Engraved crush time

Chapter 4 If love has long been forgotten, then there will be no more memories

Memory is a very mysterious thing, I have always thought so.We live in the present, live in the present, but we will always fall into endless memories.This kind of memory is like a vortex, sweeping past and future, if we still have a future.

I often think, is it because of memories that those short lives will be lengthened enough to make me believe that you are always by my side? !
I always think about these issues in Liu Ruoying's singing.I also know that the meaning of thinking about these issues is meaningless, we are just escaping, escaping from the present, and even escaping from the future.It is precisely because of these escapes that we fall into memories, into endless sorrow and regret, but what happens after sorrow?Do we have to continue on the path we should take? !
I admit that I was indeed avoiding Xiao Jiayi.

He has lived in Qingshui Hutong for two days.In the past two days, I have found all kinds of excuses to meet Xiao Jiayi.Every time at this time, he would always say "oh" to the empty phone, as if he was called up by the teacher to answer the question because he was distracted, and he was at a loss. After a long time, he added: "Then you are busy first." Come on, remember to call me when you're done." When he said this, I suddenly felt distressed, half of this distress was because of Xiao Jiayi, and half was because of myself.

Sometimes I would suddenly make a decision to go see Xiao Jiayi or make dinner for him.I will always be secretly happy for such a decision, so happy that it seems that Xiao Jiayi is sitting in front of me, and I bring a hot meal from the kitchen to him like a housewife.I decided to do so, and I did.I couldn't wait to step on the bus bound for Manhattan, and couldn't wait to think about the scene of cooking, but my "can't wait" finally stopped when the bus arrived.So, I continued to sit on the bus, looking at the community outside the car window getting farther and farther in my sight.So, later, the kind of "secret joy" rippling in my heart will always turn into "empty joy" after another.

In what capacity should I go to see Xiao Jiayi?I always ask myself this.I am no longer the Jiang Hui I was before, not anymore.

The number of times Xiao Jiayi sent me messages to ask me to meet was less and less.I often take out my mobile phone to see if there are any text messages from him, but what is waiting for me is always lost.Even so, I took out my phone out of habit and put it in my jeans pocket.I put my phone on vibrate mode, and I stubbornly believe that as long as it has the slightest tremor, I can feel it immediately.

It's a pity that it is like a sleeping baby, neither crying nor fussing, without any restlessness.

To be honest, I really hope that it can continue to sleep like this, at least, I don't have to worry about how to face Xiao Jiayi.I don't know how long I have to escape, but my heart tells me over and over again: I can escape every day!Just like we have been avoiding death all the time, as long as the god of death doesn't knock on the door, we don't have to worry about the end of life.

There is a suffocating tranquility at night in Zhengzhou. This tranquility is like a vine rooted in your heart, spreading unscrupulously around you. You will not realize it until it occupies all the space in your heart and swallows all your blood. This kind of tranquility is also called loneliness.

We fear loneliness as we fear death.But we can't escape.Whether it is in a noisy street or in a claustrophobic space, it is with us, so annoying, but it is inseparable all day long.

Tang Qiming pushed open the door of my bedroom, and the diffused light from the fluorescent lamp flowed into the bedroom, so the warm yellow light in my bedroom was like a defeated soldier who raised his hands and surrendered.

I didn't look up at him, I just hugged my knees and said, "Would you please knock on the door the next time you come in?"

"As for?" There was mockery in his voice.

"Why not?"

After I finished speaking, I realized that my voice was a bit cold, oh no, it was not only my voice that was cold, but also my body. I picked up the blanket on the bed and wrapped it around my body, but I still felt the slightest chill Penetrating and rolling in my body.

"Jiang Hui, have you forgotten what our relationship is?" Tang Qiming looked at me against the door wall, his eyes were full of joy, yes, it was a fire, but a sinful and vicious fire.

I hate Tang Qiming, and I hate myself even more.

I didn't say anything.I also don't want to argue with Tang Qiming, I don't have the strength, let alone the thought, I just want to be alone.

Tang Qiming is still a man, and he continued to amuse me without shame.As he walked towards the living room, he said to me: "The fruit soup is ready, you can drink some if you want to drink, and..." He paused, and continued as if he suddenly remembered something: "Last month I have paid the utilities and gas bills, so you don’t need to make another trip.”

I said "oh", the moment he was about to walk out of my sight, I stopped him, he stopped naturally, looked up at me, "what's the matter?"

"Please close the door of my bedroom!"

