Smart Women Should Read Men's Psychology: Secrets Men Don't Want You to Know

Chapter 33 The man in "The Besieged City" makes you happy and makes you worry (4)
There must be a certain distance between people, and those who love each other are no exception.The reason why marriage can easily become a tragedy is that it objectively makes it difficult to maintain this necessary distance.Once there is no distance, the sense of proportion will be lost, followed by the loss of beauty, freedom, mutual tolerance and respect, and finally love.

Marriage is a signal that the passionate love between two people who are glued together like paint has its limit, and then it has to cool down, keep a proper distance, become two independent people again, and walk the road of life hand in hand.However, people often misunderstand this signal and think that marriage is more of one body, resulting in constant disputes.

Confucius said: "Only women and villains are difficult to raise. If they are close, they will not be inferior, and if they are far away, they will complain." This is unfair to women.In fact, "closer is not inferior" is almost a rule, not only for women.If you are too close to a gentleman, anyone may be used or forced to become a humble and rude villain.

A good love is resilient, it can be pulled apart, but it keeps pulling.Lovers do not restrain each other, which is a manifestation of their confidence in love.No one restricts anyone, in the end no one can do without anyone, this is true love.

There is a point of view that a loving couple must be absolutely loyal, and they must not hide their actions or even their thoughts at all, otherwise it will be a desecration of pure love and sacred marriage.What a childish notion this is, one will realize after enough experience.

Of course, there should be basic honesty and considerable transparency between lovers, but there is a limit to everything, demanding absolute honesty will only lead to an atmosphere of distrust, and even force out deceit and hypocrisy.A healthy love relationship presupposes mutual respect, including respect for each other's privacy.

Maybe you will ask: Will tolerance encourage the vicious development of human weakness and destroy the foundation of love?In fact, everything that can be destroyed by trust and tolerance can never be saved by suspicion and demandingness, so let what should be destroyed be destroyed.After all, love that can be destroyed by trust and tolerance is inherently fragile. On the contrary, suspicion and demandingness can destroy the strongest love.

Five taboos for couples to quarrel - smart women never say that
There will inevitably be "wars" between husband and wife. When it is about to break out, whether it will add fuel to the fire or turn the spring into rain often depends on the words of the wife.Sometimes, just the right sentence can not only quell disputes and take the initiative, but also make the husband and wife more intimate and harmonious during the running-in process.You must know that when the husband and wife have differences of opinion, you will regret it as soon as you blurt out the accusation; or your intention is good, but everything changes when you say it.At this time, a dispute is inevitable, and the transmission of wrong information is about to trigger a war between husband and wife.

In fact, when husband and wife communicate, just a small change in the words can make a big difference in the meaning you express. The key is to adjust your emotions, and don't bring anger and complaints. This is the way to create harmony between husband and wife. The secret to relationships.When there is a dispute between husband and wife, a wise woman never says this:

1. "I divorce you!"

For couples, "divorce" and "disbandment" are very sensitive and heavy words, and they must not be spoken out until the relationship breaks down.It is very dangerous to mention these words lightly: first, it is easy to tear the emotional bond between husband and wife, causing the other party to have unnecessary guesses and become disheartened; second, it is easy to deepen family conflicts. Divorce results.

Gao Jin and her husband have a good relationship, but occasionally they have a little quarrel, which is not a big deal at all, but when she gets emotional, she speaks without restraint, and casually says: "If you are arguing, if you can't, then divorce!" This is the first time she said that At the time, the husband didn't pay much attention to it. After a few times, he felt that it was not a good taste. He thought that his wife had empathized with her, so he talked about the divorce.After coming and going, the husband became more and more alienated from his wife, and the two really embarked on the road of divorce before long.

2. "You're such a wimp!"

Zhang Jun is an intellectual, not very good at things other than his major.The wife saw that other people's husbands could help with housework, cooking, and was very envious, so she became more and more dissatisfied with Zhang Jun, and often complained: "You are such a wimp, you can't do anything, and you can't do anything. ” Her original intention was to stimulate him to learn some skills other than his major, but things backfired. The more she said this, the more “worse” her husband was, because she made him timid to learn, and he felt that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t meet the demands of his wife.

The wife may not know that she is using these words to destroy her husband's self-confidence and hurt the couple's relationship.The correct approach is to give positive encouragement to your partner, which will help him improve his abilities.

3. "I was so blind when I married you!"

Similar words include "If I knew today, why did I have to do it in the first place", "It's really bad luck for eight lifetimes to follow you" and so on.Deep remorse is palpable when these words are said angrily. How can this not hurt a man's self-esteem?
The husband was laid off, and the wife was stunned. Thinking of this incident would bring ridicule and blindness to her, and would increase the financial burden of the family, she even thought of agreeing to buy a piano for her son... She couldn't help being furious and said, "I was really blind at the beginning. Marry a man like you who has nothing to eat!" As soon as he finished speaking, his husband slapped his face, because he was also anxious and angry, how could he not be angry when he heard such words?

In fact, at the critical moment when the ship of her husband's life is hit by wind and rain, the wife should firmly tie the cable of love to the ship of the other party, and pull him out of the dangerous shoal with tender emotions.Any complaints will not only fail to solve the problem, but will complicate the problem and run aground the emotional boat.

4. "Look at someone so-and-so, who is much better than you."

