imperial psychologist

Chapter 165 Helping others to help themselves
Qu's whispering voice caused ripples in Bo Ling's heart.

Bo Ling looked at Qu Shi, in fact, after Baoyuan talked about Qu Shi and Ning Concubine talking all night in Xianfu Palace this morning, Bo Ling more or less guessed that Qu Shi would mention the little prince tonight.

But she didn't expect it to be such an important decision.

"Without those people who are watching all day long, I have suddenly figured out a lot of things in the past few days. I can't just focus on me and my child, and push Concubine Ning to the cusp for myself. She is also someone else's daughter. Other people's sisters should not be involved in these innocent disasters."

Looking at the school of fish fighting for food on the water, Qu threw all the last bit of fish food down.

In the night, Bo Ling saw her hands trembling slightly because of excitement.

"I've always been afraid that A Tuo would become a pawn in the deep palace if he followed me, but if... I don't treat myself as a pawn, who can bypass me and touch my A Tuo?"

……

On the way back, Bo Ling suddenly remembered his first visit, a middle-aged man who was depressed because of the double blow of unemployment and wife's cheating and divorce.

While this does sound miserable, he was well off with savings and real estate to his name that would keep him well-off for the rest of his life; on the other hand, he was handsome, well-maintained, and never lacking in unsolicited affection suitors.

That is not a person who believes in psychological counseling. Bai Ling remembers that when he asked the other party why he wanted to come for counseling before the formal consultation started, he shrugged his shoulders indifferently and said that he only occasionally saw some advertisements for low-cost counseling , I feel that I am idle, so I just come and have a look.

Then, at about the beginning of the second consultation, Bo Ling pointed out "sharply" that the other party was only temporarily unable to adapt to the double breakdown of family and career roles, and there were many irrational thoughts in his mind. After a period of behavioral therapy correction, there will be significant improvement.

However, the consultation lasted only four weeks, and the visit fell off—after the fourth consultation, the man never set foot in the consultation room in Berlin again.

This inexplicable setback hit Berlin hard. .

"You haven't been able to empathize with the client from the very beginning." At the weekly routine supervision meeting, the instructor said, "If the client cannot be understood by you, of course he has to seek help elsewhere." possible."

At that time, Bo Ling sat on the soft sofa, propped his knees with his hands, buried his face in his palms, and shook his head vigorously, "But the problem is that I can help him solve those things that make him feel painful. If every If the visits stop coming for no reason like this, then no matter how good I do, he will—”

"What psychological counseling is doing is always 'helping others to help themselves', Berlin."

Bo Ling still remembers how serious the instructor's face was when he said this sentence.

She didn't dare to say anything, but looked back with puzzled eyes.

"You can never know more about the client's life than he himself, and you can't know how to solve his own problems better than him. Those counselors who come up to guide the visit and play the role of life mentor will end up with their own narcissism. Destroy, or drag the visitors into their own abyss. You should have heard many examples of this, so I don’t need to say anything...don’t be arrogant.”

"I'm sorry." Bo Ling lowered her head, but she didn't have the heart to think about the meaning of these words. She felt a little sore, and covered her eyes with a little dejection, "...In short, I messed up this consultation."

"If you take the first consultation as an example, it's actually not bad." The instructor shrugged and smiled, "During the first consultation, I called the wrong person's name all the way...so he didn't come the second time. .”

Bo Ling was stunned for a while, then raised his head and asked, "...were you empathizing with me just now?"

"Well." The instructor nodded, and said with a calm mouth, "A certain degree of self-disclosure can sometimes help visitors improve their understanding of their own behavior and encourage them to take some actions to change the status quo."

Bai Ling looked at the mentor with tears and smiles, adjusted her breathing for a while, and said in a low voice, "Thank you for this example...well, it really made me feel better."

……

Help others help themselves.

After Berlin accumulated about 2000 hours of consultation time, she had a new understanding of these four words.

Sometimes the problem people initially bring to the counseling room is not their real problem—

For example, a little girl who was sent for counseling because of a severe phobia, still had no effect after a few months of counseling.However, in a certain conversation, Bo Ling accidentally discovered that the time of the little girl's illness was actually a barometer of her parents' married life.

Whenever the parents quarrel violently because of some conflicts, the little girl will soon have difficulty breathing, vomiting, and even faint directly in severe cases.The problems of a whole family are thus manifested through the child's symptoms, and then glued together again through the child's symptoms.

Another example is a girl who had to seek help because of her boyfriend’s violent tendencies. With the support of her friends and counselors, she finally handled the breakup properly. However, within a few months, her new boyfriend was still A rotten person with obvious violent tendencies.

When the content of the consultation changed from love to family history, Bai Ling realized the crux of the problem: she was afraid of violence, but she was obsessed with the pleasure of watching the other party hug her, weeping and kneeling to admit her mistake after the violence was over—— Her original family history is too tragic, and her parents' marriage model is deeply engraved in her mind, so that she never knows that she has other options besides being a "savior" in intimate relationships.

Almost all cases have such a process.

The problem at the beginning is just the tip of the iceberg, and the mapping behind each symptom is often profound and tortuous.

However, in this process, the consultant is often not the real digger. Even if sometimes the visitors fail to realize this, they are still the most important guides in the consultation process.

Their narration, their inspiration, their laughter and tears... really guide the direction of the whole consultation.

It was around that time that Bo Ling really realized that when every visitor stepped into the consulting room, he had already brought the key to unlock their hearts, and he was just the one who helped sort out the clues and helped explore and discover deputy.

When they walk quickly, I will follow them left and right, and when they stop, I will also stop... In this kind of companionship and confrontation, some changes will happen quietly.

And how to deal with these changes is the place that will test my skills as a consultant the most.

(End of this chapter)