Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 20: Fake Emotional Recovery (Please continue reading)
Across from me was a man who looked to be in his thirties, with stylishly styled hair and a lean physique—no, not "lean," but rather "skinny."

However, the clothes this person was wearing all looked like they were from good brands, not like someone who was struggling financially.

"Hello."

As is customary, Nan Zhuren was the first to greet them.

"Hello." In response to Nan Zhuren's greeting, the other person instinctively asked, "What's your name?"

My surname is Nan.

"Oh, it's Teacher Nan."

The other person was also sizing up Nan Zhuren, and after scanning him up and down, exclaimed in surprise, "Teacher Nan is very young."

She then added, "He's also very handsome."

Nan Zhuren made a gesture of being praised and complimented, raising the corners of her mouth by three degrees.

While it's true that the other person was praising me, their demeanor was indeed rather strange.

As someone with above-average looks, Nan Zhuren is very familiar with the expression she should have when others genuinely praise her.

Leaving aside distant examples, the expressions of Lu Jia, Shen Bing, and other colleagues are enough for Nan Zhuren to build a corresponding expression database.

But his expression was different from others; it didn't seem to be one of appreciation for his appearance.

[On the contrary... do I look a bit like Supervisor Weng and Boss Huo when they look at me?]

Nan Zhuren asked, "How should I address you?"

“My surname is Huang,” the visitor added, while still scrutinizing Nan Zhuren’s face. “I’m a bar owner.”

Nan Zhuren tried her best to maintain her smile.

Now I can interpret the other person's expression.

"Then I'll call you 'Boss Huang'."

After the basic self-introduction, the most basic counseling relationship was established.

At this point, Nan Zhuren paused for two or three seconds.

This time, he didn't need to think of a way to start the conversation; Boss Huang took the initiative to initiate the topic: "Someone as handsome as Teacher Nan must have had a lot of romantic experiences, right? Very pure ones, the kind of romances that have nothing to do with work or money."

Nan Zhuren paused for a moment with a smile, then avoided the question, choosing to change direction: "I heard from my assistant that Boss Huang wants to try to win back his lover, is that right?"

"Correct."

"Would it be convenient for me to know more about your current situation?"

Upon hearing this, Boss Huang immediately launched into a long-winded explanation.

"It's still quite embarrassing to admit, after all, I'm quite old and have definitely seen a lot of things, but I'm here for psychological counseling because of a woman... no, because of a girl."

Nan Zhuren prompted at the opportune moment: "What kind of girl is she?"

Mr. Huang started talking even more.

“I’m the bar owner, and she came to work for me when she was nineteen. She was very young then and didn’t know anything, so I taught her a lot of things, and then, slowly, well…”

"Love grows over time?"

"No, there was no emotion involved, but anyway... we did it!"

"Oh." Nan Zhuren blinked.

“Many times,” Mr. Huang added, then continued:
"Then, Ms. Nan, you might not understand the nature of our industry. These kinds of things don't really involve emotions. I certainly have more than just her as an employee, and anyway, during this time, I did some things that might have hurt her..."

Nan Zhuren maintained her composure and observed the other person: [Her expression betrayed regret.]

However, the way you speak can easily create industry stereotypes.

"And I don't usually pay much attention to her. For example, she told me a few times not to go in, but I still went in anyway... Teacher Nan, as a man, you should understand, right?"

You are now creating gender stereotypes for men as well.

Fortunately, at this stage of the conversation, it was no longer necessary to maintain a professional smile.

Nan Zhuren frowned very naturally:

"You've used 'before' several times, referring to things from the past. What about the current situation?"

Mr. Huang nodded: "It was indeed several years ago. She is twenty-two years old now. Our relationship has been like this for the past few years, well, it's unclear."

“Mainly because she does her job very well, I promoted her to manager a long time ago. And over the years, she has also used this position to get to know a lot of other people and has acquired a lot of resources.”

