There are ways to speak and speak skills

Chapter 11 Talking to Friends→Sincere Strategies (2)
Lian Po's words reached Lin Xiangru's ears.Lin Xiangru told his subordinates to give way to Lian Po's subordinates when they met Lian Po's subordinates in the future, and not to quarrel with them.He went out by himself in a car, and whenever he heard that Lian Po was coming from the front, he would ask the coachman to drive the car into an alley, and wait for Lian Po to pass before leaving.

When Lian Po's subordinates saw Shangqing giving way to their master, they became even more complacent. When they saw Lin Xiangru's subordinates, they laughed at them.Lin Xiangru's subordinates couldn't bear this anger, so they said to Lin Xiangru: "Your status is higher than General Lian's. He scolded you, but you avoided him and let him, and he will ignore you even more! If this continues , we can't take it."

Lin Xiangru asked them calmly, "Which one is stronger, General Lian or King Qin?" Everyone said, "Of course it is King Qin." General? You know, Qin is not daring to attack Zhao now because the domestic civil servants and generals are united. The two of us are like two tigers. If two tigers fight, one of them will inevitably be injured or even die. This created a good opportunity for Qin State to attack Zhao State. Think about it, is it important for the state, or for your personal face?"

Lin Xiangru's subordinates were very moved when they heard these words. Later, when they saw Lian Po's subordinates, they were cautious and always let them go.

Lin Xiangru's words later reached Lian Po's ears.Lian Po was ashamed.He took off one sleeve, exposed his shoulders, carried a twig on his back, and went straight to Lin Xiangru's house.Lin Xiangru hurried out to meet Lian Po.Lian Po knelt down in front of Lin Xiangru, holding thorns in both hands, and asked Lin Xiangru to whip himself.Lin Xiangru threw the thorns on the ground, quickly helped Lian Po up with both hands, dressed him, and took him by the hand to ask him to sit down.

Lin Xiangru and Lian Po have since become very good friends.These two people, one civil and one military, worked together to serve the country, so Qin State did not dare to bully Zhao State. "

Psychological tips:

The story of Lian Po's pleading guilty is a classic!It is inevitable that there will be some mistakes between friends. No one is perfect, so what can be done without fault?It doesn't matter if you are wrong, as long as you have the courage to apologize, you can keep the tree of friendship evergreen.Some people say that there is no need to apologize between friends, but it is not the case.An apology often makes a person feel respected and fosters a friendship.

An apology is not a sign of weakness, it reflects a person's generosity and wisdom.It would be foolish if we would rather let a friendship crack than say "I was wrong" because of our own loneliness and insecurities.Norman Peeler said: "A real apology is more than simply admitting your mistakes, but a sincere apology for what you said or did to damage a friendly relationship, and a sincere hope that the friendship can be repaired."

Be tight-lipped and loyal to your friends
Loyalty is the source of friendship.Treat friends with sincerity and exchange character for character, you can build a spiritual bridge between yourself and your friends, and work together on this basis.There is no loyalty between friends, and friendship will not last long.

One of the specific manifestations of loyalty to friends is willingness to keep secrets for friends, and "keep your mouth shut" when things happen, so that you can gain your friends' trust and friendship can continue to deepen.Due to the eternal conflict between the norms of morality and etiquette and human nature, people have the need to pour out their inner secrets, and this psychological need constitutes the desire for friendship.

When Marx was living in Paris, his friendship with the poet Heine reached the point where "we can understand each other with just half a sentence".Heine's thinking was quite advanced, and he wrote many battle poems. At night, he went to Marx's home to read his new works.Marx and Jenny worked with him to process, revise, and polish, but Marx never "disclosed the secret" in front of others until Heine's poems were published in newspapers.

Later, Heine wrote "Song of Silesian Textile Workers", which profoundly exposed and angrily criticized the reactionary rule of Germany. Marx happily called him "comrade".The friendship between the two grew stronger day by day. In 1845, the French reactionary rule expelled Marx unreasonably. Before leaving, Marx wrote to Heine: "Leaving Heine is the most painful thing for me. I really want to pack you into my luggage." Heine's creation and health, and often wrote to Heine, Heine also deeply miss Marx, caring about the safety of Marx.Heine called Marx his "most secretive" friend.Their friendship is envied and praised by the world.

Psychological tips:

We need to understand the fact that the reason why a friend tells us his "privacy" is to win our sympathy and affection, and ask us to help him with ideas and solutions in a timely manner.But the scope of these "privacy" knowers cannot be large, they can only "you know and I know".Marx fully understood this, and he psychologically won Heine's praise by keeping his unpublished works secret.

