The social phobia substitute will not dream of the band girl

"...Generally speaking, that's impossible, right? After all, if you haven't noticed after all this time together, then it's probably not that side, right?" She thought about it a lot, but in the end, she chose to speak in the most ordinary way. If sarcasm became a reward, then it would be meaningless.

"really...?"

of course?

"......I suggest you go to the hospital to see a neurosurgeon, that's all--" Then there was another crisp dead tone. It seemed that Enka Higuchi on the other end of the phone hung up directly after saying this.

Pingxin felt relieved after the call was hung up. As expected, after being beaten by reality, he felt refreshed (crossed out)... In short, he felt much more sober. Aren't such things usually fictional?

Just like what a forum friend commented, "He has a very rich imagination when it comes to breaking into the system."

After a burst of self-deprecation, he began to think about his next plan. "This semester is almost over. Of course, I have exams, but I also have to prepare a graduation speech... Will we change after spring?"

Who is he talking about? And to whom is he talking?

I don't know. Perhaps only he himself can clearly understand the answer to this question.

......

...

..

"Well... first of all, I'm honored to speak as a student representative at the end-of-school ceremony and the graduation ceremony for the third-year seniors... Thank you, thank you—"

As soon as he opened his mouth, he received a lot of applause. In addition to the first and second grade students who were about to be promoted to first grade in the next semester, the response was especially enthusiastic among the third grade students.

He didn't continue speaking. He simply stood on the stage, welcoming everyone's gazes and applause, occasionally smiling and waving in response. This time, he probably felt that the words he received were what he deserved, so he could accept it calmly.

After about 2 minutes, the applause gradually died down until the whole audience was silent, and Ping Xin continued his speech.

"From the reactions just now, it seems like everyone is very energetic. Regardless of academic performance or athletic prowess, as long as there's energy and enthusiasm, that's always a good thing—"

Some will continue their studies, some will go straight into the workforce or return home to inherit the family business, and still others, having failed an exam or not achieved the grades they'd hoped for, will decide to repeat the year. He won't offer congratulations on graduation, as for some, graduation isn't simply a happy occasion. Instead, he offers equal encouragement to everyone, urging them to keep moving forward.

"Especially for the third-year students. After graduating from Shengxiang Middle School, you will also face various challenges. I hope you will maintain this spirit and forge ahead on your own path, unwavering in your efforts."

There was another round of applause, but this time Ping Xin quickly suppressed the cheers and continued with his speech.

"It's just that I've always had darker thoughts...so even on a day like today, which is worth celebrating, I still have something to say to everyone—

Objectively speaking, the campus environment everyone enjoys here is exceptional. Besides the material benefits, our school also provides a wealth of spiritual support. While we've helped you all grow into healthy children, both physically and mentally, the journey ahead... especially for those of you in your third year, who are about to graduate and leave, simply being 'children' is not enough.

"Many of you must have come this far, clinging to the belief that 'hard work pays off,' but this famous saying, which will likely be passed down to future generations, is a false premise. Perhaps you will be rewarded here, but in the outside world, this isn't a trustworthy 'truth'—

What awaits you in the future is a society where even hard work may not be rewarded fairly."

Chapter 78 Graduation Ceremony

"It's possible that some people might think, 'Oh, this person is exaggerating!' or 'We must have known about this kind of thing a long time ago,' but I can say with certainty that the vast majority of people don't have a true understanding—"

This is not just empty talk. In fact, if you look at the questionnaires and feedback results collected by several experts who were sent to give lectures before, you will know that most people lack a concrete understanding of society, or lack a clear understanding of how realistic "reality" can be.

"Gender discrimination, workplace bullying, excessive overtime hours with no pay, subordinates' achievements being attributed to their superiors and their superiors' failures being attributed to their subordinates, even clique-based workplace infighting... Don't be so quick to mock the new employees; the inheritance and further education groups aren't necessarily any better."

Oh, really? Many people are so focused on having fun that they don't realize this is a problem they face too.

"In today's world, technology is developing rapidly, and products in the cultural industry and various industries are also being replaced at a rapid pace. Inheriting a stable industry is great, but what will happen if you fail to adapt to the times?

In the past, small workshops replaced family-based production, and large factories replaced small workshops. However, many products and services now rely on high-tech equipment. Some people may think that they are just selling fruit or fish at a stall, so what does this have to do with them? But in fact, the problem is far greater.

Once large companies enter the market and use their capital advantages to invade and redistribute the market, can the interests of small businesses be protected and can they still survive?

Once you enter university, you'll face countless challenges. The aforementioned issues of gender discrimination and clique-building aren't limited to the workplace; universities are also hard-hit areas. This is especially true for women... They often say, "A woman's lack of talent is a blessing," or "Men work outside, women stay home." You're facing the oppression of traditional values.

