The years I was a birdman

Chapter 1 The Big Bird on the Electric Pole

It's night or summer, it's very strange, this year's Harbin is inexplicably hot, and the inexplicable is really unacceptable.

People in the Northeast are not resistant to cold and heat. This is true. During the daytime, people on the street can’t stand the scorching heat. The white-faced ones seem to be walking around the central street, making people burn their hearts. have it all.

I don’t know what’s wrong with it, this year’s weather has been abnormal, it’s nothing like snow at the beginning of the year, auspicious snow heralds a good year, but if you say it’s still snowing at the end of April, it’s a bit unreasonable, this’ The bountiful year's omens lasted long enough to make the old peasants cry, and the chicks in short skirts feel bad.

Some people froze to death wearing cotton trousers, but some were still alive wearing silk stockings.

Zhang Shifei thinks so. At the moment, he is squatting at the door of a KTV in downtown HEB looking at the fucking sky, holding the phone in his hand and sticking it to his ear, obviously impatient. The night seems to have just woken up, the lights are feasting, and from time to time, some young women in thin clothes can pass by the KTV around them. Their clear leather skirt suits and net stockings make people seem to be captured. Mermaid-like visual enjoyment.

Zhang Shifei, 21 years old this year, jobless, raised by standard parents, a master who doesn't love the motherland and the party, because his parents have some money, so after graduating from university, he became an idler in society, anyway, he didn't Worrying about food and clothing, so idleness is his profession, and it is his dream to eat and die.

Those chicks are the girls in this nightclub, Zhang Shifei knows them, it seems that they come out to breathe and eat popsicles, they also know Zhang Shifei, because Zhang Shifei is a frequent visitor here, so some of them smiled at him ambiguously He smiled and licked the ice cream in his hand.

As the saying goes, on a moonlit night at the 24th Bridge, someone from a beautiful family taught me how to play the flute. Faced with this situation, Zhang Shifei did not return the ecstasy and charming eyes as usual, but gave them a glare. Zhang Shifei stared at her, smiled instead of anger, and said to Zhang Shifei: "Yo~~~ Brother Zhang, don't go back so early tonight, remember to find me."

Zhang Shifei threw the cigarette on the ground, crushed it hard with his feet a few times, and said simply and clearly: "Fuck off."

Those girls noticed it. It seems that our living father is not in a very good mood today, so they stopped pestering and went back to the house. The voice, it sounds like a young woman, and definitely not over 22 years old.

You ask me why I am so sure?This is too simple, you must know that our shifei Zhang comes out to play with the creed of "three do not touch": one, not to touch if it is not a woman, two, not to touch if it is not a man or a woman, and three, not to touch if it is over 22.

This is Zhang Shifei’s experience of playing with women since he was a child. It seems that this is innate. It can also be said that he is a magnet. Same sex repels opposite sex attracts, which leads to his weird personality, so it is said that in the past 20 years Come on, there are very few male friends around him, and he can count them with the fingers of the nine-fingered beggar Hong Liulang.

At this time, Zhang Shifei picked up another cigarette, and then said casually to the phone: "It's okay, I didn't talk about you, ah no, you can also take it as me talking about you."

The woman on the other side of the phone cried even more sadly when she heard what he said. She choked up and said: "Why, why did you break up? Can you not do this? Didn't you say that you love me? It's what I say."

Zhang Shifei smiled helplessly, shrugged his shoulders, and then said into the phone: "That's right, I love you, whatever you say, but the point is that I don't love you now, and you say you don't love me anymore. What is it?"

After Zhang Shifei uttered such ecstasy and powerful words, the woman on the other side of the phone obviously broke down, and her voice became extremely resentful. Fortunately, the fast food system is implemented now, and she left behind a breakup classic quote ranking After No. 1 on the list, he hung up the phone.

That sentence is, the surname Zhang, you will have retribution.

Zhang Shifei looked at the phone, smiled helplessly, put it in his butt pocket, and stood up. He squatted for too long, causing his head to feel dizzy when he stood up. I don't know if it was because his limbs were stiff for a long time It was caused by drinking too much alcohol at night.

Zhang Shifei supported the wall with his hands, then looked up at Harbin, the starless sky above his head, then he spit on the ground, curled his lips, and said with a smile: "Retribution, if I believe in retribution If you had, you would have left home."

