speak humor, be humorous

Chapter 25 Humor in Love and Marriage (3)
■The process of love is different, and the direction of love is also different.Everyone should grasp the direction of their own love.

◎ Ask each other
A man whispered to a lady, "Miss, may I love you?"

"Of course." The lady nodded generously.

The man couldn't help being elated, and was about to make a further statement when he suddenly heard the lady ask softly and coquettishly: "Sir, can I not love you?"

■Love is a kind of interaction, which cannot be forced or accommodated at all.

◎ Hint
An old maid said to her new boyfriend, "Last night, I dreamed that you proposed to me."

"How did you say that?"

"I accept your marriage proposal."

■As a woman, you should keep some reserve, and don't let men see your cards at a glance.

◎ The true meaning of love
Husband: "Why did God make women beautiful and stupid?"

Wife: "It's very simple. Make us beautiful, and you'll love us; make us stupid, and we'll love you."

■The first thing men value is a woman's appearance (although many men do not admit it); the first thing a woman values ​​is a man's talent (because talent is the source of wealth, although many women say they don't love money).

◎ The test of love
A couple snuggled up by the lake.

Nancy: "Do you love me?"

Jack: "Of course, I love you more than my own life."

Nancy pointed to the lake and said, "If you dare to jump from here, I will believe your words."

Jack turned and ran away immediately, and after a while, he came back out of breath.

Nancy: "Oh my God! What did you do?"

Jack: "It's nothing honey, I bought a lifebuoy!"

■Even if love can surpass life and death, don't let it accept unnecessary tests, because unnecessary scrambling will definitely leave scars.

◎ The conditions are sufficient
Chen Fu did not dare to propose to his girlfriend in person, so he had to make a remote test on the phone.

"Lili, I got 500 million yuan inheritance, a villa, a car, and a yacht. Will you promise to marry me?"

"Of course I promise you, who are you?"

■Not only can love not be bought or sold, but money is bound to kill love.

◎ Not romantic

Xiaoyun was complaining to her girlfriend: "My boyfriend is not romantic at all, I worked so hard to prepare a candlelight dinner that day."

"What did he say?"

"Honey! There's a power outage, let's go out and eat!"

■ Romance is a necessity of love and a luxury of marriage.

◎ need

I need a new wedding ring.On my birthday, I was working in the garden, and my husband asked me what present I wanted.I raised my hand and said, "Here, look at my bare hands."

That night, I excitedly opened the gift box. "Happy birthday," said the husband.I opened it to see a pair of gardener's gloves.

■Love has different ways of expression at different stages, before marriage and after marriage, it gradually becomes pragmatic in romantic expression.A man's rational mind will win in the end.Therefore, for romantic girls, the satisfaction of making demands before marriage is much higher than that of making demands after marriage.

◎ I have known you for a long time

A young man proposed to the girl, and the girl said, "However, we have only known each other for three days. Do you understand me?"

The young man hurriedly said: "Understood, understood, I have known you for a long time."

"is it?"

"Yes, I have been working in the bank for three years. I know exactly how much savings your father has."

■ Once love has a transactional relationship with money, it cannot be called love.

◎ Ask for money first

The daughter found out that her mother asked her boyfriend for a "betrothal gift", and she didn't understand, so she asked, "Mom, we are still in love, why did you ask him for so much money first?" "Silly girl, you go to the department store to buy things, Can't you pay first?"

■Buying and selling marriages no longer exist, but the concept of "buying and selling" is still lingering in some people's minds.

◎ Time is not mine
Teenage girl asks her boyfriend: "Why did you buy me artificial flowers? I like flowers."

"Honey, flowers always wither while I'm waiting for you!"

■Romantic love is always temporary, after the hustle and bustle, everything will return to calm.Trivial life requires more mutual help and cooperation between men and women in reality, and sharing weal and woe, rather than the love and affection of each other.

◎ This time only

Xiao Chen is in love, but his income is meager and it is difficult to meet his girlfriend's material needs.This day is my girlfriend's 20th birthday, it seems that I have to give her some gifts no matter what.He raised a sum of money, bought her a gold ring, and wrote on the greeting card: "Dear Zhenzhen, I wish you a happy birthday, and wish you all the holidays from today until we get married. All happy!"

■If there is no material basis, how far can love go?

◎ test
"Honey, as long as you want, I will do whatever it takes to get it for you."

"Then I need a lie detector first."

■"It's hard to believe a light promise", especially in love.

◎ Prescription
Someone asked a satirist what is the cure for love wounds, and the satirist said: "Hunger is a cure, time is better."

■Love is an emotional need, but not a life need.Love is a trauma, but far from fatal.Believe in the power of life, but also believe that time is the best medicine to heal all so-called wounds.

◎ Indescribably beautiful love

In the middle of the night, Pavel and Bavlina cuddled together and walked on the street.Bavlina took a breath and said in a drawn-out voice: "Ah, Pavel, wouldn't it be beautiful if we got married? There is love between us, as long as we have something to eat and a sip of water to drink. Can survive!"