In addition, there are changes in learning methods, getting along with adults other than children, plans for future research or employment after graduation, and plans to achieve goals...

After hearing this, are some people starting to get scared and want to stay here longer? "

There were whispers below. Some people might imagine that the dangers they would face are that the cafeteria would be crowded as soon as the class was over and they couldn't get the food they wanted to eat, the commute would be too far and take the bus for about an hour every day, and the study would be too tiring and they would have to do homework every day. However, the reality described by Ping Xin is even more serious.

"The desire for stability and peace of mind... is something that every human being has, including me.

There's nothing inherently wrong with this behavior or mentality, but as we age, our bodies develop, and our minds mature, we will eventually become independent individuals. So we must learn to break free from the warmth of our embrace and the comforts of our surroundings, and face this harsh world, just as our ancestors descended from the trees and began crafting tools with their own hands, creating our own future.

There was no applause, no cheering, only confused, thoughtful, and determined looks. However, this was the effect he wanted.

"So think! ... Whether you're laughing, crying, or confused, think when you don't know what to do, think when you don't know where to go, and think even more when you're finding your direction and setting your goals.

Thinking certainly brings worry, pain, and powerlessness, but is it okay to just sit there like a fish on a chopping board, waiting to be slaughtered? The most important thing is, if we don't face up to the existence of the problem, how can we find the root cause and solve it?

"...So, think about it, and never give up thinking. Even if it's a painful road, you will never be alone, because there are at least people in the world who are thinking the same way as you, thinking about their own way out, the way out for society, and the way out for the world.

Although one person's power is limited, when a stone is thrown into a lake, ripples appear on the previously calm surface. It may seem alarmist or groundless at the time, but perhaps one day it will be taken seriously.

Even if I am not understood, accepted or even recognized, I will still do the right thing, so I hope you can do the same as me -"

Same? Where?

"Just because society is cruel, where the strong prey on the weak and people oppress each other, does that mean we have to become like that? No, it shouldn't be us who are unilaterally changed by society. We should also have the power to change society!

But before that, we must recognize what the problem is and the root cause before we can try to solve it, so this is the necessity of thinking. But in addition to rational thinking, we must also have a gentle heart, because it can become the driving force that supports us to move forward.

Some people might wonder why their own gentleness can be such a driving force. But everyone should know that it is precisely because of gentleness that our hearts have warmth, can beat, and can perceive the less gentle parts of the world.

The not-so-tender part?

“People who have never been truly loved usually don’t know how to love others, and people who have never been treated gently naturally cannot become truly gentle people. So what makes us become gentle and learn to be gentle?

It is love——

The greatest and most incredible emotion in the world. Although some people quantify it biologically using dopamine and other hormones secreted by the human body, in my opinion, this is the most amazing emotion of human beings.

The reason why we can be gentle, the reason why we can love ourselves, love others, and love the world is because we have all been loved by someone somewhere and at some time, so we can become gentle.

Toughness and gentleness are not in conflict, because sometimes a strong way of living can protect the gentle heart inside. Rationality and sensibility are not in conflict either, they are both tendencies in human thinking.

So think... think with your soft heart, think with your head!"

"Don't feel lonely or isolated, because you are not thinking alone, you are not fighting alone. We who are moving forward for ourselves and for the betterment of society have already been de facto companions.

This next song is for everyone, for my friends... Please listen to "Nakama"!

Chapter 79 If You Caught My Hand

"It's raining... What the hell is the weather forecast doing?" Looking at the sudden drizzle outside the window, Higuchi Enka felt a surge of discomfort, because she hated water——

Although she doesn't dislike the sound of rain and can even use it to fall asleep, and sometimes thinks it's nice to have an excuse to sleep at home on rainy days, she hates water...

But not all water. What she hates is a lot of water, so much water that it can kill her.

The sound of rain outside the window beat softly against her heart, just like the old-fashioned clock that used to be in the room, except that she had been using a smartphone as an alarm clock for many years.

She was lying in bed, but not covered with a blanket. She didn't want to sleep, but she was lying in bed. She was thinking, but she didn't want to think about anything. In the end, she was curled up in bed, her purple eyes staring out the window, as if she had entered a state of trance, but perhaps we could also call this state of daze.

"...In the darkness of the night, I am filled with disgust. Sadly, I stand drenched in the rain during this cherry blossom season, with clouds covering the sky. The desolate streets are cold and merciless—"

"......Heh~" When she heard the alarm on her phone ringing on time, she chuckled for some reason despite being motionless just now.

