Sadness begins with your name

Chapter 33 I Like Your Hand On My Shoulder
I firmly believe that there are tenacious and lasting feelings in the world, or it can be said that Lin Beifeng is the Gu in my life.

That night, I was drunk for the first time in my life. I stayed with him until dawn. We cried, vomited, and hugged. At dawn, we supported each other and got into the taxi called by the waiter, laughing and singing .

"Go back to...school?" Although my head was dizzy, I could barely see the road. Lin Beifeng beside me suddenly became very quiet with his eyes closed. I pushed him, and he finally uttered a raving voice: "Go home... go back..."

"Where is your home?" I patted his face, but he seemed to have fallen asleep and didn't respond at all.

"Girl, where are you going?" The taxi driver was impatient, and the car was dangling slowly on the street in the early morning.

The most urgent thing is to find a place for him to rest, but he is so drunk that I can't take him home, so I said: "Find a hotel in front and put us down."

In a metropolis like Beijing, there are naturally hotels everywhere. The taxi quickly stopped at the entrance of a hotel that looked relatively high-end. I paid the bill and hurriedly waved to the doorman at the entrance of the hotel.

He worked with the doorman to drag him out of the car, and after some twists and turns, he finally got him to the hotel room.

Lin Beifeng was very drunk, lying on the bed with his eyebrows drawn together, and babbled vaguely from time to time, I thought maybe he was calling Wei Young's name.

The clothes on my body were vomited on by him or by me, and they smelled bad. I resisted taking off his shoes for him, ran to the bathroom, and quickly took a cold shower.

When he came out wrapped in a hotel bathrobe, most of the alcohol had gone, but he was still asleep.

At eight or nine o'clock in the morning, the sun came in from the floor-to-ceiling windows and sprinkled on his sleeping face. I twisted a hot towel and gently wiped his hands and face.

His eyelashes are very long, like a pair of butterflies resting quietly. My fingers gently brushed his browbones, nose bridge, lips, and chin, and then slowly slid down to the protruding Adam's apple, and my heart trembled slightly.

When I was wiping my fingers for him, he suddenly folded his five fingers and wrapped my hand in it. I struggled a bit and didn't break away. I panicked and called him softly: "Hey, hello!"

He was obviously unconscious, and when he turned over, he pressed me, who was half kneeling beside him, onto the bed. I struggled, but when he lifted his leg, he held me firmly in his arms.

Yes, this moment is not a dream, he, Lin Beifeng, the man I have loved for many years, is hugging me tightly on the big soft bed in the hotel.

This scene made me very shy, but I couldn't resist it as if I was under some kind of bewitchment. His breath with the smell of wine, his pure and sleeping face, his real and warm body temperature, and his firm chest next to my chest, all of this For me, it's all a bone-destroying temptation.

I couldn't help stretching out my smooth arms, carefully and tentatively went up to him, and gently hugged his neck.

This is the best dream I've ever had in my life.On a spring day full of flowers, under the warm sunshine, I was running on the endless grass in a skirt full of small flowers. There was a real and pleasant temperature in my left hand. The man in white smiled warmly, holding my left hand with his right hand while running while laughing.

"Bosha, I like you."

"Lin Beifeng, me too."

"Bosha, I want to marry you."

"Lin Beifeng, I am willing. I am willing." In the dream, we stood facing each other, with green grass and flowers under our feet, and we kept laughing and laughing, as if the whole world was a warm paradise, the sun, the breeze, the grass, Wildflowers, lovers, smiles…

Until the body suddenly lightened, the weight on the waist disappeared, and the person in his arms moved. After a few seconds, a slightly hoarse voice came from above his head: "Bo... Bosha?"

I lazily opened my eyes, and met Lin Beifeng's astonished gaze. He half-stretched his body like a petrified sculpture and opened his mouth wide: "You...I...Why are we here? This...What's going on?"

I rubbed my eyes, and moved my numb body from being curled up for too long, but it didn't matter. The loose bathrobe suddenly slid down, and the skin on my chest and shoulders was exposed in the air.

He hurriedly turned his face away, with panic and anger in his voice: "Put your clothes on... What's going on?"

My face immediately turned red, and I looked down at my bare legs that were still tightly attached to his knees. I was so embarrassed that I jumped up from the bed like a spring and stood on the ground. I just wanted to say that it was because I drank too much. Didn't do anything at all, only to see another big change in his face opposite him, his eyes seemed to be on fire, he wanted to jump to another place, but he couldn't do without me...

