Uncle, be gentle, it hurts

My name is Jiang Yimo. I have never denied that I am not a good person.

Yes, I'm not a good person.

Although in other people's eyes, I have always been the one who can make the atmosphere harmonious.

About my EQ is too high, I play very successful, in the eyes of others I love to laugh, I sensible, I love to talk, very sociable.

Others believe it. Sometimes, I believe it myself. In this way, I have been acting for more than 20 years.

As a matter of fact, I'm a gloomy person. I've been a child.

When I was a child, my mother died when I was born. My father didn't hate me or beat or scold me, but he alienated me. When I remember, I knew why, because I looked like my mother. There was a picture of my mother in my father's wallet.

Therefore, I once resented my mother for giving birth to me but leaving by myself. Not only that, but also I was given the same appearance as her, which made my father dislike me.

My father is a businessman. He doesn't like too many people. He only cleans and cooks part-time, so the room is very big, but only me.

At that time, I was still young. I used to talk to myself in the empty room. My voice was very loud. There were echoes in the room. It seemed that I was not alone.

When I was five years old, my father brought back a woman. She was very beautiful. She had a pair of beautiful big eyes. My father asked me to call her mother. I laughed at her. She was not rebellious like other children. I called her mother with a smile.

I call her mother, but I don't resent my mother any more. Instead, I resent my father. If he really likes my mother, why do he want to find another woman? What is my mother? What is father's estrangement from me because of my mother's death?

"Mom" is a person who doesn't like to laugh very much. Her arrival has changed a lot of things, and her father's time at home has become more and more. Although "mother" also has a job, when her father is on a business trip, she often stays at home with me, cooks meals for me, talks with me, buys clothes for me, and sings lullaby for me in the evening to coax me to sleep. Even when I am sick, she is not next to me. When the hour work comes, my father will be happy

Will go home and take me to treatment.

Even when they were not at home, I was no longer alone, and "mother" hired a tutor and nurse for me.

I still remember the first time she heard her father say that she didn't send me to kindergarten. When my father was on a business trip and I was the only one at home, her expression was so stunned and shocked. She looked at me with pity and held my hand.

That kind of feeling is very warm, is a kind of never felt warm, people do not want to let go, but also afraid.

But I don't like her, I don't like the pity and sympathy of others, because I clearly realized that my father came home because of her, not because my father began to love me, although I was happy to call her "Mom" on the surface.

"Mom" has a secret, sometimes she will secretly turn through a photo album, and then secretly wipe tears there, at this time, my heart will breed a sense of pleasure.

But whenever I come near and want to see what's on the album, she will put it together and put it away.

When I was six years old, maybe my child was full of curiosity. I finally took advantage of my mother's absence to secretly look through the photo album.

It's full of pictures of a girl, from the birth of the child to the age of two.

To tell you the truth, when I saw the first picture, I hated it very much. That wrinkled little face was ugly.

Later, I knew that it was "Mom's" child, but that child was in country C. when he grew up, I also knew the reason why "Mom" didn't want her. She was really a little pitiful, and seemed to be more pitiful than me.

I happened to pass by my father's room once, and the conversation I heard changed my mind.

I heard "mother" say that she would not have a second child, because that child, the father actually agreed“ "Mom" also said, this is also afraid that I can not accept in my heart, will not be willing to.

At that time, I sneered in my heart. Her words were really high sounding. If I'm afraid I won't, I shouldn't marry my father.

With the growth of years, the photos in the album are gradually increasing. Every year, "mother" will go to see the child and take photos for her.

The little girl in the photo has gradually changed. She is white and tender. Her eyes are very beautiful, clear and bright, which makes people happy.

Gradually, "mother" began to tell me the story about the child. The little girl's name was Xiaoli.

When she mentioned the little girl, there was soft emotion in her eyes and eyebrows.

I don't know why, I was originally resentful of "mother", so I began to envy that little girl. I hate this feeling, and I hate this mother and daughter more and more.

As time goes on, the little girl in the photo grows more and more beautiful.

When I was 18 years old and the little girl was 14 years old, I went to country C. The little girl really grew more and more beautiful.

When I passed by her, she just looked at me. Her eyes were amazing, but soon she turned and walked away.

The little girl doesn't know me, but I know her.

I didn't stay much, secretly took a few pictures of her back, I left.

In the days after that, I often sneak back to country C to take pictures for the little girl.

It's my secret, nobody knows.

Is it that I'm not jealous and resentful? No, I don't know. My feelings for her are very complicated. I really hate her, but I want to see her. That's why I often come back to take pictures of her. I take pictures of her back. I'm afraid she will find me taking pictures of her.

I'm 22 years old, and my little girl is 18 years old. When I come back to see her, she has grown into a beautiful girl. She's slim and graceful, and she has fragrant temperament. People can't move their eyes when they see her.

Girl, growing up.

After seeing her this time, I decided never to go back to country C, because I hate the feeling that I am controlled by her. When I see her, my eyes move with her, like losing myself, but I clearly hate her.

In addition, I don't know when I have regarded "mother" as my own mother, so I don't want to have contact with girls. It's better not to have contact with girls forever, so my mother is my own mother. Later, I often thought that if I could understand my feelings towards the girl when she was 18 years old, even if I didn't decide not to visit her in country C.