Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 2: A Legacy From the Sky (2)
You ask why I don't run to the gate?Isn't that obvious?We are all cultural people, and we have watched a lot of ghost stories and horror movies. Everyone knows that when I meet a ghost, I have to run to the door. There is a 90.00% chance that the door is locked. When I was struggling with the door bolt, the hanged ghost had already floated behind me, and she yelled with a grinning grin, "You fuck me!!!"

Then a generation of great men in horse surgery just hiccupped.

But the room opposite is different, there is a altar, and the bearded old man must not bear to see my good young man die here, and send some Guanyin Bodhisattva, Queen Mother, Eighteen Shaolin Arhats, Count Nicholas, etc. to help me out .

This is like a key option in the AVG game. If I make a wrong choice, my life of posting small ads will be GAME OVER.

I pushed open the door of the room on the left, knelt down on the red mat in a few big strides, and kowtowed three times to the altar: "Taoist priest, help me!!"

I don't know if I rushed too hard or kowtowed too hard. When I knocked my head down three times, I became dizzy and my blood surged up and down. My eyes went dark and I couldn't see anything.

At the moment when my eyes were dazed, a voice said in my ear: "Although you are the successor of Daoist Ma, I have never seen someone with such... such poor aptitude. Forget it, since you are also right I kowtow to salute, I will give Ma Dao face and accept you as an apprentice."

As soon as he finished speaking, my eyes lit up and I could see things again. When I stood up again, I felt my ears and eyes were clear and my spirit was unprecedented.

In front of the red cushion, there was a red cloth bag. When I opened it, it was a jade pendant tied with a red string. Its body was shaped like a lion, with its teeth bared, and it looked fierce.

That jade pendant was emerald green and crystal clear, as smooth as cream, holding it in the hand with a hint of coolness, it looked like a good thing.

I looked around and saw no one around, so I secretly took the jade pendant around my neck.

As soon as I hung it up, I heard an angry "hum".

"Who?" I trembled, took a few steps back holding the jade pendant, and looked around cautiously.

There was no one around, and there was no such a gloomy feeling just now. It seemed that the sound just now was just an auditory hallucination.

I didn't dare to go out that night. I nested in this room all night, and didn't go out until the chickens in the next village started to crow in the morning.

At this moment, the sky is already bright, and the sun shines in from the three small windows on the second floor. It looks no different from ordinary houses. I think about the big tongue hanging ghost last night, like a dream.

I figured it out. There are indeed dirty things in this house, and living here will definitely shorten your life.

But it's a pity that such a large piece of real estate is placed here.

I thought about it, and finally came up with a good solution - to rent out the house!
It's not that I'm immoral, as the saying goes, the 21st century lacks talents, and haunted houses lack popularity.If there are too many people, the ghost must be shocked!
In the evening, small advertisements were pasted on the major telephone poles in the city. There is a set of high-end villas for rent. The environment is elegant, the transportation is convenient, and there are high-end antique furniture. If you are interested, please contact Mr. Ma at 1311285XXXX.

Early the next morning, I called Qiangzi and his men to come down for renovations.

Qiangzi looked at the small second floor with an extremely serious expression on his face, and finally said to me with the earnest attitude of a strong man: "Brother Ma, this will be the most difficult task in my career. But don't worry, I will try my best!" If you don't succeed, you will be benevolent!"

Then Qiangzi waved his hand, and dozens of his subordinates jumped off the truck marked "Xiaoqiang Decoration".

Qiangzi was my old classmate. Later, we started a business together and supported each other. When he was still underdeveloped, I sat in the park with him, eating steamed buns and pickles with tap water.Later, he became a regular customer of my business. Every time I help him post advertisements for decoration, wall painting, and range hood cleaning, I always occupy a favorable and prominent position in the corridors of residential areas amidst fierce competition among my peers.

So Qiangzi was very loyal this time, and took over the task of decorating my house at a loss price.

Qiangzi was assigning work to his subordinates. I thought that the storage room could be used as a room if it was empty, and the things piled in it might be sold for a small profit, so I ran to open the door of the storage room.

The door was the same as last time, it was blocked after opening a small gap, as if it was blocked by something.

I moved my qi to the dantian, concentrated my energy on the palm, and slapped the door on the door.

With a "creak", the door opened a little more, and people couldn't get in, but their heads could be stuffed in.

I poked my head into the room to see what was blocking the door.

Although it was broad daylight, the room was pitch black, and the windows should have been blocked by furniture, so there was no light coming through.