It turned out that the strap of the bathrobe came loose at some point, and the material slipped off the smooth skin, and the whole figure stood naked on the floor like an egg that had been peeled off its shell...

"Oh, my God!" An atomic bomb exploded in my brain, and I jumped up, ignoring the bathrobe on the floor, turned around and rushed into the bathroom and locked the door with a bang.

Dying, dying.From the mirror in front of the washstand, I saw that I was blushing, with only one head of black hair hanging down to my chest, half covering the three small characters engraved next to the collarbone.

It was as quiet as death outside, and I hid inside and dared not speak out.After a while, there was a knock on the bathroom door: "Well... can you come out for a while?"

"What are you doing!" I hurriedly pulled down the towel next to the bathtub and wrapped myself tightly, "You vomited your clothes dirty, I took a shower...well, don't get me wrong...I didn't do anything." Yes, as if he was a big pervert, while Lin Beifeng was a wronged and docile lamb.

His voice was a little weird: "Can I go to the bathroom first, I can't help it... You open the door, and I'll bring you the bathrobe."

Well, I'm pretty speechless.Carefully opening the door, I took the bathrobe and quickly put it on the towel-wrapped body, lowered my head and tied the strap on the chest tightly, and then opened the door in a desperate manner.

When Lin Beifeng came out of the bathroom, I was carrying the dirty clothes in the corner, trying to overcome the psychological barrier to put them on.

He exclaimed, "You don't intend to wear this stinky dress, do you?"

I looked up and glared at him: "I can't go back to school in a bathrobe, can I?"

After staring at each other for a second, they suddenly remembered the scene just now, and the two looked away in embarrassment at the same time.I sat on the bed, lowered my head and grabbed the strap of the bathrobe, only to hear him say: "You wait here, I'll go down and find a store to buy you a change of clothes."

An hour later, Lin Beifeng brought back a set of women's clothes and two hot KFC meals.

After changing my clothes, I came out with my head down. Lin Beifeng, who was lazily leaning on the sofa drinking a hot drink, glanced at me, and suddenly pursed his lips, smiling very strangely.

I know what he's laughing at.This dress... has a low-cut V-neck, and the way I'm used to wearing school uniforms, clutching my chest, must be very country bumpkin.

"What kind of clothes are these..." I muttered and sat down opposite him, saw the delicious roasted wings in front of me, I reached out to grab them, but my loose chest disappeared immediately.

He couldn't hold back and finally laughed out loud, and looked at me jokingly with raised eyebrows: "Don't cover it up, it's not worth seeing at all."

Is this mocking me for not having... boobs...?
I rolled my eyes at him with great resentment, and said shamefully, "Pervert..."

He was eating a hamburger and watching TV leisurely: "I don't know who it is..."

"Lin Beifeng!" I raised the chicken wings and glared at him.

"Okay." He shrank tiredly into the sofa: "I'm a little tired, don't make noise."

After looking carefully, he realized that something was wrong with his face. It was not hot in the room, but a fine layer of sweat appeared on his forehead and temples.

"You're not sick, are you?" I walked over and raised my hand to try it on his forehead, it was scorching hot.The wrist was grasped and gently removed by him, Lin Beifeng closed his eyes, his expression was suddenly extremely lonely, his voice was weak and hoarse, but he said word by word: "Bosha, I still...lost her."

Lin Beifeng had a fever, and his body temperature fluctuated from high to low. The doctor said it was pneumonia, and he would have to be hospitalized for at least a week.

His parents are still based in Gansu, and now he is alone in Beijing.I asked the school for a week off to accompany him in the hospital.

Taking medicine, delivering meals, accompanying him on drips, and taking walks have become the main content of my life.

During the day, his condition is generally mild, except that he is depressed and doesn’t like to move around, and occasionally jokes with me, but at night, his temperature will rise, and sometimes he will become unconscious.I simply didn't go back to school, moved a stool and sat beside his bed every night, and squatted on the bedside for a while when I was sleepy.

However, a week later, instead of improving, his illness showed signs of aggravation.At the end of the consultation in the morning, his attending doctor called me into the office, and said with a serious expression on his brows: "After careful consultation with the experts, we agreed that his condition has developed into pulmonary tuberculosis, and we will refer him to you later." In the ward, you should also pay attention to protection when accompanying you to prevent infection."

I was taken aback for a moment, and immediately asked: "Can it be cured?"

