Self-control 2: How to control your emotions and destiny?

Chapter 7 Emotional Fault Lines (2)
Over the past few years, the course team has conducted a series of experiments to practically examine why people have egos, and why egos are so strongly tied to "social status."

experiment one:

The course team conducted experiments on 800 students who graduated from various Ivy League schools in the United States in four times. Each of them was asked to look at a printed document with a long list of knowledge in the field they were not good at (it happened to be their Weakness, which makes them blind guesses based on first impressions).After reading it, they need to identify the above content - some fictional, false knowledge has been placed on it.

The conclusion was that people who picked more "wrongs" had more self-confidence, and while they didn't necessarily score the highest on the answers, they were the most confident.These people believe they have more knowledge than they actually know.When we compared the profiles of these winners, we found a surprising fact: their current social status is also relatively high.

This suggests that having a certain amount of ego is not a bad thing and can lead to more adventurousness, stronger challenges, and thus more substance.

Experiment two:
Invite some people to discuss and operate a job, and then quietly film their meetings and work videos, recording all the details of everyone-voice, body language, participation, expression.

Post-event video analysis showed that the conceited person was calm, calm, confident, coherent, and strong in the discussion during the discussion, and could provide more information and answers.At this time, their abilities are more convincing than those who are rich in real talents.But when the hands-on session begins, the egoist is immediately at a loss.Their option is to make up some reason not to do the work.

This suggests that in specific jobs, egotistical people engage in more discussion tasks, appear more competent, appear competent, and are more persuasive than their superior, quiet colleagues.However, once it comes to the link that requires practical operation, they will reveal their secrets and show their weak side in an instant.

Experiment [-]:
Have the participants read a story provided by the course group - the story tells of a young man who found a job in a well-known company, where the salary is high and there are many opportunities to achieve an enviable career.After reading it, imagine that he is the protagonist in the story to evaluate some of his related abilities.

In the telling, the egoists had significantly higher self-evaluations than those who were not egotistical.The story fueled their desire for social status and success, and they greatly exaggerated their strengths, most with an "I'm doing better" air (although some are currently only getting monthly $2000 salary).

This shows that the desire for "social status" or "success" encourages people to become more self-confident, so that it gradually exceeds their control and becomes an out-of-control behavioral motivation.It hides extremely deeply, which is why it is not easy to be found.

Confidence is so important that it influences people's efforts and fulfills people's ideals and desires.But perhaps the other side is important—many of us are so confident in our talents that we don't realize that we're getting too much water in them.Therefore, we suggest to students in the course that to treat their true abilities calmly is the basis for discovering their true talents.If you lie to yourself, it's not a positive sign, even if you gain a lot of confidence from it.

Emotional Self-Management Course
self anatomy conceit
★"I feel that in a certain field, I am better than others. I am smarter than them and know more."

★"I believe in the power of intuition, even if there is no basis at all, I can still make correct judgments on some things with intuition!"

★"I am destined to do great things, who else but me?!"

★"I despise my leader because he is not as good as me at all, in every way. I should take his place. This is my latest career goal."

★"Why reject me? I don't think she should, there is no reason to reject me! In other words, I cannot be rejected!"

★"I feel that I am unique and unique. I am essentially different from other people. I am better than them. There is no doubt about it."

◎The Trap of Desire - Excessive Desire
The frantic performance and miserable life of "Mr. Handsome" Burrum in Philadelphia after his "ideal bankruptcy" are well known in the streets and alleys where he lives, and he has become a negative lesson for mature men.Amorley told me that in the first two years, when the agency sent people to understand the cases related to him, Bram also vowed in the interview that he still had a chance to make a comeback, but in the call back interview last quarter , Brum has decided to put a big "cross" on his past.

He said: "The story started with a sexy lady. I met her in a bar and I decided to give her everything. I must marry her, that's what I thought at the time. I can feel it now. It was insane and inappropriate, because love without reason makes one a slave to desire. But that night, I didn't realize it."

