My youth story cannot be a knight war

[On the first day of his senior year, a black car knocked on the gate of Sobu High School. In front of countless students who were about to leave after the opening ceremony, an old professor with gray hair extended an olive branch from MIT, the world's number one university, to Hikigaya Hachiman.]

[Hikigaya calmly agreed to the invitation of the professor who later became his mentor. Under the gaze of the dull-faced students, he was invited by the cheerful old professor to sit in the car. When the black car drove away at the school gate, no one could recover from the scene that shattered their worldview just now.]

[A week later, a piece of news spread throughout Sobu High School—Hikigaya Hachiman performed extremely well in MIT’s special admissions exam, and it was confirmed that after graduating from high school, he would go to MIT in North America as a special admissions student.]

[Since then, Hikigaya Hachiman has become an immortal legend in the history of Sobu High School in the past ten years, like a meteor passing through the sky, short-lived but so dazzling that people can't look directly at it. The achievements he has made before he officially graduated have made all the students on this campus bow down to his second-hand black Nike shoes.]

[On that day, the members of the Service Club also mixed in with the students who were watching, staring blankly at Hikigaya walking past them without any regrets towards the tenured professor who opened the door, and walked into another world that was different from the one they were living in.]

[Until that moment, Zaimokuza truly understood a fact for the first time—Hikigaya Hachiman was really going to leave them. ]

[While they were still worried about their future in this green campus in a remote corner of the world, their best friends had already figured out their own path and were heading towards the future they had chosen.]

[As a rising star in the scientific community, Hikigaya's future will be bright and glorious, with power, prestige and money within easy reach. However, his life has just begun, but his future is so far away that they cannot even see it.]

【A sense of urgency emerged in Zaimokuza's heart from then on, and an idea also came into his mind.】

[——He wanted to fulfill their previous agreement during the time when Hikigaya Hachiman could still stay in Sobu High School, that is, to write a story that Hikigaya would approve of.]

[This is not for anything else, Zaimokuza just wants to fulfill the promise he made to his best friend, even if the other party no longer cares about their past. 】

[If there is only one selfish motive, it might be the tiny hope he holds in his heart. ]

[He hoped that after reading that story, Hikigaya would change his mind and return to the Service Club and to their side...even though Zaimokuza knew that this was just his fantasy.]

【Zaimokuza therefore began to write. In the busy study life of the third year of high school, he studied while trying to conceive the story he wanted to write in his mind, and constantly revised it in his spare time outside of studying, no longer writing whatever he thought of as he did in the past.】

[This process also made Zaimokuza realize once again how promising his talent in writing is, but he never gave up and kept on writing the original story.]

[When the third year of high school was halfway through, Zaimokuza finally finished this story, and with an uneasy mood, he asked Yukinoshita Yukino for a review. ]

[And when he got the first recognition from her, who had always been strict, for this work that he had spent countless efforts on, he was as happy as a child who had just learned to ride a bicycle.]

【At that time, Hikigaya Hachiman, who had been abroad to exchange science with geniuses of the same age, happened to return to Japan. It was as if God was creating opportunities for him. 】

[He did it as soon as he thought of it. On the second day after Hikigaya returned to his country, Zaimokuza rang the doorbell of his house on a rainy night with the story he wrote.]

[Of course, no one responded the first time. ]

[In the midst of the heavy rain, Zaimokuza held the book wrapped in an insulating plastic bag tightly in his arms, stood outside the door of Hikigaya's house in the heavy rain, and continued to ring the doorbell. ]

[He didn't know how long he had been ringing the doorbell, nor how long he had been in the rain. He only remembered that all his clothes had been soaked by the rain, and the extreme coldness seemed to corrode his bones, making him shiver, and even his consciousness began to gradually blur.]

[But Zaimokuza still held the book tightly in his arms, standing stubbornly in the rain and refusing to leave, as if he would not give up until the other party came out.]

[Finally, when Zaimokuza was about to lose consciousness in the rain, the door that had been tightly closed was gently opened from the inside, and the warm yellow light shone out from the room, casting a shadow on his confused face.]

