Smart Women Should Read Men's Psychology: Secrets Men Don't Want You to Know

Chapter 34 The man in "The Besieged City" makes you happy and makes you worry (5)
Therefore, most of the psychological misunderstandings of heterosexual communication are just a desire, a thought that often flashes in the mind.If you are often troubled by this kind of desire, the man's affair entanglement will begin.

Although men's affairs have a common psychological basis and similar external social environment, as far as a specific person is concerned, looking for an extramarital sexual partner has his own special mentality and reasons.Perhaps due to long-term separation between the two places, illness, lack of interest in the spouse or other reasons, the couple cannot have sexual intercourse for a long period of time and are in a state of sexual hunger; Caused; perhaps trying to fulfill one's youthful desires before they die, etc.

Of course, such a situation is also very common among men: they neither lack sex life nor are they dissatisfied with their spouses, but they think that monogamy is a restriction on the free development of individuals.On the one hand, they maintain the stability of the family, and on the other hand, they look for lovers. The lovers can only be purely sexual, and they ask the lovers not to interfere with each other's family.

In other words, many men's extramarital affairs are not because they are dissatisfied with life at home, but because of their infinite desire for novelty and diversified pursuit of sex life.At first, he would jump for joy because of the novelty and excitement, and the guilt of being unfaithful to his wife even became one of the charms of escapades.However, this charm will soon fade.

At first, men just had fun with their lovers, and then happily put on their clothes and went home under the compliments of each other.However, the woman's request may be more and more, because there are often only two people facing the dining table on a date.Why can't the two go to a restaurant outside to eat together?Secondly, she will feel lonely and ask men to spend weekends with her, and then holidays, she will feel neglected and neglected... As a result, men will naturally feel that she is in the way and even deliberately destroys his family.

It won't be long before a man finds he doesn't want to see her anymore because the date is boring and takes energy and time, and he has to tell his wife a lie when he gets home.Why did it become like this?Isn't it wonderful at first?At that time, every time I thought of her, I couldn't help smiling, but since then, everything has changed.Gradually, he will get bored with the woman and find various reasons to sever the relationship with her.However, he is likely to seek new stimulation, to obtain a new lover.

Of course, not many men fall into "sexual indulgence" and "sexual casualness", although sexual physiology is an important driving force for all men's behavior.Most men can consciously realize the harm that "sexual indulgence" brings to themselves, and they can rationally deal with the conflict between men's nature of pursuing novelty and seeking differences.That is to say, although a man's lover is not only satisfied with sex, it is very different from the love between a man and a woman before marriage, and it is also different from his feelings for his wife. It is another kind of satisfaction of spiritual and physical desires.

Men's "Affair is Justified" Theory
Many men, including some women, understand, encourage, and tolerate men's extramarital affairs, thinking that it is quite a common phenomenon in today's society.As one man said: "Even women forgive them, who else should blame them?" Indeed, quite a few people think that having an affair is no big deal at all, and it won't bring any harm, and they still blame those who care about it. The man finds many excuses and forms the absurd theory that "the affair is justified".

The core of the theory of "having an affair is justified" is to blame the wife, the "women outside", and the environment in which the man lives-in short, everyone and everything, except the man himself.There is a saying that everyone may be familiar with, that is, "men are born like this".One rationale for this attitude is that it completely ignores the fact that a man is also an adult who must take responsibility for his actions.

As many people think, no wife would instigate her husband to cheat.If a man is unfaithful, it is because he wants to be like this, because he has not properly fulfilled his responsibilities as a husband.

In addition, the dignity of men is included in their fertility and sexual performance. When a man is not satisfied sexually, he will often blame his wife to maintain his dignity.However, men should pay more attention to their bed skills and improve their sex performance, so that their wives will appreciate them and show this gratitude in the bedroom.

In addition to complaining about their wives, men often use the following excuses to defend themselves:
1. It's just sex.

2. An extramarital affair is like a machine that quickly restores a man's self-confidence.

3. A young, beautiful woman is like an oxygen tank to a middle-aged man with a shrinking sex life.

4. There is no married man who only has sex with one woman in his life.If he did, the rest of his days would be for nothing.

6. It's one thing to sleep with another woman, and quite another to actually leave your wife and family.

7. No man is honest.

8. I have an affair and have a concubine, so what?
In fact, all the excuses a man makes are to rationalize his affair as "just a sexual act", "it's just something a man can do", and it's definitely not "something worth making a fuss about".

Usually, women will accept other people's husband's cheating behavior, not only that, but they will also find all kinds of excuses for these men, such as his wife's appearance and personality are not good, that woman seduced other people's husband first... In fact, it is precisely because men themselves, their wives, and society as a whole tolerate them that they are irresponsible for their actions.

Most women will inevitably gain weight when they are pregnant, and it is not easy to lose weight after giving birth. Therefore, many men justify their messy behavior outside, saying that it is because their wives are too fat, which makes them lose weight. They lost their appetite.And the society mostly holds a sympathetic attitude towards men who blame this for their derailment.

Also, women were the most critical of other women in everyday life, especially in terms of sexual attractiveness.For example, "I'm sorry they're divorced, I really do, she did a lot for Newt, but we still don't understand why she doesn't lose weight a little bit, it will help, She's just too fat." This is what the mother of Newt Gingrich, the former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, said when referring to Gingrich's ex-wife.

