Self-control 2: How to control your emotions and destiny?

Chapter 12 The Paranoid Trap (1)
Everyone has a design for their own life, which is the pursuit of a better life and an ideal desire for the future.When they stubbornly hold on to something wrong, the greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment.

◎Is that what you think?
There are many stubborn people in real life. It should be noted that being stubborn is not the same as being paranoid.Appropriate stubbornness can add some "cute" image in the eyes of others, and even a kind of advantage in the category of management.Because in the eyes of others, he insists on principles.Bigotry is different, it often hurts itself and hurts others, because bigotry means "unrepentant".

What are the downsides of being paranoid?
First, in psychology, it is mostly called paranoid personality disorder.

Second, being paranoid means being suspicious and jealous.

Third, paranoid people generally think too highly of themselves and don't want to accept criticism.

Fourth, they like sophistry and are easily impulsive, just like a stove that burns at one point.

Fifth, they generally lack a sense of humor, so don't make jokes with them.

It can be said that paranoia is the enemy of interpersonal communication, and it is also very detrimental to work.People with this kind of emotion often break up with their lovers, and have negative events such as marital discord and family rebellion that affect the quality of life.

Excessive self-esteem - never admitting mistakes
Edward is a surgeon in a hospital. This is a very hard job, and he is often woken up urgently when he is resting in the middle of the night.A patient came to the emergency department of the hospital because of chest pain. In his case, various examinations did not reveal any problems.According to the procedures, he can be discharged from the hospital.But a nurse reminded Edward in the ward, saying: "There must be something wrong with him, my intuition tells me."

Edward thought it was ridiculous, how could a doctor judge a patient based on intuition?Besides, she's just a nursing nurse.

"I'm serious, doctor, I just noticed that the corners of his mouth are a little slanted, which is very abnormal." The nurse said seriously.

Edward didn't appreciate it, he was very angry, a little nurse dared to challenge his authority?With so many years of experience as a doctor, does he still need a nurse to give advice?He said to the nurse righteously: "Go out now and go through the discharge procedures for my patient."

But, 15 minutes later, the patient was found in the parking lot, foaming at the mouth, with upturned eyes and a crooked mouth, suffering from a stroke.When Edward took over the patient again, he still stubbornly claimed that the patient was fine when he handled it, and that it must have been just an emergency.

Self-esteem may be the basis that leads to the formation of a person's paranoia.Although each of us has a special need for self-esteem, it is an essential spiritual need, but if some people can only use the following methods--
Stubbornness: "I'm going to do it to the end, that's what I think!"

Confrontation: "Mine is right!"

Attack: "What are you?"

Sophistry: "Even if you're right, it's not as reasonable as what I said!"

Satisfying his own vanity in such a way will enable the paranoid emotions to be protected and developed in this satisfaction.Therefore, it will inevitably affect your normal communication with others, destroy your own interpersonal relationship, and at the same time cause negative harm to your work.

Cognitive out-of-control - Misreading the wrong person, but making a mistake to the end

Amy Bailey is caught in a relationship scam.The man she calls "Mr. Sweet Dreams" Kevin is just a liar who goes around stealing money and affection from girls, and almost everyone around Amy can see that.

"Amy, do you have to be so stubborn? Can't you see that he just wants money?"

"Last week I saw him hooking up with a blonde, don't tell me you think that's just his distant cousin!"

"You have only known each other for two weeks, if you continue like this, you will be cheated to death by him!"

Every friend reminds her that, but Amy thinks so: You guys are just jealous that I have a handsome boyfriend, that must be the case.In her eyes, Kevin is simply perfect. He has a handsome face, a good family background, humorous conversation, considerate and gentle.Although he's recently broke, Amy is willing to do anything to help him.

"That's what I think, Kevin is a good person!" Amy refuted everyone's reminders, firmly believing that she would not misunderstand the person.

They dated for two months. Amy rented an expensive house for Kevin to create for him, bought a car, gave him $2 in cash, and helped Kevin pay off his long-overdrawn credit card.

A few weeks later, Kevin suddenly disappeared without a word.The sad Amy shed tears every day, and her friend comforted her that she should not shed tears for a liar, but Amy still naively thought: He will definitely come back, I treat him so well, he must have had some misfortune at home, nothing happened Let me know in time.

Cognitive loss of control can lead to behavioral paranoia, and then stubbornly clinging to false cognitions.However, such misbehavior is not necessarily caused by cognitive loss of control.

mindset
Our habit of recognizing things in the past will definitely affect our perception of things today and in the future.A kind person must feel that others are kind, because she is dealing with her future based on past experience.

Therefore, even if she occasionally doubts herself, she will quickly dispel this idea and continue to believe in the wrong facts.