Nan Zhuren observed the other person's expression: [The regret on their face is even more pronounced now.]

"As a result, the economic situation was not good recently, and the bar business was much worse, so everyone was making less money."

"Just then, she suddenly said she wanted to leave." Mr. Huang's expression was inscrutable. "I never thought she was important to me before, even though I'm over thirty and I've never considered finding a proper girlfriend or anything like that."

"But now that she's saying she's leaving, I suddenly panicked. I just realized... I've fallen in love. Teacher Nan, you can understand this feeling, right?" Ha, my understanding might be a little different from yours.

They wanted to build a career with you, but now you want to build a romantic relationship with them.

Or are you actually trying to use emotional manipulation to advance your career?

……

Having confirmed the story, I know I'm someone who can't empathize.

The professional skills of counselors are still too limited.

Nan Zhuren began to think about which direction the next round of consultations should take.

Mr. Huang continued to pour out his heart: "During this time, I tried to persuade her to stay and made promises to her, but she wouldn't listen. She just treated me like a businessperson and was determined to leave."

“I really have no one to talk to, so I came here to do this, um, psychological counseling. And I also hope to find a male counselor, because I think men understand these things a little better.”

Nan Zhuren frowned and pursed her lips.

Male gender stereotypes are going to get even more pronounced!

"I never expected Mr. Nan to be so handsome. He must have a lot of experience in handling relationship problems, right? I'd like to ask Mr. Nan for advice on how to win her back in this situation."

I can't teach you, and even if I could, I wouldn't really want to.

But this consultation still needs to be completed seriously.

Let me think about how to scold you in a way that will also make you feel grateful.

Nan Zhuren observed Boss Huang's expression.

[A slight furrow in the brow, eyes raised at the corners, fists clenched. It's an expression of pain, and also a sense of urgency.]

There was no evidence of lying in his previous statements, and his emotional expression was consistent with his language.

At least he genuinely wanted to "win back his ex."

Or perhaps... he feels he wants to "win back his ex"?

Nan Zhuren's thoughts began to collide, and what Boss Huang had said earlier began to be sorted out in his mind.

A logical path gradually emerges.

My thinking is clear now.

Nan Zhuren suddenly said, "You mentioned before that 'the overall economic situation is not good, and the bar's business has suffered a lot.' Could you elaborate?"

Nan Zhuren did not follow the visitor's request and actually offer any advice on how to salvage the relationship.

But Boss Huang didn't care at all. Instead, he seemed to have received some affirmation and attention, and continued to speak in accordance with Nan Zhuren's words.

Repeating what the other person said before to divert their attention, or choosing a direction to delve deeper into the topic according to your own ideas, is a conversational technique.

It's called a "repeated statement".

This principle can be applied not only in consultations but also in daily life.

Of course, repetition must be accurate, and the choice of target for repetition is crucial; otherwise, it will have the opposite effect. In particular, the choice of repetition target must be just right, scratching the itch perfectly.

The part that Nan Zhuren is repeating now is what he considers the key point of the consultation.

……

“Teacher Nan, you need to understand that our industry is rather ‘special’,” Boss Huang said in a rather tactful way.

"Many rules that didn't exist before have suddenly appeared now; many rules that existed before were as good as non-existent, but now they may suddenly become important."

"With all these constant changes, it's really hard for us to do business. We might be making a lot of money yesterday, but today we could be losing everything..."

Nan Zhuren's eyes suddenly narrowed.

That's the feeling!

[It was also painful and distressing, exactly the same as when he first tried to salvage the relationship!]

Nan Zhuren understood.

This consultation can now conclude.

Nan Zhuren began to take over the discourse:

"Mr. Huang, what I'm about to say may be hard for you to accept, but it's a judgment I've made based on my professional experience."

"Excuse me for being blunt, but you have no intention of salvaging this 'relationship' at all."

"Or rather, what you want to salvage isn't 'feelings' at all!"

(End of this chapter)