of others. They suffer from a disease called 'lack of love' and often doubt themselves. Even if others give them care and love, they are not satisfied. They may even actively demand it and doubt whether this love is real."

"But what are the consequences of blindly demanding? It will make the other person feel deeply exhausted, and then they will grow tired of the relationship and start to be perfunctory. People who don't love themselves already doubt whether others truly love them. Seeing such a situation, they will fall into the anxiety cage they created for themselves, forming an invisible spiral of suffering."

"I have always believed that the most important thing for a person is to love themselves, because no one can truly understand you, not even your closest relatives. The only person who can truly understand you is yourself."

"Why do we need to learn to love ourselves? Because in many cases, you are ultimately alone. Self-love is not about being aloof or self-pitying, but about caring for yourself appropriately. Only by learning to care for yourself can you overcome the hardships that will follow."

"We are not saints. We are all just one of the countless living beings. We are far from being that powerful. Therefore, we must first learn to love ourselves, know what we want and what we don't want, and then learn to be 'selfish', or in other words, truly have our own 'bottom line', which is 'self-respect'."

"People who don't love themselves often have low self-esteem and self-loathing, but when can low self-esteem and self-loathing truly solve problems? They only make people sink deeper and deeper, and get hurt again and again."

"Self-love is the first step to building self-confidence and the first step to building a strong heart. It is very important."

"—and making peace with oneself is the prerequisite for building self-love." Amber clapped her hands, drawing Kavi's attention. The explanation finally reached its core. "I've met many people who loathe themselves, and these people are often difficult for others to interact with. Whether these people like it or not, their self-loathing determines what they will show in the future."

"People who hate themselves are often self-destructive, self-deprecating, sensitive, anxious, and extremely repressed. Some who want to escape this state but don't know the right way to do so become incredibly concerned with what others think of them. But how can they realize that the opinions of others are simply empty castles in the air? It's wishful thinking to build up false confidence on them."

"As a result, such people are often ostracized by others, and this rejection only exacerbates their self-loathing. Most people don't understand why they're disliked, and simply attribute it to something like 'I'm just a piece of shit.' Even a small number of people, even if they know the reason, pretend not to see it and continue to sink into despair."

"This is extremely undesirable. It's an endless cycle. The only way to escape it is to stop questioning yourself, stop belittling yourself, and forgive yourself."

"Forgive myself..." Kavi took a deep breath and entered into a moment of memory. He recalled his childhood, the time when his father died and his mother never smiled again. That was Kavi's lingering shadow, the source of his guilt, and the beginning of who he is today.

"You don't understand... You don't understand my past, you don't understand what I've been through, you know nothing about my sins, how can you let me--" Kavi became excited for a moment, but when he saw Amber's eyes, he lost his strength in an instant.

"...How can I forgive myself for causing all that?"

Seeing this, Amber's lips curled slightly. The opportunity for change had finally opened up, and all it needed was a push. She stood up from the sofa and paced back and forth. Her calm voice now sounded incredibly powerful: "Actually, I know a lot about your past. I investigated you out of curiosity, but I was worried it would offend you, so I held off on telling you until now."

"The core of your guilt is your father's death. You feel that you are the cause of all this. You feel that you have taken away your mother's happiness. You even feel that your mother hates you."

"There's a saying that goes 'The person who tied the bell must untie it'. If you want to truly solve this problem, you have no choice but to face it." Amber folded her hands and looked into Kavi's eyes.

It was natural for her to say this today when dealing with Kavi, but it would be difficult to achieve such an effect when dealing with others. This was a psychological interpretation tailor-made for Kavi.

Amber is not without any selfish motives. To a large extent, she is guiding young people as a person who has been through it, but she also has the goal of developing new connections. Kavi is a very talented person, and she may be able to use him in the future given time.

"...Can all this really end?" Kavi gritted his teeth and asked this question with a trembling voice.

"I don't know." Amber shrugged, expressing her opinion frankly, "But since you asked this question, doesn't it mean that you've already found the answer? If you were determined to cover your eyes and ears and not hear or see, you wouldn't ask this question."

Kavi was silent for a very long time this time, longer than any time before. He was thinking intensely. Amber did not interrupt him at this time. She did put a lot of effort into her words, but in the end it was up to Kavi himself to solve the problem.

"——I understand." After a long silence, Kavi stood up and bowed to Amber. "I plan to go to Fontaine to talk to my mother and tell her the things I didn't dare to say before."

"...After all, we have to give it a try." Kavi said, turned around and walked out of the house. He just felt that his body was very weak and his feet felt like they were stepping on cotton.

"I've given you an extra 1 Mora in that bag. Think of it as your travel expenses. Just remember to pay me back later." Amber glanced at Kavi's departing figure, waved her hand, and turned to walk towards the workshop. "Oh, by the way, remember to close the door."

Amber is sure that this meeting will not help Kavi to resolve his emotional problems. His guilt and extremely sensitive personality are deeply rooted and have accumulated for more than ten years. This cannot be resolved overnight.