The ground was full of dust, the furniture was covered with cloth of unknown color, and there were spider webs in the gaps between the furniture.

I stretched my neck very hard, and turned my head to look behind the door.

Seeing this, my heart skipped a beat,
There is nothing behind the door!

Obviously there is nothing, but the door cannot be opened.

I was just wondering, when suddenly an impulse came over, and the door was about to close by itself!
My hand was still on the doorknob, and my neck was tightly stuck between the door and the door frame. The force was extraordinary. Tap on that door.

In a blink of an eye, my brain was hypoxic and my eyes were full of stars. When I was struggling, I lowered my head and saw a child with disheveled hair standing by the door. He was wearing a white dress and his body was translucent. He was holding the door frame with one hand and pulling the door with the other. , looked up at me expressionlessly.

It turned out that he was going to close the door!

The little devil looked straight up at me, his neck and body were almost at a ninety-degree angle, and he pushed hard to close the door.

Qiangzi and the others were behind me. I wanted to call for help, but I couldn't make a sound, so I patted the door with my hands.

I am an adult, but my strength is no match for this brat.

Qiangzi shouted loudly behind me: "Work, work!" But he didn't realize that my head was caught by the door behind them!

Seeing that I was about to die in Jiuquan, my neck suddenly felt cold, and the lion-shaped jade pendant tied around my neck slipped out.

Then I heard someone shouting: "What ghosts and monsters! Get out of here!"

The kid's eyes widened suddenly, and he disappeared with a whoosh.

The door of the room suddenly opened wide, and I staggered and fell into the room. Looking around, it was the storage room I saw just now, and there was nothing dirty about it.

That bastard Qiangzi appeared at the door just now: "Yo, Brother Ma, what are you doing?"

My heart was still a little trembling, and I didn't care how many times I prayed indiscriminately, and I muttered in my mouth: "Thank you, Great Immortal! Namo Amitabha! God, Guanyin Bodhisattva bless you! Amen!"

Qiangzi smiled and said, "Brother Ma, are you okay? Your head was squeezed by the door?"

This man told the truth.

But when I looked around, I was covered in cold sweat again. There were footprints of a pair of children on the other side of the door!
Qiangzi didn't know anything, walked around the room, waved the dust in the air with his hand, lifted the cloth covering the furniture and said to me: "Move the furniture out, and I can rent another room here. "

When he said this, the translucent kid flashed out again, standing in front of Qiangzi, still expressionless, staring straight at Qiangzi, but his eyes seemed a little angry.

"This light bulb is too old, it needs to be replaced, and over there, the wall needs to be painted!"

Qiangzi spit and flew around, waving his finger and pointing Jiangshan, his hand pierced the little devil's body.

I stared dumbfounded for a long time, only to realize that Qiangzi didn't see that thing at all!

If Qiangzi was a woman, I could still abandon my manly self-esteem and yell that there is a ghost, and then hug her tightly.

But now that this guy is a man, I thought about it and decided that I should not provoke him, and I would save him from explaining too much and make him think that I have a nervous problem, so I just sent him away with a haha.

As soon as he walked out, he heard a "snap" behind him, and the door closed again.

Qiangzi led me to the second floor, said to take a casual look, and pushed open the door of the small bedroom. At this moment, a worker was painting the walls inside, and the old curtains were torn down.

The female ghost was hanging alone in the corner of the room in the bright sunshine. She was concentrating on watching the worker painting the wall, but when she saw us coming in, she turned around and her tongue drew a beautiful curve in the air.

This house is really uninhabitable.

When I was bright and sad, a few workers downstairs shouted: "Brother Ma! Brother Ma!"

I shivered, didn't I discover something again?Hastily took out the jade pendant hidden in the clothes and hung it outside, and then slowly walked to the stairs.

When I looked at the door, I was stunned.

There was a woman standing at the door, wearing sunglasses and with big curly wavy hair, looking in from outside the door: "Is the owner there?"

The voice was soft and mesmerizing, indescribably alluring, and the workers beside her stopped working and stared at her stupidly with their eyes open.

"Yes, yes!" I waved at her, thinking badly, this is a woman who came out of nowhere, and she will find the landlord as soon as she arrives, isn't there a real estate dispute?I began to suspect that the lawyer last time might be a liar, cheating me with the taxi driver.

The woman walked in, wearing a miniskirt with suspenders. Her figure was convex where it should be, and concave where it should be. It was a standard model figure.

