Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 6 Ghosts and Gods (2)
A total of six people recruited Die Xian, and the other five came together. Except for Zhang Jiayan and Hu Yating, who had mentioned their names before, there was a girl named Feng Li and two men, Yan Hao and Lu Lin. Knowing that this matter should not be made public, he pulled me aside.

Hu Yating kept covering her mouth, her pretty face turned red, seeing me looking at her, she smiled embarrassedly and said, "I'm most afraid of these things."

Only she was kind to me, and the other children looked at me with hostility.

"Zhao Yi is dead." Yan Hao asked, "How do you explain it?"

I said, "What does that have to do with me? I didn't drown him."

Lu Lin roared: "Didn't you say that nothing will happen?"

"I said you kids are too superstitious," I said, "Don't bring ghosts into everything, it might be an accident, don't talk about ghosts and monsters all day long, be more sunny in your heart, Come on, okay?"

"Yesterday we went back very late. His home is in the village, opposite to this side. Why did he have to walk for nearly half an hour to come to the river so late?"

"Maybe, he wants to take a walk." I didn't believe it when I said it, but the two little fat and thin ghosts didn't look like evil ghosts at all. "Maybe there's something else."

Those people looked at each other, Yan Hao nodded at Feng Li, and the petite girl turned around and ran towards the river.

At first I didn't understand what she was going to do, but when I saw her in the water, I was shocked and ran over to pull her back.

The little girl doesn't know the severity, this is the river where someone just drowned!

But I didn't run a few steps and stopped.

But after a while, the girl ran to the other side of the river neatly, waved at us, and ran back again.

"She is the smallest among us." Yan Hao said, "Zhao Yi is nearly 20 centimeters taller than her. Do you think that with his height, he is still a person who can swim and will really drown in this river?" inside?"

I stayed, he was right.

Why did a 1.8-meter-old boy run to the river in the middle of the night.

Such a shallow river, even if it is pushed down, will climb up quickly.

"Zhao Yi is in the school's martial arts team. Most people can't beat him, and there is no trauma on his body." Lu Lin said, "And his expression after death is very frightened..." He paused and said, "It seems like seeing Something terrible happened."

What he said didn't sound like much, but when you think about it carefully, it's shocking.

Why would a person who can swim drown in a river that poses no threat to him without external interference?
There was only one answer—he put his head in the water and suffocated himself.

Suffocate yourself to death knowing that you can survive.

This kind of persistence and perseverance towards death is simply chilling.

It's not like what normal people can do.

At this moment, Pixiu on the neck slowly opened his mouth: "This person, his death is not easy."

Pixiu sleeps for most of the day, and occasionally wakes up and says a word, the accuracy rate must be [-]%.

He said it was not easy, then Zhao Yi's death must have been complicated.

But what kind of complicated method it is is hard to say.If you drown your head in the water and die in one posture, that is simple, but if you want to drown yourself while breaststroke, that is complicated.

After Pixiu finished that sentence, he was speechless.

Whether it was murder or being killed by "dirty things", he said half of a sentence, and then stopped talking.

On TV or in books, there are often some people who have important information, and before they die, they will be hugged by their companions, chatting about family affairs for half an hour, saying that I am going to die, but I am sorry for the motherland!Sorry people!Sorry party!I'm sorry for my second uncle's seventh niece!I remember when I was young, you loved to chat and I loved to laugh, and my yellow dog was named Erhua.Then he spat out a mouthful of blood, and said with difficulty, those are trivial things, I mainly want to tell you, this time I went forward bravely regardless of the hardships, and the information I obtained is...ahem...their secret is...yes...yes ...

Then, with a tilt of his head, he died.

You don't want to hear what they say below in your life!

Now I especially admire those guys who are holding their dead bodies and crying in pain. Their quality is so good, they are simply role models of human beings!If it were me, I would definitely not be able to do so well.

Kick him (uncivilized term), even drag out his dead body to flog him!

I hate talking out of breath!

Do you dare to say it neatly at once, just finish it!

These high school students recognized that it was because of my interruption that they died before sending Die Xian away, and sat outside my small second floor without giving up.

Sanniang walked to the door on her little high heels, stretched her head to take a look, ran to me with tears in her eyes, and said to me seriously: "Brother Ma, I misunderstood you, you are so kind to me!"

