The big man has a living father

Chapter 93 The First Crosstalk in History

No, there shouldn't be an extra ancient word now. He is Egyptian! Is he a subordinate of the Pharaoh?
Huo Hai was not familiar with history. He had no idea that there were records of Egypt and Africa in the history of the Han Dynasty, let alone that Emperor Liu Che had sent envoys to the Persian Kingdom of Daxia. He was just shocked to see a living Egyptian appear before his eyes.

It must have been many years since this guy left Egypt.

What is the situation in the Mediterranean now? Is Greece still there? Is Rome still a hundred or eighty years away from entering the imperial era?
Although the design of this program is very clever and advanced, Huo Hai's mind is not on it at all.

Is the person on the stage who looks like a Han Chinese really an Egyptian?

The person on the stage kept performing, saying that the previous person danced wrong, and then insisted that the previous person didn't dance well enough. In the end, I reluctantly memorized the movements and danced the whole thing over again.

Then, the first person proposed: "Each of us should pay tribute to the respected and great Emperor Han in our native language."

As soon as he said it, the audience was already laughing.

The power of repetition is comedy. When the same routine is performed for the third time, the audience is already laughing before the performance even begins.

Dongfang Shuo: "These actors from the Western Regions are really amazing."

Isn't it amazing? This group of people have gotten here because they must have played this joke countless times along the way. Every time they go to a new place, they can level up.

I estimate that this program has been polished for at least five, six, seven or eight years.

On this road to the Western Regions, everyone travels here for business, and everyone will take the path that they are confident of.

To be sure, you should at least know the local language, right?
Other ordinary caravans travel back and forth to a fixed place, but this caravan is unique in that each member’s hometown is farther away than the other.

It only proves one thing, that everyone in this caravan is a language genius.

There is no need for any other proof. The fact that they entered the Han Dynasty from Jiuquan County and walked to Chang'an and could speak Chinese to this level is proof.

In other words, the last Egyptian could probably speak Egyptian, Parthian, Bactrian and more than a dozen other Western languages ​​at the same time!

Even if he was an Egyptian, wouldn't he be closer to Egypt than Roman or Greek?!
Moreover, this person should have a general idea of ​​the customs and habits along the way, and even the land boundaries, population, and military strength of the countries he has visited!

Fortunately, it is this era. If we go forward a few decades, when the people in the Western Regions know the terrifying national power and war capability of the Han Dynasty, he would probably die on the spot if he showed his desire to go east.

No ruler would allow him to travel east with so much intelligence, knowledge and language tools.

This person must stay!

Dongfang Shuo lowered his body beside him and asked, "Are you saying that this person is really not from our Han people? He looks similar to us, but he is even further away from the Han people than those blond and blue-eyed people?"

This is not surprising. People in the Mediterranean have black hair, and Egyptians have even darker hair, black eyes and yellow skin.

But later, people from the Caucasus moved south, and the Aryans moved south, mixing the bloodlines of West Asia and Central Asia.

But Huo Hai did not explain this: "I have seen this country in a book, do you believe it?"

Dongfang Shuo shook his head: "I don't believe it. I believe it when others say it, but I think you are making it up when you say it."

Huo Hai spread his hands: "Hmm?"

"I'm such an honest person. When have I ever lied? I'm suing you for libel! You're slandering me!"

Dongfang Shuo: "Hey, they've finished their performance, do you dare to go on stage?"

Huo Hai: “Go ahead.”

Although Liu Che had seen many actors and dwarfs, he just liked them. Today, he was even happier to see so many blond haired men. He pinched the beard at the upper corner of his mouth with his orchid finger and stroked it while smiling.

Then I saw Huo Hai and Dongfang Shuo go on stage together.

Dongfang Shuo went up.

Huo Haihai asked the palace servants to bring a square tea table with high legs, put water on it and put a piece of wood on it.

Someone in the audience started to make a noise: "Dongfang Shuo, Huo Hai, are you guys going to perform too?"

Dongfang Shuo bowed to all four sides, showing his signature funny smile: "Second Master Huo, if you insist on competing with me in comedy, let's go on stage and compete."

Huo Hai cleared the table and bowed instead of bowing: "Crosstalk actor Huo Hai, come on stage and bow."

As soon as Huo Hai said this, Dongfang Shuo reacted.

We had agreed before that whoever couldn't pick up the ball would lose.

It hasn't even started yet, and you're already attacking fiercely with the first sentence, right?
However, Dongfang Shuo reacted quickly, almost without holding back, and said directly: "Wait a minute, what is an actor, what is crosstalk, and why do you have to bow?"

Huo Hai spread his hands: "Are you educated? For an actor, the word 'act' means a long-lasting stream, which can be extended to mean practice, promotion, and development."