The doctor smiled slightly: "Don't worry, with the current medical level, tuberculosis can be cured."

I'm relieved now, but it seems that Lin Beifeng will stay in the hospital for a while longer.

Walking from the doctor's office to the ward, just outside the door, I heard someone throwing a tantrum at the nurse, "I'm fine! You let me out of the hospital!"

When I entered the door, I saw that Lin Beifeng had changed out of his hospital gown. He was standing there in a clean shirt and jeans. His daily necessities were also packed and placed by the bedside. Seeing me go in, the little nurse turned around with a grievance on her face. , said to me: "You come to persuade me, your boyfriend is really stubborn."

The word "boyfriend" made my face turn red imperceptibly. After the nurse went out, I walked up to him.

"What's the matter? Who are you angry with? Huh?" I put on a smile, and my voice was as soft as a butterfly's tentacles. "Are you a little bored? Shall I accompany you to the garden?"

He calmed down a little, and looked at me with a slight sigh: "You don't have to stay here with me all the time. If you have something to do, go and get busy, and I can take care of myself."

I glanced at him: "You think I'm annoying?"

"No." He sat down on the bed heavily annoyed: "I have to leave the hospital today."

"No." I looked into his eyes, "Do you know what disease you have?" He pursed his lips and drooped his eyelashes, muffled: "Isn't it just pneumonia?"

I said, "Yes, tuberculosis is very troublesome. Maybe you will be infected again. If you develop tuberculosis, you will still be infected."

He raised his head at once: "Then you still stay with me every day? Go back, don't be infected by me."

At this time, his mood was already very low, I smiled, squatted down and looked up into his eyes, "I think you are just annoying me. But as long as you don't take a broom to drive me away, I will never leave!"

He raised his right hand and gently placed it on my shoulder. The real temperature slowly penetrated into my body like a stream. I turned my head sideways and pressed my cheek tightly against the back of his hand.

Closing my eyes, I realized that I was so greedy, his breathing, his temperature, everything about him.

Just as I was immersed in this moment of tenderness and looking forward to the stagnation of time, he said softly: "Today is Weiyang's birthday. I promised to give her a future when she turns 22."

"But now..." He smiled wryly, "I don't even have her now, so why talk about the future."

"But at least you have a lot of good memories." I persuaded lightly.

When he calmed down, there seemed to be a layer of sadness all over his body, "There are only memories left, but when you lose everything, you realize that memories are actually a knife. The more you think about it, the sharper it is. At that time How good it is, how painful it is right now." Lin Beifeng looked at me deeply with dark amber pupils, and said, "Do you understand?"

My heart seemed to be sinking in a deep black sea, but I had to put on a calm smile on my face: "I don't understand. Because the memories you gave me are so pitiful."

How stingy you are to Lin Beifeng, you have given her a lot of attention and warmth from the beginning to the end, and I am just a wild grass growing on its own, in the corner, forgotten by you.

He understood, his gaze was turned aside after I stared at him for a few seconds, he got up, and stopped the flow of affection between the two. "I'm only going out for one night, please help me."

"You don't want to see her?"

"Yes, you must." Seeing his resolute eyes, I smiled: "Then you have to listen to me tonight."

After dinner, it was already dark, and while the doctors and nurses were away, I took Lin Beifeng out of the hospital.

At my request, he wore a black baseball cap and a big mask. I didn't tell him about tuberculosis, but I just said, you'd better not get too close to Wei Young.

At 7:20, Lin Beifeng first came to a flower shop and watched him count yellow roses there. I put my hands in my pockets and stood far away. Under the dim streetlights, my shadow was stretched so long , the wind was a bit cool, I pressed my heart, trying not to let the pain there disturb my actions.

"Let's go." He came out with a large bouquet of yellow roses, and waved for a taxi.

When I got into the car, I smiled and asked, "Yellow roses...what does it represent?"

A huge white mask obscured his expression, and he just looked down at the flowers, thoughtful.

The taxi stopped at the intersection near Weiyang's house, and just about to open the door, Lin Beifeng next to me grabbed my arm.

A white car slammed past the taxi. At the speed of that car, if I got out of the car at that time, I would definitely be knocked down. "Squeak", with the sound of sudden braking, the white car also stopped not far ahead. It was a BMW with a familiar license plate.

However, after a long time, the people in the car did not get off.

Lin Beifeng and I were standing on the side of the road. Through the glass of the rear window, we could vaguely see a man and a woman sitting in the front row of the car. They hugged each other tightly, as if they were kissing.

