Self-control 2: How to control your emotions and destiny?

Chapter 8 Emotional Fault Lines (3)
★"I want to achieve too many ideals, but life is too short, only a few decades. Thinking of this, I am very angry and feel that God is unfair."

★"I think I expect too much from others, so I always end up frustrated. How should I adjust myself?"

◎Unnecessary burden--a sense of crisis

When the economic model of human society catches the express train of the industrial revolution, people live under crisis all the time.Crisis has become the source of negative emotions such as anxiety, despair, or resentment against inequality, forming sharp knives that cut faults in our hearts.

"No one is spared today, and neither is the President," Amory wrote in his report to me.The Great Depression, which may come back at any time, makes every modern person nervous and anxious all day long.The pressure permeates every aspect, no one is lucky, we are all soaked in the airtight tank of pressure.As long as it explodes, the whole world will be smashed to pieces.

Who can help me land safely?
This seems to be the general source of crisis sentiment.Like Atlanta girl Denise Kelly, who suffers from "post-Olympic syndrome."After the Atlanta Games, she became a "victim of Olympic success" -- out of a job, and until the Games were over, everything was perfect and hopeful.Overnight, Atlanta fell asleep, her income also plummeted three thousand feet, and she was suddenly in trouble.

As another part of the bubble economy, Wall Street's financial market also has a good show.When major companies sell their stocks or close their doors, it seems that countless devils are suddenly released from heaven and earth, and people suddenly find themselves in a dead end.

The 34-year-old Hans said: "Because of the fear of a new round of economic crisis, I dare not deposit money in the bank. I am worried 24 hours a day. The doctor thinks I am suffering from depression." 25-year-old Carle said : "I have a strong sense of loneliness, and I can't find any sense of security. If the subprime mortgage crisis breaks out again one day, who will help me land?" For this reason, he sold his two houses half a year ago, and returned I have plans to immigrate to East Asia.

Always counting on "the next job"?
In the "crisis mood" survey, the most worrying thing for most people is work.Dell employee Owens said: "We can't count on the next job, but the reality is that the current salary is not high. What should we do?" Coping, this is a very big heart disease.Chinese people are also worried about this issue, and it even affects their mood more than getting married and buying a house.

During the Great Depression in the 20s, countless people lost their jobs, lined up on the street to buy expired bread, and went hungry to seek employment opportunities in a small number of companies.As long as the economy is bad, people will lose their jobs, or sell the farms that the whole family depends on, and slide to the edge of starvation.Hungry people filled the streets, and some people lined up for a day just to get a charity apple.There is no job, no money, and no house to live in.In such a situation, it is impossible not to have an emotional breakdown.

Emotional Self-Management Course
self anatomy crisis
★"I think opportunities are limited and competitors are unlimited, so I must have a sense of crisis."

★"I feel that as long as I relax, I will lose my job tomorrow."

★"I'm 30 years old and I don't have a partner yet. I don't know when I will be able to get married."

★ "I don't have children yet, and the doctor thinks the chances of my pregnancy are very small."

★"My friends around me are all successful in their careers, but I can't see hope yet!"

★ "The boss always assigns me the most tiring and most work, but I am always absent when I get promoted, and I feel that there will be no chance."

★"I can't buy anything with my money. I don't have a house, a car, or a marriage partner, and I find that I'm still thousands of miles away from realizing these goals. Maybe when this day comes, I'll be old."

◎The bubble blows bigger and bigger -- ideal collapse
On the eve of Thanksgiving in 2013, Professor Kaury, a well-known cancer expert at the Albertsons Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, released a medical achievement.In the past 8 years, through chatting with patients, return visits and clinical pathology research, he found that among the 3974 cancer patients, 73% mentioned "ideal distress" in the main complaint, which is the highest among the cases he has contacted. It is common.

The professor said that these patients, without exception, have been under great pressure for a long time.For example, some patients said: "I have had more than two years of high-pressure work experience. During that time, I was in extreme pain. It was like having a nightmare. There was nothing I wanted to do, but I had to be like a robot." I also obey the boss's instructions. High-intensity work can't bring me any sense of accomplishment, and I always think about why I don't give up, but in the end I can only succumb to the pressure of reality, so I hide here."

So Corey said in his research report: "The unsatisfactory reality causes people to develop cancer."

Ideals are becoming more and more difficult to realize, and what is presented before us is a cruel and cold world, where people are impulsive and utilitarian.Although "calmness" is a buzzword that hangs on people's lips, very few people can really do it.What is calmness?My understanding is that first of all, you must be able to clearly position your own ideals, that is: "What do I want?" Then, you must be able to solve the problem of realizing the ideals, that is: "What should I do?" Find a suitable method , persevere, and not be assimilated by the external environment, you will have a calm power.

