Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 8: Die Fairy (1)
Taking students to and from school every day after work is really exhausting. I fell asleep as soon as I was next to the bed on the second floor.Halfway through my sleep, I vaguely heard someone calling: "Live Lei Feng... Live Lei Feng... Comrade... I'm coming to see you..."

The voice wafted back and forth in my ears intermittently and endlessly.

I think someone came here in the middle of the night to harass people and prevent them from getting a good night's sleep!Opening his eyes angrily, he saw a big round face beside the bed with eyes narrowed in a smile.

My spirits lifted up at once—isn’t this the belly of the general who opened the account that day!

He came by coincidence!
I rolled over and sat up, grabbed the general by the collar and cursed: "You ungrateful bastard!" Then I swung my fists to hit him.

The general was shocked and said: "Comrade Lei Feng! What are you doing?!"

I said, "You have the guts to ask me if you hurt someone yourself?"

The general belly said: "Oh, Comrade Lei Feng, what you said is strange. In the past two days, I have been busy with work to get a household registration. How can I do anything to harm people!"

I asked, "Have you completed your account?"

The general belly said: "It's done, let's talk about it, do you think I look like a bad ghost who harms people?" After finishing speaking, he grinned, and the two pieces of fat on his cheeks squeezed together, like Maitreya Buddha, very kind.

Only then did I put my hands down, since his account has been completed, there is no reason to harm anyone.

But because he doesn't hurt people, it doesn't mean that the skinny man is harmless. I asked, "What about the skinny man?"

The general stood aside, and I saw that skinny man.

It turned out that it was covered just now.

I asked, "Have you two been together these two days?"

"Of course," said the general belly, "it's so hard to find a job these days, and now there are a lot of high-achieving students at the bottom, especially in the past two years of economic crisis, some people know that it's hard to find a job at the top, so they wipe their necks and come down to fight for positions with us, (allusion Reality) Finding a stable job is difficult!"

"So you found a job?"

"Thanks to you." The general chuckled, "Yan Wang saw that I was dedicated to my work, suffered from occupational diseases, and died in the line of duty, so he arranged for us to be a civil servant."

I asked, "What did you do when you were alive?"

The thin man said, "He is the mayor of our town, and I am the secretary."

This is strange, the mayor can still have occupational diseases, I said: "Then what occupational diseases do you have?"

"I have a lot of diseases on my body!" The general counted on his fingers, "Fatty liver, high blood pressure, coronary heart disease..."

He said that I believed in all these diseases, it was so appropriate, I suppressed the urge to slap him and asked: "Then what happened to the death in the line of duty?"

That's when the thin man interjected, "He's alcoholic, and unfortunately we got into a car accident on the way to the hospital."

The general belly said: "Comrade Lei Feng, don't look at me as a disease of corruption. In fact, I have no choice but to do so! The higher-ups who inspect and attract investment don't eat and drink. Do you think I am happy to eat? I am not happy either. I eat big fish, big meat, bird's nest and shark's fin every day. People who are so tired! I still have to pretend to be laughing with my grandson, for fear of offending others!"

The thin man burst into tears: "Before the mayor died, his greatest wish was to eat a bite of vegetarian food!"

I don't have a whip now, if I had a whip, I'd beat them to death!

Thanks to them!I grew up so big, the only bird's nest I ever ate was "Wahaha Bird's Nest Eight Treasure Congee"!
"Don't believe me, it's the truth. Those who embezzle and harm people have enemies waiting by their side. After death, the soul is bitten to death by other ghosts as soon as it comes out of the body. Don't think that ghosts are not afraid of pain, then It can be regarded as killing ghosts alive, which is equivalent to Ling Chi in ancient times. When you are awake, you scrape off the meat piece by piece. Before you finish scraping, you will save a little soul and send you to the [-]th hell to suffer for a lifetime. They are the most uneconomical , How many years a person lives, how many years will he have to suffer after he dies!" The general belly said, "It doesn't matter if you don't understand now, when you die, you will understand."

I don't want to understand!
Why is this person so unlucky every time he speaks!
I brought the topic back: "Do you still remember the group of students who invited Die Xian a few days ago? Apart from you, did they provoke other ghosts that day?"

"No." The thin man said, "The Die Immortal is the bondage ceremony, and they only bonded me at that time."

I think so too, the plate is just that big, if there are a few more ghosts standing there, it will be overcrowded!

"However, among those children, there is something wrong with one of them." The general belly said, "It feels gloomy, there seems to be something attached to the body, and I can't see clearly from the side." The general belly asked the thin man, "You Do you see clearly?"

The thin man said: "I also just died, I don't feel very clear, it should be a girl."

girl?I was shocked, could it really be Hu Yating?
Before leaving, the general asked the thin man to hand me two business cards, and said, "Comrade Lei Feng, we are in charge of this area now. If you have anything to do in the future, you can come to us at any time."