Tang Qiming cooperated very well.I said that he is a good man, and I firmly believe in this point. If he can be more docile or less domineering, he will be a very good man.But there is no perfect person in this world, no matter how crystal clear jade is, there will be spots, let alone human beings.

The dim warm yellow was back in the bedroom.Well, in this light, I can fall asleep quickly, so that I don't have to think about the problems that give me a headache.I turned off my phone, threw it on the table beside me, and wrapped myself tightly in a blanket. I thought, I should find Yang Shanshan before class tomorrow afternoon.

I study finance.It's a bare-handed profession for a simple reason.Because people like money, people are willing to deal with money.Therefore, every year, countless candidates squeeze into our major with their heads covered in blood, and those who cannot get in have to rely on connections to get in through the back door.As a result, our department can be regarded as the school's small coffers, rich and oily.The leaders also came and went by car one by one, completely ignoring the slogan of the Department of Environment and Resources: "Energy saving and emission reduction", not to mention their belly that looked like it was pregnant in October, so that outsiders The students of the department started posting discussions on the BBS, and the topic of the discussion was: Is the stomach of the leaders of the finance department filled with ink or oil.

However, it is not the stomachs of the leaders that best represent the style of our finance department, but the buildings of our department.Yes, it's construction.If you have also heard of the principle of "round sky and earth" in traditional Chinese culture and the appearance of ancient coins, then you will certainly not be unfamiliar with the buildings of our department.The teaching building of our department is based on this theory to carry forward the traditional Chinese financial thought.Leaving aside the series of signs of five baht coins at the entrance of the teaching building, we only talk about the flower bed at the entrance of the teaching building. The perfect presentation of coins, what is even more unexpected is that the fence of each sycamore tree is also a copper coin model with an outer circle and an inner square.

In fact, this is also good.It is enough to set off the wealth of our department.Especially when the extraordinarily voluptuous roses bloom shyly in the center of the small flower bed, the scenery is much more beautiful than the rose garden in Provence, France.This directly led to a very serious consequence. Boys from foreign departments often came to our yard to pick roses, and sometimes they even picked the beauties in our yard together.

The northeast corner of the flower bed is a long corridor, the marble pillars are entangled by vines, layer by layer, scattered and intertwined, like a silkworm.Therefore, this corridor seems to be covered with a green coat, with luxuriant branches and leaves.This is where I made an appointment with Yang Shanshan.Fortunately, it was noon now, and the morning students had already dispersed, so the corridor looked deep and quiet.

For a moment, I suddenly felt that people have been trying their best to find a quiet place where they can settle their souls all their lives, but our painstaking search failed to match the arrangement of fate.

When Yang Shanshan appeared in front of me, I realized that this girl was 10 minutes late.Since dating He Dawei, this girl's dressing style has undergone a major change.The jeans were replaced by a pale pink dress, and even her proud ponytail was straightened, and her hair danced when the breeze blew, like a Rejoice advertisement.

Love is magical.I believe this sentence.At least Yang Shanshan is a living example.

I still remember when Yang Shanshan first dated He Dawei, this girl kept asking me how to become more ladylike!Listen, it's not unusual. Yang Shanshan, who used to open her mouth and shut her mouth and say "fuck me" and "fuck me", wants to be a lady!This is like the "Brother Chun" who has always been very "manly" transformed into Xiaojiabiyu's route, it will definitely be the headline news in the entertainment section.But Yang Shanshan can't control these things. She said: "He Dawei said that I am a lady when I am quiet, and I am very good-looking! So I have been quiet, and it is best to be a little lady with a sweet voice!" In order to realize this grandeur Goal, this girl has started to practice in seclusion, and she is short of enrolling in a lady training class.I thought this girl was just a whim, and the 3-minute heat, like the tide of the sea, will subside in a short time.However, this girl really "renewed her life". When I saw her again, I was so surprised that I couldn't help expressing "Oh my god, you are Yang Shanshan's twin sister".

However, don't think that this girl has really transformed into a lady!If you think so, then you are dead wrong!There is no doubt that Yang Shanshan is really a lady in front of He Dawei, and she has a coquettish voice, but that is only in front of He Dawei.I always feel that her image of a lady follows the law of decreasing step by step, so when it decreases to me, it means she has revealed her original shape and returned to her true colors.Just like now, as soon as this girl saw no one around, she put away her cute smile and sat down on the bench next to me. If He Dawei was here, she would definitely pull out a piece of paper elegantly and generously. Paper towels, wipe down the benches before sitting down with dignity.