"what?"

"That, and that." She pointed at Yan Hao, then pointed at Lu Lin, Lilac licked her lips with her small tongue, "Is it the supper you brought back for me?"

This is a big misunderstanding!I quickly shook my hand and said, "No, no!"

"Ouch" Sanniang prolonged her voice, and smiled sweetly, "I just brought it back for a midnight snack, so I'm too embarrassed to admit it!" Then she poked my forehead with her slender fingers and said, "But I just like you Such a shy personality."

No one is ashamed of you!

As soon as I stretched out my hand and didn't hold it back, Sanniang ran out like a wild hare, ran to the door, waved to the high school students, "Come in and sit, come in and sit."

These students had never seen such a coquettish woman before. They followed Sanniang into the room, their eyeballs seemed to be glued to her body without blinking.

Hu Yating was still polite, and was the first to speak: "Thank you."

"Thank you?" San Niang smiled charmingly at the two boys, "It's so hot outside, what should I do if it burns out?" She licked her lower lip and said in a low voice, "It won't taste good if it's burnt."

"What?" Those people obviously didn't hear this sentence clearly.

"It's nothing, it's nothing." If someone finds out that I keep a vixen in my house, my reputation of chastity that I've kept for half my life will be ruined!I coughed and said, "The death of your classmate has nothing to do with letting go of you yesterday!"

Zhang Jiayan sneered and said, "Who are you? If you say it's okay, it's okay?"

"I'm a Taoist priest." I looked at her and said seriously, "I've been a Taoist priest for over a week!"

For these children who are bewitched by feudal superstition, it is necessary to fight poison with poison and fight evil with evil.

Sure enough, when I said those words, everyone fell silent, the two men didn't even look at Sanniang, they all turned to look at me.

This silence was only for a moment, and after ten seconds, everyone showed contemptuous expressions, and they all snorted at me in unison.

I expected that they would not believe me, so I asked, "Why do you come here to recruit ghosts?"

"I invite Die Xian." Feng Li said, "Because this house is a haunted house, and it is very dark."

"Isn't this the end?" I stretched out my hand and snapped my fingers, but nothing happened.

Everyone looked at my hands, I rubbed my fingers without changing expression, and gave a thumbs up: "I can stay in the haunted house, that already explains everything!"

This sentence obviously had a certain effect, and the expressions of those high school students were shaken, waiting for me to continue.

I don't feel well when someone dies, but it's unreliable to insist that I died because I yelled yesterday.

There was something strange about Zhao Yi's death, but it wasn't necessarily related to Hu Yating's letting go yesterday.

I want to find out the truth, but it's outrageous for this group of middle school students to get involved.

50.00% of ghost stories are campus ghost stories. In campus ghost stories, people who invite pen fairy and dish fairy usually die three out of four. If they are unlucky, the protagonist will also die.

It is customary that students in this profession become very dangerous when they encounter ghosts.

So they cannot be involved.

But things have come to this point, and it is impossible for me to say that I don't know in front of these pairs of eyes waiting for my explanation.

So I decided to tell the truth about last night.

In order to make it easier for them to understand, I first started to lay the groundwork: "Ghosts, there are good and bad, good and evil."

I don't know if certain creatures will respond to the word ghost, and after I said it, the hanged ghost upstairs floated to the stairs, and the refrigerator door was also opened, and the woman's head looked at me eeriely from inside.

"Have you all seen Liaozhai?" I haven't met many ghosts so far, so I can't say anything, so I can only bite the bullet and talk wildly: "Good ghost, it will learn from Lei Feng to do good deeds, help the ghost grandma to cross the road, and pick up ghosts." Paper money is also returned to the original owner. We must praise this kind of ghosts, especially outstanding figures like Nie Xiaoqian and Gongsun Jiuniang. It has made outstanding contributions to alleviating the intensification of social conflicts!"

"I think this point is very worth learning for other ghosts and monsters." I looked at Sanniang, who was standing beside her, and said from the bottom of my heart, "Especially the beautiful ones."

Sanniang was squinting her eyes and staring at someone, when she heard my words, she turned her face and smiled at me.

My heart was fluttering, and when I turned my head and met the earnest eyes of the hanged ghost and the woman's head, I said seriously: "The hanged ghost and the head will be spared. There must be better tasks waiting for you."

