Self-control 2: How to control your emotions and destiny?

Chapter 13 The Paranoid Trap (2)
Stubbornness in the wrong direction can lead to the downfall of our lives.Many helplessness and hardships in life are the seeds planted by stubbornness.While "persistence" is a great quality, it's not the same as stubbornness.Appropriate persistence can make changes more rationally from the perspective of "realizability", and achieve one's set goals on the premise of adapting to reality.

This is the direction we should work towards and the principles we should abide by—if you insist too much, your behavior and psychology will be confused or even deformed until you cannot bear the final result.

Emotional Self-Management Course
control stubborn
Analysis: Do a rational analysis of everything first, and conduct the most extensive opinion collection. If everyone disagrees, will you still insist?
Skills: Think of the worst result in front, and then determine the price that needs to be paid. If you and your team can accept it calmly, you are qualified to be stubborn.At this time, you may enjoy another kind of treatment, that is, people appreciate your stubbornness and call it "persistence".

Stop: Stop your stubbornness at the right time, which means you have to understand how to take risks.It is very important to prepare for the worst and leave enough retreat and space for yourself. It represents a person's ability to plan the overall situation, and whether he has a rational mind and a calm mind.

◎Fantasy of being persecuted
In paranoid personality disorder, there is a delusional disorder of persecution.The most prominent feature of people suffering from this disease is that they always think that someone is going to harm them. This fantasy of "being hurt" will make them miserable, always exhausted, highly stressed, and the whole person is in a state of loss of control .

For example, a little girl asked her father, "Why don't you buy a car? Even the uncle who fixes the plumbing next door has one. Please don't tell me you don't have any money." The father replied, "Darling, Dad hasn't saved enough money." Ask the driver for the money."

Although this father's money is not enough to hire a driver, it is definitely enough to buy a car, but why did he give up the opportunity to make life better?He said: "I'm too scared to drive. I usually worry about accidents when I walk on the street and cross the road. If I buy a car myself, wouldn't that increase the possibility?"

We do have people with this mindset in our lives.They have some illusions or fears about the external environment, thinking that some misfortunes will definitely happen to them.Therefore, he was trembling, living in a terrifying world imagined by himself.

always feel like someone is hurting him
This will only make him live in fear. He seizes some extremely fragile facts as evidence of deliberate murder of him. This emotion gradually spreads into his life, forcing him to make absurd actions and even have the urge to kill.This pathology also includes delusions about jealousy, money, power, love (belief that you have been loved by a stranger), and mysticism.

Melissa insisted that she was being followed by a gang of eccentrics, claiming that they were under the windows of their house every day, and would give signals at night to kidnap her.When the doctor asked her why, she said that these eccentrics must like brown hair (Melissa herself has brown hair), and they were going to kidnap her in an old factory, cut her hair into all kinds of children's toys, and finally killed her.

This fantasy of persecution has resulted in her not going out for half a year. She wraps her hair tightly with a headscarf at home, locks the doors and windows, draws thick curtains, and turns on the lights when she sleeps, and puts a gun.It wasn't until one morning half a year later that her aunt came to the small town where she lived for business and knocked on her door that she knew that Melissa was ill.

"She was very nervous, grabbed my arm and said, 'Is anyone following you? I'm being assassinated recently.'"

Melissa's aunt told the doctor, "She likes her hair best, it makes her look beautiful. A year ago she went to the bank to withdraw money, and was followed by a thief on the way. Although nothing happened, she has since then. Becoming more and more timid, more and more autistic, she felt that the world was dangerous."

How can we get rid of it?

Paranoia of persecution is not invisible at the beginning, it can always reveal clues in some way, reminding you that it has eroded your brain.As long as you pay attention at this time, you have the opportunity to knock it back to its original shape at the beginning, and return to a state of health and balance.But once you're careless, unaware of it, or indifferent to its harbingers, it's very difficult to expel it once it's fully taken over your consciousness.

There are several important factors in the character of such patients that cannot be ignored-pompous, arrogant, lazy, and conformist.They are often restless, sometimes emotionally unstable, poorly integrated with the surrounding environment, and have difficulty adapting to some accepted rules.

He is indifferent to the surrounding environment or people, and it is easy to have friction with others; he is also not good at interpersonal relationships, and cannot make real friends.He will find that when dealing with him, all people will always have a coping attitude, and no one wants to have a deep talk with him, or even avoid him in fear.

listen patiently
Listening is as important as talking, but listening is obviously more meaningful for patients with persecuted fantasies.When you can sit down and talk patiently with others for 20 minutes, and focus on your listening, you are already dissolving the accumulation of emotions in your heart and gradually returning to rationality.

fictitious new facts
Fantasizing about a new, positive fact for yourself to accept is not "psychopathic," but creating an optimistic environment that replaces the previous hurtful environment, thereby achieving the purpose of a harmless transition.

