greatest wisdom book

Chapter 110
Advice can also be wrapped in honey

Those who attack and must take will attack what they do not defend.Those who defend and must be strong will guard what they do not attack.

Many times, to family members and friends, I always feel that I have to say something, but if I say it, it will hurt the relationship between each other.So people quoted the old saying to justify themselves, saying that "good medicine is bitter to the mouth, but good advice is hard to hear".But why does good medicine have to be so bitter that it's hard to swallow?Why does it have to make people uncomfortable to hear good advice?Since the development of medical science, many "good medicines" are either sugar-coated or honey-roasted, and they are no longer bitter.Since the development of language, we have paid attention to the methods of criticism and the art of language, and we can also achieve "faithful words that are not harsh to the ear", which is loved by young and old alike.

Being in society, communication with people is inevitable, but interpersonal communication is like the war mentioned by Sun Wu, it needs to pay attention to skills.Sun Tzu described his own strategic art with the words "Those who attack and must take, attack what they do not defend; those who defend but must be firm, what they defend and do not attack". He is very much in favor of creating opportunities for himself to win.According to both the enemy and the enemy, our side should choose to attack where the enemy must go, while our marching route should be in a place where the enemy does not expect.To attack is the weak link of the enemy's lax defense, and you will win every battle; if you stick to the place where the enemy will attack, you must defend firmly.

Sun Tzu's idea is also applicable in real life, especially when trying to persuade others.There are many skills to subtly persuade others, one of the most important methods is to say "east", especially for those who are stubborn or obsessed with their own opinions, they clearly say "east", but they imply "west", so that the other party will not seem to support them. He comprehends the true intention in the words of his position, and thus accepts your opinion.There are many examples of this in ancient Chinese historical stories.
During the Spring and Autumn Period, Qi Jinggong liked hunting very much, so he asked people to raise many eagles and hounds.Once, Zhu Zou, who was in charge of raising the eagles, accidentally let one go.Qi Jinggong was furious and wanted to kill Zhu Zou.After Yanzi heard about it, he wanted to persuade Duke Jing of Qi not to kill Zhu Zou, but instead of persuading him directly, he used the method of slamming east and west, implying that Duke Jing should not kill Zhu Zou.Yanzi said: "Zhu Zou has three major crimes, and he cannot be spared lightly. Let me count his crimes before killing him!" Jinggong nodded in agreement.

In front of Duke Jing of Qi, Yan Zi pointed at Zhu Zou and said, "Zhu Zou, you raised birds for the king, but let the birds escape. This is the first serious crime; you made the king sacrifice for a bird Killing someone for a reason is the second deadly crime. Killing you and letting the princes of the world know that our king values ​​birds more than soldiers is your third deadly sin. Three deadly sins, you can’t do without killing! Your Majesty, I’m done, please You kill him!" Qi Jinggong listened and heard the meaning of the words.After a pause for a while, he said slowly, "Don't kill me, I already understand your words."

In fact, the three major crimes listed by Yan Zi are blaming Zhu Zou on the surface, but actually they are for Qi Jinggong, saying that Zhu Zou has committed the three major crimes, implying that if Zhu Zou is killed because of this, it will bring bad influence to Qi. .

Just imagine, if Yan Zi went directly to remonstrate with Zou that Zou could not be killed, even if Qi Jinggong, the king of a country, understood the truth, he would be unhappy because his majesty was questioned.But the clever Yanzi used a trick to make Qi Jinggong relax his vigilance psychologically, and easily achieved the effect he expected.As smart as Yan Zi, there is Jing Xinmo, an actor from the Five Dynasties period.

Zhuangzong Li Cunxu, the founding emperor of the Later Tang Dynasty in the Five Dynasties, once became interested in hunting and galloped his horse.When he arrived in Zhongmou County, he trampled on a large area of ​​the crops of the common people's fields.The county magistrate of Zhongmu pleaded for the people and stopped the horse to dissuade them.Unexpectedly, Zhuang Zong was furious, repelled the county magistrate face to face, and wanted to behead the county magistrate to show the public, and none of the accompanying ministers dared to speak out.After a while, one of the actors named Jing Xinmo turned from behind to Zhuang Zongma, and immediately led his men to chase after the county magistrate who was about to be beheaded, escorted him to Zhuang Zongma, and angrily accused the county magistrate:
"As a county magistrate, don't you know that our emperor likes to hunt? Why do you let the common people plant crops in the fields to pay the country's taxes? Why don't you let the common people in your county go hungry and leave the land empty, So that the emperor can come here to gallop and hunt for fun? You really deserve to die!"

After angrily denouncing him, he asked Zhuang Zong to execute Zhongmou county magistrate immediately, and other actors followed suit.Zhuangzong listened and watched, then laughed, and rode away on his horse, thus exempting the magistrate of Zhongmou County from the crime and letting him go back to his residence.

Jing Xinmo pointed east and west, which not only dissuaded Emperor Zhuangzong, but also spared the death penalty of Zhongmou county magistrate. It can be said to kill two birds with one stone.

We all have this feeling, it's not that we don't want to listen to other people's criticism, nor can we accept criticism.But why do we not like to listen to certain criticisms and advice, and feel uncomfortable, angry, and even feel that our self-esteem has been hurt?In fact, good advice can also be said very cleverly. Try to use the method of slamming the east and the west, and it may be able to achieve twice the result with half the effort.

(End of this chapter)