I'm afraid I'm not interested in love

Chapter 643 Like a Speeding Subway

After going around in circles for so long, the problem finally returns to the original question.

Su Chengyi has almost forgotten what he was thinking when he first faced the question of "childhood sweetheart or heaven-sent" that year.

But he must not have come up with a conclusion, otherwise he wouldn't have ended up like this.

However, even if he were to go back to that time and still have time to make a choice, he would probably still make the same decision as he did back then.

Because it’s too difficult, who can choose between Chu Qingmian and Chen Jinzhi?
Su Chengyi even began to doubt whether rebirth was a blessing for him or a more novel curse.

Seeing the three of them trapped in such a dead end, the author hiding behind the scenes must be smiling happily at this moment.

Chu Qingmian's tearful question tortured Su Chengyi's conscience and he was unable to give any answer.

But if he said nothing, she would be stuck in this problem for a long, long time.

“I know you won’t believe it, but my feelings for you are real.

If not, I wouldn't have waited until today to let you know the truth, and I wouldn't have been unable to find any solution for such a long time.

Chu Qingmian, you know me, you know I won't lie to you at this time."

Su Chengyi looked at her slightly red eyes and said word by word:

"I also know you. I know that if I told you the truth earlier, you would not have any entanglement with me, nor would you hate me. You would even wish me happiness."

"Then why don't you do that?"

Chu Qingmian looked back at him, tears filling her eyes, waiting for his answer.

I knew she wouldn't bother me, and I could have prevented her from ending up like this.

"Because I can't accept you leaving me."

Su Chengyi looked serious and spoke sincerely, without any joking.

"It is impossible for me to confess to you and ask you to leave me.

What happened today was an unavoidable accident. Your safety is above my feelings, so I have to let you know the truth.

I am indeed a bad scumbag, but I love you, even though it is a selfish and self-righteous love, it is not false at all. "

As soon as he finished speaking, Chu Qingmian's tears finally fell.

For the first time in her life, she doubted the word "love".

Ever since he vaguely realized what "like" and "love" meant, Chu Qingmian had never associated these words with other people.

She has liked Su Chengyi for so many years, and she doesn't know when this liking naturally turned into love.

So, in the final analysis, no one has ever taught her what true love is.

She naively thought that love should be wholehearted, that one should not bear to let the other person get hurt in the slightest, and that one should always miss the other person.

But the man in front of her said he loved her, but he shattered her heart as if nothing had happened.

Well, maybe she really did understand it wrongly. Does love inherently bring harm?
Chu Qingmian thought blankly.

Su Chengyi was right, he really knew her very well.

If this day had come earlier, she would never have allowed herself to fall into such an embarrassing state.

She will also be extremely heartbroken, will cry, and will not be able to get over it for a long time.

But at least she wouldn't hate him.

"You're right, because you know me better, so you know how to push me off the cliff."

Chu Qingmian lowered his head and muttered as if talking to himself.

Su Chengyi looked at the quilt in front of her that was stained with tears, and suddenly thought of a long time ago, in the infirmary of No. 1 Middle School, when he hit Hou Xiaohong with a dinner plate and was surrounded and beaten by his followers.

At that time, Chu Qingmian also cried like this.

Looking back, he still remembers the temperature of the tears that fell on his chest at that time.

However, the reason why he fought such a fight at that time was for Chen Jinzhi.

It seems that perhaps everything had already been hinted at.

From the very beginning, he was facing a dead end.

It's all my own fault that we have come to this point.

When the truth was revealed, Chu Qingmian's reaction was different from what Su Chengyi had imagined.

I had expected her to have a meltdown, as agitated as she often was when she occasionally lost her temper, but she didn't.

Apart from the fact that she couldn't stop crying, she could even be described as calm.

Even Chen Jinzhi's emotional ups and downs were more intense than Chu Qingmian's, although between the two of them, Chen Jinzhi was the one who knew the truth earlier.

However, the calmer she was, the more anxious Su Chengyi's heart became.

This means that she is completely disappointed and it is completely irreparable.

Chen Jinzhi is forcibly connected to him by her identity as Zhi Jinchen, and she is also a public figure, so she would not disappear without a trace.

