superstar director

Chapter 588
On TV, subtitles appear.

Crosstalk: Cosmos Cigarettes
Performer: Ma Ji
This classic cross talk that Ning Cheng copied from another time and space, originally called "A Salesman", was later renamed "Universe Brand Cigarettes", it is a classic work of Ma Ji, a master of another time and space!

And in this world, Ning Sheng also invited Ma Ji, a respected and important figure in the cross talk circle, to perform. He believed that this cross talk would surely make many people's eyes shine and they would laugh out loud!
On the stage of the Spring Festival Gala at this time, a fat man with a height of less than 1.7 meters walked up!
As Ma Ji stepped onto the stage, he said in a dialect accent: Hey!Comrade, where is your person in charge?

Jiang Kun, another comedian in the audience, cooperated and said: "Why do you smell like this?"We are here for the Spring Festival Gala!
Ma Ji: No, I will negotiate some business with him.

Jiang Kun: Let's perform!

Ma Ji: No, you don't know.I can tell everyone, I can tell everyone.Comrades, we belong to this universe cigarette factory.We'd like to offer you a little sponsored product for this get-together.Said it was this, Cosmos brand cigarettes.Which one of you smokes?Who smokes?Do you smoke?Who smokes?You taste and taste.

Our Cosmos brand cigarettes, no matter how we look at them, have entered the national advanced ranks.To put it in an adjective, it means that the factory is small and ambitious, and a golden phoenix flew out of the mountain nest.Say why our product is welcomed by the majority of users?He mainly wants us to produce cheap and high-quality products.It's not that Lao Wang sells melons, sells melons, and brags about himself. Our product has now been sold in many big cities across the country.

We are also preparing to break out of Asia and enter the international market!Our universe cigarettes are ready to be sold to the United States, RB, the United Kingdom, the Soviet Union; India, Sweden, Denmark, Myanmar; Switzerland, Norway, Finland; Nepal, Yugoslavia, Afghanistan, Hungary, Bulgaria, the Netherlands; Egypt, Yemen, Syria, Sri Lanka, Algeria ; Morocco, Sudan, Guinea, Kenya, Somalia, Uganda; Tanzania, Zambia, Mauritania, Kuwait, Nigeria; San Marino, Australia, Mexico, Argentina, Malta, Mauritius, Guyana; Luxembourg, Jamaica, Lebanon, Rwanda; France, Canada...

We sell everything on the map.Whether people buy it or not is another question.

Oh, our cosmic cigarettes, comrades, why are they welcomed by the majority of users?

The main thing is that we catch it well.We have a slogan called customer first, quality first, sales first!

How to keep our sales volume?We just change brands all the time.Change twice every three days!

It turned out that the one we produced was called "Dung Beetle Brand".Although this brand is not loud enough, it has a strong local flavor!

Later we looked through the dictionary and found out that the dung beetle is a dung beetle!Rolling dung balls!Do you think this brand can stop smelling?
If it stinks, it stinks, we will change the brand immediately.We changed to "Peach Brand".That means, smoking a pack of my Pantao cigarettes can make you live forever.

Later, the smokers made up a jingle for us: "Pantao, flattao, you won't catch it if you don't suck it hard.

This brand stinks again!If it stinks, we will change it.We switched to the "Beauty" brand.For the beauties, draw a big girl on the cigarette box, a slender lady with handsome features and gorgeous clothes, with a small leather bag in her left hand and a cigarette in her right hand.This is My Fair Lady Sai Tianxian, who doesn't like red makeup and cigarettes.

This smoker is also difficult to adjust, and the result is that this brand is also stinky.But we believe that the universe card will maintain its youth.What's the matter?This brand is resounding: "Universe Universe, a rookie in cigarettes!" We use Cosmos cigarettes to open our new era and create a new situation for us!
Let's tell you, our cosmic cigarettes, take the second measure: expand sales.It is to create public opinion for cosmic cigarettes!Advertisement Wow, it doesn't matter if you are a subway station, or a busy street, wall window, there are advertisements for our universe cigarettes everywhere!Make Universal Cigarettes a household name, well-known to women and children, suitable for all ages, and a must-have for everyone!
Cosmic cigarettes enter your life and become the first of the three major elements of your life!If you don't smoke my cosmic cigarettes, you won't have a happy family!If you don't smoke my cosmic cigarettes, you young man won't be able to find a partner!If you don't smoke my cosmic cigarettes, you students can't get into college!Without Cosmic Cigarettes, everyone here will not have a good New Year!
Our Universe Cigarette has a long history, rich experience, complete equipment, and first-class technology. Please remember the WeChat ID: one push 21; phone number: no matter [-].

Comrades, we still have measures. We are preparing to produce WC series products recently.What is a series of products?I didn't figure it out either.Anyway, this is a fashionable word, we are the same as matches, producing sets of sets.

