I'm mentally retarded, who asked me to join Rules Monster Talk?

Chapter 305 Walking on the Road of Life

At the beginning, Xiao Yi suddenly realized that he had not seen Eve for a long time.

At first, he thought that the time between each time they met was extended again. Although he felt a little empty in his heart, he didn't pay too much attention to it.

Then, as time went by, Xiao Yi realized more and more that his original thoughts were just a kind of self-comfort.

That sister...is really gone forever.

When Xiao Yi realized this, he didn't cry or lose his mind. He just stood there blankly, motionless.

There were so many emotions in his heart that he didn't know which emotion to vent. He also couldn't figure out which emotion was the most important.

She had left him, and he was alone again.

It is not a romantic blank ending like in the story, but a reality that is solid, clear-cut, and terrifyingly clear.

At that time, Xiao Yi was confused and learned what everyone must learn when growing up, and it is also an ability that must be learned to survive.

At that time, Xiao Yi had great hope that he could forget all this.

No matter how spicy it was, it didn't matter if it made me cry uncontrollably.

"Uh..." Xiao Yi wiped his mouth, just looked at it indifferently, and then said indifferently: "No wonder this time it feels not only bile, but also the stomach is about to be vomited. It seems that the stomach is vomiting." It’s bleeding.”

As soon as he regained consciousness, he began to vomit uncontrollably.

Moreover, the vomit had a bright red color.

"I just want to forget it for a short time and taste the feeling of happiness that is out of reach. Do I have to go through such pain? This person's life... is really boring."

"Choose it yourself?"

He could only keep cursing his brain, why didn't it always follow him? Why do you always have to go against yourself?
From this, Xiao Yi even began to hate that he had the ability to think. He wished he could cut out his brain so that he no longer had to think about those things.

But, he couldn't do it.

However, even in a dream, he saw her again.

In the haze, half awake and half drunk, Xiao Yi not only forgot his loneliness, but even felt...a feeling called happiness.

Forget about your loneliness, and you won’t be so scared even if you are alone.

Then, just as Xiao Yi sighed helplessly, he suddenly felt his head being picked up by a gentle force.

Then, he collapsed directly to the ground, rubbing his head, his face full of pain.

Xiao Yi thought he was dreaming. His consciousness was still hazy, so it wouldn't be surprising if he was dreaming.

She smiled at Xiao Yi, and that smile was full of bitterness, helplessness and guilt, but she was still smiling, showing Xiao Yi the familiar smile in her memory.

That's...escape.

Xiao Yi didn't care at all about this. He was just like an irrelevant passerby passing by, not caring about his own affairs.

"...Let me sleep. No, forget it. When you are half asleep and half awake, it will be more painful than usual to realize that you are going to die eventually."

He told himself so, and then poured alcohol into his mouth without hesitation.

Then, I felt a softness and warmth on the back of my head.

Xiao Yi opened his eyes in shock, and then, under the cool white moonlight, he saw the familiar face again.

However, that happiness is always fleeting, and what follows is immense pain.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!"

Therefore, Xiao Yi didn't want to continue to regret it. Even if it was just a dream, he wanted to tell her what was in his heart and what he regretted not being able to say.

The pain of hangover kept tingling Xiao Yi's nerves.

There is no need to taste the taste. The taste of wine is just that. The important thing is the effect of alcohol.

Late one night, Xiao Yi couldn't remember what he was doing before, and he didn't want to think about it.

"I'm sorry..." she said, "I have caused you such pain..."

"No, it's not your fault," he said. "It was my choice to do this."

The sour and astringent sticky substance poured out of the mouth and did not stop for a long time.

However, memory cannot be easily controlled by subjective consciousness, and more than that, the various sober thoughts that always pop up when he is alone make Xiao Yi feel extremely painful.

"It hurts... it feels like someone stabbed my temple through with a screwdriver."

Then, Xiao Yi began to use alcohol to numb himself.

Xiao Yi took a long breath. As his consciousness gradually cleared, the things he originally didn't want to think about emerged from his mind again.

However, no one taught Xiao Yi how to escape, so he could only adopt the worst way to escape.

At the same time, that gentle, familiar touch flowed through Xiao Yi's hair.

"..."

Xiao Yi wanted to get up, but after exerting all his strength, he was unable to get up in the end, and the back of his head hit the hard ground again.

"...Yeah, even if it's just a temporary forgetfulness."

"...!"

"Yes." Xiao Yi explained slowly: "I have known for a long time that alcohol will bring me such pain, and I have experienced it personally more than once, but even so, I still chose to do this ”

"Why?" she asked.

"Because I want to confirm that I still exist here." Xiao Yi said: "The so-called existence of a person is to be seen by others and to be connected with others. The so-called person is the sum of all social relationships, and this is generally the case. I mean."

"It is precisely because of the connection with others that people can live in this world. However, if that connection is cut off a little bit, a person's existence will lose a little bit, and a little bit will die, and the little will add up. Until you are completely dead."

"I'm afraid of that, so I've been avoiding contact with people. During your absence, I've been alone...because if you don't have contact, you won't lose it."

"However, loneliness is so terrible. No one can prove that he is still alive or know whether he is still alive. When he really leaves this world, no one knows that he has left with nothing. When I am alone I can’t stop thinking about these profound and painful things, so I have to find a way to prove that I still exist even if I am alone.”

