Iron Snow Clouds

Chapter 3113 (Three Thousand One Hundred and Thirteen)

Li Pingrun thought of his grandmother and his sister Li Gengmi, and felt that he should not be the kind of person who lacked that kind of courage.

He thought: Something must have worn away my courage... I now think that even if I could realize the injustice to the Blue Armored People back then, I would only dare to say something secretly, not do anything secretly, let alone say or do anything openly. The reason why I think this way now is because the person who thinks this is me now, right? It is me now who is imagining what I would have done in the past, right? If it were me in the past, would I not dare to say it secretly or do it openly in that situation? Actually, not necessarily. When I first worked for the patriarch, I should not be as timid as I am now, right? If I stayed in an environment where I could be punished at any time for a long time, would my courage fly away and my courage become smaller? But if I didn't become timid, could I, who works for the patriarch, really have survived until now?
Li Pingrun thought about the times when he was afraid of death, afraid of being punished, and even afraid of being blamed. Then he thought about the time when he knew that his sister's death was indeed related to him and he no longer wanted to stay in this world. He felt a lot of emotion again.

He thought: I am such a person... Actually, it is normal to have a desire to live... I was so afraid of death at that time, but later I became afraid of living... Why does the same person have such different reactions before and after? When I was afraid of death, was I greedy for everything I got that would disappear with my death? When I was afraid of living, did I want to avoid pain? However, later on, if I still greedy for everything I got, why did I want to escape from the world? Which is more important to me, avoiding pain or greed for what I got? Is it avoiding pain? Maybe! But... In fact, sometimes greed itself will cause inner pain. I just feel that if I stop, I will lose everything, and if I don't stop, I will also lose everything? No, I still feel guilty, a strong guilt towards my Geng Mi. Perhaps my most serious pain comes from the fact that even if I regret what I did in the past, it will be useless. I can't let my sister who died because of me return to this world? What am I afraid of?
Li Gengmi thought about it over and over again, but still couldn't figure it out completely, so he stopped thinking about it.

He began to think: Geng Mi asked me to live well, and I seemed to understand something all of a sudden. Of course, all this was inseparable from what Elder Tie said before. Every time I promised a powerful person in the Tiecang tribe to do something with magic, regardless of whether the thing has been completed, I have to pay the corresponding price, and Geng Mi will also suffer more. In fact, I knew about this matter after my sister passed away and before I saw her letter, but after I promised the chieftain, I couldn't do it steadily when I had to do it. Now think about it, some obsessions that should be let go must be let go. Whether I do it or not, I have already promised, and the consequences have already occurred. Repeated struggles in my heart will make me look abnormal. If I can't do the things I have promised, other things will arise. If other things arise because of this, and cause other consequences that would not have occurred originally, from a certain perspective, I am also sorry for my sister.

(End of this chapter)