There are ways to speak and speak skills

Chapter 10 Talking to Friends→Sincere Strategies (1)
Only with friends can you pour out your sorrows and joys, fears and hopes, suspicions and comforts.

Only when people treat each other with sincerity can they be true friends.Whoever counts his friends is tantamount to deceiving himself.

Make friends with sincere concern
When making friends, in addition to showing your sincere appreciation and concern, your language should also be sincere and contagious.Use language that is conducive to the other party's emotional acceptance, use more declarative sentences, and avoid or minimize the use of commentary and challenging sentences.

Dr. Charles Eliot served as President of Harvard University from the end of the American Civil War until the first five years of World War I.He often talks and communicates with students in the tone of treating friends.

One day, Clanton, a first-year college student, went to the principal's office to take out a $50 student loan, which was approved.Clanton himself recounts:
"When I got my student loan, I thanked you so much, and as I was leaving, Principal Eliot asked me to sit a little longer. Then he said to me in amazement: 'I hear you Cook and eat your own meals in your own room. I don't think it's a bad thing if you eat the right food and the portions are adequate. I did that when I was in college. You Have you ever made meat lion head? If the beef is cooked badly enough, it is a very good dish, because there will be no waste at all. That’s how I cooked it back then.’ Then, he told me how to choose beef and how to cook it with a slow fire. Cook it, then chop it up, press it into a ball with utensils, and let it cool before eating."

Psychological tips:

In the case, after learning about Clanton's difficulties, Principal Eliot showed sincere concern to Clanton with kind words, just like treating his own friends, which made Clanton very grateful.In this way, in Clanton's heart, he thought that Principal Eliot was very approachable.

Putting this principle into making friends and knowing friends is also applicable.If you really want to make close friends, you must first show your concern and appreciation for them.This, like any other relationship, has to be genuine.Only when your friends really feel your attention and appreciation, can you really impress your friends.And if you want to let your friends know this, the most direct way is to express it in words.

Psychological research has proved that people's behavior is dominated by motivation, and motivation is produced with people's psychological needs.Once people's psychological needs are met, they will become a positive driving force.In real life, people always seek their own existence value from others consciously or unconsciously, and they have the desire to be valued, affirmed, respected, and appreciated deep in their hearts.When this desire is realized, people's many potentials and emotions of truth, goodness and beauty will be miraculously stimulated.We all long to be appreciated by our friends, and likewise, everyone should learn to appreciate their friends.

Communicate with each other emotionally

There is a need for emotional communication between people, but communication is largely restricted by personal psychological factors.Individual differences in nature, temperament, attitude, emotion, opinion, etc., will become obstacles to communication between people.

Therefore, the key to establishing a communication relationship is to "find what you can experience together with the other party". It is best if you have common concerns and hobbies, and if you don't, you don't need to pretend.Many books or articles criticize "building a communication relationship" as a tool for manipulating other people's feelings.It is because they advocate a lot of "pretend to accept each other's hobbies" this method is caused.

If there is no common concern, then use common language.When expressing one's own life experience, one has a tendency to repeatedly use special words that are extremely important to him.As long as you talk to the other person in the same way, you can also make the communication go smoothly.

In the Northern Song Dynasty, Su Shi and Huang Tingjian were a pair of friends who were famous for their poetry and prose.Once they discussed calligraphy together, Su Shi said: "Although your handwriting has become more and more fresh recently, some places seem too thin and hard, almost like snakes around treetops!"Huang Tingjian said: "Senior brother's criticism is to the point, which makes people heartbroken. However, senior brother's words..." Su Shi hurriedly said: "Why are you hesitating, are you afraid I can't bear it?" Huang Tingjian then boldly said: "Senior brother's words... , iron drawn with silver hooks, strong and powerful, however, sometimes it is written like a toad pressed by a stone." As soon as the words fell, both of them laughed.

Psychological tips:

The mutual sharpening critical spirit of the ancient art masters achieved the purpose of helping and promoting each other.

If you want to achieve good emotional communication with people, you must pay attention to the psychology of the other person.When the other person shows an emotional tendency towards a certain thing, you have to express the same feeling about the thing you are talking about, so that you can easily talk together.

Emotional communication between people is an important condition for communication to be maintained and developed in a closer direction, and it is the inner experience of people's attitudes towards objective things.Emotional communication is composed of two parts.One is "resonance", that is, having similar attitudes and similar inner experiences towards the same thing or similar things; the other is "oscillation", that is, due to "resonance", the emotions of both parties affect each other to a relatively strong degree.The former is to find a common language, and the latter is to draw out our hearts and share our hearts.