Pavel hugged his beloved even tighter. He comforted her and said, "Of course, it will be indescribably beautiful. As long as you are willing to earn money to buy food, I am willing to earn money to buy water."

■Love may survive in a vacuum, but people must live in the soil of reality. Who makes our romantic soul drag a heavy body?

◎ The meaning of roses

In order to chase a beautiful crush, I decided to launch a flower offensive.

The boss said: "Young man, buy nine hundred and ninety-nine roses."

I asked the boss: "One rose represents the only... Three represents I love you... Nine represents forever... What does the nine hundred and ninety-nine mean?"

Florist: "...well... this... stands for... 'I'm rich'."

■False romance is piled up with money, while sincere romance is written with blood and tears.

◎ Turn yourself into a dog
Woman: "For a person like you, only a dog will love you."

Man: "Tell you, I just inherited an inheritance of 1000 million yuan."

Female: "Wow! Woof!"

■When a woman is closest to money, she is also the farthest from love, and the woman who is farthest from love is also the most unfortunate woman.The biggest wish of a woman is to make a man love, and a woman who makes a man love is a woman who will show up when she sees a love test paper. Such a simple formula makes us mess up the program.

◎ The person you like

A bright-eyed girl said to her mother: "Joe Grover is my man. He's decent and handsome. He's smart and capable. He's witty and kind. He's strong. Strong."

Her mother interrupted her, saying: "He's married!"

"So, no one can be perfect!"

■No feeling is sinful, and the happiness at that time is also true.It's just that behind the happiness, there may be a lot to bear.

◎ Love the new and dislike the old
One day, sister Lin saw her boyfriend with another beautiful girl on the road, and she became very angry for no reason.

The next day, when Sister Lin saw her boyfriend, she was very excited to question the teacher, and asked him angrily: "I didn't expect you to be a guy who likes the new and hates the old!"

The boyfriend hurriedly argued: "You misunderstood! How could I be this kind of person? You are the new one, and she is the old one!"

■The so-called liking the new and disliking the old refers to the feeling of wanting to eat cake after having love and bread.

◎ Dime Love
"how much do you love me?"

"As much as a dime."

"Is that all there is?"

"Isn't a dime a 'ten'?"

■It is most comfortable to eat 7% full.Please keep it at 7% when treating your girlfriend at most.

◎ Struggle
w stands for woman and m stands for man.

w: "I will spend my whole life fighting to find a man who can save me from fighting!"

m: "Then what then?"

w: "I'm going to keep fighting to prevent those women who hope not to fight on their own."

■Women don't want to marry well, but to live a good life; men don't want to be beautiful, but to be virtuous and considerate, and live a happy life.This is the case with marriage, money is indispensable, and a happy and happy marriage has absolutely nothing to do with money.

◎ Hypothesis
Woman: Suppose, your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, who would you save first?

Man: Didn't you say you learned how to swim?
■ Such questions must come from the mouth of a greedy woman, because she wants to deprive him of his rights as a man.

◎ Decoration facade
A: "Lend me some of your books quickly. I want thick ones, hardcover ones."

B: "Why?"

A: "My girlfriend came to the house for the first time today."

■Love must stand the test of time, a temporary disguise can satisfy one's vanity, but love can never be reaped.

◎ Such a date
A shy boy told his mother that he was going on a date with a girl.

Half an hour later, he came back.

Mother asked: "How was the talk?"

"very smooth."

"Meet her?"

"Of course I did," he said with a giggle, "but she'd see me too if I didn't hide behind a big tree."

■ Objective factors will affect love, and subjective factors can kill love even more.For example, shyness has a great destructive effect on love, because you do not give the other party the right and opportunity to love you.

◎ no chance
A young woman about to marry decides at the last minute to test her sweetheart.So she picked a pretty nice girlfriend, and although she knew it was a risk, she said to her, "I'll arrange for Jack to take you out tonight—a walk by the seaside in the moonlight, followed by a lobster dinner. For To test his loyalty, I want you to ask him for a kiss." The girlfriend smiled and agreed with a blushing face.Dangerous plans were made.

The next day, the woman in love went to see the girlfriend and asked anxiously, "Did you ask him?"

"No."

"No? Why not?"

"I have no chance, he asked me first."

■Love is like a delicate porcelain vase, which is hard to be eternal.The so-called "everyday" and "the sea is dry and the stone is rotten" are more just ideals in people's hearts, so it is better to enjoy love than to test love.Testing love is a tiring thing. "Candidates" are tired and "examiners" are even more tired, so smart men and women seldom touch it. In fact, testing love is a sign of lack of confidence.Don't believe too much that "true love can stand the test", love does not need to be tested, since two people can be happy together and have sustenance in life, what is the test!
◎ Prepare breakfast
"My dear, you just need to prepare some more toast and coffee, and we can have breakfast," said the bride to the groom affectionately.

"What's for breakfast?" the groom asked.

"Toast and coffee."

■Love is a game, and the measure of true love is that no matter what you do for the other party, you are willing.Therefore, girls often test boys in this way.

◎ The female teacher was selected

A young man has three best girlfriends, one is a doctor, one is a telephone operator, and the other is a teacher.