"Damn it, are you tired of looking at handsome guys every day? Have you finally thought of me as a beauty?" Yang Shanshan started teasing me before she even sat down.Ever since this girl went to my house and ran into Tang Qiming last time, she has insisted that I have a fight with Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty Liu Che, and that is—Jinwu Zangjiao!
I rolled her eyes, "Are you considered a beauty?"

The greatest joy with Yang Shanshan is that they can slander each other as they like.No matter how I joked or mocked her, she would never show me face, let alone stab me behind my back or wear shoes.

This is friends.

"Damn! Come on, tell me the truth, what's going on with you and your little fair face hidden in the golden house?"

"Please, are we pure?" I quibbled.

"Fuck, I'm a lonely man and a widow, I'm alone in a room, and I still say I'm pure, and if I'm pure, I won't use 'we'!" Yang Shanshan firmly grasped my handle, and she greeted me like a banner of victory. I laughed, "Come on, good sister!"

I lowered my head, held my left hand in the palm of my right, and sighed, "The person I have a crush on is back."

Yang Shanshan jumped up from the bench, she poked my face with her index finger, "Damn it, Jiang Hui, what about that little boy in your room?"

I know that Yang Shanshan is just running on me.We are used to running like this, so we are used to it.Only this time, I suddenly felt like a bee stung my heart, and the pain was severe.

I didn't speak for a long time.I don't know what to say to her, should I say how inferior I was and how crazy I was in love with Xiao Jiayi?I can't say it, I just know that Xiao Jiayi is my exclusive memory, no matter how hard I try to explain to others what he means to me, no one will understand, even Yang Shanshan.

Some feelings can only be understood after empathizing with them.Just like a glass of ice cream, you don't know whether the ice cream is sweet or bitter until you take a bite.

"Do you love He Dawei?"

"Aren't you talking nonsense? If I don't love He Dawei, why should I go to the milk tea shop to do free coolies? Why should I pretend to be a fucking lady! Just because I love him, I willingly For him to change, I have no complaints!"

silence.

The wind swayed the vines and rustled.The emerald green leaves fall lightly, like the swan song of life.

Everyone only lives once, doesn't he?
If you don't grab the person or thing you want while you are alive, then you will never be reconciled in your life, will you?
I buried my eyes in my hands, put my left hand in the palm of my right and rubbed it back and forth.I suddenly found that the happiest thing in this world is the hands, no matter they are separated or combined, they will never lose each other, even if they look at each other from a distance, it is only a distance of more than one foot, there is no close distance, and there is no such thing as a close distance.

Yang Shanshan smiled, she put a hand on my shoulder, and then hooked my neck, and made a gesture of torture to extract a confession, but her voice was very gentle, "What's the name of the person you have a crush on?" ?”

"Xiao Jiayi." I said these three words without thinking.

"Oh, Xiao Jiayi, what a good name." Yang Shanshan said to herself, and finally she stared at me again, "Jiang Hui, you don't love him, don't you? You just love him secretly, but you don't love him."

"fart!"

"You touch your conscience and ask yourself whether you love him or not, and don't rush to answer me. The answer does not belong to me, but to yourself. If you really loved him, you would not come to me, Even if he is in the remotest corners of the world, you will chase after him, not to mention, he is in Zhengzhou now." Yang Shanshan's voice was very soft, as she always did when she was serious, her tone was neither urgent nor slow, like water on the eaves, drop by drop dipped into the ground.

It's just that Yang Shanshan's words didn't fall on the ground, but on my heart.

"Go to dinner, there are four classes in the afternoon." I changed the subject.Then I lazily stood up from the bench, and when I walked out of the corridor covered by vines, I suddenly realized that today's sunlight was a bit dazzling.

The school cafeteria is crowded like a hornet's nest every noon.Of course, it doesn’t matter if you haven’t seen a hornet’s nest. You can imagine how crowded the train station is during the Spring Festival every year.Therefore, buying food in our school cafeteria at noon is definitely comparable to buying train tickets during the Spring Festival travel season.However, this is no wonder to us, there are more than 2 people in the school, and there is only such a pitiful canteen in the school.Even so, the school leaders continued to build the library, and banners such as "Spiritual food is the driving force for college students to keep moving forward" were flying on half of the construction site.Yaya, bah, it really doesn't hurt my back to sit and talk.

This is what makes our school special.The so-called characteristics are all for those candidates who apply for our school. When they step into this school full of joy, they will find that behind these characteristics are pains that have nowhere to complain, and these pains are all We have to take it on ourselves.