Earn respect by talking and laughing
There is a way of communication that is mostly seen between friends, and it feels a little unfamiliar. It is because we are too familiar with each other, so there is no need to speak in a polite and dignified way. It seems that if we don’t do this, it seems that our friendship is not enough. .This kind of communication is also beneficial. It is not easy to have knots, and you can say what you have in your heart.It's like sprinkling pepper. Although it makes people sneeze with a "ha chirp!", but after the "spray" is over, it's fine.

George Bernard Shaw and Churchill, although one is in the literary world and the other is in the political world, they are good friends who know each other well.The relationship between the two people can be seen from the contents of the correspondence between them.

George Bernard Shaw has a new play to premiere in London.He specially sent two admission tickets to Churchill, and attached a memo with a few words.

"I attach two tickets to the performance of my work, one for you and one for your friend—if you still have friends."

Churchill, who has always been attacked by his competitors in the political world, laughed at it, and then replied with a note that only wrote a few words.

"I'm sorry I'm not free tonight, but I'm going to watch it with my friends tomorrow night - if your play can still be performed tomorrow night."

A good talker with superb "joke" skills will always be the most popular figure in the crowd.

Once, Prime Minister Wang Anshi rode a horse to visit Jinning Temple. The horse was led by a groom. Wang Anshi sat on the horse and looked at the surrounding scenery, feeling very happy.

Unexpectedly, the groom's negligence surprised the horse. The horse stumbled and Wang Anshi fell off the horse's back. Now everyone was nervous, especially the groom who was so nervous that he couldn't know what to do.

Everyone quickly helped Wang Anshi up, but luckily he was not injured.Wang Anshi looked at the groom who was lying on the ground trembling with fright, stepped on the horse without saying a word, then pointed at the groom with a whip and said, "Fortunately, my name is Wang Anshi. It fell to pieces!"

After saying a word, he lightly slapped the horse's butt with a whip, and continued to move forward. A witty remark made the people around him laugh and relieved the tense scene.The groom wiped the bean-sized beads of sweat from his forehead and breathed a sigh of relief.

Psychological tips:

In this case, Wang Anshi resolved the embarrassing atmosphere by talking and laughing normally, making the people around him laugh and relieve the tension.

This way of joking is also feasible among friends.Among friends, those who know how to joke are the most popular, but most people need psychological adjustments to develop this ability.

Smart people can always use talking and laughing to greatly increase their popularity and prestige, and win the unanimous respect and love of their friends.In fact, it is best to use some jokes to enliven the anger when talking between friends, otherwise it will not be like a verbal communication between friends.You can rest assured when you are talking and laughing, because you can't hurt anyone, so once something happens, laughing at yourself with a big heart is the best way to win people's hearts.Making people laugh, not only relieves embarrassment, but also relaxes everyone's tension, making each other happy!
Have the courage to apologize and friendship is evergreen
When interacting with people, it is inevitable not to say wrong things or do wrong things.If you find that you are wrong, you can sincerely and proactively apologize, and you will be forgiven and even respected far more than those who try their best to find reasons to defend themselves, because the other party can see the integrity and integrity of your character from your apology. magnanimous.

Regarding daring to admit one's fault, an American social communication scientist said: "It is relatively easy to apologize to others. As long as you sincerely apologize to others, you can also use your eloquence to gain the trust of your friends and the respect of others." .”

The well-known story of a friend who cut the throat shows that an apology between friends is very important.

During the Warring States Period, there were seven great powers, namely Qin, Qi, Chu, Yan, Han, Zhao, and Wei, which were called the "Seven Heroes of the Warring States Period" in history.Among the seven countries, Qin is the most powerful.Qin State often bullied Zhao State.Once, the king of Zhao sent Lin Xiangru, a subordinate of a minister, to the state of Qin to negotiate.When Lin Xiangru met King Qin, he won a lot of face for Zhao Guo with his wit and bravery.When the king of Qin saw that Zhao Guo had such a talent, he didn't dare to underestimate Zhao Guo any more.Zhao Wang saw that Lin Xiangru was so capable.He was named "Shangqing" (equivalent to the later prime minister).

The king of Zhao valued Lin Xiangru so much, which made Lian Po, the general of Zhao State, very angry.He thought: I fought desperately for the state of Zhao, isn't my contribution not as good as that of Lin Xiangru?Lin Xiangru's status is higher than mine, with his mouth alone!The more he thought about it, the more unconvinced he became, and he said angrily: "If I meet Lin Xiangru, I have to embarrass him face to face, and see what he can do to me!"

(End of this chapter)