Obviously, our Master Zhang is indeed full of karma. To him, this curse-style threat is just like I love you. Where did so many high-tech come from!
Thinking of this, he put on that shameless smile, and then walked into the store again, and after turning a few turns with ease, he came to the door of a box, opened the door, and there was a lot of noise The music is coming.

Zhang Shifei sighed, and then walked in. The heavy closing sound of the door was drowned in the wild agricultural heavy metal music of the love business. In a blurred atmosphere, there are three people in the room, one man and two women, who are not very familiar with each other.

In other words, the girls in this kind of nightclub all look like him.

Zhang Shifei is very familiar with that wretched fat man. As I said before, Zhang Shifei has been eccentric since he was a child. He has a special temper in Northeast dialect. They are both only children, who spoils him, so he has very few same-sex friends, but this fat man is an exception.

The two are Fatty, and the fat man is six months older than Zhang Shifei. When the two parents were young, they practiced Taner face to face. Later, the business grew bigger and they both formed a company. They have been strategic partners for decades, so the two They have been twisted together since childhood, just like the Haier brothers, but the pants they wear are different colors.

There is another reason why the two are so strong, and that is their personality. It may be that they have been together since childhood. Zhang is born to like women, especially fat people. But later, when the parents of both parties were drinking together, they discussed it. Shifei's parents are very decent, so Zhang Shifei can be said to be an accidental type of genetic mutation.

But the fat man is different, it can be said that his family passed down from generation to generation, and he doesn't bother seeing women. Hearing from the fat man, he is nothing. Once I chased a long-haired man for more than two miles, but I was dumbfounded when I caught up with him, he is a fucking old man.

At this time, the fat man was sitting on the sofa with his rotten belly, holding his little daughter in one arm and howling, "Sell my love, you have a debt of conscience (should)", this song is heard by Zhang Shifei. Awkward, he sat down on the soft sofa. When the fat man saw that he was back, he stopped singing and gave the girl on the right hand a wretched wink. The girl nodded knowingly and sat down on the sofa. Next to Shifei, a sensual body was pressed against Zhang Shifei's arm.

Zhang Shifei didn't move, didn't say anything, and didn't refuse.

After singing, the fat man smiled wretchedly at Zhang Shifei and said, "Break up with that chick?"

Zhang Shifei lit a cigarette, then nodded.

The fat man said with a smile: "You said you really have enough life. Every time you say you want some kind of true love, but every time it doesn't last more than two months, it's really ironic."

If someone said that to Zhang Shifei, then the beer bottle in his hand must have exploded the opponent's sky cap, but the fat man is different from others, so Zhang Shifei could only sigh, then shrugged and said: "I I don’t want to, I’ve had enough fun, and I want to find someone to take care of me, but... Alas, what the hell, I’m getting bored after two months, oh, why is this!”

"For wine!" The fat man opened a bottle of Rottweiler with his teeth.It poured into his mouth like flushing a toilet.Looking at his Adam's apple wriggling up and down, he already felt his bold esophagus and his poor hangover tomorrow morning.

When the beer had run out, the fat man burped for a long time, and then said to Zhang Shifei, "Forget it, Lao Zhang, you are not born to be that innocent seed, what kind of sentimental flowers are you blooming, you know Woman, is he as bad as a salted fish, it will stink after three days, you said it has been two months, can you not grow hair?"

Hearing what the fat man said, Zhang Shifei took a sip, then smiled and cursed at the fat man: "Li Lanying, your shameless appearance is quite similar to what I had two months ago."

The two girls in the private room were delighted to hear what Zhang Shifei said. They knew that the fat man was called Li Ge before, and it was obviously the first time they heard the name of the fat man, so the girl next to the fat man held back. Smilingly, he said to the fat man, "Li Lianying? Brother Li, why did you come up with the name eunuch?"

"Bah, bah, bah! What is Li Lianying! It's Li Lanying!" The fat man patted the little girl hard, and the little girl didn't dare to smile openly, so she could only smile secretly.

In order not to let Zhang Shifei sweep his sexuality away, the fat man said to Zhiling who was singing: "Hey, that girl, my buddy is broken in love, and the next song should be more lyrical." Taking advantage of the interval between changing songs, The fat man said to Zhang Shifei: "Don't think about it, isn't it just a girl?"