“An actor is someone who practices and performs crosstalk.”

"For example, the actors mentioned above can also be called burlesque dancers, and the actors can also be called dancing actors."

"This bow is, of course, a sign of respect for the audience."

Dongfang Shuo nodded: "Then I understand. Crosstalk is the voice of the prime minister. You think I can become the prime minister. So when we go on stage now, it is called crosstalk, right?"

Huo Hai: "Huh?! You are still the prime minister."

"It has nothing to do with this."

"The voice of the prime minister sounds reasonable! Then why not call it the voice of the prime minister?"

Dongfang Shuo: "I have heard the slaughtering noises. Recently, the people of Chang'an have been slaughtering a lot of pigs and dogs. I hear the cries every day."

Huo Hai: "Yeah, it has nothing to do with this."

Dongfang Shuo: "It has nothing to do with prime minister. Does the word xiang mean fortune teller? I, Dongfang Shuo, can tell fortunes and predict words. Who doesn't know that? So you call this part of our story crosstalk?"

Huo Hai held up a piece of paper with the word "crosstalk" written on it: "Are you cultured?"

"The word 'Xiang' in 'Xiangsheng' means 'looking like', which means 'like the voice of someone else'."

"I imitate other people's voices, words and jokes. I perform the interesting things I have seen and heard on stage. That's called crosstalk."

"Hey, do you understand?"

Dongfang Shuo said to the audience with a funny face: "You still say others are uneducated. You can't even tell the difference between the word 'prime minister's appearance' and 'look-alike'. Have you ever been educated?"

Huo Hai raised his thumb to the audience and pointed his nose at Dongfang Shuo: "I learned this from the General of the Cavalry. Have I ever been proud of it?!"

The audience burst into laughter.

Everyone in Chang'an knew that everyone had laughed at Huo Hai for learning to read from the General of Cavalry.

As a result, Huo Hai is now showing signs of becoming a new generation of literary leader. Who dares to laugh at this?

But if you bring it up yourself and use it as a joke, that’s another matter.

Huo Qubing shouted in the audience: "You are the worst student I have ever taught!"

The crowd then laughed.

He was a professional in inciting Huo Qubing, after all, he was the leader of the gangsters on Chang'an Street and the sons of nobles.

Huo Hai waved his hands in disdain: "I heard people say that when you taught each line of soldiers, they all said that they were the worst students you had ever taught."

This is another joke.

Now people in Chang'an are laughing at how Huo Qubing, a scholar, has become Master Huo, and teaches soldiers to read and write every day.

I didn’t expect Huo Hai to bring this matter to the table for fun.

Dongfang Shuo: "General, why don't you come up and tell the story? Brothers, it's not tiring to tell crosstalk."

Huo Qubing said loudly: "If you want me to beat someone up, I can do it, but if you want me to act funny, I can't do it."

Huo Hai smiled evilly: "Too modest."

The audience laughed. So you are such a cavalry general. After the interruption, Dongfang Shuo immediately bowed and said, "Then I understand."

"Crosstalk artist Dongfang Shuo, please come on stage and bow."

Huo Hai said before that crosstalk is imitating other people's voices, which means compiling jokes heard from others and telling them together.

But the literal meaning of imitating other people's voices is to imitate what others have said. Now Dongfang Shuo reacted quickly and directly imitated Huo Hai's lines.

I didn't expect that I could use memes when delivering lines.

Huo Hai: "Are you sure you want to learn from me?"

Dongfang Shuo reacted quickly and did not answer, but asked: "Are you sure you want to learn from me?"

Huo Hai: "Okay, okay, let's play it this way, huh?"

Dongfang Shuo: "Okay, okay, let's play it this way, huh?"

Huo Hai: "I like eighteen-year-old girls!"

The audience burst into laughter.

Huo Hai will be eighteen years old next year, so it is normal for him to like an eighteen-year-old girl.

But Dongfang Shuo, do you dare to follow?
Dongfang Shuo became even more excited, with an expression that said, "I've wanted to say this for a long time but never had the chance." He raised his fist high and said, "I like eighteen-year-old girls!"

The whole audience burst into laughter.

Huo Hai was furious: "I, Dongfang Shuo, am a dog!"

Dongfang Shuo continued his excitement from the previous sentence: "I, Dongfang Shuo, am..."

He immediately braked: "I am Dongfang Shuo, an official."

Huo Hai raised his fist in excitement and immediately responded: "I, Dongfang Shuo, am a dog official!"

Puff! There was a sound of water splashing from the audience.

Dongfang Shuo turned his head to the left, but before he could do anything else, Huo Hai had already jumped several steps away: "As soon as you raised your hoof, I knew you wanted to kick me. Are you a donkey?"

