From the end of the world

Chapter 540 Dream Incarnation Zhuang Cheng
In the past, Xiaowan prayed with the power of heaven and earth, hoping that someone could save Ma Zao from loneliness and pain and bring happiness to the unfortunate girl.

This devout prayer may have even led to my meeting with Ma Zao and started our story.

But after that, I just used Ma Zao to achieve my own wishes.

Judging from the results alone, Ma Zao may have gained a lot of happiness in the process. However, as a bystander and also as a possible curtain raiser of this story, Xiao Wan cannot allow this unequal situation to continue.

She hoped that I would choose the latter between doomsday and anesthesia.

Although I have made such an evaluation of the doomsday era before, I know very well that the so-called "doomsday era" is just "a part of the process of the end of the world". The overwhelming terror, destruction, and despair are still to come, and that is the real highlight. Even so, if the question is limited to "should we prevent the doomsday or promote the doomsday", there is still some room for hesitation.

Working with partners to prevent the apocalypse is also a good path - I have seriously thought about this in the past.

However, if “ending the apocalypse” also means “ending all weirdness,” then my choice is obvious.

Even though I know that such a choice will actually make me isolated and abandoned by my friends and relatives.

"In Brother Zhuang Cheng's heart, Sister Ma Zao is just a tool to satisfy his desires... just a very convenient object?" Xiao Wan continued to ask.

of course not.

Even though I have made this decision, hemp still occupies a very important position in my heart.

But in the eyes of others, things may not be like this. In this ultimate choice between two options, you have already firmly chosen the other side. No matter how much you say that the other side is important to you, it seems hypocritical. What a person does is more important than what he says. This is a commonplace aphorism in ancient and modern times, both in China and abroad, and I have always been taught this way.

Language is just a tool to express one's inner thoughts. The listener will digest and understand it from his or her own subjective perspective, and more or less process it into a result that is different from what the speaker intended to express. The truth is often misinterpreted by others when spoken, and may also receive feedback of misunderstanding.

Therefore, I won't explain too much to those who look at me incomprehensibly. It would be best if they can understand me. If they don't, then they don't have to understand me, or they want to misinterpret my inner thoughts in their own way. As long as they don't block me and prevent me from doing things, they are free to see me however they want.

However, I may have a slightly different view on Xiao Wan. Somehow, I always have a deeper sincerity towards Xiao Wan than towards Ma Zao and Zhu Shi, and I express my sincerity to her much more than to others. This may be because Xiao Wan can really sense my heart. I may have unconsciously developed a strange sense of dependence and the urge to confide in her... to this little girl.

Could it be that Ma Zao also had similar feelings for Xiao Wan? Although Ma Zao certainly didn't know that Xiao Wan had the power to sense other people's emotions, she might have gained some indescribable comfort from this particularly sensible child.

"I like Ma Zao, and that won't change," I said.

"But Brother Zhuang Cheng's love for Sister Ma Zao is based on exploitation. If Sister Ma Zao wasn't useful to you, you wouldn't have liked her from the beginning, right?" Xiao Wan asked, "If Sister Ma Zao had lost her power as a jinx, would you still like her?"

I stretched out my hand towards the small bowl, she looked at it in confusion, then cooperated by stretching out her hand.

Then I gently held her small hand and gave my answer.

"I will," I said.

I must admit that my love for Ma Zao is due to many factors. If one of these factors disappears, I may not like Ma Zao as much as before. Sometimes I feel that this love is mixed with impurities and cannot be regarded as pure love. But I don't think there is anything wrong with this.

I don’t pursue purity in interpersonal relationships, or rather, I think the pursuit of pure emotions is pathological. The emotions between people are inherently complex and mixed.

Some people think that if they like someone because of their looks, wealth, ability, temperament and other "factors that may change in the future", they cannot be considered to really like the other person, but only like these factors that the other person has. However, if all the "factors that may change in the future" including the looks, wealth, ability and temperament of a person are removed, what will be left of the other person? What exactly does the so-called "liking the other person" refer to?
Although I also think that the pure feelings described in romance stories are very beautiful, I don't yearn for them. If the feelings I have change over time, I will just re-explore their position later. If we are destined to separate, I will convince myself to accept it.

When I realize my inner mistakes and contradictions, I often don’t choose to correct them, because these mistakes and contradictions are also part of my soul. Similarly, even if I realize that there are impurities of unromanticism in my feelings for Ma Zao, I will not choose to remove them. Because this is my original feeling for Ma Zao. This feeling is the original truth that flows out of me.