Self-protection
Sometimes, people may not be unable to see the authenticity of a thing clearly, and cannot penetrate its essence.It's just that she is more assertive because of some self-defensive mechanism—a mixture of self-esteem, face, status, or habit.She'll think, "Even if your analysis makes sense, I'm going to find out the truth myself instead of following your point of view."

Then, her next behavior is easy to understand.She will take the opposite attitude. The more you persuade her, the more she feels that she should increase her insistence, because she wants to protect her "authority" and "face".

Emotional Self-Management Course
Transposition management
Self-regulation: You must be good at restraining your own resistance and eliminating words and actions that are rude to others.This is the first step in regulation. It is a good start to understand the other party's point of view, otherwise you will become a person who is too paranoid to listen to any suggestions and see no hope.

Admit: For your own mistakes, if you quickly realize it, you must take the initiative to admit it.You might as well be humorous, and find a way to go down the stairs in a self-deprecating way, which will not only relax your mood, but also leave a good impression on others.In short, after realizing the mistake, don't continue to insist on your point of view strongly.

New habits: If you don't like to accept new things, it is easy to be narrow-minded and worry about things you have never experienced.For this, you must develop the habit of being good at learning and being willing to accept new things.

◎ Must do, unstoppable stubbornness
There is usually only one set of principles in the hearts of diehards - "I must do it!" No matter how reasonable you say, they will never listen.Even if he understands the truth, he must continue to do it.This kind of paranoia can't be stopped, and it combines many extreme emotions into one, forming a hard habit.

When someone tries to break this habit in him, it makes him extremely unhappy, and even arouses pain and anger in him.After a long time, his protection mechanism will be activated, and he will have aggressive emotions and behaviors towards the outside world.

Mr. Shang is the marketing manager of an IT company in China. His performance is good, but many people call him a "stubborn stone". The reason is that Mr. Shang is very stubborn. As long as it is something he believes, no one can convince him Change.

When I had a meal with a client, the client told him that there was a market for a piece of software, but few companies were doing it at present, and if they started now, they would definitely make a lot of money.According to his intuition, Mr. Shang felt that the project was very credible.And the customer said so much that there is no reason not to believe it. He is determined to do this and do it well.

After returning to the company, Mr. Shang told his boss what he wanted, but he was immediately rejected.The reason for the boss is that this is too risky and the timing is not ripe enough, so let him wait.

"Wait a little longer? Wait until the day lily is cold!"

Mr. Shang privately decided to organize a few reliable employees in his department to work secretly.As for the funds, no problem, he will solve it himself.After three months of staying up late and overtime, the software finally came out.Mr. Shang asked employees to promote it quietly to see how the market responds.As a result, after more than a month, the market's reaction was very cold.The point is, he embezzled funds from another important business in the process of doing this project, but now he can't get it back.

When the boss was talking to him, Mr. Shang was still saying, "Just watch! It will definitely make money."

The boss said: "I told you to wait. I knew about the project you mentioned a long time ago. The reason why I haven't done it is that the risk is too high. I didn't expect you to be so stubborn that you couldn't even stop it. I see you as a manager. Just don't do it."

Everyone has a design for their own life, and the design is perfect, which is "expectation".It is hope, the source of our dreams, the pursuit of a better life, and the ideal desire for the future.However, when we stubbornly insist on something wrong and must do it to the end, the greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment.

Ms. Meng, who loves beauty, is always dissatisfied with her face. She thinks that her nose could be higher, her chin should be sharper, the corners of her eyes should be wider, and the shape of her face should be narrower... In short, she thinks she should have plastic surgery. Then you can be like a star.

Many people around me are catching up with the trend of plastic surgery, and Ms. Meng doesn't want to be left behind at all.But her husband totally disagreed. He thought his wife was just demanding perfection. She was already beautiful enough. Moreover, the risk of plastic surgery was too high. If it failed, even her current appearance would be lost.

Ms. Meng firmly believes that she must have plastic surgery, if not, she will spend the rest of her life in depression.For this matter, the husband and wife quarreled all day long, and their relationship became worse and worse.In the end, the husband threw out his trump card: "Plastic plastic surgery is okay, then we must divorce." I thought my wife who loved me the most would compromise, but I didn't expect her to be stubborn. Ms. Meng said calmly: "Leave and leave , I can’t go on anyway.”

As a result, Ms. Meng became one of the failed plastic surgery cases.She looked at the distorted face in the mirror and yelled at the doctor: "Didn't you say that I would become more beautiful? Now I am a complete ugly monster! I will sue your hospital."

The hospital said: "We have signed a risk agreement before the operation, and we have clearly explained the risks of the operation. You agree with it. You insist on doing it yourself. It is not our fault. Even if you file a lawsuit, We'll stick with you to the end."

The stubborn Ms. Meng was empty-handed in the end, her beauty was gone, her youth was gone, and her marriage was over.

(End of this chapter)