leave this sad place

Chapter 34 Lies
There is no end to the circular runway going round and round. "It would be great if it could go on like this forever." Ouyang thought to himself, with some vague expectation, but also some inexplicable sorrow.

But no matter how long the road is, there will be an end.The time for three laps is actually not long, and in Ouyang's eyes, it is even more short, as if it passed in the blink of an eye.

"I-I'm going to read a book." Yu Shu looked at Ouyang and said softly.

"Yeah." Ouyang shut his mouth tightly and let out a sound from his nose.

"Then I'm leaving." Yushu continued.

"Go, study hard." Ouyang didn't hold back any more, because he knew that no amount of words could change her decision to study hard, and he shouldn't influence her anymore.

Yushu looked at Ouyang again, saw that he had nothing to say and left.His steps were heavy, but his heart was even heavier, his eyes were slightly red, and he was really afraid that if he looked at him again, he would cry out.Why didn't he redeem himself?Why are you silent at this time?Does he want to give up on himself?Just because I have to study hard, I can't be with him often.This small request, this brief separation, he—couldn't bear it?
Ouyang watched in pain as she walked away step by step, her steps were calm and firm, without the slightest sign of looking back.Why is she so decisive?Do you want to tell yourself something in this silent language?Just because of studying?Learning is very important, but is it really that important?In order to learn, can you let go of everything, let go of me?Did you ever know that I would miss it, be sad for it, and be haggard for it?
At last, she could not feel his gaze; he could no longer see her.

Ouyang clearly felt that there was an invisible gap between him and her, which prevented them from being as close as before.But what can he do?Don't let her study so hard?Let her stay with me carefree and like an idiot like before?Do you want to let yourself cry and beg her on your knees?Ask her to do that!
Thinking about it, Ouyang suddenly looked at the sky and giggled, laughing so hard that he coughed, and couldn't stop tears from laughing.After a while, he opened his mouth wide and cried silently, crying without tears.

My heart is extremely sad!
For a long time, Ouyang looked into the distance and murmured to himself: "Don't worry, I won't bother you anymore."

In the future, I'm afraid it will be difficult to meet her again.Ouyang's heart trembled slightly, a little reluctant, a little lost, and a little sad.He felt a little scared again, and he didn't dare to imagine what life would be like without her.Slowly, he became a little worried and a little scared again.If it goes on like this, without me being by her side all the time, will her feelings for me fade away and disappear?If it goes on like this, without me protecting her, will she fall in love with someone else again?If it goes on like this, is there still a possibility between me and her?

He didn't dare to think about it any more, he was scared, so scared that he flinched.Mouth kept murmuring: how could it be?How is this possible?I must have thought too much, yes!It's because I think too much.But he couldn't get rid of those speculations in his heart, and those patches of fantasies kept impacting his weak self-confidence and fragile heart.

Thinking about it, he thought of her again, wanted to call her, wanted to talk to her again, preferably to see her.But he had already said that he would not bother her if he had nothing to do, which made him very contradictory again.

But if he is not allowed to see her, his heart will always be uneasy.So, he decided to go secretly to see her quietly.He ran to her classroom in a hurry, hid in an inconspicuous corner, and watched her reviewing seriously there.Ouyang's heart calmed down slowly, and he lied again, "Everything is the same as before, nothing has changed, don't worry too much."

She studied there all morning earnestly, and he hid there and watched her secretly all morning.When it was time for lunch, she left, and he came out to watch her go further and further carefully, for fear of being noticed and discovered by her.Then he breathed a sigh of relief, feeling much better, even the sun seemed to be much brighter.

After lunch at noon, he wanted to see her again.So, he came to wait and see near her classroom again, but he didn't find her at all.This made him a little anxious again, his whole heart was up and down, and he felt very uncomfortable.He started looking for her everywhere on campus again, but he didn't see her anywhere.He can't find her again!
Ouyang returned to the dormitory dejectedly and lay on the bed.How could he not find her?Isn't she going to review today?Is she staying in the dormitory?But how can you review with peace of mind in the dormitory?After thinking about it, he still couldn't worry about her.Decided to look around again, so he looked around the campus again.

Huang Tian paid off, he finally saw her again.But he would rather he didn't see her, he felt a bit heartbroken, and felt a little cheated, because she was talking and laughing with several people.why?Shouldn't she be reviewing?why?Why does she play with them, but doesn't want to go out with herself?Could it be—myself and her—had been—, no, how could it be?How could this be?It's ridiculous, ridiculous!Ouyang wanted to try to smile, but he couldn't laugh no matter what. He pulled the corner of his mouth and made a smile that was uglier than crying.

Ouyang thought about it, feeling more and more unhappy.Unable to control so many "don't bother her anymore", he took out his mobile phone and called her.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Ouyang tried not to let his voice tremble.

"I——, I'm reviewing Nan." Yu Shu hesitated slightly.

"Then where are you reviewing?" Ouyang felt even more painful in his heart, and asked with a trace of longing and expectation, thinking that she would admit that she had just said something wrong.

"I'm in—the classroom." Yu Shu seemed to think back.

"Oh, then you, review carefully." Ouyang's voice was trembling, and he didn't want to continue.Because he didn't want her to tell him another lie.

"Then you have to study hard. Let's work hard together!" Yu Shu said encouragingly.

Ouyang looked at her in the distance silently, and didn't want to say another word.

Yu Shu looked at the phone, but she didn't hear Ouyang's voice, so she hung up the phone.

Ouyang stared blankly, tears kept dripping down, his head went blank.How could she lie to him!He actually watched her lie to him!A lie appeared between them!How can there be lies between them?Ouyang couldn't believe that all this was true, he rubbed his eyes vigorously, thinking that he was delusional.However, the facts are the facts, no matter how many fantasies he has, it will seem pale and powerless!
But how could he accept all of this?So, he comforted himself: Maybe she was tired from studying and wanted to go out for a walk, and happened to meet a few friends when she was outside.As for the lie, no, it should be said to be a white lie.Her purpose is to make me study harder, isn't that what her last sentence means?Maybe she also wanted to tell me the truth, but she didn't tell me because she was afraid of hurting me.right!It must be like that.She didn't know I'd seen her then, she thought I was in the bedroom or somewhere.If I hadn't discovered all this and she told the truth, it would hurt me, and she wouldn't tell the truth, which would still inspire me.

Ouyang thought about her like that, and suddenly wanted to scold himself again.She was always thinking of herself like that; just because of a white lie, but she was here to speculate about her, and even secretly angry with her!What a bastard I am, really hateful and hateful!

However, he ignored it. She would rather go out alone than ask him to accompany her.Maybe he would comfort himself and say: She didn't look for him because she was afraid that it would affect his study.At that time, Ouyang would only think of her and make excuses for her.And in this way, the reality will only get farther and farther away from him, and the illusion will only get closer and closer to him.

A lie is always a lie. If she can tell him a lie once, can't she tell him a second time or a third time?However, he seemed to have forgotten such a sentence from the bottom of his heart.

(End of this chapter)