I heard that he spoke loudly, and I saw that he was a high-ranking official, so I immediately respected him.

Holding the business card and looking down, the business card in the general's belly reads - "Gou Fugui - Yangming Village Film Policeman", and the thin man's business card says "Don't Forget Each Other - Yangming Village Film Police Secretary".

After seeing off the two ghosts, I was about to fall back to sleep when my phone rang with pure blue light.

I saw that it was Feng Li calling, and when I picked it up, Feng Li was crying over there, as if she had been frightened by something, and she couldn't speak clearly: "There is a ghost... woo woo woo... Ah Huang... Help... help..."

As soon as I heard the sound was wrong, I thought it was okay, so I put on my clothes and ran outside. I couldn’t find a taxi in the suburbs, and there was no bus at this time, so I rode my small bicycle and ran all the way.

Life is at stake, I used all my strength to step on the pedals, I have never pedaled so fast in my life!My second-hand bicycle was rattled and rattled by me. On the road, I met a speeding man who stuck his head out of the car window and yelled at me, "Dude, you're speeding!"

After finally reaching the downstairs of Zhang Jiayan’s house, I dropped my bicycle and ran up. I rang the doorbell a few times, and was about to kick the anti-theft door when it opened.

It was Yan Hao who opened the door, who seemed to have just arrived.

I asked, "Are you all right?"

Yan Hao said, "Both of them are fine."

I breathed a sigh of relief and asked, "What do you mean by calling that phone in the middle of the night?"

Yan Hao didn't speak, and let me in.

Both Zhang Jiayan and Feng Li were sitting on the sofa, Feng Li was still sobbing softly, her eyes were red and swollen, Zhang Jiayan was beside her to comfort her.

As soon as I entered the door, I smelled a fishy smell, and I frowned and asked, "What's this smell?"

As soon as I spoke, Feng Li burst into tears with a "wow", which shocked me!
Yan Hao sighed and pointed to the kitchen.

I always feel that there is something wrong, and I run to the kitchen to look, and I know right away that something is wrong.

The big dog that was alive and kicking didn't show up just now.

Why didn't it show up?It's because it's dead.

Died in the kitchen, drowned, the hair on his body was still wet, he looked like a big mouse, his mouth was wide open, his tongue stuck out, but his eyes were lifeless.

Feng Li cried: "Because...because... Ah Huang kept barking, making us unable to sleep, so I shut him outside the bedroom door, and he kept banging and scratching at the door, wanting to come in, I don't know Why did I fall asleep, and in the middle of my sleep, I suddenly heard Ah Huang calling, and suddenly woke up..." Feng Li sniffled and said, "I was scared in my heart, and wanted, wanted to bring Ah Huang in to sleep together. Got up to look for Ah Huang, but... finally saw Ah Huang..."

Yan Hao said: "It was already dead at that time, how can you still hear it barking?"

"I just heard it!" Feng Li said, "If you don't believe me, ask Yanyan, she said she heard it too."

This is the animal spirit, I looked down, they couldn't see it, but I could see it.

Next to the dog's body, Ah Huang's soul was circling around the kitchen, barking at the living room, but couldn't get out.

"This room is in the yin gathering position, and the layout is unreasonable," Pai Yao said, "It can attract ghosts, but human souls don't matter, animal souls are easily trapped."

Yan Hao asked: "Are the doors and windows locked?"

Zhang Jiayan and Feng Liqi nodded together: "We checked several times."

This is strange, the doors and windows are locked well, but the dog was drowned to death.

This is not something ordinary humans can do.

It's kind of creepy to think about it!The murderer quietly killed a vicious watchdog through a door.

Since he can open the anti-theft door, how can a thin wooden door in the bedroom stop "him"?
What would happen to the two sleeping girls if "he" opened the door?
After such a commotion, the two girls could no longer fall asleep, and sat in the living room until dawn.

I went out to find a place to bury Ah Huang's body, and when I came back, the two girls were already dressed and ready to go to school with their schoolbags.

Before going out, Feng Li's eyes were red again, and she said, "I feel like I can still hear Ah Huang's voice."

I turned around and looked, isn't that right? Ah Huang's soul is still in the kitchen, calling this way.

Pixiu said: "The connection between the Yin world and the Yang world is the yin and yang of life and death. People or animals have just died, and the yang energy in their bodies has not dissipated. People who are closely related to them may hear the sound of the soul body."

I said, "Ah Huang is trapped there and cannot be reincarnated, why don't we bring him out?"

Pixiu said: "It is eager to protect the master, leaving it there may be helpful to them."

I sent them to the school, but didn’t dare to go far. I squatted next to their teaching building and smoked. While smoking, I looked at a male student next to me. I jumped down from the fourth floor. There was blood everywhere.

