The social phobia substitute will not dream of the band girl

But he was a very troublesome brat, a very troublesome one, just like he was in the past—

......

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"Ah, big brother is here...this sister is not as pretty as last time." said a little boy squatting in the corner.

Ah, a bunch of stinky brats—

"And her breasts are so small...Is she really 'she'? I remember that even men can become very handsome now. Brother Pingxin told us about this last time." Another little boy wearing glasses, who was squatting in the corner, continued.

A bunch of knowledgeable brats? ...No, what did you teach them?!

Because the alcohol concentration in her body is too low, Hiroi Kikuri is now in a serious state——

He can pretend to be stupid when drunk and can complain after waking up. He is an amphibious warrior.

"How can you say that—!"

Pingxin, angry!

"Pointing at other people's appearance and physical flaws is extremely immoral... And Asuna and the others are obviously exceptions, maybe even exceptions among exceptions - so stop making fun of my bro, she's great too!"

Pingxin patted Juli's shoulder. Don't worry, brother. I've got you covered.

"No, I think your 'bro' was the most hurtful."

"Yeah, now she looks like she's lost hope...ah, she's squatting in the corner drawing circles, like an elementary school student?"

"But that's a cool one on your hand...a tattoo?"

"Of course, or is it the Black Flame Dragon... Good kids, don't learn that~"

Being called an elementary school student by an elementary school student is quite impressive in a sense, Kikuri.

After touching her head, Pingxin asked the two boys to call people to help move things. He came prepared today.

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"Bang bang ka bang~~Today, Brother Pingxin is here to lead everyone in making dumplings~!"

"Didn't we make dumplings every year before?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's delicious, but it doesn't feel very original."

"It feels... not as good as ready-made frozen dumplings."

Hey, hey, aren't you afraid I'll hang you up and spank you when you say that, you little brats... But compared to the boys, the girls' reactions are much more excited and joyful. Who says women are always fickle? Aren't these little princesses much cuter than the little monkeys who would pull down my pants and steal the meat from my bowl!?

Ping Xin smiled, then took out the ready-made mold he had prepared.

"But I guessed you would say that, so today I'm going to show you how to make chocolate... Imagine everyone eating a sweet chocolate together on a cold winter day. Wouldn't that make you feel warm?"

"We moved the molds here, we saw through their underwear, and they're still acting here."

"Shh, Ping Xin brother is also quite pitiful, and... don't you think he is quite cute like this?"

“This… well…”

"...No comment."

So I can hear you guys, you little brats really are... I just didn't expect even the girls would get involved. Aren't you usually pretty noisy? And isn't "cute" supposed to be used to describe boys?

"Okay, everyone, stop making noise and line up to wash your hands and get ready for today's cooking class."

"Okay~~~~"

When the gentle auntie wearing a chef's hat and sleeves appeared, the children lined up to wash their hands. After all, they really did provide meals here, and they would really be spanked.

"Hahaha, I feel relieved to see that Ping Xinjun is still as humorous as before. Your complexion has really improved a lot this year, it's like you have become a different person. To be honest, I was really shocked a few months ago." An uncle with some gray hair also walked in and said.

"Uncle Takasugi, people always change. The only difference is sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Just like you, although you have a few more gray hairs, your spirit and energy are much better than when I first met you a few years ago."

"Hahahaha, this is probably the power of 'hope'... I'll leave everything else up to you and my wife. A new batch of supplies will be arriving soon - there are a lot of children graduating this year and starting school next year. I'll be crying again then..."

"...I think 'crying' is a good thing. You cry when you say goodbye because you care about them. But there's no need to be too sad, because no matter where they go, they will remember you and this home. Because no matter where they go, their 'parents' are waiting for them in this home where they grew up—"

"...I am too sentimental. I even need a young man like you who is less than one-third of my age to remind me." Dean Takasugi wiped his tears with his hands. He was reluctant to put away the new coat he had just put on.

"Sentimentality is proof of life. Only young people would worry about this and that. It shows that you are still young, Uncle Takasugi."

"Haha, you should let the one in my family hear what you said. She loves it when people say this kind of thing." With a smile, Dean Gao Shan walked past him, leaving behind only a back that was not as tall and straight as before.

Although Pingxin wanted to save everyone, limited time, money, and energy didn't allow it. Therefore, when it came time to distribute funds, besides mandatory requirements, the remaining funds and supplies had to be obtained based on actual performance. To make these children smarter, healthier, and more capable, the couple devoted a lot of effort.