Dongfang Shuo: "Of course I kick you if you scold me... You are the one who kicks, you are the donkey, this is called kicking! I will kick you to death!"

Huo Hai raised his index finger and placed it in front of his nose and eyes: "Play is play, joke is joke, don't joke about fighting."

"I am now an official, and I am telling you that fighting is not allowed in Chang'an County. If you win, you will go to jail, and if you lose, you will go to the hospital."

"We are all cultured people, and we agreed to compete with funny jokes."

Dongfang Shuo put away his playful gesture and said impatiently: "Okay, okay, come on, continue."

"You all don't know, but Huo Hai and I have agreed that we will go on stage and tell jokes to see who wins."

Dongfang Shuo felt that his sudden exposure might confuse Huo Hai.

However, Huo Hai didn't respond at all.

Although he didn't respond, he could still reply: "Wait a moment."

"Now the people in the audience are no longer called everyone. They are listening to crosstalk, so they are called audience."

Dongfang Shuo: "I understand why what we say is called crosstalk, but why are the listeners called audiences instead of listeners?"

Huo Hai: "How refreshing! Who doesn't have eyes? We are all watching, so it's called watching, not listening... Oh, yeah, I forgot that many old people have poor eyesight, but like the majority, it's called watching."

"There are many people watching, and many people make a crowd. Is there anything wrong with watching, crowd, and audience?"

Dongfang Shuo: "Oh, so there are audiences like this? If there are only two people watching, then it won't be a crowd anymore, and won't be called an audience anymore? Why not call it a spectator?"

Huo Hai: "Yes, there is only one person watching, it is called watching people."

Dongfang Shuo: "Oh, the person who is watching is called a spectator, then what is the person who is watching a good family called?"

Huo Hai knew that Dongfang Shuo was making a joke, but he couldn't break the rules. After all, he was telling a crosstalk, so he had to bite the bullet and say, "My dear."

Dongfang Shuo was satisfied and said loudly and slowly: "Hey!"

No one realized what the joke was or why there was a sudden "ah".

Dongfang Shuo continued: "My lady."

The group of people then realized that Huo Hai was talking about Guan Ren, and Dongfang Shuo agreed to be his "beloved husband", so he called her "wife" because many people in that era would call their husbands "beloved husband".

The whole audience burst into laughter.

Huo Hai was a little surprised. You are indeed the originator of crosstalk. You can easily take advantage of ethical jokes. "Is that how you play it?!"

Dongfang Shuo finally got the upper hand. He put his hands on his hips and laughed: "Hahahahahaha."

"This is not in-depth. I don't really want to take advantage of this. Let's get back to business. When we go on stage to perform crosstalk, we are called crosstalk performers, and everyone else is called the audience. So what are we working so hard for?"

Huo Hai: "Of course it's to make money. Today is the first time we're doing crosstalk, so let's talk about the rules."

"Whoever finds the performance entertaining, funny, or hilarious can throw money onto the stage."

Liu Che laughed loudly and said: "You still need to pay me. What if I don't give you money?"

Huo Hai clapped his hands, his face full of grief: "Then this is not freeloading?"

Before anyone at the scene could react, Dongfang Shuo had already stepped aside and covered Huo Hai's mouth: "Hey, hey, hey! Tell me everything! The historian is taking note!"

Everyone understood what "freeloading" meant.

It means visiting a prostitute without paying!

"Xiao" means playing. Which one of them doesn't cost money? If you don't pay, it's just free sex, right?

You have to pay to play there, otherwise it's just a waste of time.

A group of people burst into laughter.

Many people looked at the historian.

The person recording the scene today was Sima Qian. Sima Qian felt that if he didn't use some humor at this moment, he might not be able to calm the situation, so he said seriously: "How do you write the word 嫖?"

Dongfang Shuo and Huo Hai: "Delete this, don't record it."

Sima Qian was also humorous: "Well... you have to pay, otherwise it's like taking advantage of it!"

Someone in the crowd shouted: "It doesn't matter how the word 'whore' is written, let's first figure out how much the whore costs."

Huo Hai pointed at the audience and said, "Hey! That guy, you're using a pun again, right?! Puns will be penalized! Dongfang Shuo's pun just now will also be penalized!"

Dongfang Shuo: "You are obsessed with money, right?"

The audience burst into laughter again.

This kind of crosstalk was only performed in the early Han Dynasty. If it were performed in any later dynasty, everyone would have to act solemnly, no one would laugh, and everyone would criticize it for being too vulgar.

Only in the early Han Dynasty, things were so free and unrestrained that everyone quickly accepted this form of performance.

They even learned it and cooperated with it!

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(End of this chapter)