One day the young man asked his mother which of them would be his suitable companion.The mother immediately replied: "My child, of course, is a female teacher!"

"why?"

"Isn't that clear? Because the doctor is always saying 'it's next' and the telephone man is always saying things like 'please keep it short,' and the female teacher is always so Say kindly, 'Let's do it again, let's try again, don't lose heart, it will work out in the end.'”

■ Whether two people can last forever depends not on romantic love, nor on generous material conditions, but on a belief, a kind of religious devotion and belief.When love becomes a kind of belief, the harvest is no longer important, and happiness may come quietly inadvertently.

◎ inner beauty

A young man dressed very stylishly went to find a girlfriend.When his girlfriend saw his oily hair and pink noodles, he was very disgusted, so she said dissatisfiedly, "I hate your external beauty, and I like your inner beauty."

Hearing this, the young man hurriedly unbuttoned his coat, pointed to the green fleece embroidered with peony flowers on his chest, and said, "Look, I'm also very beautiful inside."

■Don't just look at the appearance, because it will deceive you; don't just look at the wealth, because it will fade.

◎ Marriage advertisement (1)

"Are you my sweetheart? I have been in business for many years. I am very intelligent and wealthy. Although I am forty years old, I am still handsome and young. The disadvantage is that I may be a little richer. I sincerely hope to make friends with beautiful and warm women. I don't smoke and drink too much , between the ages of 35 and [-]. If you are interested, please send me a biography with your photo and phone number. Note: don’t forget to attach your photo!”

■: Men are animals that think with their lower body. This may be an absolute point, but at least to some extent, it is true for some men (especially those with a little money).

◎ Marriage advertisement (2)

22 years old, virgin, stewardess.Gentle and elegant, beautiful in appearance, reasonable and good at cooking.Once touched, it will surprise you.Looking for a man who is financially prosperous, regardless of age or race, but must be sincere.I hope you can accompany me to shop in Paris and eat out in Rome.If he can keep attracting me within three months from the date of meeting, I will marry him.I wish you good luck and wait for the good news. "

■Nowadays, in some girls' personal announcements, they often no longer use the standard of love to choose a mate, but instead look like lost and found or missing person announcements.People have become material carriers, marriage has become a reorganization of assets, and love is just a glue.Moreover, the so-called "glue" also works because of the addition of money elements.Obviously, these people are using their "advantages" such as youth, beauty, and advanced education to trade with money and wealth. This kind of transaction may have always existed, but when they confidently and confidently traded in the form of marriage Putting it forward, when the unspoken rules become clear rules, it clearly shows that a considerable number of young women have subverted the concept of marriage based on love and denied their own social and career values ​​in the tide of the market economy.

◎ durable
On the occasion of my mother's 50th wedding anniversary, my father happily recalled the past marriage and love process. “Back then, none of us had much money,” he told us, “and I was faced with the choice of getting my car tires changed, or getting married.” The father paused After a while, he continued, "Now I have to think that my investment direction is correct, because even the hardest tires may not last for 50 years!"

■A perfect and happy love cannot be replaced by any money. Sometimes, many people don't know that happiness cannot be measured by money.

◎ looking for in-laws

Introducer: "What do you think of the other party?"

Young woman: "I don't think much about him."

Introducer: "Marriage is a big event, you have to think carefully about it."

Young female: "No need! Anyway, I'm looking for my husband's family."

■It's really "If you have milk, you are a mother"!Money easily overturns love, love is so light, money is so heavy, it is really sad!Modern women often say, I don't want poor love!Love without money, go away!Love is realized through material things.Money affects love so cruelly. The cruelty of money is not violence, but gentle immersion.

◎ Require perfection
A couple I know are discussing the wallpaper they just put up.The husband isn't too happy with the wallpaper he just put up, but the wife isn't.For this reason, the husband was very annoyed, and he said to his wife: "This situation occurs because I am a person who demands perfection, but you are not."

"Exactly," replied the wife, "that's why you married me and I married you."

■The pursuit of perfection can be an ideal and desire buried deep in the heart, but it must not be copied to "operate" in real life. How can men and women who eat and drink have romance in heaven?The greater your hope, the greater your disappointment.

◎ Valid for one year

"Dearest Lina: As you know, I love you and love you passionately, forever, and with all my heart, this guarantee is valid from August 2000 to August 8 and can Extended as circumstances change, to save money, I will stop writing to you and kiss you 2001 times. Your benny".

■Love cannot be measured by gains and losses of material interests.If we were all "economic people" who could care about gains and losses, there might not be so many idiots complaining about women in the world.

◎ Oppose tying
Female: "There is one condition for me to marry you."

Man: "Honey, tell me, as long as I can marry you, I will agree to any conditions."

Female: "The condition is very simple, I want to bring my mother, because she only has me as a daughter."

Male: "This..."

Female: "Why, you don't agree?"

Male: "You don't know that all stores are against tying sales now?"

■Love and marriage are ends in themselves, not means.Therefore, you should not place conditions on love and marriage, and do not use the banner of marriage and love to seek interests other than marriage and love.Otherwise, you will be further and further away from happiness.

(End of this chapter)