Turning to look at him, Lin Beifeng's expression was blurred by the flickering city lights. I stretched out my hand and gently tugged at his hanging hand. He didn't move, his hand was as cold as a stone, but his eyes were fixed on the car. direction.

After an unknown amount of time, the car door finally opened, Ye Weiyang, who was wearing a small fur vest, got out of the car, bent down and waved to the people in the car.

The rose trembled in Lin Beifeng's hands, and then he stepped forward and walked forward.

"Beifeng." I grabbed his hand, "Can you, don't go?" I raised my head with full eyes, and I looked at him almost in a pleading tone: "Can you, for me, don't go. "

His fingertips trembled slightly in my palm. After a long while, his black stone-like eyes stared at me, and his voice buzzed from behind the thick mask: "Don't worry."

I don't know what the phrase "you don't worry" means, but what was contained in that glance made me both sad and warm.He broke away from my palm, and strode towards the gate of Weiyang's house after the BMW left.

"Wei Young!" He stopped her.

The woman who walked gracefully turned around, probably didn't recognize who the heavily armed man was for a moment, and took two steps back in surprise: "What are you going to do?"

Lin Beifeng let out a dry laugh: "I can't promise you a future. Weiyang, I'm sorry. Today is your birthday, I wish you... a happy birthday." He stretched out the flowers in front of her, and 15 yellow roses were fragrant in the night Spreading, Ye Weiyang finally looked at him hesitantly, and said: "North... Beifeng?"

Lin Beifeng held the flowers persistently, and said with a light smile, "I have lung disease, so I have to wear a mask...Wei Young, these flowers are for you."

Hearing him say "pulmonary disease", Ye Weiyang involuntarily took a few steps back, not daring to pick up the bouquet of flowers: "If you are sick, stay in the hospital, don't run around, this disease will be contagious!"

Lin Beifeng swayed, and his face turned pale: "Are you afraid that I will infect you? I am not tuberculosis!" The last sentence was raised very high, and he seemed to be angry. When the flower was stretched out in front of her for the last time, she still didn't Then, the silver-gray fur reflected cold light under the lamp.

Lin Beifeng suddenly sneered, threw the flower at her feet, turned around and left.

"North wind--North..." Ye Weiyang yelled, then weakened, the light stretched her figure very long, the rose fell to the ground, and the tender yellow petals fluttered in the air.

Later I checked, 15 yellow roses means apology.I couldn't figure it out, she didn't want him first, why did he apologize, maybe this is, whoever loves deeply loves cheaply.

Just like me at the moment.

He was walking fast in front, and I could only trot all the way in pursuit.I am afraid that he will go away like this and never look back. I don't know if I can get together with him in the end, but at least, at this moment, I don't want to leave him. I must follow him closely and never leave him.

After walking for several streets, his legs and feet were already sore and swollen, but he still strode on the streets in late autumn without looking back.

I couldn't walk anymore, so I squatted down and sat on the side of the road panting heavily.My left foot hurt so badly, I took off my shoe, only to find that the sock was covered with blood, and a thumbtack pierced the sole of the shoe and stabbed the sole of my foot.I hugged my knees, looked at his receding figure, and began to laugh at myself, laughing at myself for being overwhelmed, hating myself for being worthless, liking him so much that I lost myself and my dignity, he was the only one in the world.

When the cold tear rolled out of the eye socket and was about to fall to the back of the hand, his back suddenly warmed up, and the familiar breath fell on his ear, and he turned his head in panic. Lin Beifeng's face was close at hand, and he took off the mask , the whole face is well-defined and soft like jade in the night.

He gently wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes with his hands, and lowered his head slightly: "Fool, why are you crying?"

"Bad guy...you scoundrel!" Suddenly, all the grievances that came out of nowhere came to my heart, I patted his shoulder, and there were bitterness and joy in my tears.Suddenly, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his arms.

This is a secluded street, with the cool autumn wind blowing, sparse street lamps, sparse vehicles, only the tall trees on both sides of the road stubbornly stick to the vigorous green.Right here, right at this moment, he suddenly, kissed me.

The gentle kiss started from the touch of the lips, and gradually rolled into the lips. The breathing was chaotic, and the softness and warmth of the tip of the tongue gradually spread from the mouth to the whole body and mind. My brain was blank, and there was only one voice in my heart: It's over, I'm over...

(End of this chapter)