Self-control 2: How to control your emotions and destiny?

Chapter 30 Emotional Self-Management Course: From Side A to Side B (1)
Only when a person is emotionally stable can he achieve psychological maturity.In other words, only by actively regulating and controlling one's emotions can one calmly face the challenges of life with a stable mind.

◎Self-test

How far are we from those who are good at emotional management?Most successful people have natural positive emotions. They always have good emotional control ability, self-confidence, stability, and peace.This kind of person is God's favorite, no matter what they do, it seems that they can succeed, and they can achieve high achievements.

It seems that you are too far away from them.However, if you exclude those external factors, such as luck, opportunity or connections, are you willing to admit that your ability is indeed inferior to them?

Many would immediately retort: ​​"How is that possible? I'm just as smart as they are!"

But what is the real gap, do you see it?
In fact, the factors that keep us farther and farther away from successful people are not superficial quantitative factors such as money, background, opportunities, education, etc., but our hearts-those things that are difficult to quantify.As long as you are willing to bend down, position yourself, and take a good look at yourself in a mirror, you will be shocked to find that what really keeps you behind is your "emotions" and your control over them force.

Some people think highly of themselves, and as long as others show a look of disdain for them, they will immediately jump up and argue with others, and then they will be incompatible with each other.How many such people are there?I believe that after seeing this, you already understand what's going on-if you have never agreed with the gap before.Such emotions represent low self-esteem and a weak heart. They cannot surrender to their humble and small selves, and can only rely on another extreme mode, to flatter themselves and belittle others to achieve the purpose of escaping reality.

Generally, people who lose control of their emotions are always full of negative energy in their bodies, and it is difficult to concentrate resources to do something that is really worth doing.Not only are they weak, but they are also very negative. They do not take their work seriously, their friends are not sincere, and their loved ones are not serious.

In everyone's heart, there is an emotional management mode, the difference lies in its strength and weakness.This mode is the root that determines the color of our lives, and only a few people have completely become its masters. They use this mechanism to guide the release of emotional energy in a direction that is beneficial to them.Therefore, they can accept and surrender to their inner desires, give up wrong thinking, change behavior patterns, mobilize the positive power of the whole body, improve and clear the negative emotions in the body, better serve their careers, and escort their lives .

More people are moving towards mediocrity, they are controlled by the old emotional management model, not the master of emotions but the slaves.These people are afraid of change and don't want to overcome themselves, but let the negative negativity drive him.When you suggest that they make a change, he immediately tells you with disdain:
"No, this is a waste of time, I might as well think about how to make more money."

If you can't let go of those meaningless plans and all kinds of tedious old concepts in your hands, you won't be able to see your true emotional level and find the key to emotional management.Therefore, I always ask those who participate in the emotional management course to let go of their stubborn thoughts and learn to surrender and accept their emotions.Regardless of whether it is a positive or negative emotion, you must first fully accept it, recognize it, tolerate it, and then consider the next step.

There is a saying: A match is worth only a dime, but a house is worth millions.But one match can burn down a house.So for us, what is this "one match"?

Uncontrollable emotions;
Decisions made without rational judgment;
stubborn personality;
A narrow and heartless heart.

You can count, how many similar "emotional matches" do you have?

A person can achieve emotional stability in order to achieve psychological maturity.In other words, only by actively regulating and controlling one's emotions can one calmly face the challenges of life with a relatively stable attitude.

Our emotional management course is to help you use the right method to explore your emotions, adjust your emotions, understand your emotions, and relax your emotions.Only when you can effectively manage your emotions can you control the external world powerfully and go beyond reality to the future.

Answer this set of test questions, it will provide an objective reference for your emotional management level

1. Do you have enough ability to overcome various difficulties?
A. Yes B. Not necessarily C. Not so
2. In the past life, did you always feel that you could achieve your expected goals?
A. Yes B. Not necessarily C. Not so
3. Do you still admire the teacher you admired when you were young?

A. That’s right B. It’s hard to say C. It’s not like this
4. Do you often avoid people you don't want to greet on the street, or even take a long way around?

A. Rarely so B. Occasionally so C. Sometimes so

5. When you are concentrating on enjoying the music, if someone is talking beside you, what will you do?
A. I can still concentrate on the music B. In between A and C. I can't concentrate and feel angry

6. No matter where you go, can you clearly identify the direction?

A. Yes B. Not necessarily C. Not so
7. Now, do you love what you have learned?

A. Yes B. Not necessarily C. Not so
8. When the seasons or climate change, does your mood get affected?
A. Yes B. Between A and C C. No
9. Is your sleep often disturbed by dreams?
A. Often B. Occasionally C. Never
10. Do you feel uneasy when you see wild animals, even if they are kept in iron cages?
A. Yes B. Not necessarily C. No

11. If you could change to a new environment, would you like it?

A. arrange life differently from before B. not sure C. remain the same as before

12. Do you find that some people are always avoiding or indifferent to you, but you don't know the reason?

A. Yes B. No attention C. No

13. Do you think that although you are kind to others, you often do not get good rewards?

A. Yes B. Not necessarily C. No

For questions 1-9, 2 points for A, 1 point for B, 0 points for C; 10 points for A, 13 point for B, and 0 points for C for questions 1-2.Finally, calculate the total score.

