Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 41
"I ordered Yang Xu to be the chief surgeon. The success rate of such a difficult operation is not [-]%." ​​Xu Liuhai said, "Even if we make a mistake, others will not think too much about it."

Wang Liang scolded: "You are really shameless!"

"There's nothing shameless or shameless." Xu Liuhai said, "I've seen it now, the few of us who came here are not clean."

Li Zhengyi stared at them dumbfounded: "But compared to you, I think I'm like an angel. I didn't do anything bad other than trick starlets into sleeping with me and take nude photos and threaten them not to speak out!"

If you bastard is an angel, then I am Jesus Christ!

Having said so much, Bu Jie still looked at Xu Liuhai coldly.

"Young man, think about it clearly. I am a doctor. If you live here, I can cure you of any ailments!" Xu Liuhai was obviously frightened by her eyes, "That's right, don't you want to have children? Yes. We can deliver the baby to you... ah!"

Xu Liuhai's words were interrupted by Bu Jie's sudden drop of the knife, which directly penetrated into Xu Liuhai's thigh, and then pulled out again.Xu Liuhai curled up and rolled on the ground in pain.

"No one else is needed! The two of us are enough! If Fang Tao dies, I will commit suicide to accompany him. If I can't do it first," Bu Jie laughed, looked at Fang Tao and said, "Before I die, no matter what How to kill him and stay with me." She heheed, and said in a dreamy tone like a little girl: "I have thought so since a long time ago. When he made excuses to go out with that bitch, when he told me When it was neither hot nor cold, I had thought over and over again, how wonderful it would be if one day I could be trapped on a desert island with the two of him, and now this day has finally come, there are only two of us here, the extra one Nobody needs it."

This woman has loved her husband to the point of pervert.

People are not scary, nor are perverts.But it is especially scary for people to pervert for love.

Fang Tao said, "Honey, stop it."

Bu Jie sneered and said, "Two have already been killed, and killing a few more is not killing."

Li Zhengyi opened his mouth wide: "You killed more than one?"

"Just now when Fang Tao went out, he went to a distance to smoke. I knew he didn't want to talk to me. He was still thinking about that bitch! It doesn't matter. I'll go find the ghost of that bitch. I'm not afraid of her at all. She can die. Once I can make her die a second time! When her soul is gone, Fang Tao will have no one to miss, so I picked up a wooden stick from the door and looked for her everywhere. When I got near the car, I found the rear cover box There was a person squatting there, I approached him lightly, and swung the stick in my hand down without hesitation." Bu Jie said, "I know you are all in the room, so I know that person will not be you, I never thought it was a man."

"A man?" Li Zhengyi asked.

"That's right, man, a man we haven't seen before." Bu Jie trembled and said, "My stick knocked his head off, and his body climbed two steps forward before falling down. "

"Knock off a person's head with a stick?" Hearing this, Yang Xu finally couldn't help retorting, "How is that possible?"

He didn't believe me, needless to say that the one whose head was hit like a baseball was a man's head.The neck was not secure, and it was no wonder it couldn't fly after being hit hard with a stick.

But what she said reminded me that we haven't seen the man's head since we woke up. Where is it now?
Wang Liang touched me with his arm, then pointed to the door with his chin to show me to look.

I looked over, and behind the vase by the door, there was a sneaky head, looking this way.

Isn't that just a man's head off!

"Fang Tao and I moved the body into the car together." Bu Jie said, "I don't force you to believe it. It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, you are all going to die anyway." Then she walked up to Yang Xu: "The next one It's you."

The man's head obviously also saw us. After meeting his eyes, he winked at us, then turned his head, took out a wooden stick, and nodded at us again.

It takes a thousand days to raise one's head, save the soldiers!
Wang Liang and I were very excited. Wang Liang reacted faster than me and laughed out loud first.

Bu Jie suddenly turned her head and stared at Wang Liang: "What are you laughing at!"

Wang Liang didn't expect her to look at him suddenly, and the smile on her face hadn't had time to withdraw.

Bu Jie said: "Since you want to die so happily, then I'll let you die first."

After speaking, she held the knife and walked to Wang Liang's side.

This is extreme joy begets sorrow.Wang Liang and I didn't expect her to change her target suddenly. Wang Liang quickly said, "I didn't laugh."

I said, "It's true that he wasn't smiling, but his face was cramped."

Bu Jie raised the knife and said, "If you die, you won't have cramp!"

At this critical moment, I immediately turned my head to look at our savior Guan Xing. It didn't matter if I saw it, my face immediately cramped.

