Self-control 2: How to control your emotions and destiny?

Chapter 24 Are You Such An Emotional Geek? (2)
Is it just violent gamers, though?There must be such a person by your side.Their antagonism with the external environment develops to the end, and they will even experience pleasure from it, rather than eager to get rid of it.Just as we ourselves may have indulged in this kind of hostile thinking-we deliberately hate others, and find excuses for this, and create a hostile and tragic environment for ourselves to excuse some aspects of our own incompetence responsibility.

◎"I doubt everything, but I am easily credulous."

Aaron, 31, female music producer

Whenever I hear someone say something, I always draw a question mark in my heart: "Is what he said true?" Sometimes I will blurt out my doubts, which often makes my friends feel uncomfortable.

They'll say, "I'm telling you the truth, but you still have doubts? Are you my best friend?"

I don't know what's wrong with me, it seems that I don't trust everything, and I always feel that the other party is hiding something from me.However, sometimes it is easy for me to believe something, even though it is full of loopholes, I am still willing to believe it.For example, a few days ago, I saw a boy kneeling on the ground with a bag on his back at the intersection of a busy city. In front of him was written "The wallet was stolen, please give me 10 yuan to go home."At that time, my hand couldn't help reaching into my pocket, and I was willing to donate 100 yuan. Who would have no difficulties when going out?
But the person standing beside me pointed and said, "This must be a liar."

My compassion and doubt clashed, and in the end I didn't know what to do.What if he really needs help if he walks away?Have I not become an indifferent person?But what if he is really a liar?I must hate myself for being a fool.

I always can't make a judgment at this time, what's wrong?
To answer Aaron's question, we can take a look at the 10 points related to "skepticism" put forward by the psychologist Ernest Demus:
1. For different organisms, due to the different body structure, even for the same object, the feelings and appearances produced are not the same.Grape vines, for example, are the most delicious delicacy for goats, but what about humans?That was hard to swallow.

2. There are great differences in constitution and mind in the same species.Everyone feels and reacts differently to things.For example, poisonous ginseng is poisonous, but it does not rule out that some people can survive unharmed after taking poisonous ginseng.

3. Different sensory organs of a person will produce different impressions when facing the same object.For example, the same oil painting is raised when you look at it, but it is flat when you touch it.

4. A person will have different impressions on the same thing due to the difference in his environment and mental state.For example, you may crave food differently when you are sick than when you are healthy; you may judge the same thing differently when you are happy than when you are sad.

5. The same thing appears in different environments, and the results produced are also different.For example, if a lit lantern is placed in sunlight, it will appear very dark; if it is placed in total darkness, it will become very bright.A mountain peak looks neat and tidy when seen from a distance, but when you look closely, you will find that it is layered with mountains.

6. There are no simple things, things are mixed, and different effects will be produced depending on the mixed things.For example, if the same purple is placed under sunlight, moonlight and candlelight, its color will be different.

7. For the same thing, if the quantity and structure change, the reflected results will also be different.For example, the horn is black, but if you scrape off the horn, it turns white.Ice is transparent, but if it is crushed and piled together, it becomes white.

8. Everything is relative.For example, left and right are relative terms. If something on the left is moved to the right, then the original right becomes the left.

9. Common things make you feel nothing, but rare things surprise you.So, the rarity of something changes one's judgment.For example, people who often experience earthquakes will find earthquakes unremarkable.

10. Due to the different customs, laws, beliefs and theories owned by different countries, nationalities and regions, different conclusions will be drawn for the same thing or things.For example, a Persian would consider it commonplace for a man to marry his own daughter, but a Greek would consider it highly illegal.

Skeptics love debate and doubt everything.It's something they believe in so much -- and it might not be true.Because there are countless skeptics in the world, our lives are also tested by trust and doubt every day.But remember, you should never try to do narcotic self-comfort, and don't close yourself, indulging in a secret world that outsiders can't see for self-entertainment.This approach is not good for you and can only serve as a delay.

At this time, you can jump out of your body and examine yourself calmly.When examining, maintain a completely objective perspective, and then ask yourself some more realistic questions.

For example: "If there is a job that I really don't want to do because there is no sense of accomplishment at all, but my colleagues like me and my boss approves of me, what should I do at this time?"

When thinking about this problem, you have to calm yourself down and eliminate the interference of distracting thoughts.You can shut yourself in a separate room, such as a bedroom, sit in a comfortable chair, take a deep breath, and reconsider the whole process.From the moment you join the job, review it all the way to the present.Of course, you can also only set a time period, such as the most important work you have done in the last 30 days.

Then ask yourself: "Did I get a sense of accomplishment from this time and this event?" Answer this question.

The answer has to be real, and you can't hide anything from yourself -- not from anyone.People can deceive the whole world, but they cannot deceive themselves.

If you get an affirmative answer, then don't hesitate, you must continue to work on this job until something unexpected happens; if you get a negative answer, you should think about why this sense of failure comes from, and why you can't move on from it. Feel a sense of accomplishment at work.If the reason lies in yourself, you can improve and improve. If you believe that it is the responsibility of this job, then you can leave decisively instead of hesitating.

◎"I'm a slow-burning guy!"

Ms. Cai is a 24-year-old female fashion designer

Do you believe in love at first sight?I never believed it anyway.

My ex-boyfriend and I became complete strangers last week because he couldn't stand my slowness and he thought it was torture.