As the saying goes, "If you compare goods, you will throw them away, and if you compare people, you will die."In many families today, the "comparative education method" has become one of the important methods for husbands and wives to educate each other. This is actually a kind of comparison psychology at work.Especially wives often use this method to blame their husbands.Because the traditional Chinese concept always regards the husband as the head of the family, the husband prospers when the husband prospers, and the husband declines when the husband declines, and the rise and fall of the husband is directly related to the wife's personal interests, so they are used to finding a few "typical characters" as examples .For example: "Look at Xiao Liu's husband, who became the general manager at a young age, how about you?" Using this "comparative education" method for your husband, whether it is straightforward or tactful, contains "" You are not as good as XX", so it often makes the good-tempered husband extremely embarrassed, and the bad-tempered husband will say: "He is good, so you go with him!" The result is to cast a heavy shadow on the small family.Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. A wife should know how to seize the opportunity to encourage her husband, instead of sarcasm and sarcasm. The result of sarcasm can only be counterproductive.

5. "You don't care what I do!"

The most precious thing between husband and wife is trust, and the most harmful thing is suspicion.In life, some couples are harmonious because of mutual trust, and their relationship is deepening day by day; some couples are noisy because of mutual suspicion, and their relationship is becoming increasingly estranged. "You have nothing to do with this matter", such words are often easy to misunderstand the other party, thinking that you have something to hide from him, and gradually, he will not trust you.

For example, if the wife comes home late, the husband asks, "Why did you go and come back so late?" This is originally a word of concern, but if the wife happens to be in trouble, she will say, "You don't care!" Of course, the husband will be very wronged, and he will also think to himself: "Does she have some ulterior secrets?" Suspicion arises unconsciously, so family turmoil is brewing unconsciously.

Four.A Tale of a Man and Two Women

The sentence that women are most afraid of hearing is: "Your husband is having an affair." This is much more serious than a man's "cheating" when they are in a relationship.However, the so-called "soldiers come to block, water comes to cover", fear can't solve any problems, you must understand a man, so that you can prevent problems before they happen, and give him an emergency brake when he shows signs of , Actively respond when he has already cheated.

How much love can be "hustle"——Exploring the source of men's extramarital affairs
Many people simply attribute a man's extramarital affairs to a man's flirtatiousness. This is not accurate. Although flirtatiousness is a man's original sin, it does not necessarily lead to an extramarital affair.In fact, when a man has an affair, there are usually many factors behind it, and the multiple psychology of the man is often hidden behind it.

1. Add a little passion to sex

Sex life is often neglected and relegated to a less important position by couples who are overwhelmed by daily chores.When men need more sex and can't satisfy it at home, an affair becomes a new attempt for them to seek pleasure.

2. To prove that my charm is still
Men have a period of rebellion between the ages of 40 and 50, which is the so-called "middle-age crisis". During this period, men begin to question life and resist aging.Especially those men who work hard, they always feel that they have missed the best years of their lives, as if they have never enjoyed the fun of life, and what they really love is carpe gratification.So, seeing young girls, they wanted to start over.

3. To get rid of the boring life

When a man feels that life has become the same and remains the same, locked in boredom and loneliness, he will begin to yearn for change, be eager to try, and seek adventure.These men are not going out looking for anything that is lacking in their marriage, but just for fun, to spice up their boring lives.

4. His wife doesn't care enough about him

Perhaps a wife has become so used to her husband's presence, like that old oak tree in the backyard, that she has almost forgotten that he is also a fragile person who needs company, praise, and comfort.If he can't find these at home, he may bypass his wife who "turns a blind eye" to him and go out to find other women.

5. On a whim
Women often don't believe that a man's cheating is a whim. In fact, he happened to go to a meeting with a woman and slept with her. There is no other reason at all, just a whim, and this happens far more often than Most women think more than that.For many men, having one-nighters is no big deal, and it has nothing to do with their feelings for their wives.Although this fact is difficult for the wife to face, it is the truth.

6. Loss of enthusiasm for life

Losing enthusiasm for life, depression can make a man feel helpless, incompetent and unable to do anything in his heart.So the easiest solution is to find a caring, sexy woman and escape from the frustrating reality of a man.

7. Natural flair

It's also possible that the man is a natural flamboyant, a man who loves the new and hates the old, unlike those who use affairs to escape intimacy, the romantic prodigal who often feels good about himself but is not at all good at marriage.

8. Revenge
If a man suspects that a woman is unfaithful to him and cannot forgive her, then showing off his romantic history to get revenge on a woman becomes an irresistible thought for an angry man.

extramarital affairs

In fact, most of our definitions of extramarital affairs are limited to relationships that have already had extramarital sex, and for those so-called "Platonic" spiritual love affairs, we can at most give them the title of "has the heart but not the guts", disdainfully Take a sideways look.So, what kind of attitude do men have towards extramarital affairs?Is it really just physical satisfaction?
You must know that men have a strong desire to express themselves in front of the opposite sex, and this desire will not disappear because of marriage. They also have a natural desire to explore the opposite sex.These desires are especially strong if the married life seems poor and boring and lacks vitality (this is often a good excuse for men).Colleagues of the opposite sex in the same office, clients of the opposite sex who have been with us for a long time, etc., are often the carriers of this desire for expression and exploration.In these interactions, men often have this thought: "Does she have a crush on me? I feel very happy talking to her. In many ways, she understands me better than my wife." This is the so-called long-term love.

In addition, comparing one's own wife with other people's wives, it is easy to draw the potential conclusion that "wife is good for others".This is the psychological misunderstanding of most married men: the shortcomings of their own wives are magnified, and the advantages of other people's wives are exaggerated.

(End of this chapter)