The stick was too long, he only had the end in his mouth, and the end of the stick got stuck behind the vase!
At a critical moment, how can such a chain be broken!
When life and death were at stake, seeing that the man's head couldn't help, I couldn't care less, so I quickly shouted: "Stop! You can't kill him!"

Bu Jie turned her head and asked, "Why can't you kill him?"

I said, "He's the boyfriend of your unborn daughter."

Bu Jie was obviously stunned by my words, she was stunned for a while but still didn't react, and said with a sneer, "If you don't let me kill him, then I'll kill you!"

I said, "I can't kill either. I'm your unborn daughter's landlord or your unborn daughter's boyfriend's friend!"

Bu Jie scolded: "Nonsense!" After finishing speaking, the knife was already inserted into me.

At this critical moment, the head of the man in the distance twitched the stick vigorously, and the vase fell to the ground and fell to pieces. Bu Jie paused to look back, and at the same time, a black shadow jumped up and quickly He threw Bu Jie down.

Bu Jie was thrown to the ground, and the knife fell to the side with a jingle. Bu Jie reached out to grab the knife and shouted, "Fang Tao, help me!"

Seeing that she was about to grab the knife, her hand was suddenly held down. Bu Jie turned her head and shouted anxiously: "Fang Tao! What are you doing! Fang..."

When she saw the person holding her hand, she couldn't yell out the rest of the words.

The person who threw her down and grabbed her hand was Fang Tao.

This happened so suddenly, Bu Jie wanted to struggle, but Fang Tao held her body tightly.

Bu Jie shouted: "Fang Tao, what are you doing! Are you crazy!"

Fang Tao said: "I'm really crazy to spend my whole life in this ghost place with you crazy woman."

After finishing speaking, he picked up the rope on the side and tied her up.

"Fang Tao! You bastard! You're going to die! I'm a ghost and I won't let you go!" Bu Jie struggled to scold him, "I know you still love that bitch, do you want to avenge her? Remember clearly Now, it was you who killed her, not me!"

"Who cares about her? Do you think there's only that woman outside me?" Fang Tao tied her up with great effort, sweating profusely, stood up and kicked her and said, "Crazy."

Xu Liuhai pressed the artery in his thigh, and asked tremblingly, "You, the woman you killed?"

"It was an accident." Fang Tao picked up the knife from the ground. "Bu Jie fought with her that day. I went up to try to persuade her to fight, and I pulled it out. Who knew she was knocked on the cabinet and died." Fang Tao said, "I Unlike this crazy woman, I have money and status, how can I kill people casually, it's all accidents, just like the little boy you performed an operation on to die, it's an accident."

"Yes, yes, it was an accident, not a murder." Xu Liuhai said, "Then you let us go."

Fang Tao pointed to Xu Liuhai, Yang Xu and Li Zhengyi and said, "We are all people who have had accidents and can understand each other, so of course we can let you go. But..." He looked at me and Wang Liang, "This The two of them have never had any accidents, if we let them go, wouldn't those accidents be known as soon as we go out?"

Yang Xu asked: "Then what should we do?"

"Since there are so many accidents in the world." Fang Tao said, "It's not surprising that the two of them also had some accidents, right?"

Now if there is a chance for me to go back to Yan Luodian again, I will definitely not care about 21 [-] slapping King Yama twice, and saying that I have found a good family for Kong Ting. Look now, this couple is more perverted than the other, if Kong Ting Ting was reincarnated, maybe she was strangled to death as a child when she was a child.

Xu Liuhai smiled, nodded repeatedly and said, "It's not strange, it's not strange."

Li Zhengyi also said repeatedly: "It's not surprising at all!"

Fang Tao smiled, and walked towards us with a knife in his hand. I saw his eyes and understood that they had a handle on each other and had reached a united front.So innocent and good people like Wang Liang and I suddenly became different, with a thorn in our side and a thorn in our flesh.

Fang Tao stood in front of me and Wang Liang with a knife and asked us, "Which one of you wants to die first?"

It is not easy to be a good person these days, and it is even more difficult to be a good person among the bad ones.

However, this is only for the average person.

I have been in class two since elementary school, so this situation does not apply to me.

Wang Liang and I looked at each other, and the two of us smiled confidently together: "Scare scare scare scare."

I said, "You can't kill us."

Fang Tao asked: "Why?"

Wang Liang said, "Look back."

Fang Tao frowned and said, "Do you think I will be fooled by such a naive trick?" After speaking, he swung his knife at me.

He didn't look, but the rest of the people all looked over, and the expressions on their faces changed from surprise to fear.

It's no wonder, they have never seen anything in the world, and they must have been shocked to see a man flying over with a wooden stick in his head.

There was only a bang, and Fang Tao's brain was hit hard.

