Self-control 2: How to control your emotions and destiny?

Chapter 31 Emotional Self-Management Course: From Side A to Side B (2)
This means that our emotional processing logic goes wrong a lot of the time—sometimes it makes you help others, and other times it controls you so that you hurt others and yourself.People lack the tacit understanding of taking care of each other at work, and the relationship with their superiors and colleagues has become tense; in life, they have neglected relatives and alienated friends, and the relationship between people has become more and more cold, and the entanglement in their hearts is like A dead button, the more you tie it, the tighter it is.When it is tight to a certain extent, our hearts will go in an irreversible direction.

Therefore, there must be emotional management.Moreover, we must know how to reverse and subvert the outdated emotional processing logic in the past so that it can be rebalanced.

Disruption A: Focus on negative outcomes, not causes
If you keep staring at the question of "who made you negative", you will find that the problem is getting worse and worse.It means that your mind is full of thoughts of revenge and accountability. After you know who has harmed you, what you have to do is often "let him experience this fate."Focusing on negative outcomes shows that we need to see the damage that negativity is doing to us, and then talk ourselves away from it.Only when you see the harm can you know how to avoid it.

Subversion B: The best way to control your ambitions and desires is to care about your "lost parts"

Hyperactive emotions often appear when we get carried away, and people go to the extreme of positive emotions because of the partial realization of ambition.At this time, the injury of desire also came.Extremes lead to opposites, and many successful people suddenly went downhill at this time.Therefore, in order to avoid having too much ambition, instead of fighting with desire itself, it is better to see what you have lost-for example, the lack of family and affection of those successful careerists.Then ask yourself: "Am I happy?" You will get the final answer.

Adapting to the new logic does not mean completely changing the old logic
Everyone is a complete self and a unique self.People have personalities and a strong sense of self.Therefore, we have no reason to completely erase the traces of the past and build ourselves into a brand new but completely strange life form.At the same time, we are faced with the task of integrating into the society. The society is very big, and everyone is just a small part of it. Therefore, we have enough reasons to strike a balance in the middle - to maintain individuality and adapt to society at the same time.

Therefore, adapting to the new rules does not mean completely eliminating the old rules.In the past, we were stubborn and persistent, and never compromised with reality. Even if we got bruised and bruised, we still sang the song of ideals and moved forward-in fact, we became meaningless lonely people, until one day we suddenly realized that we were wrong, but there was no room for redemption.Now, we just need to start now, act early, learn to accept those things that cannot be changed, and adapt to those circumstances that cannot be changed.Then, when the mood improves, we can change the outcome.This change is both painful and necessary.

Change your own shortcomings - improve the fundamentals of life;
Change your bad habits - find the right direction in life;
Changing the way we thought yesterday - improving inner strength and improving the way we behave.

When these three changes happen at the same time, our emotional mechanism is improved, and you can change life situations, get rid of poverty, have optimism, and become positive.Only then can your life change from out of control to order, from sadness to happiness, and get more chances of success.

In the past few years, in the hall of ONG Company, there has always been a banner that reads: You can't decide when the sun rises, but you can decide when you get up.This is what I expect from my employees, and it is actually an encouragement to myself.

This is why we have been saying that although the general environment is difficult to change, the small environment can be improved.From now on, establish such a belief!It’s the only thing we can do easily, and it’s the great thing we can do—what could be more “successful” than successfully changing ourselves?People always say that character determines destiny.Yes, character is important, but what is character and how is it expressed?In life, personality is the emotional and behavioral ways that people have become automatic and habitual in their daily lives.For example, more than 90% of our behavior is determined by emotions and behavioral responses. Some people are muddled all day long, while others are full of concentration; some people lose their temper, while others are extremely calm; People give up halfway in everything they do, but some people can stick to it and never give up.It is a reflection of our character.Therefore, in the same social environment, there are great differences in the life circumstances of different people, which is determined by this point.

After years of accumulation and repetition, this way of responding has become rigid and become an instinctive program, so the more time passes, the more stubborn it becomes.

Changing our old emotional mechanisms is indeed not an easy task, especially for people with poor self-control.However, if you can correct the logic of the past, update step by step according to the new plan, do not pursue huge leaps, and only ask yourself to make effective small progress every time, you will soon be able to correct the bad habits of emotions and cultivate Create new emotional responses.

Emotional Subversion Principle
Excessive Negativity: You should focus on the consequences of negativity, not the factors that cause it.Only when we see harm can we know how to avoid it.Focusing on negative outcomes shows that we need to see the damage that negativity is doing to us, and then talk ourselves away from it.

Hyperactivity: How to overcome my excessive expectations (ambition and desire)?To care about the parts we lost for this!Look at what we have lost in terms of family, friendship and affection, and then ask yourself: "Am I happy?" You have the ultimate answer.

Balance principle: Adapting to new rules does not mean completely eliminating old rules.Just like we want to suppress A, it does not mean that we have to fall to B.You need to know how to find a balance in the middle and stay there as much as possible.Maintain individuality, but also adapt to society at the same time.

