For the rest of my life, please advise

Chapter 41
Sometimes life is a question mark that is too late to erase.

Life often doesn't play out according to a written script.Just when I thought I was going to be with Gu Wei day and night, I received a notice that he was going to be sent to Berlin. My brain was like a blackboard full of blackboard writing that was suddenly wiped clean by an extra-large eraser.

Engagement is "wanted to get married, but the time is too late".

After knowing that Gu Wei was going to go out to study, the two of them were silent for a while, not knowing what to say.In the evening, after taking a shower, I got out of the bathroom and was about to go to the guest room, but was pulled into his room by Gu Wei who was waiting at the door.Grandpa and the doctor's parents glanced at us, and then quickly turned their eyes to the TV.

Since the parents didn't care about it, then I didn't care about it either. I simply lay down on the bed to get sleepy. After brewing for a long time, I opened my eyelids and saw Gu Wei sitting next to me silently looking at me.

It would be a lie to say that he was willing, but the opportunity is rare, and I will regret it for him if I don't go.I stretched out my hand and squeezed his fingers: "I'll just borrow it from you for half a year, and remember to pay it back later."

I made a long list, started to prepare Gu Wei's luggage item by item, and told him to pay attention to each item.

"After going out, remember to take the key in advance when you go back to the place where you live. Don't take it at the door, it's not safe."

"Ah."

"Eat at least one piece of fruit every day."

"Ah."

"If you are not used to sleeping on the pillow, put it down a little to cushion the cervical spine."

"Ah."

"Don't forget gloves when you go out in cold weather."

"Ah."

"You should blow dry your hair after taking a shower, and you can't just wipe it with a towel."

"Ah."

Gu Wei sat on the sofa, propped his chin and looked at me, blinking his eyes.

Me: "Don't show this expression to the opposite sex outside." They will pounce on you and eat you to pieces.

Gu Wei obediently said "Yes", and then sighed softly after a while.

I was drawn to parting sorrow by that sigh, I lowered my head and slowly packed my things.Gu Wei walked over, his chin resting on the top of my head: "Half a year goes by so fast, so fast." I don't know who he is comforting.

The notice of Gu Wei going abroad to study came quite suddenly, which led to our engagement also quite suddenly.

Sansan didn't think so: "Mao Mao got engaged because he was afraid that you would run away."

Me: "Where can I go?"

Gu Wei has become accustomed to Sansan's behavior of "dividing" our "husband and wife relationship" at every turn: "Being engaged is because I wanted to get married, but the time was too late."

On the day of the engagement banquet, the atmosphere was relaxed.

During the dinner, the cousin teased: "At the beginning, Gu Wei refused to go on a blind date. We thought he was going to become a monk. When we asked him later, he said, 'Why are you on a blind date? Are you in a hurry to drink my wedding wine?' Something was wrong, under coercion and temptation, he confessed: 'I have someone I like, and I'm still chasing him.'”

I heard a very black line - Mr. Gu, where did you chase after?

Later, I asked Gu Wei why he hadn’t been on a blind date for such a long time. He said that a person’s life is only a few decades, and two people who have no emotional foundation are pinched together. They don’t want to wrong themselves or each other, so he smiled: “ I’m just waiting for the rabbit, isn’t that the end of the day?”

It is said that people are easy to get drunk when they are emotional. On the night of the engagement, I got inexplicably high without drinking much.The wine was not bad, and she had been obediently nestling next to Gu Wei, and fell asleep halfway.

When he woke up the next day, Gu Wei had already left, leaving a note: "I'll call you when we arrive."

I sat on the bed in a daze holding the note, and it took me a long time to figure it out: Gu Wei just left without even saying goodbye.

In the next twenty hours, I read books, listened to CDs, cleaned up, and seriously thought about a question: Why am I so drunk?
Until the early morning, I received a call from Gu Wei.His voice traveled through a third of the earth and fell in my ears: "I have arrived."

I rolled up from the bed, my eyes brightened: "Who bathed me last night?"

Gu Wei: "..."

I:"……"

Gu Wei: "Cough——"

I let out a dry "oh".

Gu Wei laughed: "You're drunk... of course I'm happy to throw you into my arms, but you're so unconscious, I really can't do it."

!!!

bitter miss
Later, Gu Wei told me that when he woke up in the morning when he went to Berlin, I was curled up in his arms like a bug. He waited for a long time before finding a chance to get out, and then he washed up and had breakfast.He went out with his bag, went to the hospital, went to the airport, went through the security check, and boarded the plane. He was always quite calm.It wasn't until I got off the plane, connected the phone, and heard me calling "Gu Wei" on the other end of the phone, that I felt "Oh, why are you so pitiful..."