But with Miss Chu's ability, if she doesn't want to see him again, then he really has no way to stop her.

Some of the arrangements that we made in our careers before, such as joint planning, are actually not very meaningful.

Because although Miss Chu is a competent and reliable boss, as long as she gives employees of the linkage project sufficient welfare compensation, no one will complain about her decision.

Judging from the surface, others may think that the person who is more difficult to win back is Chen Jinzhi.

Because Miss Chu is always soft-hearted and easy to coax, she has a soft personality. Even if she is sad, she is like a non-aggressive crying slime.

Chen Jinzhi, on the other hand, has a very rational and calm personality. He is very shrewd and cannot be fooled. No sugar-coated bullets will work.

Comparing these two people, Miss Chu is of course easier to deal with.

But Su Chengyi knew very well that if there was still a possibility of saving Shura Field, it would absolutely be more difficult to save the eldest lady.

The two grew up in different environments, and Chen Jinzhi had too few ties in this world. Looking back, he could only see him.

Chu Qingmian is different. She knows clearly how to love, and she is truly passionate about everything in the world.

Since Miss Chu possesses the healthiest and most perfect personality in the world, she would certainly not allow herself to maintain such a very morbid and absolutely unacceptable relationship.

Therefore, Su Chengyi would not ask for her forgiveness at this time.

He would rather she hate him than forgive him after she has completely given up.

Because that would be the true death and never seeing each other again, and they both knew that.

The smell of disinfectant in the ward made it difficult to breathe.

There is nothing in my stomach, but it always churns and aches.

My eyes also feel tired, my vision cannot focus and is blurry.

Chu Qingmian lowered her head in a daze, feeling that everything was wrong and making her feel extremely uncomfortable. She had just experienced the cruelest betrayal in her life, and she could have done a lot of things.

Like crying loudly, grabbing the other person's collar and asking why, ringing the bell to call the nurse over and ask her to use a needle to kill this damn liar
However, Chu Qingmian blinked and spoke:
"You go."

After saying these three words, she paused, then added without meaning to it:
"I want to sleep, I don't feel well, please go out, I don't like injections, I hate it."

As she spoke, she herself couldn't figure out what she was saying.

Su Chengyi obviously didn't understand what she was saying. He just looked at her with eyes like a pool of ink without saying a word.

Chu Qingmian didn't want to look into his eyes anymore, so she lowered her head and saw the bruises on the back of her hand.

The needle was inserted into the blood vessel and covered with a sterile cotton cloth, with a little bit of bright red blood oozing out.

I don't know what's in the drip bottle, probably glucose or something like that.

The results of the previous examination came out and the doctor said that there was nothing wrong with her. Mom and Dad breathed a sigh of relief and said they would stay here with her for a while and told her to sleep well.

She refused, because she knew that Su Chengyi would come to her later and might say something that was not suitable for her parents to hear.

In fact, from that time on, Chu Qingmian had roughly guessed what Su Chengyi would say.

In fact, she hadn't fallen asleep at all from the beginning.

He heard the "ding dong" of the elevator, heard Butler Han talking to him, heard the footsteps outside the ward gradually becoming lighter, and heard him walk to the bedside, carefully pull over a chair and sit down.

Chu Qingmian closed her eyes, but could still feel his gaze on her face, as warm and cool as ever.

She pretended to be asleep, but in fact she didn't dare to open her eyes. She didn't want to face the words she would hear next, so she had to delay time slowly.

However, when you actually hear those cruel words, you still feel that all the psychological construction is a lie and has no effect at all.

Chu Qingmian's thoughts suddenly became a little dazed, and he felt as if some pain was radiating throughout his body, so painful that he wanted to cry.

Perhaps her reaction time was as long as usual, which was why she could ask him those questions so calmly just now, causing her to have to hear more hurtful words from him again.

These layers of pain converged together, and because of the long reflex arc, it seemed as if they were infinitely slowed down in time, making every inch of pain extremely real, and I couldn't even find a direction to escape.

"Are you feeling unwell? Do you want me to call a doctor?"