◎Establish an identification mechanism
Why do we self-track our emotions?In a team mood observation and tracking project with the federal government, Amorley conducts a professional wrap-up.He said: "Rigorous data show that long-term observation and communication of emotions can help us predict future trends, and at the same time establish a usable mechanism for recognizing changes in our own emotions. The benefits are obvious, and it helps us get out of control before The key is to take powerful actions within 5 seconds to correct the direction for yourself instead of letting it get out of control.” The tracking method is very simple, that is, to record your immediate emotions and subsequent perceptions and understandings with a pen every day—just Like some kind of health journal - track basics about your body like heartbeat, weight, sleep, exercise, nutrition intake, etc.

Sleep
sleeping time
wake up time
Sleep quality: Insomnia?
diet
meal time

Changes in appetite

emotional frequency
Number of times angry (per week)

time of each mood swing

angry reason

Sex life

Is the frequency normal?
The quality of how?
work time
Are there any rest days?
daily commute time

Tiredness
mood at work
opinion on the weather
sensitivity to weather

Do you like bad weather?

sentiment indicator
degree of irritability
length of happiness
sad frequency

Do you often feel calm?
Do you think you are beautiful?
do you like yourself

Do you feel fat because you eat too much?

What can we learn from the collection of sentiment data?You can clearly see problems that you have ignored in the past, so that you can observe and adjust your thinking patterns to open up opportunities for further change.

In the short term, it's boring, but after two weeks, it's amazing.Personal experience will tell you what you experience every day, you can understand the difficulties of emotional management and how to improve, what content can be shared, and what content is not easy to talk about.When you understand yourself, you can also develop an understanding of others.

My experience has shown that self-tracking and recording emotions can lead to unexpected discoveries.What would happen if more and more people started doing this and sharing with each other?I believe that must be a huge improvement, because it means that everyone knows how to face themselves and understand others.This is also my expectation, and it is the good wish that our emotional management courses look forward to.

So how long do you keep self-tracking?
The answer should be - as long as it does not affect the enjoyment of life, keep track.

My piece of advice is that tracking your emotions is not about accumulating those emotions (whether they be good or bad, positive or negative), but that you collect data—as many as you can. Collecting data and figuring out what to do with it later is the smartest thing to do.

Ways to Build Emotion Recognition Mechanisms
Decompression
People's psychological pressure is usually accumulated over a long period of time, but it is not ruled out that some people stress and magnify a small problem. If the heart cannot be dispersed for a long time, it will be difficult for him to actively devote himself to work and life.Therefore, adjusting psychological pressure is very important.The most direct way to decompress is to temporarily leave the troubled place, clearly sort out the source of stress, and do something else to forget about it.Second, respond positively to stress and figure out a few questions: Why am I feeling stressed?What's the solution to things?If it cannot be resolved, what is my responsibility?
environmental infection
The brewing of emotions requires the breeding ground of the environment, whether it is a good mood or a bad mood.You must be good at discovering, learn to create a positive external environment for yourself, and create a good atmosphere for emotional control.For example, how do people around you treat you when you feel down?There are two situations: first, everyone is indifferent; second, friends take the initiative to care.Emotional guidance and excretion require an atmosphere full of friendship. When you encounter problems and need to confide or seek help, if you can communicate emotionally with good friends or relatives in a timely manner, some complicated problems can be sorted out. It's easy to fix.At the same time, a good external environment can also promote physical and mental growth and progress, and will not let you get into a cognitive dead end.

Correct understanding
Emotions are like a prism, reflecting our cognition from all angles.You have to learn to look at the problem from multiple angles, instead of clinging to one side of things and complaining about yourself, so as to prevent your emotions from erupting due to the accumulation of one-sided factors.Look at problems comprehensively and dialectically, evaluate yourself objectively and correctly, and be able to see your own strengths, so as to build up self-confidence.Especially for people with low self-esteem, it is an important step to know yourself correctly.When you learn to face failures and setbacks rationally, you will not easily have the idea of ​​giving up.No matter how successful a person is, there are always things that he is not good at; no matter how unsuccessful a person is, there are always advantages that others do not have.Be good at tapping your own potential, and carry forward your own characteristics, dare to try, and be willing to work hard, you will find the best self.

encourage yourself
When you lack self-confidence and shrink back, you should use positive psychological hints—full praise and affirmation—to encourage yourself to persevere.Regardless of the little progress in work and study or the positive performance in thinking, even a small progress can become a reason for you to recognize yourself.Of course, this kind of affirmation cannot be blind, but must be appropriate, accurate, and objective.After you make a correct evaluation of yourself, you can put forward new requirements for yourself. The difficulty of this part should be appropriately increased or decreased according to the specific situation. This new requirement must inspire you and increase your self-confidence.Remember, don't deny yourself completely. When doing self-criticism, see the positive factors in it, so that there is encouragement in the criticism.

goal motivation

If you encounter setbacks and disappointments in a certain aspect, people usually think of using other paths to make up for the lost sense of accomplishment. He will try to make breakthroughs in other aspects and make extraordinary performances, so as to maintain his psychological balance. This natural immunity Mechanisms protect their self-esteem from blows.If one thing fails, you can set yourself a goal that is executable and easy to succeed, and use your strengths to achieve breakthrough growth.In this process, you must combine the above practices, and your confidence will soon be restored.

(End of this chapter)