After dinner one time last week, he invited me to watch a midnight movie at his house.My vigilance immediately came up, I knew too well what the boy meant by saying this, he wanted to have sex with me.Although we have been dating for two months, his sudden surge of love overwhelmed me. I was terrified and didn't know what to do for a while.He sincerely sent out the invitation again, but I felt in my heart: Are we developing too fast?

I made excuses and refused.From then on, no matter what he did, I felt that he had ulterior motives.I also found various reasons to refuse to have a further relationship with him. After more than half a year, our relationship is only limited to eating and watching movies occasionally.

After a while, the other party finally asked me: "Do you have confidence in the future between us? If you have a better choice, I hope you can tell me, and I can help you." I am neither sure. I didn't deny it either, I just wanted to observe him slowly and test him to see if he was sincere to me.

A few days later, he emailed me out of the blue, saying he was frustrated with the lack of affirmation and response from me, and he wanted to end the lukewarm relationship.

look!He really didn't love me enough, so he ran away so soon. Fortunately, I didn't give myself up completely.I smiled coldly at the email, more convinced that my judgment was correct.

Like Ms. Cai, it is difficult for slow-heating people to quickly enter a certain state, and it takes a long time to slowly reach the state of heating up.If the emotions of ordinary people start from 30 degrees, then their emotions start from zero.

For example, if you want to pursue a slow-burning person, you must be very patient, and you must maintain a long-term enthusiasm in terms of willpower and time.Because people who are slow-heating will only have enthusiasm and response during the long fermentation process.But one of their cuteness is that once they fall in love with their lover, they will be very dedicated.

Usually, a slow-heating person has a strong sense of self-protection, and it is difficult for others to enter his inner world.

They will build a protective fence for themselves, and if someone tries to cross it, they will immediately fight back and repel the impolite intruder.

In fact, you can observe those slow-warming people around you. They are usually not influenced by others, have their own principles, and are not easy to become enthusiastic, and will not be overjoyed or sad.When they speak, their voices are flat, without too many ups and downs and cadences, and they can maintain a basically peaceful state even in the face of emergencies.

Of course, being emotionally slow is not an absolute good thing - if you think too much, even if you are very smart, you will experience Ms. Cai's embarrassment.Such people dare not act and are often afraid, so the temperature rises very slowly, and sometimes they always stop at a checkpoint.Although they also have fiery ideals, and they even make people cry when they say it, but this is just a kind of vain imagination, because it is difficult to realize it with their action power.

◎"I worry about gain and loss, and live in regret all the time."

Mendez, 29, a Cisco employee
In my world, there is never a single thing that is dealt with decisively.Make a decision now?This is too difficult for me.

Before I do anything, I go over the stakes, think of every possibility, and it saves me from making mistakes and regretting my stupidity.But when things are done, I feel worried, and I will repeatedly think about my handling process, whether there is something wrong, and whether I should do better.I worry so much about what other people think!If you find yourself screwing things up, gosh!I will definitely be shrouded in the shadow of regret for many days, and I will be disturbed by regret every day.

I also want to be simple, but I can't stop.I feel very mean.

If my boss pays me more bonuses, I can't help but imagine if he got tens of thousands of profits from that big order; when the company pays salaries, I always worry that some people at my level will get more money than me. More, so I will try my best to see the salary statement; if the leader has a meeting, I will ask around, for me, knowing who is about to be promoted is simply more important than whether the salary is paid on time; if my Colleagues have a party, but they don't invite me, so I will make wild guesses all day long, and I can't eat or sleep.

Katie, a new employee in the company's sales department, celebrated her birthday last week. She had a big party in a bar. Several colleagues in our department were invited, but she didn't invite me.This thing almost drove me crazy!
Have I offended her?Or was she listening to bad rumors from others?Is it because I accidentally knocked over her coffee in the pantry last week, and she has a grudge?No, it must have been something my competitor Steve said to her, because I could see the unfriendliness, disdain, and contempt in her eyes.I really regret it to death!Why can't I get on with Steve?Why can't you watch the road carefully?Why do you talk about your colleagues' private affairs behind your back?I must be out of the running for HR manager next month, oh my!I messed up everything.

Compared with dealing with these daily chores, it is more difficult to weigh the benefits of a relationship.My boyfriend left me angrily two months ago for a reason that sounded really funny, he proposed to me and I thought about it for days and finally said no.I was too tangled, and my tangled face made him see through - I only care about myself, but I don't actually love him.

But, I think I love him very much!I'm just afraid that I will sacrifice my career after marriage, and family trivial matters will drag down my self-motivation, but he has waited for me for so long, if he doesn't agree to get married, will he be disappointed and will he leave me?I really don't want to lose anything.

What should I do right?It seemed that no matter what I did, I would end up deeply regretting it.

People who worry about gains and losses are usually like this: all they can think about every day is some trivial things, and they are troubled by them.They are nervous, and their hearts are always full of doubts: "What should I do?" Even if they just pass by a certain colleague, the scale of the smile is not good enough, it is enough to make him uneasy.

"His first impression of me must have been the worst."

"She will think that I am very difficult to get along with!"

"I just acted like a fool!"

"He's been in the manager's office all morning, what the hell is he doing?"

Live in pain!This is the biggest feeling of people who worry about gains and losses.Their lives are full of misery and boredom, and everything oscillates between desire and disappointment, like a clock that is fully wound up, and it is difficult to stop.He would regret spending a few dollars more on groceries, but he would not care about wasting the day.

But you ask what did they really lose and what did they gain?They will say they don't know, because they just want to get it and are afraid of losing it.

(End of this chapter)