Without being knocked out, Fang Tao turned around with the knife in his hand and shouted, "Who is it!"

He might as well not turn his head, seeing that the man's head was severely frightened first, and his heart was seriously traumatized, then the man shook his head unceremoniously, and gave him another sap.

Fang Tao completely fainted under the double blow of mind and body.

Seeing Guan Xing, Li Zhengyi screamed in fright: "Head! Head! This is the head!"

Xu Liuhai was so frightened that he loosened his hand that was holding down the artery on his leg, and blood spurted out from his leg.

At this time, the psychological quality of a person can be most revealed. I tossed my hair and said very coolly: "I told you that you can't kill me, and you still don't believe me."

The man spat out the stick, picked up Fang Tao's knife on the ground, and came to me to cut the tied rope.

After I was liberated, I quickly tied up Fang Tao and untied Wang Liang.

Wang Liang said to the man's head, "Fortunately you came."

The man's head said: "Fortunately, I have become a human head again. If I have a big body, I can't hide it."

I said, "Didn't you go to find your brother? Why run to their car?"

"I was looking for Guan Wu again," said the man's head, "but when I walked to the car, I suddenly smelled a warm and familiar smell like home, so I couldn't help walking over. Who knew what would happen later? eventful."

"A warm and familiar smell of home." I asked. "What's that smell?"

The man's head said: "It's exactly the same smell as my sweetheart."

Isn't his dear sweetheart the rotten woman's head, drink!I said for a long time that I was attracted by the smell of rotting corpses in the car!
The three of us were talking, and the person who was still tied up over there couldn't help it.Xu Liuhai covered his legs and called softly, "Comrade? Comrade Xiao Ma?"

I said: "What is your name comrade! Who is gay with you, is it polite?"

"Hey, Brother Ma." Li Zhengyi said with a smile, "Look, you guys have talked enough, did you loosen all the ropes on us?"

It's okay if they don't talk, but I get angry when they talk.

I took the knife dangling from the man's head, wiped off the saliva from the man's head on my clothes, and walked towards them while stretching my muscles and bones with the knife: "Let you go?"

The three nodded in unison.

"Ask me to let you go now?" I walked over slowly, playing with the knife in my hand and said, "Who said it's not surprising that I died just now?"

Xu Liuhai said, "Who is it?"

Li Zhengyi pointed at Xu Liuhai: "He said it!"

I said again: "Who said 'it's not surprising' to respond to that person?"

"Who said that?" Li Zhengyi said, "I don't know about that."

"Hey!" Xu Liuhai pointed at Li Zhengyi angrily and said, "The words came from your mouth, don't make yourself too clear."

The degree of cheekiness of these two people is simply outrageous, even more rubbish than fighter jets among scumbags.

"You still don't admit it! You're forcing me to be serious!" I was furious, and I planned to give them a bad blow by throwing the knife from my right hand to my left hand and then from left hand to right hand to scare them, but my right hand threw it over and my left hand didn't catch it. The knife flew to the center of Xu Liuhai's leg, making Xu Liuhai tremble with fright.

I didn't expect to miss it, and was about to explain, when I heard Wang Liang and the man's head say: "It seems that Mashu is not only a successful artist, but also an excellent negotiator. This skill is really domineering!"

I nodded to them and said, "Yes, this is my strategy." Then I squatted down, picked up the knife and shook it in front of Xu Liuhai's face, "Do you want me to untie you? Turn you all over to the police."

Xu Liuhai rolled his eyes, and suddenly covered his chest and shouted: "Oh, my heart hurts so much, Yang Xu, come and show me."

I thought to myself that you still want to lie to me with such a small trick, and you are deceiving me when I am an old man.

Xu Liuhai rolled on the ground, his leg was already injured, and this rolling was even more bloody.

I muttered in my heart, this old man already has a heart attack, don't really die.Quickly untied Yang Xu, pointed at him with a knife and said, "Go and show him."

Yang Xu ran over in three steps and two steps, and put Xu Liuhai flat on his chest to massage his heart. When I saw Xu Liuhai grab Yang Xu and whisper something, I immediately walked over to listen. Xu Liuhai opened his eyes wide, as if he wanted to raise his hand, but when he raised his hand halfway, Xu Liuhai's neck tilted, his head drooped weakly, and his hand suddenly dropped.

This kind of situation seems to be often played on TV.

I was taken aback and jumped back quickly.

"What's wrong?" Wang Liang and the man asked.

Sure enough, Yang Xu touched his artery and said, "He's dead."

died?Wang Liang hurried over to check Xu Liuhai's breath, and said to me, "He's really dead!"

