There are ways to speak and speak skills

Chapter 18 Talking to Strangers → Motivation Strategies (1)
Aurio, a philosopher in the ancient Roman Empire, once said: "Your life is created by your thoughts." That is to say, your life is the continuation of your thoughts.

It is true that everyone's life is composed of different thoughts, but to make different thoughts harmonious, communicate and influence each other, each of us must learn to stimulate other people's thoughts reasonably.

Pick a good topic to chat with
In social life, people we have never met before can even help us understand ourselves.Because we may tell a stranger what we often want to say but dare not tell our relatives and friends, they become a new mirror for us to know ourselves.With luck, a chance encounter with a stranger can develop into a lifelong friendship.Thinking about it carefully, which one of our friends is not a stranger?

So, when we meet a stranger, how can we make good use of this moment and choose a topic to communicate with?
President Roosevelt of the United States was a good diplomat.When he was not elected president in his early years, at a banquet, he saw many people he didn't know sitting at the banquet.How to make these strangers become your friends?Roosevelt found a reporter he was familiar with, and asked him about the names and conditions of the people he wanted to know, and then he took the initiative to call out their names and talk about something they were interested in.The move was a huge success.These people soon became strong supporters of Roosevelt's campaign.

If you feel that you "have nothing to say," consider the following topics:

You can be honest about how you feel.For example, you might say to yourself at a dinner party, "I'm too shy to fit in with this kind of party. Or on the contrary, you think many people hate this kind of party, but I love it."

No matter what you think, you need to tell your feelings to the first person who seems willing to listen.This person may be your bosom friend.In any case, it's much better to be honest and say "I'm shy" or "I don't know anyone here" than to appear stiff and aloof.

The most talkative people are the ones who are honest.This also has the advantage that if you can be honest with each other, the other party will also freely confide in you.

Once, Addis was talking to a psychologist who had written a good book.Addis usually handles interviews of this kind so well and profitably from them that he was taken aback when he found himself stuttering and not knowing how to speak.At last Addis said, "I don't know why I'm a little scared of you." The psychologist was very interested in what Addis said, and the conversation started naturally.

Addis once sat next to a taciturn lady on a train, and for hours he tried in vain to get her to speak.When they were half an hour before parting, they passed a small bay, and they all saw a detached house on a distant headland.She stared at the house until she could no longer see it.Then she said suddenly, "I grew up living in a lighthouse like this in a deserted place like this," and followed her with a recount of the desolation and beauty of that life.

You can even start talking about the other person.Once, Addis heard a lady say to a strange lady: "You are so beautiful." Perhaps, most of us do not have the courage to say such words, but we can say: "I see you from a distance. You come in, I think..." Or: "That book you're reading is my favorite."

Questions you have on your mind can also be good talking points.Many memorable conversations start with a question.Addis often asks people: "How is your day-to-day work?" Usually people will answer enthusiastically.

At the same time, we should also taboo to ask some disappointing topics.Probably no one wants to hear you raving about dogs, kids, food and recipes, your own health, golf, and family disputes.Therefore, it is best not to talk about these issues in the conversation.

Psychological tips:

In a word, if you are good at choosing the right topic to talk with strangers, I believe you will quickly establish a solid friendship with them.

When you deal with strangers for the first time, you must pay attention to choosing some topics that the other party is psychologically acceptable and happy to communicate with, so that the other party will accept you quickly.

Listen attentively to win favor
Listening is a communicative interaction, which not only requires the speaker to be able to speak, but also requires the listener to be able to listen. "Learning to listen" is to ask to be attentive and careful when listening to others. "Listen" means to listen carefully and attentively. It is also a kind of politeness and shows respect for the speaker.

American actress Ariane Frances hosts the TV show "What Do I Do?"The host brings in an audience member, asks him questions, and guesses his occupation from them.The show has been running for 25 years.At first, Ariane didn't know how to ask lively and interesting questions.Later, her husband Martin Gober said to her: "Watching your show, I feel that you can't just sit around and just ask questions, you should listen carefully to what others have to say. Learn to listen actively."

Arion took her husband's advice, saying: "It really worked. I became adept at it by savoring other people's conversations. Patient listening became a staple of my profession."

Ariane believes that the role of listening is not only to obtain information, but also a way for you to get along well with people around you.She felt this from an old woman in her 70s.

Ariane often met this old woman in a grocery store.Her dark eyes were wary and eager.Whenever she sees Ariane, she chatters and chatters endlessly.Sometimes Ariane had to listen patiently when she found herself disturbed.

"I'm going to Arkansas," she said to Arlene one day. "The spring heat there is perfect for my arthritis. I'll be back soon though, so you won't miss it."