Those students were full of doubts, but they didn't make a sound, so I continued: "There is another kind of ghost, which is the evil ghost. The symbol of the evil ghost is to kill people, do evil, and go against the three vulgar (alluding to reality, sensitive), representative characters Just like "Sadako" and "The Grudge" in Little Japan, they are relatively vicious, killing people without distinction, and whoever is caught kills whoever is caught. Especially in "The Grudge", the family is an organized and premeditated murder, relying on The child lures people here, and the mother scares them. If the person attracted is strong enough to be scared to death, the father will go out and strangle him to death. In short, I must kill you!" I paused and asked: "So, do you understand? Yet?"

Those students shook their heads in unison.

Don't blame them, I don't understand myself.

"What Little Ma means is that the difference between ordinary ghosts and evil ghosts is the obsession of evil ghosts to harm people." Sanniang continued, "And if the obsession is too deep, it will affect people. Simply put, ordinary ghosts The yin energy of a person will only make people feel cold, and when a malicious spirit body approaches, people will feel more than just cold." She smiled slightly, "How did you feel last night?"

As soon as she said this, several students were stunned and looked at each other in blank dismay.

Feng Li blurted out: "Could it be..."

Before she finished speaking, Lu Lin interrupted: "Impossible."

I stared at them: "What?"

Feng Li pursed her lips and said, "It's nothing."

I said: "If there is anything else, let's talk about it together, maybe there will be a clue?"

As soon as he said this, he felt that the air around him suddenly darkened, as if someone was staring at him maliciously, and that line of sight came from where the students were standing!Surprised, I looked at them.

The uncomfortable feeling disappeared in an instant, and the expressions of those people were as usual.

Lu Lin said, "Nothing happened."

I wanted to ask again, but was interrupted by Yan Hao: "I don't think the feeling can be accurate. Apart from this, what evidence do you have to prove that the ghost last night was not an evil ghost?"

"I told you that I am a Taoist priest and I can see things that you can't see. Last night when you recruited ghosts, you recruited a thin man." I told the story of last night in detail, and then said: "The general Belly and skinny, except for Rolex, he doesn’t look like a bad person. (It seems inappropriate) And I firmly believe that nothing can stop the ghosts who are in a hurry to apply for a household registration.”

Those people have been stunned.

Seeing their suspicious faces, I sighed and said, "Hey, you are all children, you don't know how difficult it is to get a hukou now!"

Lu Lin pointed at me and said, "You lied!"

The rest responded one after another.

I'm depressed, they all believed it when I made it up before, but they didn't believe it when I told the truth.

Speaking of this, it was getting dark, and some parents shouted outside the door: "Yan Hao, go home for dinner!"

These people walked out reluctantly, halfway through, Yan Hao suddenly turned to me and asked, "You just moved in, right?"

I said: "Yeah."

"Then you definitely don't know..." He stopped in the middle of speaking, "Forget it, anyway, you will know in two days."

Then shrugged and left.

These children obviously have other things to hide from me.

Sanniang smiled and watched her "Supper" walk out of the door, she didn't mean to stop her at all, she just turned her head and asked me: "Brother Ma, from just now to now, don't you think there is anything wrong?"

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Sanniang shrugged and said with a mysterious smile: "If you don't find it, forget it."

Hey, where do these people get their bad habits?Talk half!
After they left, I ate a bowl of egg noodles, and when it got dark, I went out with a flashlight.

I'm going to go see the river where Joo Yi drowned again.

This is a country road, the city has not yet developed here, the road is overgrown with weeds, and there are no street lights.

According to the shortest route those students had taken me before, halfway through, I turned on the left side of the road.

Yan Hao and the others are very familiar with walking. Presumably, they have walked it many times. If Zhao Yi goes to the river, nine times out of ten, he will follow the same path as usual.

This road is rarely used by people, but now it is completely dark, and there is no one around.It was the beginning of summer, and the weeds grew densely, and there were crickets everywhere, and there were a few frogs croaking intermittently.

After walking for more than five minutes, I saw a bright light in front of me, floating in the air like small dots. I thought it was a firefly.When I got closer, I found that the flame was the size of a fist, and the color was between green and yellow.