Self-analysis
★17~26 points: Emotional stability
Your emotions are usually stable, with no wild ups and downs.You have a relatively mature personality, and you can face the reality and deal with it rationally when encountering problems and setbacks; you are very action-oriented, believe in doing one thing better than thinking about it, and are full of personal charm. You are courageous, wise, and respected. people.

★13~16 points: The mood is basically stable
Your mood may change slightly because of some stimulating events, but the ups and downs will not be too big.You can basically control yourself, and you can deal with some general problems with aplomb.However, when there is a sudden emergency or when you are faced with a major event, you may suddenly feel anxious, even irritable and out of control, and you are easily affected by the environment.

★0~12 points: Emotional excitement

You are easily agitated, and you are often troubled; it is not easy for you to deal with all kinds of setbacks in life calmly, and you are easily dominated by the environment and others and do not know what to do. measures, and are sometimes used by others.If this happens frequently, it will lead to a series of "complications", such as restlessness, physical and mental fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, irritability and so on.You should pay attention to controlling and regulating your mood, remind yourself not to be impulsive when problems arise, and use effective methods to keep your emotions stable.

Analysis: Discover emotional tendencies and judge your own emotional patterns
How should I analyze my emotional tendencies and patterns?For example, I test myself once a month.One of the two interesting tendencies and patterns I found in my emotional summaries and answers during the last month of testing surprised me.Moreover, they have great promotional value, although it may not be applicable to everyone, but I dare say that if we all adopt this model for analysis and construction, we will be able to establish some kind of emotional management model that is applicable to us.

Tendency No. 3: On days when I exercise outside, my mood spikes significantly.From the data, I found that the time when I was in the best mood was when I climbed mountains on weekends.Every Saturday afternoon, I will take 200 hours to climb a [-]-meter hill in the suburbs and back.

The second tendency: When I am in a bad mood, I will eat and drink a lot, and consume higher energy to make up for the lack of a good mood.In fact, this is what most people are doing, which shows that we will use food to relieve bad emotions, but people never face up to it or even deliberately avoid it.The thinking that triggers is that we regularly reward ourselves with a good meal, which is beneficial to the maintenance or continuation of a good mood; at the same time, the advice to dieters is: Do you want to lose weight successfully?Keep your good mood every day, otherwise your previous efforts will be in vain!

These emotional problems, which are not deep and represent major structural flaws, are very common.We experience these pleasures or pains every day. At a certain stage, we get results, and at a certain stage, bad emotions return with a vengeance.The important thing is to establish a tracking mechanism according to your own situation, use regular testing and summary analysis, to build a complete emotional profile for you, compare it once a month, see what the curve of your emotional pattern changes, and summarize it useful experience.

Sentiment Analysis Principles
★We can answer questions with intuition, but we cannot perceive data intuitively. Therefore, recording daily mood changes can provide substantial help for sentiment analysis.

★Be sure to have a tracking mechanism and establish an emotional log for up to 24 months, so that you can find out your own situation without the help of professionals.

★ Testing alone cannot solve problems.In fact, without adequate preparation, emotion tracking will not improve itself, it will only magnify the problem and make your experience more profound.

◎ Subversion of the old logic
The process of human beings' own emotions is very objective. It is a part of instinct and does not depend on our own will.

1. Requires stimuli from one or more external events.

2. Events are observed and processed through internal mental models.

3. Generate emotions.

The same thing, different people will have different emotions, this is because everyone's mental model is different.Similarly, it is still the same thing, and the same person will have different emotions because of it at different times, because the mental model of the same person will also change.What about the team?The essence of the team is to restrain personal emotions and take care of the interests of the team to a certain extent, that is to say, when we are in a team environment, you enter another situation, and you can no longer do whatever you want emotionally like when you are alone at home.This is again the mental model of the team at work.Combining these different mental models forms an "emotional processing logic" - in different environments and conditions, we will follow the established principles to process and release emotions.

The problem is that if each of us was rational, then nothing would need to change—meaning that everyone’s emotional processing logic is correct, and everyone has a perfect mental model.This is not the case, and each of us faces personal distress and is also harmed by the environment.

Some people overemphasize their ego, they say they are angry, they lose their temper, they throw things, they are full of resentment, they are selfish, they can't touch their ass, and their faces are full of hostile emotions.Some people tend to be overly depressed. They don't say anything and don't show it, but they are difficult to cooperate and full of danger, which makes people stay away.

(End of this chapter)