No matter what you encounter, you must understand that the way to make friends is to be loyal to friends. Only friends who are loyal to each other can make friendship last forever.Only by being loyal to your friends and keeping your mouth shut can you gain mutual trust between friends.

Make friends and keep your word

Keeping one's word is the virtue of being a human being, the criterion for judging people, and the criterion for making friends.If you lose your integrity and cannot keep your word about people and things, you will lose many, many opportunities, and you will gradually lose friends and even everything around you.

In March 1797, Napoleon and his new wife visited a primary school in Luxembourg, where they were warmly received by teachers and students.Napoleon and his wife were very moved, and sent a bouquet of roses worth three thousand gold Louis to the principal on the spot, and said: "As long as our French country exists, every year on this day, I will send someone to give your school a bouquet of roses worth the same amount." Flowers." Later, for many reasons, the great man did not fulfill his promise. In 3, the Luxembourg government brought up the matter again and filed a claim against France for the "Pending Rose Case", with the principal and interest reaching 1984 million francs.The French government couldn't bear to pay such a high price for a single sentence, but considering Napoleon's reputation, he had to write a euphemistic apology, and this "one promise, one thousand gold" "pending case of roses" was considered closed.

In order to gain the trust of the other party, you can insert a sentence when the conversation is going well: "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't say this!" In this way, the intimate relationship between you will be formed more easily.Usually, when people have some secrets that belong to them, they always have a desire to talk to friends.And the object of pouring out is selective.So when you say to the other person, "I wouldn't say that if it wasn't for you," it shows that you value him.Therefore, in a very harmonious atmosphere, you can satisfy the other party's self-awareness and make the relationship between the two parties more intimate.

Psychological tips:

Although the story of Napoleon happened between the two countries, isn’t credit the number one priority among friends?The Chinese have always attached great importance to "keeping your word" and regarded it as a virtue in life, a criterion for judging people, and a criterion for making friends.Because a trustworthy person can be consistent, words and deeds.People can judge his actions based on his remarks and carry out normal communication.

It is self-evident that there must be a sense of trust in communication between friends.But how do you get the other person to trust you?In other words, how do you convey your attitude of respect and trust to the other party to him?You should understand each other's troubles and requirements with the same mood.This is what psychology calls "resonance", also called "empathy".For example, when we listen to a certain opinion from a friend during a conversation, on the one hand, we need to nod to express agreement, and on the other hand, we need to repeat the other party’s words appropriately. Take them all out.

Euphemistically refuse without loss of dignity
When we reject people, we should be careful not to hurt their face.If you reject someone's request and let them lose face, it is inevitable that they will feel dissatisfied in their hearts.If you can refuse someone's request without losing face and accept the rejection very decently, the result may be very different.

During the Three Kingdoms period, Hua Xin had a great reputation when he was under Sun Quan.After Cao Cao knew about it, he asked the emperor to issue an edict to recruit Hua Xin to Beijing.When Hua Xin set off, more than a thousand relatives and friends came to see him off, presenting him with hundreds of taels of gold and gifts.Hua Xin didn't want to accept these gifts, but if he refused in person, it would definitely disappoint his friends and hurt their feelings.So he temporarily accepted all the gifts.And secretly write down the name of the giver on the gift received, in case the original is returned.

Afterwards, Hua Xin hosted a banquet for many friends. When the banquet was about to end, Hua Xin stood up and said to the friends: "I didn't want to refuse your kindness, but I didn't expect to receive so many gifts. But everyone is innocent. It is a crime to conceive a jade. Considering that I have traveled far by bicycle with so many valuables on me, do you think I am a bit too dangerous?"

The friends understood what Hua Xin meant, and knew that he didn't want to accept the gift, but they couldn't say it clearly, which made everyone lose face.They felt a kind of respect for Hua Xin in their hearts, and they each took back their own things.

Psychological tips:

In this case, when Hua Xin refused his friend, he did not tell the truth, but found a reason that he was not safe for himself. Although his friends knew that he was deliberately declining, they did not take it seriously.Because Hua Xin politely refused to accept the gift, they didn't lose face.If Hua Xin declined the gift from his friends face to face, imagine how long it would take for more than a thousand people to refuse, and how much it would cost them to embarrass everyone.But Hua Xin returned everyone's gifts with only a few words, without hurting everyone's feelings, and won the admiration of everyone, which can be said to kill three birds with one stone.

Everyone can say "no", but not everyone can say how to say it without hurting the other party or embarrassing yourself.The best way to reject others is to find a credible and reasonable excuse when it is inconvenient to tell the real reason.In fact, when we really have difficulties, or if we will lose a lot of our own interests if we agree to other people's demands, we should refuse others.But rejecting others should also consider the other person's emotions, and try not to hurt the feelings of both parties.How to say "no" is also a science.

(End of this chapter)