For example, in the past, you often felt that your boss was extremely harsh on you and deliberately punished yourself.So, now start to instill this "truth": the boss treats me very well, and he has set up many links to test me and exercise my ability.Although the essence of the two "facts" is the same, the state reflected by the new fiction is quite different.

self hacking
If the complaints about the environment cannot be dissipated, then, according to your own logic, deduce "how the environment destroys you".If your deduction is objective enough, you will definitely walk into a dead end and find that your previous feeling is wrong.

Emotional Self-Management Course
Self-cultivation of "peace of mind"

Outcomes will always change: you have to keep yourself aware that the end result is never static, that the end result is still another beginning, which will eventually be replaced by a new end result.

Endurance: What is more important is our inner emotional endurance.Sometimes, a person's emotional failure is not because he doesn't know how important it is to manage his emotions, nor is his ability insufficient, but because his inner state can't bear the change, so that he can only drift with the tide in the emotional fluctuations .

Work and rest habits: You must develop good work and rest habits to avoid emotional hallucinations.If a person's biological clock is chronically unhealthy, insomnia, fatigue, hallucinations or complaining can begin to haunt him.Therefore, work and rest regularly every day to ensure adequate sleep, neither stay in bed nor stay up late.Stick to naps if you can.Over time, our mentality will improve dramatically.

Build Faith: Good faith can be calming, and it can also help us understand and accept reality with humility.It has this miraculous effect-a certain religion, ideal or philosophy of survival is fine, as long as it is in line with your life interests, it can be used to integrate with your own needs, and then play a role in calming your mind.

◎Establish a sentiment analysis program

This is a sentiment analysis program used to help us measure our "degree of paranoia" by detecting whether there are signs of paranoia in our own emotions anytime and anywhere, and confirming its level.

problem:

1. Are you strict with others?Do you often ask for blame?
2. When someone else makes a mistake, do you always blame the other person for causing trouble?

3. Not many people think it is credible?

4. Do you have any strange ideas?
5. Can't control your temper?
6. Does everyone not understand you or sympathize with you?
7. Do you think that other people's evaluation of you is not appropriate?Not getting enough recognition for your grades?
8. Always think that someone is trying to take advantage of you?
Test score:

不是（1分）；有时候（2分）；存在这种情况（3分）；经常（4分）；对，是这样的（5分）
answer:

Below 10 points - You are not paranoid, on the contrary, you are calm and have a strong ability to control emotions.So, when you get this result, I want to congratulate you and I hope you will continue to work hard.

15 to 24 points - You may have a certain degree of paranoia, it is not serious.If you always feel that the environment is not going your way, that people around you are against you, or that there are more and more people and things that make you unhappy, then you should be vigilant, because the real reason may lie in yourself, and Not the environment.

More than 25 points - this shows that you have already had more obvious signs of paranoia, you can no longer ignore it, but must pay attention to it.From now on, we must take it seriously, learn how to control our emotions, and avoid "fire" incidents.In addition, when you encounter a big obstacle, if you can't get over it, please ask a professional counselor or a psychologist for help.

Emotional Self-Management Course
rational code

Experience process: You should always ask yourself what you have experienced, what you have done, and what you have changed. Only this kind of life is meaningful.Therefore, real rationality is able to accept any result and focus on the experience process.

Eliminate distractions: You must know how to eliminate specific emotional distractions, drive them out of your subconscious mind, so that they will not hijack your instincts and form paranoia.

Take a hard look: You have to take a hard look at all your emotions—see which of them have been working lately, or have come up most frequently.Try to analyze their pros and cons, make trade-offs and choices.This kind of summary should be formed into a habit of long-term persistence, and regular and effective summaries should be carried out.The reason is - we must be the one who knows ourselves best.

Abandon certain principles: Although this is difficult, it is your only option if the circumstances cannot be changed.Any principle that requires you to pay a great price and may not be able to see the hope of harvesting can be decisively abandoned, which shows that it does not benefit us much except to show the aura of idealism.After working hard, write this emotional code into your heart, and then execute it immediately.

Jump out of the paranoid environment: A person who stays in a paranoid environment all day long will only think about those factors that "he thinks must be right", his heart must be extremely stubborn, and his behavior must be extremely paranoid.For example, a person who says, "It's someone else's fault that I made this mistake!" Of course, a person has serious emotional problems.

(End of this chapter)