Self-control 2: How to control your emotions and destiny?

Chapter 28 Teach You to Work Happily (4)——
I have seen her child, although a little naughty, but very cute, and she kindly helped me push my daughter's stroller yesterday.
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Her mother went to a rehab center and married a rich old man six months ago. The old man passed away two months ago and left a large inheritance. Her mother suggested that Judy move to her big house, as long as Judy If you agree, she will get one-tenth of the money.

Judy's life seems to be much happier than many people, but why does she still complain constantly?

It turns out that Judy doesn't just like to complain about her family, she complains about whatever she sees.Anyone who chats with her for a few words will soon fall from a happy state to the bottom, and slowly, everyone will avoid her.Because a person who likes to complain regards complaining as a hobby, as long as she is willing, complaints are ready to come out.

Complaining is like a virus, not only annoying, but also contagious.

Sarah organizes a "mom trip," which, from the theme, is for a group of married women who have given birth.She hoped that through this event, everyone could relax, talk about fashionable topics, and experience a comfortable life, but who knows, this trip turned into a "complaint conference".

The topic of complaints started with a dignified Lexie: "God knows if my husband would mind if I went on a trip without saying hello, but a man who drinks and socializes all day and doesn't recognize his mattress, what qualifications does he have?" ?”

Miranda, who was sitting next to her, said, "My husband would rather play games with his iPad than listen to me say a word! He should really marry a computer."

Then it was out of control.Everyone seems to have a stomach full of grievances, and everyone forms a camp and joins the ranks of complaining:

"I gave birth to a son who didn't live up to expectations. In the past 12 years, I have never done anything for more than two weeks except to insist on embarrassing me."

"My mother-in-law never helps to look after the children. She would rather spend a whole day dyeing her hair yellow that doesn't match her age than take care of the children alone for an hour."

"Our unit leader is a cheapskate and a professional idiot!"

"My colleagues are villains!"

……

Sarah, the organizer of the event, had to end the disastrous trip hastily with the excuse of a sudden emergency at home, but she found a problem, except for herself, other people happily made friends after complaining .But Sarah believes that she must not be with "garbage people", she does not want to be a trash can.

There is a very famous theory in the field of psychology - "broken window effect".If one window is broken and you don't fix it in time, another window will be broken soon, and gradually there will be more broken windows.Whether it's a bad thing or a bad habit, if you don't stop it in time when it first happens, it will become very difficult to correct it when it grows and becomes a trend and becomes a habit.

Complaining is such a bad habit, which affects your health invisibly, destroys your peace, and makes you hateful and negative.If Sarah hadn't run away from complaining in time and allowed herself to join the whining circle, she too would soon become a "garbage person."

The question is, why do people always complain?

According to a survey, once people hear that others are not as good as they are, they will be more psychologically balanced and less likely to complain.For example, when you see a person saying angrily that he only paid a bonus of 3000 yuan this month, if someone tells him that he has no bonus but deducted 500 yuan from his basic salary, this person will stop immediately. Complain and turn to comfort others.At this time, his heart also changed from extreme dissatisfaction to "occasionally happy."

From the universality of this mentality, we can easily understand that the reason why people love to complain is that they can't see that they are happier than others.On the contrary, they always envy the lives of others, thinking that others are living in heaven, but they are in hell.

Look at those bitter, bitter and chattering people around you. They complain every day: My boss doesn’t value me at all. Well, it's because I was not born in a rich family, and I don't have a powerful father; if my wife can be more tolerant, will our marriage go to this day?

Oh!Their life is really not going well, and all the bad things seem to come to them specially.If you want them to be happy, you must let them know that those who are worthy of envy are not happy, otherwise their psychological balance will never be achieved.In contrast, some people are detached, they believe in something that can calm their minds, or beliefs, so they never complain.

In the movie "Apollo 13", the flight commander Jim said: "You never know how to return home safely. There are always some changes that will give you a chance to save yourself." The premise is that you can't complain or panic, Stay calm and confident and you will be able to grasp these changes.

I have a friend who is currently engaged in education work in China. He is very busy every day, and occasionally encounters unsatisfactory or even extremely difficult problems.But he said: "I think whether I am happy or not, even if some huge blows make me extremely painful, I hold a view that they are different rewards in life, and they contain some truths about life, but they are based on The different aspects make me feel that they are extremely precious."

It is precisely because of his strong and calm attitude, to calmly examine everything that happened in his life, that he won people's respect and admiration, and became a famous person with many admirers.

Attitude - complaining becomes their coping tool
After 10 years of investigation and understanding of more than 3 young people, we found that more and more people around the age of 30 have joined the army of complaints.They are like dry firewood, a little spark falling on it will ignite the anger and form a skyrocketing resentment.

People aren't afraid to quit their jobs, but they're complaining that they can't find new ones.Some people can do a job for more than two years, while others can only do it for a few months or a few weeks.and then?What are they doing after losing their jobs?After losing their jobs, have they made a serious summary, and learned the lessons of the previous job failure, and summed up the experience in the next job search, so that they can do better?

In the course, a participant named Lenny Naxon said to me: "I often think about this question: In the face of work, what do I need is an attitude or a choice? Every time I choose Attitude. I resign when I’m in a bad mood, work when I’m in a good mood, and complain when I’m in trouble, hoping things will improve quickly.”