Although infidelity is a factor in divorce, there are a lot of women with wrong ideas who side with their husbands.It sounds inconceivable that they should feel sorry for demanding fidelity from their husbands.This also shows how tolerant and protective the infidelity of men is in the whole society, and how it requires women to bear all the blame on their shoulders.

However, when the society is more and more tolerant and encouraging men's infidelity, it is more and more difficult for women to get along with this philandering husband, because they will feel that their belief in fidelity is quite lonely.

Therefore, as a smart woman, you must see the true face of a man, don't believe his so-called "infidelity is justified", and don't blame yourself for your husband's infidelity, which is very stupid and unfair at the same time.

Men become bad when they have money

On the lips of men, there are often such words, "Money is not everything, but without money is absolutely impossible", "Money may not buy love, but money can at least buy women".As a result, it also led to a point of view: men become bad when they have money.The "badness" mentioned here mainly refers to the "badness" in the relationship between men and women. To put it bluntly, it means "mistress".

Today, people are familiar with the phenomenon of "mistresses" that can be seen everywhere, and some men even secretly envy them.Men believe that "contracting a mistress" is a sign of a successful man just like a villa or a car.Surveys show that most men hold a supportive or sympathetic attitude towards men who have "mistresses", which makes people feel a little puzzled.

The term "second wife" first appeared in the southern coastal cities where the economy started earlier, and is related to Hong Kong and Macao terms.In the past, people generally referred to women in this status in the marriage relationship as "second wife".

In the feudal society, the Chinese had a patriarchal marriage culture with wives and concubines in groups, but since the founding of New China, this feudal and unequal marriage system has been abolished.With the development of China's economy, a group of men who became rich first emerged. These men are full of warmth and lust, and have little interest in the "yellow-faced women" who have struggled and started a family with them, but they still have some kindness. He had the heart to completely abandon his wife, and at the same time was attracted by young and beautiful young women, so "contracting mistresses" became popular.

These men themselves also know that young women love their own money, and their original wives love their own people. Therefore, they do not want to lose their love, but also want to gain appearance. "Concubine Mistress" has become their compromise choice.

Weng Mou is a so-called successful man who went to Shenzhen to make a fortune in the world. The following is his confession to himself as a "mistress".

Weng said to his friend: "Am I a 'flower'? That depends on who I compare with—what kind of people I compare with! Let me compare myself—to my past, that is a 'flower', very different. Like words. I used to be an honest teacher, but now, I have "newcomers" around me every day, but there are not many real ones, and some are just "vases". Say it, take it! Of course this is a joke. But if you say it’s not true, then I’m lying to you. There are one or two, I really like them, and they are raised outside! The newspaper scolded ‘mistresses’, that’s right. , That’s it. I don’t care how the newspaper scolds me, and I don’t care what to do with the “New Marriage Law”—I heard that the “Marriage Law” is about to change its regulations, and the “mistresses” must be dealt with legally, and third parties must be punished! But I I really don't care, 'If the people don't prosecute, the officials don't correct'—as long as my wife doesn't sue me, who cares! In fact, the one I feel most sorry for is my wife!

"I didn't know how it became like this at the beginning. It may be that after graduating from university, within a few years, I went to Shenzhen to fight the world. At that time, I didn't bring my wife and children, and I was the only one. I can't help being lonely, this is deviant, out of line, and it has been out of control since then. At first it was mainly loneliness, but later it became a habit, and I felt something was wrong without one or two women around me. I think men are lustful in nature. Making some mistakes in this area—women are the same—is a common thing, 'if you change it, you will be a good comrade'. Generally speaking, occasionally you 'have sex with someone' and let your wife catch you, and you really feel sorry for your wife. , just swear to your wife that you will never do it again—no one really counts—let it go, and live on. What is marriage? Isn’t marriage just having a bed that can be slept on at any time and is reassuring! I think Most men are probably like this. They often fight and fight, and they will be fine when they go to bed. They are still "thousands of people are charming, ten thousand people are charming, and they are not as reliable as their wives". When do you miss your wife the most? When you are sick or encounter difficulties. I myself feel that men are sometimes mean.

"I have done self-examination-self-examination, no one knows what is going on. At first I blamed my wife for the reason. I have changed, but I think she has changed too! I have established a foothold in Shenzhen After creating a family business, the first thing I thought of was to bring my wife and children to enjoy the happiness with me. I have a conscience! I already had a 'Xiaomi' outside at that time, but with my wife Compared with the children, the balance is still unusually heavy, I know it in my heart. But when my wife came, she broke down, and I felt that she had changed, and I felt that she was really old, and she was no longer as pleasing to the eye as when she was in love. "

In fact, most men have the same views as Weng Mou on "mistresses". They believe that marriage can last for a long time, but love cannot have golden or silver weddings.It's not that raising more women is another form of love, but that some men who have achieved success in their careers, especially "big money", often need to have a sense of emotional accomplishment.Therefore, if the social constraints are not enough, the phenomenon of "mistresses" will emerge as the times require, which is not surprising.

However, in a modern society with civilization and progress, the phenomenon of wives and concubines in groups is indeed a tragedy for women, and it is not a blessing for men.As far as men are concerned, their natures are the same. Don’t put your hopes on men who don’t have mistresses and lovers. They may just have no conditions or ability. Once the time is right, their wives and concubines may have more There are even more.

(End of this chapter)