There are calligraphy, landscapes, and characters, all of which are cleverly designed and beautifully printed, lifelike.This is attractive to collectors.What's the matter?If you want to collect a set of my patterns, which is a set of Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea, you can buy at least eight boxes of cigarettes from me; you can buy me twelve boxes of Jinling Twelve Hairpins; you can buy me 36 boxes of Suzhou and Hangzhou 36 scenes; One hundred and eight boxes; five hundred arhats bought me five hundred boxes; I still have a million soldiers going to the south of the Yangtze River!
Comrades!We are also planning to adopt the method of prize sales!What is a prize sale?You save me a set of patterns, and you can go to our factory to get a super large TV with 50-inch LCD screen.Once in a lifetime, a rare opportunity!Please buy as soon as possible.We are going to run out of TV sets.

The one asked how many TVs your factory prepared?Let me tell you the truth, I predict that no one will take it away this year and next!What's the matter?I'm saving three copies of each set!

Jiang Kun co-operated and booed: I said, sell it outside, sell it with other people outside!

Ma Ji: Alright, who buys universe cigarettes, I set up a canteen...

While talking, Ma Ji stepped down like this, ending the solo cross talk performance!
-
The audience: "Hahahahaha!"

"Oh no!"

"It's ridiculous!"

"My stomach is cramping!"

"Hahahahahaha!"
-
In addition to laughter, the online comments and bullet screens also have a lot of emotion!
"Awesome! I admire this cross talk!"

"Me too, it's really convincing! Although there are no Internet buzzwords, it's really funny!"

"There's only one person! But the language and baggage are traditional! Especially since there's been no silence, it's great!"

"Ning Cheng can actually write this kind of nostalgic traditional joke? And write it so well?"

"Ning Cheng and we grew up at the same time, maybe Ning Cheng also collected cards when he was young!"

"Hahahahaha, it's beautiful! This cross talk is amazing! It turns out that traditional ones can be so funny!"

"Oh, I laughed so hard that tears came down!"

"It reminds me of eating instant noodles when I was a child, just to collect all the [-] generals inside!"

"In order to gather the five tiger generals of the Three Kingdoms, I secretly sold the tape recorder at home, and I was beaten up by my father!"

"The four beauties of my childhood, those little cards of Nezha are still there, I really miss them!"
-
In the main control room, Xiao Lin clapped his hands and exclaimed, and said in a low voice: "This cross talk, you will die laughing every time you watch it!"

Old Wu also said quietly: "Well, it brought back memories for many people."

Ning Cheng nodded in satisfaction!So far, the Spring Festival Gala program is going well!
With the end of the cross talk, the audience in front of the TV looked at the time, it seemed that it had been a long time since the last skit, and then looked at the subtitles of the next work that appeared on the TV, it really was a skit, everyone immediately became more serious Look up!

In fact, many people in front of the TV have doubts in their hearts. Isn’t it a bit overkill to put such an amazing work in the first sketch?With the quality of this skit, it can be the finale. Putting it first, it is amazing, but how can the subsequent sketches be performed?Everyone will inevitably compare, if the following sketches are slightly inferior, the effect will be much worse, right?

What does Ning Sheng, the chief director, think?Could it be that he is sure that the later sketches are better than the previous ones?
impossible?

But when the skit was performed, everyone was convinced!
-
Title of the sketch: "The Protagonist and the Supporting Actor".

Lead actor: Zhu Shimao.

Supporting actor: Cheng Xiaoer.

One has thick eyebrows and big eyes, and the other has a sharp beak and a bald head.

Both of them are well-known sketch actors in China. They have performed many wonderful works in the Spring Festival Gala before. However, because of the issue of film and television copyright, they had a stalemate with the Spring Festival Gala in the imperial capital. It's really not necessarily possible to invite these two great gods of comedy.

However, when the audience saw these two people on the stage, the instant cheers and applause could make Ning Cheng, he was right, these two people can definitely make the classic skits from another time and space become unforgettable in this world. A faded classic!

On the stage, in the applause of the audience, the performance has begun!

Cheng Xiaoer: "That's not right!"

Zhu Shimao: "What's wrong?"

Cheng Xiaoer: "This costume is not mine."

Zhu Shimao: "It's yours."

Cheng Xiaoer: "You must have taken the wrong one, let me see what you are wearing."

Zhu Shimao: "Don't look! This is yours, you are a traitor."

Cheng Xiaoer: "I am a traitor?! Which drama?"

Zhu Shimao: "Just this play."

Cheng Xiaoer: "Ah, this time, this time I betrayed again?"

The word "again", coupled with his funny face and expression, immediately made the audience burst into laughter: "Hahahahaha!"
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Zhu Shimao: "You must remember! As long as I draw out the gun and raise my hand - you will fall down."

Cheng Xiaoer: "Why?"

Zhu Shimao: "This means that my marksmanship is accurate!"

Cheng Xiaoer: "Yes."

Zhu Shimao Shimao: "Well, you brought the devil here?"

