There are ways to speak and speak skills

Chapter 19 Talking to Strangers → Motivation Strategies (2)
Mary had managed to write a cumbersome bill for a customer in a family of several children who had been changing ice cream orders five times.

Mary was really ready to pick her picks.

At this time, the father of the family handed Mary a tip and said to her with a smile, "Good job, you have taken good care of us!"

Hearing such words, suddenly, Mary's tiredness disappeared.She also smiled back.Later, when her manager asked her how she felt about her first day at work, Mary replied, "Good!"

Those few compliments seemed to change everything.

Psychological tips:

Just like how Mary felt after hearing the praise of customers, if a few words can bring people a certain satisfaction and happiness, why don't we do it?Wherever you go every day, you might as well say a few more words of gratitude and appreciation to strangers, and leave some small sparks of kindness.You won't be able to imagine how those little sparks ignite the flame of friendship that will light you up the next time you're in this place.

Maslow's hierarchy theory believes that self-esteem and self-actualization are higher-level needs of a person, which generally manifest as a sense of honor and a sense of accomplishment.The acquisition of honors and achievements must be recognized by society.The role of appreciation and praise is to give the sense of honor and accomplishment that others need to hand over to the other party.When the behavior of the other party is praised by you sincerely, what he sees is that others recognize and affirm his own efforts, so that his motivation for longing for others’ approval is satisfied when the sense of honor and accomplishment follow, and thus he will be more successful in the future. Mentally strengthened and encouraged, recharge your batteries, give full play to your own subjective initiative, and hit your goals.

Sincere praise is touching
Lincoln said: "Everyone likes to praise." The reason why praise is so special is that the word "beauty" shows that the person being praised is extraordinary; , Enthusiastic attitude towards others.Human behaviorist John Dewey also said: "The most profound driving force in human nature is to want to be important and to be praised." Therefore, when others deserve praise, you should give sincere praise without hesitation , so that people's communication becomes harmonious and warm.

Carnegie was mailing a letter at a New York post office and found that the registered mail clerk was impatient with his job.So he said to himself secretly: "Carnegie, you have to cheer up this man and make him like you right away." At the same time, he reminded himself: If he wants to like me right away, he must say something nice about him.And what is there to admire about him?Fortunately, he found it quickly.

When he received the letter he called Carnegie, Carnegie looked at him and said to him sincerely: "Your hair is so beautiful." He looked up, a little surprised, with an unconcealable smile on his face.He said modestly: "Where, it's not as good as before."

Carnegie said to him: "It's true, it's like the hair of a young man!"

He couldn't be happier.So they talked happily, and when Carnegie left, the last words he said to Carnegie were: "Many people have asked me what secret recipe I used, but it is innate."

Afterwards, Carnegie said: "I bet, this friend must have walked like a fairy that day. I bet, he will tell his wife about it in detail at night, and at the same time he will look carefully in the mirror." Take a closer look."

Carnegie told this to a friend, and the friend asked Carnegie: "Why are you doing this? What do you want from him?"

Carnegie said: "Yes, what do I want? I don't want anything. If we only try to get something from strangers, then we can't give people some sincere praise, and then we can't sincerely give strangers some happiness. Yes. If I must say what I want, let me tell you, all I want is a priceless thing. This is what I did for him, and he couldn't return me; There will be a sense of satisfaction."

Indeed, it is useful for him as well as for yourself to speak sincerely about what is worthy of admiration in a stranger.

A businessman frequented an antique shop.One day, just as he was leaving, the shopkeeper's wife said to her husband, "I really wanted to tell that stranger just now how happy we are that he comes here so often." Him."

The following summer, a young woman came to the antique shop and introduced herself as the daughter of the strange merchant and that her father had died.The owner's wife told of a conversation she had with her husband when her father visited the store for the last time.The woman said with tears in her eyes, "If you had told my father what you said then, how wonderful it would be!"

"From that day on," said the shopkeeper, "every time I think of something good about someone, I tell him. Because maybe I'll never have that chance again."

Psychological tips:

As the artist finds pleasure in bringing beauty to others, so anyone who has mastered praising a stranger will find that praise brings great pleasure not only to the listener but to himself.It brings warmth and joy to ordinary life, and turns the noise of the world into music.Everyone has something to admire, we just have to say it.

Everyone has the psychology of pleasing others. However, in the actual situation of interacting with strangers, few people really know how to please others. There is no doubt that praise is one of the most effective methods.

Smile and move both ways
In real work and life, if a stranger treats you with a cold face and cold eyebrows, and another stranger smiles at you with warmth like spring, and they ask you for directions at the same time, which one do you prefer?Of course it is the latter, you will not hesitate to tell him everything, and answer all the questions; but for the former, I am afraid it is just the opposite.