Neither of them knew how long it would take for Kavi to reconcile with them. It might take a year, two years, or even half a lifetime, or even before death. At best, Amber just gave Kavi a push, allowing him to take a step forward - which was much better than standing still and hesitating.

When Kavi heard Amber's words, his body suddenly froze. He pursed his lips and thought carefully. How long had it been since he could accept other people's kindness as calmly as he did today?

Kavi walked out of the door slowly and closed it. The sunlight outside the door shone on Kavi's head, which was a bit dazzling. Kavi subconsciously stretched out his hand to block it. What came into view was the huge ancient tree above that supported the entire church.

The breeze blows through the ancient trees, and the leaves make a rustling sound. They dance and flow like a green ocean.

Time seemed to slow down in an instant. The scene was so beautiful that Kavi was mesmerized. He then realized that in the past two or three years, he had not stopped to look at the place where he lived.

After a moment, Kavi started moving again, rushing to the dock of Xumi City, his steps a little lighter.

Volume Three

Chapter 1: Theory of Primordial Elements

In a place like the Ordinance House where so many people gather together, there is always a lot of people who like to join in the fun and also like to create fun. Whenever there is an event being held in the city, there will be a group of people like them.

They created a ranking and a record, and today both the ranking and the record were updated.

On the bulletin board in the teaching area of ​​the Governing Body - this is the place for the Governing Body to post notices, but actions such as students posting things that do not violate the rules are also tacitly allowed. Today, many people gathered in front of the notice board.

A portrait of a scholar was posted on the notice board, with the words "Star of the Sulun School" written in conspicuous red font above the portrait, and a brief introduction written in small font below. The scholar who designed this poster obviously has a certain level of skills. The proportion of the font and the size of the portrait is very reasonable, and the brief introduction below is also concise enough to make it clear at a glance.

"Naifeh, the star of the Sulun School, January 534.1.1, 536.6.17 - June , . Inventor of refrigerant, proponent of the dualism of spirit and flesh, excavator of the history of the ancient nation of Fendenir, a star in the alchemy world, and designer of a series of civilian devices including heating lamps. A Sulun School genius rarely seen in a century."

"With a training time of one year, six months, and sixteen days, he broke the previous record of two years and one day set by Lisa Mintz. He also currently holds several other records. Besides his main Sulun School, he has also dabbled in Shenglun School, Yinlun School, Zhilun School, and even Miaolun School. He currently holds the fifth position on the Heavenly Ladder."

Rankings are the favorite thing of those gossipers. They have established a set of calculation methods internally to convert scores according to the contributions made by scholars and their own abilities, and created many rankings based on the final scores, such as the annual freshman rankings, the annual most popular scholars rankings and a series of other rankings. The core of these is the "ladder of heaven" that has been calculated and arranged by famous scholars since 300 years ago.

Only the 10 most outstanding people in history can be ranked on the top. They are given the title of "genius of the ages", and there has been no change in nearly years. If the genius scholar Lisa had not left Xumi a few years ago, but chose to stay here to make a career, she would probably be among them, but she chose to leave, which is a pity.

Apart from this ranking, the most talked-about one is the ranking called "School Stars". This ranking has a cycle of every five to ten years. During this cycle, the scholars of each school are calculated separately, and the one with the highest score in the school is the "star" of the school. The former star of the Su Lun School was the current disciplinary officer Saino, and the current one is Nafei after competition.

Sometimes the star of a school is also called the light of a school, like Kavi, who became the recognized light of the Miaolun school because he designed the unprecedented Al Casazare Palace. There are also people like Tinari, who have very good interpersonal relationships and strong abilities, and are therefore given the title of star of the Shenglun school.

"Senior Naife is already the most powerful among the current school stars! Although the other school stars are also very powerful, they are completely not on the same level!" In front of the notice board, a scholar who looked quite young sighed, and her friend who seemed quite indifferent at first glance pointed out the mistakes in her words.

"You have to be careful with your wording. Although Naifeh has graduated, the status of seniors and juniors is calculated based on the time of enrollment. You enrolled in 533, so strictly speaking, you are the senior."

"She is so amazing... I forgot this for a moment." The young scholar laughed and covered up her mistake. The conversation between the two of them failed to affect the people around them. Those who gathered in groups of three or five talked about this extraordinary genius who caused the changes in the ladder that had not changed in nearly fifty years.

"No... there is no Minglun School. It turns out that such a genius also has areas that he is not good at?" In a corner that no one noticed at all, a petite blue-haired girl who looked quite tired whispered to herself. She was Leila, a new scholar of the Minglun School who was enrolled this year. She lacked confidence in the first place and was greatly shocked after seeing the portrait of the extraordinary genius today. She could not calm down for a long time.

How could such a person actually exist in the world? Apart from his own school, he had made considerable achievements in the other four schools. His research on the ancient nation of Findenir in the field of the Causal Theory was particularly astonishing—Laila had read that paper before.