I will not pursue pure emotions, and I will not be entangled in pain because my emotions are not pure enough. I don't intend to immerse myself in the kind of romantic psychological activities, because I want to be the protagonist of an adventure story, not the protagonist of a romance story.

What is really bad is the mind that is worried about gains and losses, not being able to embrace when it should be embraced, and not being able to let go when it should be let go. From this perspective, I can't say that I have done it perfectly, but I will not change my opinion.

I told Xiaowan all these thoughts, and at the same time, through holding her hand, I tried to convey all my feelings to her. I believe that she can feel it at this moment and can truly touch my true heart.

Xiaowan's face showed astonishment. She may value feelings more than I do, and she may also value the purity of feelings. Even if she can feel my thoughts, she may not accept them all. Even if people can understand each other, they may not reach an agreement, because it is not a question of whether they can understand each other, but a difference in values. But if you don't say it, you will never take the first step.

After a moment, Xiaowan seemed to have figured something out. He slowly calmed down and his body relaxed.

"If you can't accept my pursuit of doomsday and weirdness, or even my enmity with Ma Zao, then you can leave me. I won't stop you." I said, "But before that, at least let me help you solve the problem of the Great Demon of Disaster."

"Brother Zhuang Cheng, you actually want to attract the Demon of Disaster through me." Xiaowan pointed out.

“That’s part of the reason,” I said.

"Actually, Brother Zhuang Cheng, I don't really care whether the end of the world will come, or what the world and the future will be like. I just hope that Sister Ma Zao and you can be happy."

These words that sounded unorthodox seemed to be spoken not only to me, but also to herself. She might be organizing her thoughts through words.

Then, she seemed to have made a very critical decision.

She looked me straight in the eye and said in a firm tone, "…So I have decided that I will not leave you. On the contrary, I will continue to stand by your side and continue to assist you."

"Why?" I asked incomprehensibly, "I said I would be your sister Ma Zao's enemy, but you still believe that I can make Ma Zao happy?"

"Of course I will trust you, because in my heart, you are the conclusion of my prayers - the embodiment of my dreams."

Xiao Wan still held my hand. She slowly changed her gestures, interlocking her small and soft hands with my fingers, and continued, "So, this is not only about trusting Brother Zhuang Cheng, but also trusting myself.

"I want to believe... no matter what happens in the future, you and Sister Maha will definitely have a happy ending."

I never thought that even if I said this, Xiaowan would still stand on my side.

I have clearly prepared myself to be deserted by everyone and determined to move forward alone on this crazy road to doomsday, but there are still people willing to stick with me?
Is this kind of thing... possible?

Seeing that I was puzzled, Xiaowan smiled and said, "Of course, I said this for a further reason. Brother Zhuang Cheng, you said before that the Gospel Institute may have a way to travel freely between your original era and the Doomsday Era... In fact, this method may not exist, right?"

"...Yes." I said, "Time travel is not easy, and free travel is even more difficult. Huang Quan, who appeared in the modern world, may only have a one-way ticket from the apocalyptic era to the modern world. He himself may not be able to return to the apocalyptic era again.

"Although No. 7 said that she could bring me back to the modern world, she didn't say that this method could also bring me back to the apocalypse."

In Luo Shan's information, at most there are records of people from the past accidentally going to the future, or people from the future accidentally going to the past, but there has never been any record of being able to "travel freely between the past and the future."

Even if I have to force an example, there is only one such example in the world.

That is the mountain that can reincarnate in the past, the future, and between countless worlds.

"In this situation, you still can only choose between the doomsday era and the era you are originally in. However, on this issue that should have been decided quickly like just now, you were unable to make a decision in the first time, right?" Xiaowan asked.

It seems that she saw more than I thought through the contact just now. Maybe this is not something that can be done under normal circumstances, because just now I was thinking about opening my heart to her, so this excessive result occurred.

Xiao Wan continued, "Before that, before you came into contact with Lady No. 7 and thought that the Gospel House might have mastered the method of freely traveling between the two eras, you were already hesitating whether to stay in the End Times...

"Since you, Brother Zhuang Cheng, were so determined to be the enemy of Sister Ma Zao just now, why did you hesitate on this issue before? Is it because Sister Ma Zao is being threatened by Ming Zhuo?

"It's OK to be an enemy of Sister Ma Zao, but it's not OK to abandon Sister Ma Zao who is threatened by Ming Zhu?"

(End of this chapter)