Lenny Nason knew it was wrong, but he thought it had become a way of life in his bones, a work attitude that kept him from being happy.This is very troublesome. Once people regard a bad habit as their own "life style", it means that he has fully recognized its existence and justified it.He doesn't think he is wrong, and he is even proud of it, rising to the height of a value.

So how did Lenny Nason lose his last job?The boss called him to the office, announced that the business he was in charge of was a money-losing business, denied his efforts in the last month, and told him to hurry up and find new business.That's all.The boss did not criticize him too much, but told him at the end: "If this continues, the company will lose a lot of money, and your chances will not be many."

Sounds like a stern warning, but who hasn't heard something like it?Unless you own a company yourself, you are the boss.So, it's not a big blow, on the contrary, it's like being bitten by an ant.

However, Lenny Nason's next reaction was extreme. Ten minutes later, he tweeted:
"I decided to quit this job, I think the boss is like shit, he doesn't understand what advertising is."

After the news was sent out, Lenny Nathan packed up his things and left. The boss didn't hear about it until he walked out of the company building. He was so surprised that he couldn't close his mouth: "Why am I so unlucky that I hired someone who likes to shirk responsibility?" staff?"

When he got home, Lenny Nathan took to the Internet and wrote a lengthy article announcing his complaint against the company and explaining why he quit his job.In the reasons he told, the company was portrayed as a horrible "underworld group", and the boss was like a mafia boss, without humanity.He also said: "There is too much gap between me in this job and the real me. This is not the person I want to be, nor is my ideal." Then, this article spread like a virus, It also reached the eyes of the boss.

What is the result?We found that in one day he received 780 responses, of which close to 600 people praised him as a hero and less than 100 people derided him as a coward.His main post was full of grievances, and the comments he attracted were like disciples of grievances, turning it into a platform for people to vent their grievances.

Obviously this is not normal, and in 2013, in our "life after college" survey, the results showed us precisely that in the last five years, young people's resentment has deepened.70% of college graduates have worked in their first job for less than two years, and 90% of them reported to us that they feel that survival is too difficult, the environment is too bad, and few people realize that they are There are also problems.

Was it the financial crisis that caused all this, as Dima faced?It's true that today's young people are graduating from a job market devastated by economic austerity, many with huge student loans -- stressful, but this lack of rigor in quitting trends and the lack of respect for jobs The inexplicable complaints are still confusing.Work boredom means they "don't want to work" instead of "solving problems".If there is a good opportunity, of course you can choose to leave, but what if there is no such opportunity?
We've got a generation with no loyalty to business, and a cohort that's always looking for excuses.This is not my point of view, but the lessons learned by many entrepreneurs in actual management.One manager said to me, "Paul, I'm managing some grudge bugs."

Yes, people deserve to live their dreams and deserve their dream jobs.But the premise is that complaining should not be used as a tool to relieve stress, but should go all out to overcome roadblocks and not make excuses for themselves.Only in this way can you find happiness.

Review - Daily conversations with "complaints"
What exactly is the way to eliminate complaints?We can't live by warning ourselves every day, nor can we start every job with a catchphrase -- "I can't complain" -- until our mouths can't open from exhaustion.We need some effective and practical methods, which can also be said to be silent methods, which can eliminate the "complaint matrix" in our hearts without too much movement.

You can prepare yourself a "daily review" session.Take half an hour each night before bed to start this simple process.You have to think about your own experience of the day, just like writing a short memoir, record the emotional changes of the day, and then conduct an objective analysis.

What is the most rewarding thing I have done today?
What is my strongest grievance today?
What is my most important decision today?
Today, what is my plan that can be realized?
Today, what is the regret that I cannot forget?
Where are my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors improved and enhanced today?

Today, do I have some motivation to get out of my peace of mind?What is the motivation for doing things?
When you answer and analyze these 7 questions, you get a comprehensive mood report for the day.You can clearly see the problem yourself:

Did I complain today?

Why am I complaining today?
So, is it me or someone else?
Finally, is there a workaround?

You have to make comments at the end of each problem, write "resolved" or "unresolved", and carry out targeted work-write down the unresolved items, and put forward improvement requirements for the next day, and then Consciously control yourself and urge yourself to correct these shortcomings within the specified time.

The important thing is that after starting this daily summary course, you will have a highly efficient thinking habit that will help you formulate, modify and improve your plan every day, and your determination and willpower will have a strong improvement , you will also become diligent in thinking and optimistic.

Emotional Self-Management Course
eliminate complaints

Awareness: You have to be aware that you or others are complaining in time, instead of dwelling on it and not knowing it.

Diversion: In time, you shift the topic to something lighter, or take your attention away from the complaining space and stop thinking about it for a while.

Transformation: Find ways to transform negative emotions as soon as possible and resolve the damage caused by complaints.You give in when necessary, rather than just holding someone else accountable.

Adjustment: When you complain or hear other people’s nagging, even if you have got rid of the complaining environment, you will feel a little unhappy. Try to adjust it and find something positive, relaxed and optimistic for yourself. , listening to music and leisure reading are also recommended methods, which help to adjust your low mood.

◎Team Emotion Lesson
We know how a person's mood can change, but what about a team's mood?And what is an emotion made up of a group of people?
In general, "team mood" has three characteristics:
Volatility - Like human emotions, team emotions are always fluctuating.Sometimes people are highly motivated and motivated, and other times they are collectively depressed.

Positive contagion - Obviously, if the team's emotions are positively contagious, and everyone is positive, our team can produce excellent results.

(End of this chapter)