The person opposite her obviously sensed her abnormality and quickly stood up, frowning and looking very worried.

Chu Qingmian raised her head and looked into his eyes, but she couldn't be sure whether her worry was true or false. After all, he was a liar with superb acting skills.

Thinking of this, Chu Qingmian suddenly stretched out his hand and forcefully pulled out the needle that had pierced his blood vessel.

Blood splattered onto the white sheets of the bed, bright and eye-catching.

Su Chengyi reacted quickly. He snatched the needle from her hand and threw it aside, then picked up the sterilized cotton cloth next to it and pressed it on the wound on the back of her hand to stop the bleeding.

"What are you doing?"

Su Chengyi lowered his head and looked at her with a frown.

He was usually very afraid of the pain and was very reluctant to get a vaccination, but he was not very careful when he pulled out the needle just now. The needle was very sharp and must have caused a very long wound.

He was thinking about whether he should call a doctor right away to deal with it, but Chu Qingmian's tears burst out again, making him unable to do anything for the time being.

At this moment, she suddenly put her arms around his waist and buried her tears in him.

"The injections won't work."

Su Chengyi was slightly startled, and stroked the back of her head like he was stroking a kitten, and asked:

"Why do you say it's useless?"

"pain."

Chu Qingmian didn't want to look up, but just said sullenly.

"Where does it hurt? Can you describe it specifically? Where is it? Is it dull or stabbing? Does it come and go or is it constant?"

Su Chengyi was indeed a little worried and asked questions rapidly.

After all, he had already experienced an accident and was now facing a Shura field. His emotions were fluctuating greatly, and who knows what problems might have really arisen.

Thinking of this, Su Chengyi glanced at the bell, moved his feet, and immediately prepared to press it.

"It's like... growing pains."

Her answer made Su Chengyi's raised hand freeze in mid-air, and after a while, it slowly dropped down.

Chu Qingmian originally thought that her "growing pains" had ended when she was eighteen.

Unexpectedly, the real growing pains would arrive so late on such a winter day, forcing her to say goodbye to Su Chengyi every minute and every second.

The pain was so unbearable that she just wanted to curl up and escape from reality, not wanting to face anything.

Su Chengyi stood beside the bed and could do nothing except pat her back gently to comfort her.

If Chen Jinzhi's farewell was the words "Let me go", then the eldest lady's farewell would probably be every tear she sheds at this moment.

Her trembling, fear and heartbreak were all conveyed to Su Chengyi's heart through these tears, no matter how big or small.

The bridge between people is indeed built through tears.

Su Chengyi thought silently.

Chu Qingmian suddenly pushed him away gently, raised her head, and her beautiful glass-like eyes were bloodshot.

"If I had known this would happen, I wouldn't have spoken to you at the subway station that day."

As soon as she finished speaking, the two of them seemed to be back at the subway station that day.

That day, Su Chengyi had not yet recovered from his sudden rebirth and was leaning against the wall in a daze.

That day, Chu Qingmian pulled the strap of his schoolbag and observed him curiously for a long time. Finally, he couldn't help but come forward and asked him with a smile what was wrong and why he looked like he had lost his soul.

All those memories that he couldn't recall no matter how hard he tried, suddenly revived in Su Chengyi's mind.

A subway train whizzed past me, and past scenes flashed by like a kaleidoscope.

Countless fragments of memory fluttered and shattered like the final Easter egg shot in a movie.

The first time I saw those smiling eyes after my rebirth, I mustered up the courage to hand over the strawberry milk.

The first snow falling on her eyelashes aroused her heartbeat, and the Christmas song "Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence".

The brilliant starry sky seen from the base camp of Mount Everest, and the herds of whales suddenly leaping high above the sea of ​​floating ice.

The sleepy good morning kiss every morning, the pleasant smell of fructose on the hair, the unconscious whispers when feeding the stray kittens, and the "like" that is always on her forehead.

So, Su Chengyi finally stood in the subway station of rebirth again.

This time, there was no bright-eyed, white-toothed girl tilting her head and laughing softly. Only the sound of the whistling wind pierced through the lonely soul.

Loving every moment of your life is like a subway passing by.

(End of this chapter)