It was only then that Ariane noticed her stiff, crooked fingers. "Are you alone?" Ariane asked her.

"Yeah, just me," she said. "I'm an old widow for a long time. But I've met a lot of nice people like you who are willing to chat with me."

All at once Ariane felt like a sinner.The old woman was cheerful and optimistic--not at all bored or sad about her life.She enriched her peaceful life in her later years by talking with people everywhere.Listening ears are what she needs.

It dawned on Ariane that my ears weren't just mine.Since then, Arion has tried to make herself an active and attentive listener when dealing with strangers.

What's the secret to a successful business meeting?American scholar Charles Iliad said, "There is no mystery in a successful business conversation. It is very important to look intently at the person who is speaking to you. There is nothing more flattering than doing so."

Eliot was a master at the art of listening.Henry James, one of the best novelists in the United States, recalled: Eliot's listening was not silent, but in the form of activity.He sat upright, with his hands on his knees, and there was no other movement except for the quick or slow twitching of his thumb.He was facing each other, and seemed to listen to him with eyes and ears together.He listens intently and thinks about what you have to say as he listens.Finally, the person speaking to him feels that he has said what he wanted to say.

We have noticed that whiners, even the most difficult to please, often soften and give in before a patient, sympathetic listener.Such a listener will keep silent when being scolded bloody by others.

Case in point: The New York Telephone Company found out a few years ago that it had one of its worst customers ever hurling nasty words at operators.In a fit of rage, he threatened to uproot the phone and refused to pay certain charges, which he said were made out of nothing.He wrote letters to newspapers, made numerous complaints to the Public Service Commission, and sued the telephone company several times.

Finally, one of the phone company's most capable "mediators" was sent to meet with the troublesome customer.The "mediator" listened quietly, letting the enraged user spit out all his grievances.The phone company "mediator" listened patiently, repeatedly saying "yes," sympathizing with his grievances.

The user had never seen a phone company person talk to him like this, so he became friendly.During the first meeting, the "mediator" didn't even come up with his own reasons for going to him, and neither did the second and third.But by the fourth time, the matter was completely resolved, he paid all the bills and the appeal was withdrawn.

Psychological tips:

In the above example, the mediator has mastered the art of listening.After he listened to the other party three times, he eliminated the hostility of the other party and achieved great results.

Psychologists believe that if we want to learn to "listen", we must first understand that "listening" is different from simple listening. The latter is just a perception of sound, while listening is a proactive behavior, which means that the listener To participate in the other party's expression, on the one hand, you must express your understanding of the other party's psychology and wishes through your own attitude, and on the other hand, you should express sympathy with the other party based on this understanding.Knowing this, you can achieve your purpose of talking to others through effective listening.

Approachable to create an atmosphere

Be comfortable with strangers.That said, don't make people feel nervous when strangers are dealing with you.An approachable person is easy to get along with and speaks and behaves naturally.He will create a comfortable, pleasant, friendly atmosphere.Being with him is not as embarrassing as wearing a worn-out felt hat, pulling on a pair of worn-out shoes, and wearing a baggy, worn-out robe.

Former U.S. Postal Service Secretary James Farley is an outstanding example of people who are modest and prudent, not arrogant.

Mr. Farley is an expert at getting people to like themselves.It happened at a "Books and Readers" meeting in Philadelphia.When Mr. Farley and the other speakers went to the hotel for lunch, they encountered waitresses pushing dining carts in the hallway.They walked around the dining car, and the waiter didn't notice them at all.At this time, Mr. Farley walked over to her, held out his hand and said, "Hi, hello, I'm James Farley. Could you tell me your name? Nice to meet you."

As the group walked through the hall, some turned their heads to look at the girl, her mouth was open wide in surprise, but a sweet smile broke out on her face immediately.

Psychological tips:

An approachable person who always puts himself in the shoes of strangers, just like Mr. Farley, never makes strangers nervous, restrained, let alone embarrassing.

Be able to carefully distinguish the intentions, motives, moods, feelings and thoughts of strangers, that is to say, a person with strong social skills must be a person who can calculate. They will consider the consequences of their actions and calculate the possible actions of strangers , will calculate their own benefits and losses, and all these calculations are made under the circumstances that relevant factors may change.

Actively Appreciate and Pleasure People's Hearts
One of the many virtues that we often overlook in our daily lives is showing appreciation and praise for others.It should be said that in terms of interpersonal relationships, everyone is eager for the appreciation and praise of others.

Mary was exhausted after working a full day as a trainee waitress in a bustling New York grocery store.Her hat was on one side, her work skirt was dotted with stains, her feet were hurting more and more, and the loaded pallet was getting heavier and heavier in her hands.She was tired and discouraged: "It seems like I can't do anything well."

(End of this chapter)