Gu Wei began to adjust the jet lag, adapting to the new room, new bed, new environment, new study, and new job.

During a lunch break one day, his colleague Grtner pointed to his mobile phone screen and asked him, "William, your wife?"

Gu Wei nodded.

"You two have any baby?"

"Not yet."

"What kind of person is she?"

"She's—good."

"You miss her?"

Gu Wei smiled and said nothing, he didn't know how to describe the feeling of missing.

Once after get off work, he and Grtner walked out together. When they passed the green lawn of the block, they saw a little girl being dragged by a shepherd dog, and couldn't help laughing.

Grtner was confused, Gu Wei told him: "It's very similar to my wife, I miss her very much."

When I was busy before, the two of us often didn't see each other for half a month, so when Gu Weigang left, I didn't feel anything wrong until Chen Cong asked about the follow-up visit of a patient in 09.Gu Wei wrote it down in his work log. When he left, all the keys were left with me, so I rushed to the hospital to open his locker.

After Chen Cong copied the records, I had nothing to do, so I just flipped through the diary.The man had written his notes like the Half-Blood Prince's Potions textbook in Harry Potter, with notes and sketches in the margins and sticky notes.

Turned two pages and saw a page with "jaw" written next to it.My heart skipped a beat, and I flipped back quickly, and another page said "Lin Zhi Xiao" next to the page number.

I flipped through them one by one, and they were all short on the edge of the page number.

"45kg", "chocolate", "one week", "overnight"... "fat", "discharged"...

Until October, there was a page of meeting minutes with "Lin Zhi Xiao" written all over the margin like practicing calligraphy.

Mr. Gu, does this count as desertion during the meeting?It was only when I laughed that I realized that my eye sockets were sore.

In fact, he has always been there.

Years ago, I went to the hospital to help Gu Wei get the festival distribution.Chatting with the head nurse, I somehow started talking about the hospital's food problem. She said: "Every time you come to deliver food, Gu Wei will go to the elevator to wait when it's almost time, and stand by the floor-to-ceiling windows to watch you come up."

I looked at the window, imagining what he would look like when he looked downstairs, and my thoughts just rushed to my face.

Missing this thing is like fermenting, once you figure out the taste, it will be out of control. Apart from work, your mind will be full of another person's appearance.I used to think it was an exaggeration to become ill from lovesickness. How could I become ill if I had to eat and drink?Later, when I was on a business trip, I caught a cold, and the cold lasted for a month and didn't get better.I went back to Gu Wei’s apartment on the weekend, slept in the bed and slept in the dark. When I woke up at night, I called Gu Wei on impulse, but no one answered after two calls. I held the phone and suddenly my eye sockets became sore, and then I fell into a daze again. sleep.

When I woke up the next day, there were ten missed calls on my phone. When I was in a daze, the call came in.

The doctor's wife: "Xiao Bei said that he has been unable to get through to your phone."

I was really ashamed to admit that I was asleep, so I kept silent.

After a long silence, the doctor's wife said, "School, come and live with us?"

Me: "No, I can't."

In the end, the doctor's wife sighed lowly: "Come back to see grandpa more often on weekends, and take care of yourself."

I didn't dial back, fearing that Gu Wei was sleeping, so I curled up on the sofa to read text messages, the latest one was "Remember to turn off the electric blanket before going to bed", and sighed inwardly: "I've fallen into your hands."

The eldest brother was transferred back to City X years ago, and immediately began to prepare for the wedding.Among the younger generation, the younger ones haven't had a holiday yet, so I'm more busy.The doctor's parents' house is relatively close to my elder brother's, so the doctor told me to live in his parents' place on weekends for the convenience of taking care of him.

Once the doctor called, and the doctor's wife answered, "Xiaoxiao is sleeping."

"This point?" (It was around 8:[-] p.m. Beijing time.)
"I was tired from running for a while, so I took a shower when I got home and fell asleep."

"Have you lost any weight?" (My weight has been stable.)
"It looks tired anyway."

In the next period of time, due to various reasons, I didn't receive a call from the doctor, and when I received it, I hung up after saying a few words in a hurry. He basically knew about my recent situation from the doctor's wife.

On the night of the wedding rehearsal, the doctor called: "Are you tired?"