I was startled, wondering if it was the legendary will-o'-the-wisp?Looking closer, I saw strange lines in the fire. Looking closely, it turned out to be a distorted human face, distorted continuously with the burning of the fire, with a very painful expression, as if suffering great torture.

"This place used to be a cemetery."

I was terrified while watching, when I suddenly heard a female voice behind me, and I trembled in fright.

The female voice shouted, "Brother Ma."

I heard her voice was familiar, like Sanniang's voice, but I didn't dare to turn my head.

When I was young, I heard from my grandma that there is a legend in the countryside that people have three lamps on their bodies. If you are walking in the countryside alone and someone calls your name, it is a ghost pretending to be a ghost. One of the lights will go out, and if all three lights go out, you're game over.Since my grandfather's second uncle's great-grandson's great-grandson is a famous Taoist priest, my grandmother's words must be correct.

Probably seeing that I didn't look back, the voice called out strangely: "Brother Ma?"

Sure enough, it was Sanniang's voice, which could touch people's hearts.It is said that the ghost voice is best at pretending to be the voice of your acquaintances.

Without squinting, I walked straight ahead.

"Oh, Brother Ma, you have opened the zipper."

I quickly looked down, then turned around and cursed: "You are lying, the shorts I'm wearing don't have a zipper!"

When I turned around, there was a lively beauty standing under the moon, looking at me with a smile on my face.

Who is it if not Sanniang?
Sanniang walked up to me and said with a smile: "Brother Ma, are you finally willing to turn back?"

I breathed a sigh of relief and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Walking." Sanniang glanced at me, licked her lower lip, "By the way, have a midnight snack."

The supper in her mouth can't be me, can it?
I took a step back and said, "Then, you go first."

Sanniang glanced at me and scolded: "Idiot, even though that Pixiu is a divine beast, not only is it lethargic, but it also has a reticent and ferocious personality. What's more, it is arrogant and arrogant. It was sent to help you, a useless piece of wood, cultivate Taoism for no reason. Can you see its displeasure? You are its master in name, but if it refuses to accept you for a day, it will not help you sincerely. You are ugly and useless, so stupid and useless, what clues can you find here alone?"

She seems to be doing it for my own good, but why do I feel so uncomfortable when I hear this: "It has nothing to do with looks, does it?!"

"I said it's related." San Niang gave me a charming look, and said angrily, "Hurry up and leave!"

Strange to say, with Sanniang accompanying her, the road ahead was extremely easy.

What the ancestors said really makes sense, men and women match, and work is not tiring.

Under the starlight, I walked on the green grass with a woman who was impeccable in appearance and figure. In the silent night, there were insects, frogs and wolves howling from time to time. The river was flowing in the distance, and the ghost fire was around. fluttering.

In such a romantic environment, if I don’t know how to seize the opportunity to adjust the atmosphere, I will be too ungrateful. I said: "Listen, how energetic that toad is!"

"They all grew up eating dead human flesh, so they are naturally strong." She smiled at me, "Why do you think I can't live anywhere else, but come to this sparsely populated countryside? It is of great benefit, especially your house, which is cloudy and cloudy, and..." She glanced at me and pursed her lips, "Forget it, tell me, I won't scare you, it's rare to see you so delicious, if you scare me away Oh no."

The feeling of spring in my heart immediately cooled down.

In a blink of an eye, they reached the river, and the body had already been carried away during the day, leaving only the flowing river water shining with phosphorescence, quiet and peaceful.

I stuck my head up and looked around.

Sanniang asked, "What are you looking for?"

I said, "Since it's late at night, there might be a ghost nearby who saw what happened yesterday. I'll ask a ghost."

Strange to say, Sanniang said that this place used to be a cemetery, but I couldn't see a single ghost except for the ghostly fires scattered around.

"Based on your skills, at best you can only see ghosts who are harmless and don't want to hide their whereabouts and new ghosts who don't have skills. You can't see this kind of harming people unless you deliberately show it."

I said: "If you can see Zhao Yi's soul, then you can ask the matter clearly."

Sanniang pursed her lips: "He drowned in the water, maybe his soul will also be soaked in the water."

After hearing what she said, I bent over to look at the river.

At this time, the full moon was shining brightly, and the bottom of the river was so clear that I could even see the pretty face of Sanniang behind me from the water.

(End of this chapter)