After all, being a parent of dozens of children is not an easy task.

"...Hirakoto, do you come here often?"

"No, only occasionally... After all, they're not the only ones in need of help. Some people's lives are even more miserable than we can imagine, so much so that sometimes, if we don't see it with our own eyes, we subconsciously think it's fake. In order to avoid making that mistake, I will go and see it."

See the real appearance of this world, and then you will know how to change it——

“…I see.”

"What's wrong? Is there anything you want to say?"

"No, I just think... As expected, you are really amazing."

......Although it seems a bit too "rock" in terms of relationships between men and women.

"The Takasugi couple... they are the director and vice-director of this orphanage. Having suffered for years from their infertility, they resigned from their previous jobs after consulting with the Hengxin Group and came here to oversee the operation and management of this orphanage.

To them, these children are their own, and those children consider them their own parents. This is also one of the welfare homes with the highest child happiness and satisfaction... I've never been the truly powerful person; I'm just the one who brings them together. After all, I can't accomplish anything on my own." Heishin took Kikuri's hand, breathed warm air into it, and then rubbed it slowly.

One person can only change himself at most, but countless people united together can change the world.

"How could that be? You clearly—"

"I'm obviously better than you?... Even so, it's not enough. If you want to solve the problems we talked about the other day—like the economic downturn, the falling birth rate, and the pressure from my family to find a blind date and stop drinking or else I'll die... ah, I can help you with the last two."

"!"

Here we go again, another one of those frivolous words that makes you wonder if it's true or not. And saying it with that face and that expression is so cunning... Wouldn't that make me look forward to that kind of future? But like those little brats just said, I'm not feminine at all. What's so good about me?

"Look at the painting on the wall. What do you think?"

Ping Xin's words interrupted her thoughts, prompting her to examine the walls. She hadn't noticed them earlier, shivering from the cold and being distracted by the two little kids. But now, she saw they weren't just ordinary stickers or posters.

"Is this... a cartoon character? They can actually draw it so well. Kids these days are amazing."

It was obvious that Kikuri, who usually spent her time at home drinking, sleeping, and playing bass, was unaware of the recent surge in popular games and anime characters. Her biggest feeling was once again a sense of her own uselessness; even children could draw much better than she could.

"If you put it that way...it's not a problem. But I drew these. Look, with the children's heights, it's impossible to draw them all in one stroke, right?"

"Ah, really... As expected, you are amazing, and you are so good at drawing too."

"Thank you for the compliment."

Pingxin picked her up and spun her around, not knowing who he was rewarding.

"The characters are so beautiful because of the designs of the animators, and they are loved by children because of the excellent acting of the voice actors and the scripts written by the screenwriters. Everything is due to everyone's efforts... and all I can do is remember it in my brain and draw it with my hands -

Rather than painting, I simply "printed" them with my mind and hands. Even though this act, devoid of any originality and perhaps even an "insult" to art, can bring laughter and hope to others, I'm truly happy... but it can't be considered my own achievement, nor can it be considered my "effort."

Ping Xin nodded his head. While he had many ideas when it came to most things, that didn't mean he was good at creative or artistic work. After all, Ping Xin wasn't perfect. So, he didn't cling to power and control, but instead shared his strength with everyone.

As long as everyone does what they should do and everyone does their best, the world will become a better place and all mankind will be able to live a better life.

But it's such a simple principle, but it's difficult to put it into practice... Very difficult——

"..."

Here it comes again, this lonely expression, this helpless profile, all of this makes Hiroi Kikuri feel irritated.

"You are so amazing, able to do things that many people can't even think of or do... why do you still have such an expression?" After realizing that she had made a sound, Kikuri wanted to cover her mouth, but her hands were no longer under her control.

"Well... because compared to what we have done now, there are still a lot of things we haven't done, things we should do, and things we have to do, right?" Ping Xin replied with a smile.

"...If even you are like this, what right do I have to live in this world?"

I live in a shabby apartment, and all I do every day is drink. I'm even almost giving up eating. Although I get a lot of performance fees, they are never enough. I often get into trouble and make others angry because of my confusing behavior. What's the meaning of my existence when I disappoint others time and time again?

"Of course -"

Pingxin held her in his arms, and it took a lot of effort to get her to speak her mind. Although she kept "vomiting" things out in various senses when she was drunk, she was completely unable to communicate.