Yang Shanshan and I bypassed the cafeteria, walked through the back door of the school and went straight to "Degenerate Street".The street got its name because it is full of places to eat, drink and have fun.When I was still living in the dormitory, I would often go to a Northeast dumpling restaurant with Yang Shanshan to eat dumplings. The dumplings are all handmade, with thin skin and fresh filling, and the taste is very good.The shop owner is a couple in their forties. The man is taciturn and spends most of his time cooking dumplings in the kitchen. Therefore, the entire store is almost taken care of by women.She wore gray clothes all day long, and her apron was stained with white flour.In her free time, she would sit at the cash register and make dumplings. The so-called cash register was just a table near the kitchen with a thin layer of flour sprinkled on it. The mouthful of the porcelain basin, the round dumplings are neatly placed on the left and right of the porcelain basin.

This dumpling restaurant is much cleaner than other restaurants.The hostess is very hardworking, and she always wipes the table clean after the guests pay their bills and leave.She was a taciturn woman who always made dumplings or wiped the table in silence. I rarely heard her heavy sighs or complaints about life.In the past, when Yang Shanshan and I came here to eat dumplings, it was always after ten o'clock in the evening, so what was waiting for us was always a messy and empty storefront.While making dumplings, the woman explained the raw materials to buy tomorrow, while the man silently cleaned up the messy table.Seeing us coming in, the man always smiled honestly. He hurriedly cleared a clean table for us to sit down, and then hurried into the kitchen to cook dumplings for us.While waiting for the dumplings, the woman would strike up a conversation with us. Her accent has a strong local accent, but we can still understand it.She smiled and asked if our school life was bitter or tiring. She babbled about what she had seen and heard on this street.Yang Shanshan and I listened to each sentence without saying a word, and occasionally responded with a sentence or two.

The dumplings served by the man are very fragrant.Both Yang Shanshan and I asked for small bowls, but every time, the amount of dumplings would be the same as the big bowl.Therefore, every time we come to this store to eat dumplings, we will be very full.

This time is no exception.

There are obviously more people at noon than at night, so the woman is very busy. From the kitchen to the store, she keeps serving dumplings and clearing the table. When she came to us, she asked us to eat in awkward Henan dialect. Are you full?After paying the bill, the woman sent us out of the store, and said to us as if to attract customers: "Remember to come here often in the future!"

I looked back at the woman, she was still smiling at us standing at the door of the store, the wrinkles on her face were stretched out, she looked extra energetic, I thought, if she also had children, would she be as old as us.

The four afternoon sessions are Professor Dai's lectures on Money and Banking.

When Yang Shanshan and I rushed to the classroom, Professor Dai was already sitting on the podium.She was wearing a plain white shirt as usual, her long, not-so-thick hair was simply tied together, and she quietly flipped through a slightly torn textbook.This is a slightly thin woman, about forty years old.Her voice was extremely slender, with a unique bookish atmosphere, neither high nor low, extremely gentle, straight to the heart.If you ask her a question, she will answer you with a smile on her face, and explain it to you over and over again, without any arrogance or conceit.Because of this, I appreciate Teacher Dai very much. If every teacher knows their responsibilities, then there will not be so many students going astray.

The lecture theater, which can accommodate more than 200 people, is almost occupied, except for a few scattered seats in the front row, and the seats in the back row are either sitting people or books.Yang Shanshan and I resolutely sat in the first row ignored by others. Don’t think that we are lost girls who are not doing business, but in fact we are both good students. Last year’s freshman scholarship was won by the two of us.

Before I even sat down, a slight numb vibration spread from my jeans pocket to my whole body, like an electric current.I took out my mobile phone and saw the words "Jiang Caiwen" displayed on the screen.

"Hello." I hesitated for a while and pressed the answer button.I lowered my head and lowered my voice as much as possible and said, "Is there something wrong?"

There was a deathly silence on the other end of the phone. After a long time, I heard Jiang Caiwen's hoarse voice: "What do you mean? Jiang Hui, don't fucking forget, who raised you up with shit and piss!"

Suddenly, I felt my face start to burn, and a strong airflow hit my internal organs violently. I held the phone tighter and tighter, for fear that if I was not careful, the phone would fall heavily on the ground.

I didn't know whether it was because of the blockage of blood vessels caused by the backflow of blood or because I couldn't react to Jiang Caiwen's roar for a while, I was silent for a long time.In the past 19 years, her growls have always gradually calmed down in my silence until they became small sighs.She obviously got used to my silence, and after a sigh, she said lightly: "It's nothing, you can do your work, come back to have a meal if you have time in the evening, Jiayi is at our house."

Her voice was broken, like shattered glass, and she walked over barefoot, with blood pouring out.

(End of this chapter)