[Hikigaya Hachiman stood with his back to the light, quietly watching him from the open doorway. His black eyes hidden behind his glasses did not show any ripples at all because of Zaimokuza's embarrassed appearance.]

【But his sealed lips opened and he spoke to Zaimokuza:】

【“…Come in.”】

[This is the first sentence Hikigaya has spoken to Zaimokuza in over a year.]

……

【"……What's this?"】

[Looking at the brown-covered book that was unwrapped from its plastic bag and placed on the table in front of him, Hikigaya narrowed his eyes slightly and spoke to Zaimokuza, who was shivering on the sofa on the other side with a towel covering his head and holding a cup of hot tea, without any emotion.]

[“A story! The story I wrote…”]

[Zaimokuza, who was almost numb from the cold, felt that his tongue could not move, and explained to Hikigaya incoherently.]

【“Why give me this?”】

[“Promise! The promise we made!”]

【Only this sentence did Zaimokuza speak in an unusually resolute voice. He looked up at Hitotsugu Hachiman with a complex and resolute look in his eyes.】

[“We agreed that when I write a story that is shocking enough, you will be my first reader... Hachiman, have you forgotten?”]

【Zaimokuza looked at Hikigaya with a pleading look on his face, like a child who lent a lollipop to a friend and the friend forgot to return it.】

【“——”】

[Hikigaya tilted his head, looked at the book on the table expressionlessly, then raised his eyes to look at Zaimokuza who was feeling uneasy across from him.]

[“It seems… there was such an agreement.”]

[For some reason, Hikigaya, whose brain is now so flexible that he can calculate the answer to a difficult calculus math problem in the center of his brain within a few seconds, thought for a long time this time, so long that Zaimokuza was fidgeting before he answered.]

[“Since I’ve promised, I’ll take a look.”]

[Hikigaya picked up the book, opened the cover under Zaimokuza's expectant gaze, and flipped through the pages one by one. For a moment, the only sound in the living room was the sound of pages being turned.]

【Taking advantage of this time, in order to relieve his tension, Zaimokuza looked around the house he had entered again after a year, wanting to see if there were any changes here.】

[Because I was in such a hurry when I entered the door before, Zaimokuza realized that compared with the plain but warm decoration in the past, this place is now much more deserted. 】

[Many of the walls that were once hung with handwritten sticky notes and girly cartoon decorations have now been repainted, and for some reason, there are many mirrors hanging in every corner of the living room.]

[These mirrors are scattered in various corners. They seem to be placed in a messy manner, but if you look closely, you can find that they are all facing the direction of the sofa in the middle of the living room. If someone else is sitting where Hikigaya is standing now, they can see their own reflection in the mirrors placed in various positions by just looking up.]

【“…”】

[When his eyes swept across a small and exquisite shrine in the corner of the living room, Zaimokuza's eyes dimmed and he pursed his lips.]

[In the shrine, a photo of a smiling girl is facing the camera. She is holding a messy-haired orange cat in her arms. She is smiling with her white teeth exposed, and a small canine tooth is shining in the light.]

【Komachi...】

【“——I’ve finished reading it.”】

[When Zaimokuza was still feeling sad, Hikigaya's calm voice woke him up. He quickly turned to look at Zaimokuza, who was closing the last page of the book, and asked him nervously.]

[“How is it? Compared to before, is it better or worse?”]

[Because he was too nervous, Zaimokuza accidentally bit his tongue and it hurt so much that he almost cried. 】

【“…”】

[Hikigaya did not answer immediately. He looked at Zaimokuza who seemed to be waiting for the judge's judgment and spoke calmly.]

[“From a normal person’s perspective, this is a pretty good story.”]

【“——!”】

[When Zaimokuza received recognition from his best friend, he almost cried with joy, but before he could ask the other party what he thought, Hikigaya's next words made his smile freeze.]

[“I have finished reading the book. If you are looking for me just for this matter, then go back now.”]