The workers gasped in unison.

"Are you the owner of the house?" the woman raised her head and asked me, taking off her sunglasses.

Chen Yu Luoyan is charming, and she is so charming that she is dying, her eyes are so captivating, her whole body goes limp at just one glance.

The workers took another breath in unison.

Cut, a group of perverts who have never seen the world, this is promising!I looked at them with contempt, wiped the saliva from the corner of my mouth, and ran downstairs in two steps: "What's the matter?"

The beauty smiled sweetly: "I want to rent a house."

"Rent a house? Of course no problem!" I was taken aback, "... Rent a house?!"

"I just arrived here and want to rent a house to live in." The beauty said, "I fell in love with this house at first sight, it's really nice."

As the beauty spoke, the sun was shining on her through the crack in the roof.

"..." I took a look at my house, and this beauty's eyes were too unique.

I always thought that the person who came to rent an apartment must be a man. I didn’t expect a woman to come, and she was such a delicate beauty. When I thought that this beauty would be scared by a ghost, I felt very sorry. I approached her and asked, "Is it convenient for you to live here and work?"

"Mr. Ma is really a good person. He has thought so much about me." The beauty glanced at my chest, took a step back calmly, and smiled at me: "Girls just want to be safe. She just came here, and before I'm worried about people who don't know the place, if there is Mr. Ma like this..." She softened her voice, "I feel at ease living with such a kind landlord." Then she winked at me again , "Mr. Ma, do you live here?"

My head immediately stopped: "Of course! Don't look at this wilderness, but it's clean and safe!"

The beauty smiled and stretched out her hand: "My surname is Hu, and I am the third eldest in my family. Mr. Ma, please call me San Niang."

Trembling, I held that hand and welcomed the first resident on the second floor.

As soon as Sanniang came, the iron rule of "women are the biggest motivation for men to work" was immediately demonstrated to the fullest.With Sanniang watching from the side, the workers carried bricks as if they were carrying cotton, their waists and legs no longer hurt, and they carried the big sacks all the way up to the second floor without feeling tired.

Sanniang asked me which room I lived in, and I thought about it. There was a hanged ghost on the second floor, and the storage room on the first floor couldn't be opened since the day my head was clamped.So in the end I chose the first guest room on the right on the first floor, which is close to the door. If there is any situation, I can escape faster.

As a result, Sanniang chose the second servant's room on the right without saying a word, and said to me with a smile: "I feel safe next to the east side of the house."

What a considerate girl...

Out of conscience, I finally gave up the first guest room on the right to San Niang.

After the two made an agreement, they signed a lease contract for one year. Sanniang would pay me [-] rent a month, and the utilities would be shared equally.I kept a careful eye and added a sentence at the end of the contract - the contract cannot be terminated until the lease term expires.

The contract was handed over to Sanniang, who signed it without batting an eyelid.

I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled lewdly.

In a year, I don't believe I can't catch up with you.

Don't call me mean, in this day and age, being too honest can't survive.When I first entered this industry, I didn’t know the rules. I put up small advertisements under the scorching sun at noon without a break, but I posted them all the way to the gate of the police station. It happened that the police comrades went out for lunch and saw me sweating profusely. Glue, paste a small advertisement for the treatment of unspeakable diseases on the outer wall, and the police comrades watched while enjoying themselves. After the end, they gave me severe criticism and profound education, and confiscated all my tools for committing crimes. , the total loss is equivalent to RMB 14.

This incident caused a great shock to my kind heart, and let me know that no matter what I do, it will be effective without hard work.Looking back on my previous life, it was because I was too upright that I became an older single young man who dragged down the society.

Now that a big girl has finally come to your door, how can I have any reason to give up? !
The house is being renovated, and Sanniang lives in a hotel in the city. Sometimes I want to buy something, so I try to find a way to ask Sanniang to go out and buy it together.

Walking on the street with Sanniang, I felt a strong sense of pride.The rate of turning heads is so high, passers-by first looked at Sanniang with amazement, and then looked at me with regret.Usually they spend much more time looking at me than at Sanniang. They look at me from head to toe, and they don’t spend more than two seconds looking at my face. Most of the time is used to identify my clothes, watches and belts. brand.

I don't expect the "Li Shou" brand sportswear on me to be as confusing as "Kang Shuaifu" instant noodles, so I estimate that more than half of the people will think that we are really in love in the end.