"Then, in the hazy state of intoxication, I saw another me. He was probably the one who never listened to me and always worked against me. My brain, right? My brain is a completely different existence from me. Therefore, he can prove my existence, and at the same time, he can also help me bear the emotions that I want to forget, and... I also give him the ability to think that makes me think wildly. "

"This is why I feel happy when I am intoxicated, because I can be sure that I am still alive... In the near future, I believe that even if I no longer drink, I can still enter that state. Human consciousness is carried in matter Above, so if I work harder, I can change my own consciousness. In that case, I can survive even if I am alone..." "Without the ability to think, I will probably become a retarded person. Well. But that’s fine, I don’t want the life I’ve met with you to end. I want my life to continue.”

"..." Listening to Xiao Yi's words, tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, "You are really amazing, you are different from me. I haven't accomplished anything yet, and I keep asking you to I'm sorry for the pain... I'm sorry."

"There is no need for you to apologize." Xiao Yi looked at her and said very seriously: "...Rather, I must say thank you. Thanks to you, I have a reason to live."

"...!" She looked at Xiao Yi in shock.

Then, as if she thought of something, she finally really laughed.

"..." Seeing her smile, Xiao Yi also smiled happily, and then slowly said: "Thank you... for being able to stay with me when I was abandoned. Also, family members are not related by blood. Come and get in touch...Thank you for giving me a family. And...last thing, thank you for giving me a place to go back to."

"Ah..." After saying this, Xiao Yi made a satisfied voice, "I finally said it. I wanted to tell you these words before. I thought I wouldn't have the chance, so I regretted it very much. Why didn't I say it earlier? Fortunately... this regret has been made up for. "

"Well..." She nodded lightly towards Xiao Yi, "I already know what you think."

"Really? That's good..."

As soon as he finished speaking, Xiao Yi slowly closed his eyes under the package of satisfaction and no regrets.

……

"……ha!"

The next day, Xiao Yi suddenly stood up from the bed!

However, there was still nothing around, and the scene remained unchanged.

"...It is indeed a dream."

Xiao Yi got up from the bed, but immediately found that the mess he made yesterday had disappeared. He didn't know if it had been cleaned by someone, or if it had never happened from the beginning.

"Has she been here? Or was it all my dream from the beginning?"

Xiao Yi couldn't figure it out, but he looked at the empty room and understood that he still had to live alone from now on.

But compared to before, one thing has changed, that is, Xiao Yi's heart is not as painful as before.

After that, Xiao Yi separated his past emotions from his ability to think as he wished, and lived alone until...the day when the rule monster came.

……

"..."

Xiao Yi opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was the figure of the woman named Regret.

"Welcome back." Regret said, "How do you feel?"

"It's like having a long dream." Xiao Yi said, "Besides, I also figured out a lot of things."

For example... why did he have such feelings for Eve when he met Eve in Rules and Ghost Stories, so much so that he called her mother.

Because, subconsciously, he regarded the forgotten woman as an existence like his mother.

And...it became clear why I always had an idea and broke through when I encountered difficulties in challenging the rules and monsters.

That's because I have regained the ability to think, so I have the possibility to break the situation.

Since then, Xiao Yi has often said, "My brain and I are not the same person," which is actually a hint to himself.

If it comes to a critical moment, or when Xiao Yi wants to think, his hidden thinking ability will appear.

But those are not important. There is only one thing that Xiao Yi cares about most now.

Therefore, Xiao Yi immediately asked: "...Where is she? Where did she go? Why isn't she here?"

"...Don't get excited." Regret said, "She is in the garden outside. As for why she doesn't appear in front of you, it's because she hasn't sorted out her thoughts yet."

"...!" Xiao Yi didn't say anything more and immediately rushed out the door.

"...Let's move forward." Regret looked at his back and smiled happily: "It's time for this story to come to an end."

What I regret most is the stories of other people’s lives.

Even if some people's lives are boring to others, with nothing to say, moaning and numbing, it is still everyone's life, irreplaceable and the most precious life.

……

"Eve..."

When I saw her again, she was standing there alone.

"Xiao Yi..."

She looked at Xiao Yi, her eyes a little evasive.

"What's wrong?" Xiao Yi came to her and asked.

"No...how should I put it?" She said with some shame: "If you think about it carefully, I actually didn't help you at all, I just stayed with you. It can be said that you got here by yourself. One step at a time, I’m useless at all. Thinking of this, I don’t know how to face you..."

"What are you talking about?" Xiao Yi smiled and said, "Didn't I already say it? You stayed with me and didn't let me be alone. That's more important than anything else."

"...Really? Yes." Eve didn't hesitate anymore. She extended her hand to Xiao Yi, "Then there's no need to waste time here anymore...just go back."

"Well..." Xiao Yi held her hand.

Although they did not have a stable place to live, Xiao Yi could still understand what Eve meant by going back.

The concept of home is not about residence, but... home is where you are when you are around someone.

He and she once went on a journey together, witnessed the lives of all kinds of people, and then left, left other people's lives, and returned to his own life.

Their home is on that strolling road. Speaking of which, isn’t everyone’s home located on a walking road?
Therefore, when Eve said that they would go back to their destination, there was no exact place to live, but Xiao Yi could still understand what the destination she was talking about was.

It’s not about stopping or standing still, nor is it about rushing forward or looking back at the footprints left by the past, it’s just a leisurely stroll.

Here, in this place, Xiao Yi stood on the road of his life, thinking about this and that while looking at the sky and walking slowly.

They walked side by side on a lonely road that started and ended...

The ending has not yet been reached, this is Xiao Yi’s story so far.

(End of this chapter)