I'm okay."

Doctor: "Aren't you sleepy without a nap?"

Me: "A little bit."

Just as he was talking, the eldest brother shouted from a distance, "Lin Zhixiao, the stereo! There is also a ring tray!"

Doctor: "Give the phone to your brother."

I handed over the phone, turned around and went to the sound effects room, and when I came back, I saw my elder brother with a dark face, so I asked, "What's wrong?"

Big brother: "Your mother-in-law wants you to go home."

I hurried back to the doctor's parents' house for no reason, and found that the doctor's wife was watching TV calmly: "Xiaoxiao, go and have a bowl of white fungus soup."

Later, Xiao Ren, who was on the sidelines the whole time, restored the content of the call to me.

Doctor: "It's the first time I've seen a wedding where the groom's sister is more tired than the groom."

Brother: "What do you mean?"

Doctor: "She just came back from a business trip, you should let her rest for two days."

Brother: "She didn't tell me."

Doctor: "Can't you read it?"

Brother: "This is our family's business."

Doctor: "People belong to our family too."

Big brother: "I have become an evil brother who abuses my sister? She is already 25, she should learn how to deal with it—"

Doctor: "She is already 25, not your child, not your wife, and your educational concepts don't apply to her. She worked overtime for two consecutive nights, and now let her go back to sleep."

Xiaoren said with emotion: "When a man turns [-], the way he speaks is so enviable and enviable."

I don't know why so many people go abroad now, and there are so many people around, flying to all parts of the world one by one.When I graduated from university, my family tried their best to persuade me to go abroad, but I did not agree. One was because of professional issues, and the other was that once I left, so many people would lose their bases in China.Now that I think about it, luckily I didn't leave.

Gu Wei came back after staying abroad for less than two years during his schooling. This time he was sent out. I asked him, "How do you feel?"

Answer: "Neither good nor bad." (It's not a "Thinking so much, I'm in hell" kind of thing at all.)
Ask: "What's wrong?"

Answer: "This time difference is really wicked."

When I got up, he was in a deep sleep; when I took my lunch break, he was still awake; when he got up, I was busy; when he got off work, I was in a deep sleep.Really maddening.

Continue to ask: "Where is not bad?"

Answer: "A lot. The scenery is not bad and the people are not bad."

I made a sad expression: "I can't think of Shu happily."

Gu Wei smiled: "Six months is just enough time for you to seriously experience the feeling of not being by your side, but it's too late to develop a second spring or something."

I:"……"

In the deep winter, entering the exam season, there are no classes, and free time suddenly increases.Walking alone in the streets and alleys of City X on weekends, seeing its hustle and bustle, its vicissitudes and peace.

Because of Gu Wei, I fell in love with this city. Even though it has thousands of bad things, its stable and majestic temperament has been imprinted on Gu Wei's entire growth years, brewing a quiet temperament that fascinates me.

When Gu Wei called, I was sitting on a park bench basking in the sun: "It's snowing in City X. Is Berlin cold?"

Gu Wei: "Winter in Berlin is very long, I'm used to it."

Me: "Hey, half of winter is over, and spring is not far away."

Gu Wei: "I actually regret it a bit."

I asked, "What do you regret?"

Gu Wei: "You should come out after getting married."

Gu Wei has a high nose bridge, and the tip of his nose is always a little cold in winter, so he often sticks the tip of his nose to my temple or neck.

He sleeps on the left and I sleep on the right, both of them like to sleep on the right side, and then he will put me in his arms.

He bought a small thermos cup and put a cup of warm water on the bedside table every night before going to bed, because I would wake up in the middle of the night to drink water.

When he was catching up on sleep on the sofa, he would sleep on his side, leaving half an empty space for me to nest in quietly.

There are two sets of sportswear, one thin and one thick, fixedly hung on the far side of his wardrobe, which are used as home clothes for me.

When he goes to the supermarket to buy toothbrushes, towels, slippers, etc., he buys them in two copies, although mine is rarely used.

When the two of us are nestled on the sofa watching TV or movies in winter, he will habitually put his hands on my stomach.

……

Only then did I realize that he has so many little habits that are related to me.

return slowly
On New Year's Eve in 2013, I called my doctor, my parents, and my parents to pay New Year's greetings.Grandpa took the phone and chatted with me: "Xiaobei just called back. We talked for a long time, but there was only one theme: it doesn't feel good to live alone."

I was a little embarrassed, and laughed twice.

(End of this chapter)