Franklin Bettger was one of the most famous insurance salesmen in the United States.He said he discovered many years ago that smiling people are always welcome.Therefore, before entering a stranger's house, he always pauses for a moment to think about the things that make him happy, so that a cheerful, sincere and enthusiastic smile appears on his face.The moment a smile was about to bloom from his face, he pushed the door open and went in.

Franklin Betteger knew very well that his success in selling insurance had a lot to do with his own smile.

When we talk with a smile on our faces, and look back at the results, you must be surprised yourself.A smile never disappoints, it just welcomes the smiling person.

There is an example of William Stanhard, a successful member of the New York Stock Company market, who said that when he was young he was a nasty guy, he had no smile on his face, and he was not popular with people.

Then he decided for himself that his attitude had to change, and he resolved to put a bright, happy smile on his face.So, when he combed his hair the next morning, he ordered to himself in the mirror with a sad face: "William, you have to smile and wipe away the sorrow on your face! Start now, smile." So, William Stanhard turned and said hello to his wife, "Good morning, dear," smiling at her, and his wife froze in amazement.Steinhardt said: "From now on, you don't have to be surprised, my smile will become a common thing."

Two months later, Stanhard smiled at his wife every morning.What was the outcome?Smiling changed his life, and in two months he had more happiness in his family than in a year.

Now, Stanhard always smiles at every stranger at work.He smiled at the guards in the lobby and at the cashier on the subway.When he's in the exchange, smile at those who've never seen him.Then he found that everyone was smiling at him.

Stanhard went to talk to the disgruntled with a lightheartedness, smiling and listening.A guy who used to be a nuisance becomes a popular person; a problem that used to be difficult is now easy to solve.

There is no doubt that smiling has brought a lot of convenience and more income to Steinhardt.Now, he found that it was very difficult to get along with others before, but now it is completely opposite.He learned to praise and appreciate others, and tried to make himself see things from other people's point of view.From then on he was happy, rich, with friendship and happiness.

People who can't smile have a hard time in life, as Steinhardt himself has learned.

Psychological tips:

Steinha talks to strangers with a smile, resonates with them psychologically, and responds with a smile, thus winning the welcome of others and filling his work and life with joy.

Psychologists point out: Smile is the best body language, don't ignore it.Every smile can bring comfort to others.There is hope for those who have smiling faces.Because a person's smile is the messenger of his kindness, and his smile can illuminate all who see it.No one likes to help people who are frowning and sad all day long, let alone trust them.And for those who are under pressure from bosses, colleagues, clients or family, a smile can help them understand that there is hope, that there is joy in the world.As long as you are alive, busy, and working, you should smile happily.

Relaxed and humorous to resolve embarrassment
In our lives, sometimes in order to defuse embarrassing situations with strangers, when there is no suitable way, we can only rely on the power of lightheartedness and humor.

When there is a big auction in a department store, and the buyers are pushing and squeezing, everyone's temper is like a bullet loaded and ready to explode.A woman said angrily to the checkout lady: "Fortunately, I didn't intend to find 'politeness' here. I can't find it here." The checkout lady was silent for a while and said, "Can you show me your sample? ?” The lady was stunned for a moment, then smiled.

Writer O'Hekin once got out of a predicament in a lighthearted and witty way.In his book, Mrs., he writes about beauty product king Ms. Rubinstein.Later, at a seder of his own, a stranger continually criticized him for writing about the woman whose ancestors burned Joan of Arc.The other guests felt embarrassed and tried several times to change the subject, but without success.The conversation became more and more unbearable until at last O'Hekin himself said: "Well, someone has to do that, and now you're almost going to burn me too." , and then he added a punch line: "Writers are all slaves to his things, and they deserve death!"

Sometimes we really need to express a human touch in a fun and effective way, to provide some kind of care, affection and warmth to people.

It is said that there was a justice who had a music fan next door to his apartment, who often amplified the volume of the record player to an unbearable level.The judge could not rest, so he took an ax and went to the neighbor's door.He said, "I'll fix your record player." The music fans were taken aback and apologized hastily.The judge said: "It's me who should be sorry. Don't go to court to sue me. Look, I brought all the murder weapons." After finishing speaking, the two laughed like friends.

Psychological tips:

The judge wasn't trying to smash the neighbor's record player.He was aptly expressing his displeasure with his neighbors - mind you: the stereo not the people - and he acted as if to say to the music fans: "We're friends, I want to get along with you, and the turntable is the turntable. , you can fix it." Of course, the so-called "repair" is just to lower the volume of the record player.

After all, strangers are not friends or relatives, so when we have conflicts with strangers, we try not to accuse them directly.In this case, use pleasant and meaningful humor. I believe that while avoiding intensifying conflicts between each other, it will definitely make you and the stranger feel more relaxed.

(End of this chapter)