Yang Xu stretched out his hand and said to us: "I can't save him, you should tie me up again."

He was self-conscious, we tied him up again, and then we worried about Xu Liuhai's body with Wang Liang and Guan Xing.

I said, "It's over, I can't tell if he died here."

Guan Xing said: "According to my previous experience, even if he died, his body would not go back."

I said, "That's fine."

Wang Liang added: "But according to his previous experience, he can't get out even if he is alive."

"Don't worry," said the male head, "we'll figure it out slowly. Last time I went out, there were two things worth noting. One was that I became a human head, and the other was the amulet my brother gave me."

"The amulet is here, but it can't be pulled off?" I tugged at the red envelope stuck to the back of the man's head, and suddenly had an idea, cut the cloth bag with a knife, and found a yellow talisman inside, "This what is it?"

"This should work." The man smiled and said, "Come and see what's so special about this talisman."

Hundreds of years have passed, but the paper hasn't aged at all, and it looks like new in the hand, with strange patterns drawn on it with red cinnabar.

Although Li Zhengyi didn't know the cause and effect, but when we said this, he also realized that we were discussing going out, and looked at us with his head stretched out.

I held the talisman and looked at it for a long time but didn't see anything special. Just as I put down the talisman, I suddenly found that the man's head and Wang Liang were looking at me.

I said, "What are you looking at me for?"

Wang Liang said: "Didn't you often say that you are a Taoist priest? Then you must know how to use this talisman."

"Well, of course, what is there that I don't know." I raised the talisman, stamped my feet on the ground and said: "The Supreme Lord is as anxious as a law, and the heavenly soldiers and heavenly generals will show their gods!"

As I expected, nothing happened.

I said, "No, let's think of another way."

"The remaining method is to put the talisman beside me, and then cut off the head." The man said, "and even if it succeeds, only one person can go out."

Wang Liang and I became silent, this method is too nonsense, let alone us, even if it is used to lie to Reddy Gaga, Reddy Gaga will not believe it.

Li Zhengyi said repeatedly: "Is there any way to get out, let me try!"

From his appearance, I guessed that he didn't hear what we said before. He only heard the last sentence of the man's head and said deliberately: "No, this is too dangerous."

Li Zhengyi said, "I'm not afraid of danger!"

I said, "The risk factor is too high."

Li Zhengyi said: "If I don't go to hell, who will go to hell!"

Seeing how persistent he was, I was too embarrassed to dampen his enthusiasm, so I took the talisman and stuck it on his head, saying, "Then hold on."

"Come on." Li Zhengyi nodded happily and said, "Then what should I do?"

"Just stand and wait for me to chop your head off." I pointed to Guan Xing and said, "When you become like him, maybe you can go out."

Li Zhengyi's smile froze on his face, and his expression changed with an ah. I didn't give him time to react, and the knife had already slashed down.

Li Zhengyi yelled and passed out.

"Stupid." I swung the knife at him, "I chopped it with the back of the knife."

At this moment, Pixiu, who had been silent for a long time, suddenly asked, "What are you doing?"

I said: "Hey, you finally woke up, someone was going to kill me just now, and I didn't see you coming out to help, isn't it too disrespectful?"

Pixiu said: "If it's ghosts and gods that hurt you, I can sense it naturally. Insanity is not under my jurisdiction."

I said: "San Niang and the others may have discovered something, just as you are awake, let's go and have a look."

Pixiu said: "Alright."

After I finished speaking, I blew the whistle given by Gou Fugui again, just like last time, the small second floor appeared in front of us again.

Sanniang and Yunmei were sitting in the living room, when they saw us, they quickly stood up and said, "We have been waiting for you for a long time."

Wang Liang asked, "Did you find anything?"

Yunmei said: "I discussed it with Sanniang for a long time, and asked many monster friends, and finally came to an astonishing conclusion."

I asked, "What conclusion?"

"You haven't disappeared, you're still on the second floor, right beside us." Sanniang walked up to me and waved her fan in front of me, "But we can't see you, and we can't touch you." you."

No wonder there are still things Yunmei bought in the kitchen, and the furnishings on the second floor have not changed at all.

"But why did it become like this?"

Sanniang smiled sweetly: "Because an expert set up a gossip array in the second floor."

I asked strangely: "Bagua array?"

"You don't know if you don't study Taoism seriously." Pixiu sighed, "Five elements, eight trigrams, Qimen, Dunjia, five elements, restraint, Yin and Yang, and the changes are infinite. No wonder I always feel that although this place has affected my spiritual power, there is no more Yin Qi. , it turned out to be the reason.”

Yang Xu stared at us with wide eyes, not sure if he understood.

(End of this chapter)