The male student twitched on the ground until his eyes turned white and he didn't move.

Who said that jumping off a building doesn't hurt, look at the muscles on this body shaking like chaff.

Why bother?I flicked the cigarette ash, watched the male student get up, clean as if nothing happened, and walked into the teaching building, and then walked to the same classroom, passing in front of the podium, the teacher and the teacher who were in class The students didn't even look at him, the male student walked to the window, suddenly looked back at his peers who were in class, and then jumped down again.

"Bang"!
I squinted my eyes and felt a little uncomfortable. I couldn't feel comfortable watching this scene for a long time!
When the male student got up again, I yelled: "Hey, you...the one who jumped off the building, the one with a blown head."

The male student turned to look at me with a look of surprise: "Can you see me?"

I said, "Don't jump, don't jump, it looks creepy! Take a break, come and chat."

The male student came over and sat down next to me.I said, "You are young, why are you looking for death?"

The male student said: "I didn't pass the college entrance examination back then."

"If you can't get into university, you have other things to do. The world is so big, what's wrong with it?"

"Actually, I regretted it after jumping off." The male student said, "But it's too late to regret it. Suicides like me have to repeat suicide thousands of times a day and suffer for 100 years before they can be reincarnated."

There are many people who want to commit suicide on impulse. Jumping from a building is one of the most stupid actions. If you regret it halfway, you can't go back in time and jump back.

While talking, I suddenly felt that someone was looking at me, and when I turned my head, I didn't see anyone.

"I'll tell you a secret." The male student pointed to the window from which he jumped out, "I just saw that there was a girl in that class who was possessed by an evil spirit."

I looked up and asked, "Which class?"

"Senior Class Two."

Senior year?My heart sank.

The male student said: "Are you still busy? I have to hurry up and jump, or it will be too late."

"Okay, then I won't bother you anymore, go get busy." I said, "Don't do this in your next life!"

The male student nodded and continued to commit suicide, because chatting with me interrupted his suicide, so this time he was in a hurry and had to run.

Pixiu said, "That's Zhang Jiayan's class."

I said, "I guess so."

Pixiu said again, "It was Hu Yating who saw you at the school gate just now."

Hu Yating?I was taken aback, and subconsciously looked towards the school gate again.

Didn't it mean that she disappeared?

I might be able to catch up with him in the past, so I ran to the school gate, and after a few steps, I heard someone shouting, "Horsepower, what are you doing?"

Turning around, Zhang Jiayan, Feng Li and Yan Hao came out.

I said, "get out of class is over?"

The three of them nodded heavily.

I saw that their faces were wrong: "What's wrong?"

"I was in class, and the incandescent lamp in the classroom suddenly fell." Zhao Yi said, "Almost hit Zhang Jiayan."

"It's all... all caused by Die Xian." Zhang Jiayan folded her arms and said in fear, "He wants to kill us!"

"Stop talking about Die Xian!" I said, "I've checked, and this matter has nothing to do with the ghost you recruited that day."

Feng Li said: "But we have been in so many dangers, is this just a coincidence?"

I asked, "What class are you in the third year of high school?"

Feng Li said, "Class Two, Senior Three."

Sure enough, it was exactly what I thought, and I said, "Is it possible that these things were caused by other things?"

They all looked at me: "What?"

I said: "It's nothing, just talk about it casually." Then I asked, "This series of things only happened recently, after you recruited Die Xian...?"

"Yes."

I don't mind the public breaking the news just now, but being possessed requires a medium. Hundreds of ghosts roam the streets every day, and I haven't seen any of them casually possessing others.

Xiaoshou didn't do anything wrong that day, but all the people who were harmed were the people who recruited Die Xian that day. It's a bit of a coincidence.

I asked: "You guys, haven't you got together to do things like recruiting ghosts?"

The three of them were stunned, looked at each other, and nodded hesitantly.

While talking, all the students after school had left, so I said, "Let's find a restaurant nearby to eat."

Watching the brains of the male student who committed suicide come out here again and again, I can't eat anything!

As soon as the words fell, Feng Li seemed to see something, said "Huh", and ran two steps to the side.

"Boom!" Almost at the same time, a flowerpot hit the place where she was standing just now, the vase fell to pieces, and the soil inside was blown far away.

Feng Li's face turned pale. If she hadn't taken those two steps just now, her head would have been blown.

I raised my head and cursed: "Which ignorant person throws down the flower pot!"

From the looks of it, only the windows on the fifth floor were open.

Feng Li looked up, and the blood on her face was gone: "That classroom has been sealed long ago, no one can get in."

As soon as she said this, the expressions of the other two also changed.Seeing that the morale of the army was about to be shaken, I quickly said: "Maybe it was blown down by the wind. Don't keep thinking about being so dark, let's have more sunshine in our hearts, more sunshine."