【"……well?"】

[Zaimokuza was unable to react to the sudden order to expel him. He stared blankly at Hikigaya Hachiman's expressionless face and could not help but utter a puzzled sound.]

[“Um—Hachiman, don’t you have anything you want to tell me? Like your thoughts or something?”]

[He was stunned for a while, and after confirming that Hikigaya was not joking, Zaimokuza asked Hikigaya in a weak voice.]

[“Do you need me to give you an umbrella?”]

[“That’s not the question I’m asking!”]

[Faced with Hikigaya's emotionless reply, Zaimokuza, who was agitated for a moment, could not help but raise his voice and spoke. ]

[“I’m asking about your feelings. Hachiman, do you really have no feelings after reading this story? Don’t you feel sad? Or touched? In short, the emotions that can make people’s mood fluctuate, these... don’t you have any of them?”]

[“…What are you talking about?”]

[Hikigaya slowly raised his head, looked calmly at Zaimokuza who stood up, and spoke softly.]

[“How can a fake thing cause emotional fluctuations in people?”]

【“Fake… fake thing???”】

【Zaimokuza, who knew the philosophy that Hikigaya had always upheld, was struck by lightning after hearing this.】

[For Hikigaya Hachiman, when he said this term, it only meant one thing—absolute negation, without the slightest bias or tolerance.]

[“I know what you’re thinking.”]

[Just as Zaimokuza was stunned, Hikigaya stood up with his hands on the sofa, looked at him with emotionless eyes and said.]

[“Your book is indeed well-written by normal people’s standards, but it actually makes no sense at all.”]

[“Because——all stories are nothing but fakes in essence.”]

[“Let alone the book you wrote, even those so-called true and touching masterpieces that people praise are essentially nothing more than the writer’s creative materials drawn from reality, undergoing secondary artistic processing in his brain, and then writing out the modified events in a coherent manner in the form of words.”]

[“The reason why people are moved by those stories is that the writers have grasped the readers’ psychology and modified the touching deeds that actually happened in reality and wrote them into their own books. The readers subconsciously know that these plots are true, so they will cry for the stories written in these works...but they are actually false.”]

[“In fact, people know very well that what is real are only the emotions and past that exist in reality. The people, events, and emotions described in this story have never existed in reality. However, they avoid thinking about this because they are unwilling to believe that the things they have placed so much emotion and tears on are all fake and unreal counterfeits. They are unwilling to believe that their emotions have been deceived by others, and that they were deceived voluntarily while they were sober... But this is reality.”]

[“Isn’t it about time you realized this fact, Zaimokuza Yoshiteru?”]

[Hikigaya quietly looked at Zaimokuza, who was in a daze because of his words, his eyes were as calm as always, and his calm but brutal voice echoed in the silent living room.]

[“The so-called story is nothing but a fake thing packaged in a beautiful literary way. It is essentially a false spiritual comfort. It is a kind of spiritual drug that gives people in reality false hope and vision, but it cannot change any reality at all. It only brings a short-lived spiritual joy, just like people who fantasize about moistening their throats to deceive their own senses by looking at plums to quench their thirst.”]

[“No matter how well-written a story is, it cannot replace a meal that fills one’s stomach, it cannot improve one’s academic performance, and it cannot tell you how to find a better job to support your livelihood, because it is ultimately false and cannot bring true happiness to people. And precisely because it is false, so…”]

【“Stories have no power at all.”】

【“——!”】

【Every time Hikigaya said something, Zaimokuza's body trembled. His words were like invisible sharp blades drawn from their sheaths. Every swing accurately hit Zaimokuza's heart, and in a short while, his soul was scarred.】

[How much he wanted to refute even one sentence, but he couldn't say it at all. Perhaps it was because Zaimokuza knew in the deepest corner of his heart that Hikigaya Hachiman was actually right.]

[False stories do not have the power to represent real reality.]

[“This also applies to the stories you write.”]