That was Nefi's graduation thesis, which revealed to the academic community with text and photos a short-lived ancient country called Findnir, located in the Dragon Ridge Snow Mountains, whose history was even earlier than that of the Seven Kingdoms, and confirmed that it was destroyed by ice and snow. This filled a blank in the history of Teyvat, and the value it represented could not be explained in a few words.

Compared to the thesis itself, the time it took Naifeh to complete it was even more astonishing. She completed the investigation of Findenir in less than a month and the entire graduation thesis in just one month. The speed was so fast that it even disrupted the rhythm of the review meeting. In order to verify the authenticity of the thesis, they deliberately spent an extra month to conduct an investigation, which eventually became one of the rumors about Naifeh.

If the other party's achievements did not involve the Minglun School, and if she herself happened to be a member of the Minglun School, Leila would probably have suffered a greater setback.

The turmoil in the Academy of Teachings and even the entire Xumi academic community could not affect Amber, who was conducting experiments in the underground workshop. She was busy with the experiments in her hands.

Some things cannot be shown openly to the public, so Amber hid the information about Findnir's destruction by the Sky Nail. Although she still wrote about the existence of the Sky Nail, she marginalized it and made it into a mystery.

Half a year has passed since Amber returned to Xumi from Mond. During this period, Amber has done a lot of things in addition to her graduation thesis. She improved the formula of the solar fragments and produced a warm stone that can release stable heat after being stimulated. It can last for 6-8 months without stopping. Amber made it into a civilian warm lamp, and sold the patent of the warm stone to Ningguang's people. In addition to the 20% net profit of the refrigerant, she also got an additional 15% net profit of the warm stone.

In addition, Amber has also developed a new type of wound medicine, which retains the same rapid hemostasis and wound healing effects as the original wound medicine while greatly reducing costs. Its patent has also brought Amber a lot of profits.

During this period, Amber also published several studies on alchemy in the academic journal Steam Bird, making a significant contribution to the entire academic community. She also maintained occasional correspondence with Albedo, sharing her experience in alchemy.

After returning from Fontaine, Kavi, who was taken care of by Amber, went to thank Amber. It seemed that his heart knot had been partially untied. Although he was still not very healthy, he was much better than before.

Amber has been paying attention to the progress of the city-state construction in the wind-eroded land. The current work of the Sand People makes her feel at ease. The construction is in full swing. The blueprints of the city-state were jointly planned by several Sand People scholars who graduated from the Department of Architecture of the Myo-ron School of the Academy of Teachings after rigorous field investigations. It is very reliable.

She had been in the limelight these days, with invitations coming in one after another. Some asked her to join the research group, some invited her to give lectures, and some wanted to meet her. Among them were some famous scholars and mentors in the Academy of Teachings. Even a sage from the Sulun School specifically asked her if she had any ideas about becoming a mentor.

Amber had already made plans to go to Inazuma later, and because she was worried that this might be a "test", she stated that she had no such idea. And because there were so many people who wanted to get in touch with her, Amber simply stayed indoors and refused all visitors.

"It's really hard to imagine..." Amber held a round green crystal in her hand. She called this crystal "fragment of the forest". It was the same kind of thing as the fragments of the sun. Albedo called these crystals "a corner of the primordial elements". What they represented could not be explained in a few words.

In Amber's view, the origin is the starting point of some things. Everything is born here, and they are all part of the origin. In other words, everything contains a corner of the "origin".

This is true for humans, animals, plants, and even a handful of soil that you pick up and every breath of air that you inhale. But if the original is compared to "pure", then everything else is "impure". They all contain a corner of purity, but are mixed with many other things.

The so-called primordial elements are a concept proposed by Albedo and Amber. They are the original and purest seven elemental forces. They are still not pure enough than the primordial elements themselves, but they are much purer than ordinary elements and even common things.

Just the fragment of the primordial fire, the crystal, could sustain its flames for hundreds of thousands of years—and that was after she had reduced the amount of materials used. So, how powerful could the primordial fire be? Amber couldn't imagine it, but she didn't dare to explore it easily. The destructive power of fire was still too great.

Therefore, Amber changed direction and turned to the Primordial Grass. The new medicine was a by-product of the research on the Primordial Grass, and now, it has achieved the final stage of success.

Amber pinched the forest fragment between her fingers. Just this contact made Amber feel a warmth all over her body. The fatigue from staying up late to conduct experiments was swept away, and the lumbar crisis caused by sitting for a long time was slowly improved by this warm current. This was the fragment that was closest to the original grass that Amber could produce with her current research.

If it were placed outdoors, Amber was sure that it would be enough to make a small sapling grow into a tree as thick as an adult's waist in a few seconds - even if it was the most gentle grass element, it would cause some harm if not careful.

"It's time to take the final step." Amber took a deep breath and suppressed the turbulent emotions in her heart. She crushed the forest fragments with force, and the fragments fell into the water cup, which contained the prepared alchemical potion.

The fragments dissolved quickly, and the alchemical potion was transformed into a clear green color in a very short time. For a moment, the air in the workshop seemed to be filled with a faint fragrance.