There is a saying that behind every successful man there is a woman, but if you go shopping with a beautiful woman, you don't have to do anything to look successful.

What's more, San Niang seems to like me quite a bit.

When the decoration was over, I had already planned in my heart what the name of our baby would be. If it was a girl, it would be Ma Daling, and if it was a boy, it would be Ma Yingshi.

"The one over there, and the box over here, yes yes yes, just that, move them together... Be careful with that monitor, don't knock it, it's my most valuable possession!"

The house has been renovated and is moving in today.

Qiangzi's subordinates moved the flat-screen monitor to the door: "Brother Ma, is there anything else?"

"I'll see if there's anything left behind. Wait for me in the car."

The cabinets and beds belong to the landlord. After removing the mattresses, computers, and printers, it will be empty.

I have lived here for a few years, and seeing how empty the place is now, I can't help feeling a little sad.

This small bungalow is where my career started.Back then, I graduated from college and devoted myself to the entrepreneurial team with a lot of enthusiasm. Now that a few years have passed, the house is still the same as before, and it hasn’t changed at all.

At this moment, someone suddenly asked: "Are you really going to move there?"

"Of course, everything is packed." I replied casually.

"I advise you to stay here."

"What?" I turned my head and asked, only to realize that something was wrong, the voice sounded beside me, but there was no one around me at the moment.And this voice is very familiar, like the voice that scared away the kid in the small second floor.

I looked down at the jade pendant on my neck, wondering if it was the thing that made the sound.

The car outside began to honk: "Brother Ma, are you alright?"

"Okay, okay." My heart skipped a beat, I picked up the last bag beside me and went out.

Isn't it just a haunted house? There's nothing to be afraid of, I'm still a Taoist priest!I have been a Taoist priest for a month!For Sanniang, I will fight even for a haunted house!
"Little Ma, come back and take a look when you have time!"

Lao Wang stood at the door, glanced at the house for a while, and then accepted the key in my hand.He is my landlord and we get along well. He opened a small clinic nearby. When I was working, I would help him post a few small advertisements for "painless abortion".

"Old Wang." I glanced at him, smiled dryly and strode towards the car, "Come on, let's go to my new house together, I'll treat you tonight."

Lao Wang bent over and coughed a few times: "Recently, my body is very heavy, and I feel tired even walking, so I won't go with it, and I will go when I feel comfortable."

Nonsense, you're covered in unformed children, it's no wonder you're not heavy.

I can see my small second floor from a long distance. For financial considerations, I only decorated the inside without caring about the outside, so it still maintains the original vicissitudes of life.

Qiangzi lit the firecrackers and threw them on the ground, while a group of decoration workers applauded cracklingly.Sanniang was wearing a red cheongsam and stood at the door, with big wavy curly hair charmingly draped beside her, making her perfect figure even more exquisite.

The villagers who stood a hundred meters away and watched gave out admiration.

I felt that Bel had a sense of face, walked over with my head held high, and smiled at Sanniang: "It's so early."

Sanniang smiled at me: "I'll come over early to pack things."

Half of my body was numb, and I glanced at the two adjacent doors on the small second floor, feeling very excited.

Qiangzi ordered other people to move my things in, and said to me, "Brother Ma, then I'll go back first."

I stared at Sanniang and said without looking back: "Don't, I'll treat you later, let's go have a meal."

"Another day, today you pack up your things first."

It is also a big reason why Qiangzi's business can be done with good eyesight and price.

Watching Qiangzi leave, Sanniang and I walked into the house.Among the surrounding villagers, someone suddenly shouted: "Girl, don't live there, that house is haunted!"

I quickly pushed Sanniang into the room and closed the door.

I was so happy just now that I forgot about it.

"Oh." Sanniang looked at me a little nervously: "What are they talking about?"

"It's okay, it's okay." I have always been a straightforward person, and I have never lied, so I said stammeringly, "They are telling jokes, what the hell is there in this world, hahaha."

"That's good," Sanniang said coquettishly, "People are most afraid of ghosts, if there are any...Mr. Ma, you must protect me."

I clenched my fist and nodded repeatedly: "Of course! Of course!"

Sanniang and I were sitting in the living room chatting, I resorted to housekeeping skills to find topics, Sanniang was teased by me, and she went back to bed after 11 o'clock.

I smiled and watched Sanniang go back to the room, then turned off the light, and groped back to my room against the corner.

As soon as it got dark, my heart trembled, and I locked the door before going to bed.

(End of this chapter)