[Hikigaya pushed the story that Zaimokuza had spent countless efforts to write across the table, and the book slid and drifted in the direction of Zaimokuza.]

[Patter. 】

【“…”】

[The book fell over the edge of the table and onto the floor. Zaimokuza stared blankly at his outstretched hand, a hand that could not grasp anything.]

[When he was about to grab the book, his outstretched hand paused due to hesitation. Even if it was only a moment of hesitation, it would cause this story that no one could grab to fall into the abyss.]

["The Man Who Guards the Smiling Face", the handwritten title on the cover of the book reflects a dim light under the light, but Zaimokuza, the person who wrote the name, feels blinded at this moment, without any joy and pride when he racked his brains to write this name. 】

[“When you see a smile, you want to protect it. It’s a beautiful theme… but it’s not realistic at all, because in reality there has never been a person who would protect other people’s smiles without any reason.”]

[Hikigaya retracted his outstretched hand and walked past Zaimokuza, who lowered his head, while speaking.]

[“I am not lying. Your story is indeed well-written from the reader’s perspective, but it is not realistic at all and does not have any elements that make it a “real thing”. Even if someone imitates the protagonist in your book, it will ultimately be just a “fake” that imitates the original.”]

[“Because false things are false after all, your story can never become true, even if you, as the author, practice it yourself, but when the starting point is false in the first place, it can never become the “true thing”.”]

[“You should leave now, and don’t come here to see me again.”]

[Hikigaya stopped walking, turned his head and looked at the cat bowl on the floor not far from the sofa, his eyelids drooping slightly.]

[There was still a lot of cat food in the cat bowl, but a thick layer of mold had already grown on the surface, indicating that the cat that should have eaten up the food had not touched it for a long time, which was why this happened.]

[“…This house is no longer a place that people like you can enter.”]

[After Hikigaya finished speaking, he walked towards the exit of the living room again. When he passed the exit, he reached out and turned one of the standing mirrors that reflected Zaimokuza's back to another direction, and then continued to walk towards the stairs leading to the second floor.]

[“Let’s go, go home early now… to avoid getting into trouble on the way home too late. You can take the umbrella at the door.”]

[Listening to the footsteps that were gradually fading away, Zaimokuza lowered his head, clenched his fists until they creaked, and clenched his teeth tightly.]

【“——Wait, Hachiman!”】

[When Hikigaya walked up the stairs, Zaimokuza, who had been looking down at the story he had written, could no longer suppress the surging emotions in his heart, and turned around and shouted at Hikigaya's back.]

[But Hikigaya did not pause for a moment, and continued to walk steadily up the stairs, turning the corner and disappearing from Zaimokuza's sight.]

[——This was the last conversation between the two. From then on, they never had a face-to-face conversation again.]

【After that night, time seemed to have passed quickly as if it had been pressed on a shortcut key. When the senior year of high school came to an end, Hachiman Hikigaya, who graduated with the highest scores in both the school and Japan, took his diploma from the principal as a representative and refused to give a speech. He left this task to Himena Ebina, who ranked second in the school and was admitted to MIT like him. Then he sat alone in a secluded corner waiting for the graduation ceremony to end.】

[Zaimokuza surpassed everyone's expectations in this exam and ranked fifth in the school. Although he was not as outstanding as Ebina and Hikigaya, he and Yukinoshita Yukino, who ranked third, were both admitted to the prestigious domestic university, Johnan University.]

[After receiving the certificate, Zaimokuza looked impatiently at the seat where Hikigaya was sitting. Just when he was thinking of trying to keep him for a while, he was shocked to find that he was no longer there, leaving only an empty chair.]

[At some point, Hikigaya Hachiman had already left this school. When he first entered, he was unknown and no one knew him. When he left, even though everyone knew about it, he also left without a sound, without taking anything with him or leaving anything behind.]

[And the old classroom of the Service Club was officially abandoned after today. Before the final moment came, its members could not gather together after all.]

[Although Zaimokuza was sad at that time, he never thought that it would be the last time he saw Hikigaya Hachiman. ]