There's no other meaning. I use this as a ringtone just because this version (unique) won't be confused with others. Also, hearing him sing this somewhat sad and neurotic version reminds Enka of that rainy day when they first "met".

Could it be that it was written after that rainy day when I was heartbroken?

Such thoughts quickly flashed through her empty mind, burying the smile on her face in the corner of her heart. Perhaps she had laughed enough, she finally sat up. But she didn't rush to turn off the music. Instead, she sat there humming along and fixing her hair in the small mirror.

She usually arrived between half an hour and fifteen minutes early, but if it was raining, it would be okay to be a little late, right? ...And it would be forgiven anyway, right?

At worst, I can just listen to him sing again, a song about a broken heart or something like that.

“...?~~~~”

Higuchi Enka loves music, and in her world, a song finally appeared that was sung just for her.

......

...

..

"...Brother Pingxin, is there anything wrong with what I did?" Today's tutoring seemed different from usual, not only because of the sudden rain outside the window, but also the expression on Pingxin's face.

Anxiety, uneasiness, doubt, confusion, these emotions that have never been shown in front of Fukumaru Koito, all appeared on Hirayukoshi's face today.

"..."

Without any explanation or explanation, he simply tapped the table with his fingertips. After a few seconds, he finally reacted like an outdated Pokémon with a slow-start feature, and said to Koito with his usual expression, "No, it's okay. You did a great job."

Pingxin touched her head, just like usual, but today, Koito didn't smile cutely just because she was praised. Instead, she looked at him thoughtfully.

"...What happened?"

Although he was surprised by Koito's question, he answered honestly, "Hmm... should I say something happened, or should I say something feels like it's going to happen? Anyway, I just have a bad feeling."

If intuition is a result that humans judge based on their subconscious experience, then this premonition should perhaps be said to be a result without any result. It has no beginning or end, and even no logic at all. It is just a feeling that appears suddenly.

It was just that others could ignore this feeling, but he couldn't. It wasn't just because of the so-called intuition and premonition of the strong, but also because he was a cautious person. And also... he had a genuine feeling, a bad premonition, a premonition that he might lose something important.

"Then--just do it, Shin-chan!...I'm fine!"

When Hirayuko saw Fukumaru Koito smiling with her chest puffed out, his first thought was "She's trying to be tough again," but after a closer look, that wasn't the case.

There was indeed confidence and determination in her eyes. People change, people evolve, and it seemed that during this period of time, Koito had also grown because of the things she experienced, even if those things were actually not a big deal.

I just talked to my parents, expressed my wishes and worked hard; I learned to make snacks and made snacks with my friends; I went to my brother's house for the first time and saw many sisters-in-law... Well, the last one may be forced "growth", but it also shows that sometimes growth comes so suddenly, as if you suddenly mature overnight, but this is actually the result of accumulation bit by bit.

And now, Fukumaru Koito has turned these little bits of growth into tangible results and placed them in front of him.

"Yeah... Then I'll trouble you to study the rest of the content today. I'm going to be out for a while--"

Since even Fukumaru Koito, who is timid and lacks confidence by nature, has mustered the courage, how can he, the "older brother", be timid and indecisive here?

Under the surprised gaze of Fukumaru's parents, Hirayuki ran away. The umbrella would only slow him down.

......

...

..

Sinking, sinking motionlessly—

Water, plenty of water, icy cold water, surrounded her, filled her entire world. In this icy river, even the sound of rain above disappeared, the whole world was silent, leaving only her own heartbeat and the echo in her mind.

Am I...going to die?

In the past, she had also experienced drowning, a memory that she did not want to recall but would suddenly appear somewhere from time to time.

She had been innocent and lovely before, but after seeing the "truth" of the world, she gradually became the person she hated the most, just like the person who had abandoned her and ran away...

Reality to her was like the water here, flowing coldly and on its own, taking away all her warmth, from her body, her heart, and her thoughts, until she reached the end that everyone must reach—

Will I...die?

When death is approaching, the brain will speed up its work frantically in order to save itself, which is why the revolving lantern appears before death.

In this gradually accelerating and out-of-control thinking, her "time" kept flowing backwards. The first point of regression was last night -

"...Why is it that Homura Akemi can say something like 'I'll hold your hand no matter how many times'?"

"Hmm... because of the ability to go back in time?"

"how about you?"

"I... am just an 'ordinary person'. I can't do anything like magic."

The man on the other end of the phone simply smiled at this malicious question and continued, "But I'll be there when you need me, I promise."

"Really... then—"

Come on, hold my hand.

She gave up all struggles, with no trace of pain on her face, only eternal peace, and let the rushing river take her away.

Go to the real other side.

Chapter 80: Past Events That Once Sunk Underwater

"Damn it...why can't I think of that? Shouldn't I be smart?!"