When people are in a desperate situation, they especially like other people to say good things. In fact, they don't necessarily believe everything in their hearts. They just want to comfort them.

Sure enough, as soon as these words came out, the faces of several people softened.

From the school to the nearby snack street, there is a small shopping mall whose exterior wall is being renovated, and a temporary shed has been built underneath for passers-by to walk.

When they came here, everyone stopped at the same time.

There was a circle of people pointing around the shed, a leader-like person in the middle, and a circle of reporters beside them, carrying cameras and interviewing.

I pulled a worker brother who was working and asked, "Is this shed strong?"

I made a loud voice, and all the people I attracted looked over.

The builder holding the drawings said very dissatisfied: "It's very strong!"

"It won't collapse, will it?"

The builder squinted at me, and the cow coaxed: "What are you talking about! If it collapses, I will eat all these screws!"

Only then did I feel relieved, and said to several others, "Let's go."

The air was suddenly filled with tension, and several people did not move.

Zhang Jiayan said: "You guys go first, I'll go when I'm fine."

Seeing that Pixiu didn't respond, I thought that there was probably no danger, and said, "Yes, I'll take you away."

Then he led the way into the shed, and Feng Li and Yan Hao followed.

Walking halfway, I suddenly heard the creaking of the boards on the shed, thinking that something was wrong, and just about to shout: "Run!" Feng Li and Yan Hao ran out like rabbits.

It was fast enough that I was taken aback.

Pixiu shouted: "Run fast."

Then the chain around my neck flew straight up, and I felt a strong force dragging me forward.

As soon as I got out of the shed, I heard a loud "crash", and the dust behind me was instantly dense.

The shed has collapsed!

It was a close call, and a plank just fell on my shoe recently.

Turning her head and looking at the other side of the shed, Zhang Jiayan covered her mouth in surprise, she was not scared to cry, but the builder next to her, looking at the nails all over the ground, burst into tears.

Feng Li and Yan Hao were stunned and shocked: "When you run, the chain flies forward!"

I was so angry that I said, "You two run really fast."

Feng Li and Yan Hao looked at each other and said, "We saw Hu Yating just now, and she waved to us from the front."

I looked forward and said, "Where are people?"

Feng Li said: "I have been staring at her, but I can't see her in the blink of an eye."

Zhang Jiayan ran over from a long distance, her face was pale and pale: "Die Xian... Die Xian really wants to kill us!"

I said: "Let the sun shine, shine the light, this is a shoddy project."

Feng Li added: "Just now at school, before the flowerpot fell, I also saw Hu Yating."

Zhang Jiayan shouted emotionally: "She is not missing! She is possessed! She has been monitoring us, and she wants to harm us!"

I was shocked. Could it be that the female classmate that the male student said was possessed was Hu Yating?
When we were talking, we had already reached a fork in the road, and a wave of traffic just passed by, this time it happened to be a green light, but facing the row of parked cars, none of us crossed the road, and watched the green light change back to red lamp,

Yan Hao pointed to a small supermarket next to him and said, "I'm going to buy a bottle of water."

I said, "Let's go together, and nothing will go wrong."

The other two girls also followed, and when they walked to the entrance of the supermarket, they suddenly heard Pai Yao shout: "Run!"

My nerves were in a state of tension, and when I heard this, I quickly kicked Yan Hao and said, "Run!" Then he took a girl with one hand and ran forward.

Almost at the same time, there was the sound of a car slamming on the brakes on the side of the road, passers-by screamed again and again, a large truck rushed straight to where we were standing just now, crashed into the supermarket with a bang, and the wall was dented. , the glass door shattered all over the place.

The truck was on a rampage, turning sharply, and a bunch of small cars behind it had no time to dodge, and smashed into a ball. For a while, only the horns of the cars could be heard one after another, and the whole road was paralyzed.

It was the first time I witnessed the spectacular scenes that can only appear in movies, and I couldn't even close my mouth: "It's too exaggerated."

People and ghosts on the road came together to watch the excitement.

Feng Li was trembling as she spoke: "This... can this be more sunny?"

I can't get up in the sun.

"It wants to kill us! It really wants to kill us!" Zhang Jiayan crouched down holding her head and shouted hysterically, "We're all going to die! We're all going to die!"

"Are we really going to die?" Yan Hao, who was always calm, also started to lose his footing, looking at me as if asking for help.

I looked back, and in less than 10 minutes since leaving the school gate, the places we passed were all in a mess. The destructive power is getting stronger and stronger, and I am afraid it will reach the point of an atomic bomb in a few steps.

I said, "It's okay."

Feng Li asked: "Do you have a solution?"

I said, "I'll take you to Japan first, and then to Korea."

Yan Hao asked: "So we won't die?"

(End of this chapter)