"You're only 25, you have your own band and it's quite popular, you have your own fans and trustworthy teammates... You've achieved so much at such a young age, you should be more proud of yourself. You're so young, why are you so eager to deny your life? You're not even halfway there yet."

Ah, although if I continue to drink like this, I won’t be able to survive half of my life, let alone the end of it.

"but--"

But even after drinking, I couldn't get a moment's sleep... This was definitely the first time I had such an experience, so peaceful, so uneasy, so... burning.

"But neither the economic situation nor the birth rate have anything to do with you, right? ...So why aren't you worried? Those things clearly have nothing to do with you and me, and they're not something we can influence, so why are you worried?"

"..."

On the bench under the tree, the two sat down at a distance from each other.

"Because of a sense of security... When a person can't find it no matter what, they turn to their family, friends, society, country... In short, they seek it from the external environment. You're not feeling uneasy because of society or the world, but because—"

"...because of myself."

"Yes, that's right... Don't think of this as something wrong or selfish. People should live for themselves, help others, and reproduce... I think these things should be done after you've settled yourself.

Sometimes when people say they can't see the future, it's not that they can't see it, but rather that they can't see the future they expect. They may even search and search... but no matter how hard they try, they can't find a future they can accept. When faced with difficulties, some choose to escape, some choose to turn a blind eye and pretend nothing happened, while others choose to face the challenge head-on—"

"So it's better to just face it?"

Hiroi Kikuri interrupted him for the first time.

Chapter 1 You Can Also Become Light

Hiroi Kikuri interrupted him for the first time, but Hirayobu didn't mind; he was even happy about it. Because a conversation was a back-and-forth; otherwise, he would just be the one saying confusing things.

"Well... let's analyze it on a case-by-case basis. After all, most of the time, people can't decide what others do, but they can only decide what they want to do."

“...I see.” Kikuri lowered her head.

So you don’t know either, what should I do... If even you don’t know, then where should I go and who should I ask for the answer?

"But being confused shouldn't mean standing still. Just like Giulini, even though he drinks so much every day, he's still working hard on his band activities, right? ... I'm not lying about being a SICK HACK fan; I really enjoy your performances."

"..."

How should I put it... No matter how many times I hear Hiroi Kikuri, I still feel surprised, delighted and happy that "he is also my fan."

"Everyone is more or less aware that the world has problems, but some choose to turn a blind eye, some choose to escape, and only a small number ultimately choose to face them. Even fewer can truly solve them, let alone curb the root causes.

They are called crazy and mad, often denied recognition and support. Yet, it is this small group of people who change society, the nation, and even the world... Because even if their individual power is limited, as long as someone takes the lead and ignites the fire, a new spark will be planted in everyone's heart, waiting for the day it will "bloom."

"..."

People like that are really amazing—

"In my opinion, Kikuri, you're only one step away from them... You haven't turned a blind eye to the problems in society, and you still have compassion for others and even small animals. Even though all of this has put a lot of pressure on you, you ultimately choose to drink to escape reality.

But I still think you're amazing... because even though you were in so much pain, you didn't pretend not to see it, right? You knew everything that happened wasn't fake, and you didn't ignore it. It's just that you didn't have the power to change it, so you spent all day and night suffering alone... I think that's also amazing."

How many people are capable of changing the world? How many of them compare to the average person?

Obviously, we can come to a conclusion without thinking -

The vast majority of people in this world do not have the power to change the world, not even the noisy neighbors who make noise every night, the community members who walk their dogs without a leash, or the people who play loud music on public transportation.

Therefore, in the end they chose to change themselves, to stop listening, watching, and thinking, and to become an alienated person, a person who was changed by society and others.

There is nothing wrong with this in itself, because bowing one's head due to the difference in "power" is a "reasonable" behavior.

But he didn't like it and she didn't like it either, so they did it.

The biggest difference between Hirayoshi and Kikuri isn't whether they have 18cm in their crotch, but rather their strength. If they possessed equal intelligence, strength, wealth, and power, Hiroi Kikuri certainly wouldn't do better than Hiroi, but at least she wouldn't do nothing or bully others.

So in the end, instead of pointing the blade at the world, Kikuri chose to point the blade at herself, even though it made her life very painful... very painful and very confused.

"So lend me your strength, lend it to someone as powerless as you—"