Zhang Shifei smiled and said to him: "Just kidding, I dumped her, but to be honest, that chick was really nice to me except for her innocent personality.

The song started, the name is "Xingyue Myth".Zhang Shifei has heard a very tender song. It is an episode of the time-travel TV series "Myth".The style of the song is slow and lyrical, not to mention, it really tastes like singing from that chick's mouth.

If the scene of Fatty Li and the chick's hands and feet next to him is excluded, the box is really full of emotion.

It is easy to get drunk on emotional occasions, so today is no exception.Both Zhang Shifei and Fatty Li were drunk.

It was already midnight.

On the taxi home, the fat man suddenly felt urgent to urinate, so Zhang Shifei got out of the taxi with him on the way.The two of them crossed their shoulders, took one step and turned three times, and walked obliquely to the side of an electric pole. Just as Zhang Shifei unbuttoned his trousers, he suddenly felt a cool breeze on his head.He looked up, and by the dim streetlights, a big dark green bird was standing on the pole.

He hurriedly patted the fat man vigorously, and the fat man who was draining the water was shocked by such a sudden slap, and cursed: "What are you doing, convulsions, you, I pissed my pants all over!"

Zhang Shifei rubbed his eyes, shit, the life form on the telegraph pole looks like a peacock.But how could there be a peacock in this city center at this time?This is completely as illogical as when you come home and find that the lionhead goldfish in the fish tank has given birth to a shellless bastard for no reason. Could it be that the zoo cage is broken?

When he came back to his senses, Zhang Shifei quickly shouted to the fat man: "Fat man, peacock!! Look! It's on the pole!!" The fat man raised his head while urinating, took a look and cursed: "Where is there such a peacock? You must have drunk too much!"

Drank too much?Am I drinking too much?Zhang Shifei thought, it should be.I was so dizzy that I had hallucinations.damn alcohol.At this moment, the fat man said to Zhang Shifei: "Have you pissed yet? Hurry up. After you urinate, go back to each house and go to sleep. Seeing that you are so drunk, you are hallucinating."

Knowing that it was the effect of alcohol, he didn't think about it anymore. After being told by the fat man, he really felt a little bit like peeing.So he also unbuttoned his pants and started to release water from the brake.

Drinking too much beer damages the kidneys. This is really disturbing. Anyone who has ever drunk knows this.He and Fatty have soaked in urine for a long time.Suddenly he heard a strange sound above his head, click, click.

Hallucinations, hallucinations.He reminded himself while continuing to turn on the water.The fat man wobbled and asked him, "What's the noise? It seems like the wires are about to break?"

Zhang Shifei laughed at him: "I also said that I drank too much, how can you have hallucinations if you are so capable?"

Just imagine, if the wires on the telephone pole were broken at two o'clock in the morning when there was no one on the street, and it happened to be the two of us who were peeing under this telephone pole.It's almost as if the shellless bastard said that he holds two knives and his name is Da Vinci.And there are three senior brothers, who are as illogical as a mouse teacher named Sperint.

However, until a very thick electric wire fell into the puddle of urine where Zhang Shifei and Li Lanying urinated.Only then did Zhang Shifei realize that it was true.

It wasn't until he and Fatty Li were lying on the cold concrete floor that their bodies were almost blackened, and their bodies were filled with the smell of roasted pig hair, that he realized that there were really such illogical things in this world.Collapsed because his urine was conductive.

Now even if the shellless bastard in the fish tank talks and tells you that it is actually the reincarnation of the tortoise that carried Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei 500 years ago to learn Buddhist scriptures and cross the Tongtian River, Zhang Shifei is willing to believe it .

The head is still dizzy, but the body has no reaction and consciousness, and the vision is getting more and more blurred, and the eyes are gradually engulfed by darkness.Could it be that buddies are going to go to the Western Paradise to learn Buddhist scriptures with Li Lanying, a fat man this time?Zhang Shifei thought that the strange thing was that he didn't feel scared, maybe it was the effect of alcohol.Zhang Shifei remembered the words of the girl who broke up with him just now.Maybe, this is really retribution.

Consciousness also began to gradually blur, and then he passed out completely. At the last moment when he could still see things, he saw the peacock that had stopped on the telegraph pole before.

The peacock spread its wings across the night sky, across Zhang Shifei's line of sight, and the last picture that was frozen in his mind was indeed beautiful.

(End of this chapter)