Today's young people are under great pressure, far from those who just caught up with the wave of entrepreneurship 20 years ago.Now the population is increasing, but opportunities are decreasing, and there is no sunrise industry to accommodate emerging idealists, so the whole society has become an emotional pressure cooker, accumulating resentment and ideal lament.

Our social media is also pushing the envelope, and they're good at it, telling you that happiness doesn't depend on money on the one hand, but on the other hand, they keep instilling in you the superiority of the rich - making money is hard reason!Making money is the measure of success!
Therefore, you can only draw one conclusion: it turns out that earning money is everything, and the life ideals that you have formulated since high school turned out to be "wrong", outdated and ashamed to speak out.

In fact, everyone is more or less in this state of "ideal collapse". From time to time, people feel that they are not unified with the world, the external environment will suddenly become strange, and they will suddenly become vulnerable, even Create panic and insecurity.

★"My wife doesn't understand my ideas, she never agrees with my ideals, and even dismisses them."

★"My parents are old and unexpected situations may arise at any time, which makes me have to enter the role of a full-time child and can no longer fully develop my career."

★"I find myself trapped in the office, sometimes no one communicates with me all day, I can only chat with the air, only they can understand my ideal, this is the most helpless place for me."

★"I am always in extreme depression and confusion, because there is no happy thing."

★ "The psychological distance between me and others is getting farther and farther."

★"I'm about to graduate soon, and I still don't know what I want, and I don't know where to go next."

★"I can't realize my own ideas at work, I can only follow other people's ideas, but I feel that he is wrong. I am unwilling and want to be independent, but I don't have the courage to face those possible problems. unintended consequences."

Compare these tangled inner voices with the emotional bombs you can't get rid of, and you must have something in common.

There will often be some inexplicable anger that makes you and others suddenly speak ill, these are the specific reflections of the mentality described above on people.However, in most cases we do not reach this level.When we lament the demise of our ideals, we will quietly perform a "sacrifice" in our hearts alone, or complain to our friends at the wine table, and rarely vent our bad emotions to hurt others.However, when this emotion accumulates to a certain level, the power it explodes is beyond our control.

For example, the suicides of many celebrities are not forced by life, but because of the collapse of ideals. In addition, there is no object to communicate and confide in, and the long-term suppressed emotions cannot be released, which finally leads to the tragedy of life.There are also some "smart people", they still can't find a goal worthy of his efforts to pursue, and they are easy to fall into emotional traps.When he doesn't have a goal for himself to pursue hard, it's like a powder keg tied to his back. A little bit of trouble may cause him to explode emotionally-anger, anger and even collapse.

At this time, they are very prone to depression, depression, mood swings, and emotional problems. They often feel helpless about the status quo and the future, resulting in a strong sense of emptiness and frustration.At this time, various negative emotions are mixed, and a collection of negative energies appears on the same person.

Their interpersonal relationship has become very poor, getting along with others is a difficult thing, and they are prone to conflicts and conflicts with others.If you try to make up, you may not get a pleasant response.He will shut you down with an indifferent attitude, or let you go away as quickly as possible, or speak sarcasticly and have indifferent feelings, making you feel that the other party is a very dull person who only sees negative news.

That's because disillusionment can add enormous amounts of stress to a person's life out of thin air, just like a marathon runner who is told to pull back to the starting point and start again halfway through the run.

Everyone has their own ideals and requirements for their own life.If people feel frustrated in life or hit a wall, most of the time it is because the goals they set are difficult to achieve. This kind of insistence on ideals and the principle of uncompromising in difficulties make people fail when they fail. It is inevitable to feel inferior and disappointed, and mistakenly think that there is no market for their ideals, so they are depressed and depressed all day long.

Many people around us are such "perfectionists", they hope that everything they do is perfect.It is respectable to go on the road with ideals, but if you cannot face success and failure calmly, it is tantamount to making yourself a prisoner of ideals.When it is shattered, one's own soul may also be annihilated.Under the double pressure, he will transform into an unreasonable emotional freak.

Emotional Self-Management Course
autopsy stress
★"I've made so many promises and can't keep them, it's driving me crazy!"

★"I'm doing work that I'm not interested in every day."

★ "Every time I complete a task, it's like going through a nightmare."

★ "I feel that this society is very dark and hopeless."

★"All I met were people I didn't like, and I couldn't find any confidants or friends I could talk to."

★"I find that nothing makes sense."

★ "I feel that everyone is hypocritical, except myself."

(End of this chapter)