Cheng Xiaoer: "Captain Huang Jun told you to hand in your gun and surrender—"

Zhu Shimao Shimao: "Shut up! Daydreaming, you traitor, on behalf of the people and the government I shot—"

When Zhu Shimao and Shimao turned around to look for someone, Cheng Xiaoer had already collapsed, "Hey! People? People!"

Cheng Xiaoer sat up: "Here."

Zhu Shimao Shimao: "Why did you fall down before I hit you?"

Cheng Xiaoer: "Hey! Didn't you say that? As long as you take out your gun and raise your hand, I'll fall down?"

Zhu Shimao Shimao: "Then I haven't fired yet!"

Cheng Xiaoer: "Oh, doesn't it show that your marksmanship is accurate!"

Cheng Xiaoer, the supporting role, played tricks time and time again, and the audience was already laughing like crazy!

"Oops! No more, no more!"

"Hahahahaha! I'm dying of laughter!"

"Stomach hurts! Your sister! It's so fucking funny!"

"This is even better than the first sketch!"

"Hey, you really deserve to be the gods of comedy, the performance of the two is really good!"

"It's so exciting! I can't bear to look away for a second!"

"I'm already laughing! Hahahaha!"
-
In the main control room, Ning Cheng was calm and relaxed.

In another time and space, Cheng Xiaoer, Pei Si, Zhu Shi, and Mao Shimao's sketches have always been the favorite works of audiences all over the country, and "The Protagonist and Supporting Role" is one of their most classic masterpieces!

It just so happened that in this world, there are two entertainers and two Cheng Xiaoer from another time and space, Zhu Shimao and the two teachers are very similar, of course, it is not the appearance, but the temperament and demeanor, so Ning Cheng simply took out This is an absolute classic work in another time and space, and looking at the effect now, it is as expected, the effect is the same as another time and space, it is so heaven-defyingly good!
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On the stage, the skit has come to the back part!Zhu Shimao Shimao and Cheng Xiaoer's protagonist and supporting roles have been changed!Zhu Shimao Shimao plays the traitor, and Cheng Xiaoer plays the protagonist!

Cheng Xiaoer: Are you the one who brought the devils here?
Zhu Shimao: Captain, the devil asked me to tell you something——
Cheng Xiaoer: What did the imperial army say?
Zhu Shimao: Huh? ——The devil asked you to hand in your gun and surrender.

Cheng Xiaoer: Bah! — what word?
Zhu Shimao: Daydreaming.

Cheng Xiaoer: Oh yes!Daydreaming - dreaming! ——What about the back?
Zhu Shimao: You traitor!
Cheng Xiaoer: You are the traitor!

Zhu Shimao: I said the line "You traitor".

Cheng Xiaoer: Oh, fine.I see.You traitor!I always thought that only people like me could rebel—unexpectedly—I didn’t expect—you, Zhu Shimao Shimao, with thick eyebrows and big eyes, also rebelled against the revolution!
Zhu Shimao: What a mess, this is—Captain!team leader!The devil wants you to hand in your gun and surrender!

Cheng Xiaoer: There are more in the back

Zhu Shimao: None.

Cheng Xiaoer: Yes!
Zhu Shimao: No more!

Cheng Xiaoer: Let me ask you——
Zhu Shimao: Huh?
Cheng Xiaoer: Is there no condition?

Zhu Shimao: No conditions!

Cheng Xiaoer: Nonsense!Who surrenders without conditions!

Zhu Shimao: Is this a positive person? This!
Cheng Xiaoer: Ah——I understand!
Zhu Shimao: Understand what?
Cheng Xiaoer: It's been a long time.Your kid has taken all the benefits that the Taijun gave me - all kickbacks!

Zhu Shimao: This also brings kickbacks!

Cheng Xiaoer: (Pointing at Zhu Shimao with a gun) Tell me!Do you have!
Zhu Shimao: No!

Cheng Xiaoer: Don't pretend to be confused with me (picking up the brim of Zhu Shimao's hat with a gun)—do you pretend that I don't know?

Zhu Shimao: What do you know?
Cheng Xiaoer: Hehe!The imperial army told me when I came——
Zhu Shimao: How do you say?

Cheng Xiaoer: The imperial army asked me to bring you a message
Zhu Shimao: Yes

Cheng Xiaoer: As long as you can hand in your guns and surrender to the imperial army—you will be guaranteed prosperity and wealth for the rest of your life, a big golden ticket——
Zhu Shimao: Daydreaming!You traitor—

Cheng Xiaoer: Captain!I--
Zhu Shimao: Why didn't I see you before?
Cheng Xiaoer: Captain - I can't help it - Captain!

Zhu Shimao: On behalf of the government and the people, I shot you—hey!Where is my gun?

Cheng Xiaoer: (passing the gun) Ah!Here it is!
Zhu Shimao: I shot you—slap!

Cheng Xiaoer: Ah!Ouch!team leader---
Zhu Shimao: Crack!
Cheng Xiaoer: Huh?its not right!I am the protagonist!
Zhu Shimao: What!You - what should you do?
(End of this chapter)