Yusui Chang'an

Lin Jinyan lowered her eyes as if admitting guilt, her tone was calm and even self-deprecating, like a prisoner ready to die as she recounted the sins she had committed.

An Zhixian felt very distressed when he heard this:
"Why do you say that about yourself? Although I don't understand some of the things you did, I know that you are not a sinner and a murderer. You must have your reasons for doing so."

Lin Jinyan smiled bitterly:

"Even if I have a reason, it's hard to atone for my sin. Especially since I'm a woman, and I did something despicable that destroyed a woman's innocence... it's even harder to forgive myself. Although I have no regrets, I feel guilty. After I made my first move many years ago, I couldn't turn back. I'm no longer a good person."

An Zhixian rarely saw Lin Jinyan so vulnerable. It seemed like she was being eaten away by years of accumulated guilt. He felt even more distressed and spoke in a gentler tone:

"Living in the treacherous capital, and as the youngest of the Gu family with the most troops, how can you protect yourself if you are only kind? As for Qin Zhixu's matter, you just went with the flow, and Qin Zongheng, you acted on behalf of heaven. As for Zhu Dianhua, I did it myself. He has nothing to do with me, but I felt happy when I hurt him. And the treasure of the Xue family, if they are investigated, it will implicate the clan members, but I still took it with a clear conscience. So, I am still the more evil and hard-hearted one."

Lin Jinyan laughed helplessly: "How can there be such a comparison?"

An Zhixian listed the people that Lin Jinyan had helped over the years, from He Quan's three siblings, to Song Yi and his men, to countless refugees... and then he said:

"You have saved so many people and accumulated so much merit. Why don't you remember it? You don't know my past, otherwise you would have stayed away from me."

Lin Jinyan found it funny: "Could it be that Boss An was a notorious bandit who killed people and robbed people in his early years?"

An Zhixian nodded seriously: "It's true."

The two smiled at each other, and the dull atmosphere was swept away. The bright smile flashed from the pupils into An Zhixian's heart, until he saw Lin Jinyan awkwardly looking away, An Zhixian realized that he was too engrossed in watching, and hurriedly took a cup of tea to cover up his gaffe:
"Well, the man who announced Mobei's actions to the world has made his ambitions clear. Judging from the current situation, if a war breaks out, the first to bear the brunt should be the northern border. The Dingbei Army needs to prepare early."

Lin Jinyan nodded: "Given his fear of the Dingbei Army, he will definitely use the Dingbei Army to pacify Mobei. By then, he will not only take Mobei, but also reduce the strength of the Dingbei Army. At the same time, he will eliminate two major troubles. He is worthy of being the Son of Heaven."

Seeing that Lin Jinyan had already understood, An Zhixian felt relieved. With his eyelashes flickering, he asked what he wanted to know most:
"Chengping is deeply in love with your sister. He disappeared from the general's mansion yesterday and came back very happy. I think good things are coming. Although Chengping is a good person, he has someone else in his heart after all. You..."

Lin Jinyan knew what An Zhixian wanted to ask, and she wanted to tease him. She pretended not to understand and asked:

"how do I?"

An Zhixian is both excited and nervous:

"Your elder sister and elder brother have already arranged their marriages. I think the Grand Tutor should look for someone for Miss. With the character of the Grand Tutor, he would not be willing to marry one of his granddaughters into the royal family, let alone two."

Lin Jinyan: "It doesn't matter. If I insist on getting married, my grandfather will make it happen even if he's angry."

An Zhixian's frozen smile faded away, and the light in his eyes gradually dimmed. (End of this chapter)