At that time, Braum was the hopeful star of a technology company in Philadelphia, and he had already become the key high-level backbone of the board of directors at a young age.In order to successfully pursue this woman, Brum "decisively" gave up the job with an annual salary of 30 US dollars, and moved to the place where the woman had lived for a long time with 100 million US dollars - a small town on the border of New Mexico.He longed for this relationship too much, but the other party grasped his weakness and did not immediately agree to his pursuit, but kept making new demands.This is a long process, like a game of eagles and chickens.The eagle was very hungry, his eyes were shining, and his whole body was excited, but the chick went around and dodged flexibly.It wasn't until Brum spent all the money that he suddenly realized:

"I was deceived by my own impulses."

After returning to Philadelphia, Braum's temperament changed drastically, and he stayed behind closed doors all day, writing down various plans.Some about work and some about repairing relationships with parents.He dreamed of returning to the good life of the past, and once felt that spring was coming.In fact, he didn’t shave his beard, and hid in his room daydreaming. He was emptied of the most exciting part of his life by the sudden burst of desire, as if he was climbing a mountain. Chase down to the foot of the mountain.In the end, the rabbit failed to catch up, and the mountain had no chance to climb.

Brum's story appeared in the "Philadelphia Weekly", and the documentary report was named "Burning Desire", detailing how a middle-class man was burned to ashes by his own desire.The report also cites a reporter's interview with Brumham, who made him a big name among a new generation of down-and-outs in the Philadelphia area, with the fringe affair giving him the edge over newly bankrupt stock tycoon Robert Duncan in terms of exposure. .

In the dim living room of his home, he said: "Desire is the trap for us to become strong. There are all kinds of drugs that can lose our minds. As long as you jump in, your indulgent instinct and ambition to sprint to your dreams at all costs will be destroyed. Activated, no one can save you, only yourself. But unfortunately, it is impossible for you to have the slightest interest in what you should do most.”

source of desire

In general, desire is not water without a source, nor is it a product of pure consciousness.All human concepts, desires and emotions come from different types of material stimuli.Like Brum's suddenly burning uncontrollable lust for a woman.Anxiety, depression, fear, jealousy... can all be inferred, they all have a material basis, and they all have specific incentives.

A person has impulsive emotions because there are factors that induce impulsiveness to form an "impulsive field" around him.When a person is angry, an "anger field" is formed around him.When a person is excited, what works is replaced by the "excitement field".

If he can successfully suppress his emotions and resist the two extreme emotional fields of A and B, then he can weaken this field and move towards the middle area of ​​balance; on the contrary, if this person indulges his emotions, Whether it is anger, desire or excitement, he is strengthening this field and getting closer to the two extremes.The emotions in this field are like being poured into a bucket of gasoline, with greater energy and more complete combustion. The consequence is that it will not dissipate naturally, but will be deposited in his consciousness, making this person a person who loses control of his emotions. .He is easily controlled by emotions and becomes a pawn of desire.

The Effect of Desire on Our Emotions
Desire is an invisible hand, which produces different "substances" (infiltrated into thoughts) according to different directions, and then creates a person's specific psychological experience, guiding the person to pursue something, or to avoid what feeling .Desire not only affects people's emotions, but even forms a person's value standard, which affects whether people become a good person or a bad person-desire is indeed so important to people.

Everyone's performance can't be the same.But the one thing in common is that if we are all people who are accustomed to excessive desire, eagerly hope for a certain goal to appear in a short period of time, and cannot accept the reality of failure, then you will fall into a psychological trap: to achieve the goal at any cost , Don't hit the south wall and don't look back.

In Buddhism, this is regarded as an obstacle to practice, called "inner demon".In Christianity, it is the constituent elements of the seven deadly sins, each of which is a type of desire.Together, they form a constant mental state within the human consciousness, which is the character of the person.

To get rid of desires is to get rid of these "substances", stay away from these inducements, and achieve a state of peace of mind and emotional peace.Psychologically, this process of improvement is to make our personality tend to be perfect, let our mind be as still as still water, so that we will not be shocked by favor or humiliation, and we will be strong without desire.

Desirelessness does not mean that we have no desires, but that we can freely control desires.Only by controlling our desires can we grasp the success in life, move toward success in work, and finally achieve success in our own lives.

Emotional Self-Management Course
Self-dissection desire
★"I always set too high goals, once I can't achieve it, it's hard to calm down."

★"I expect fairness and justice, but the result always disappoints me. Am I asking too much?"

★"My partner and I have many conflicts because my desire to control is too strong. I am too harsh on her and place too many expectations on her. Am I a very possessive person?"

★"When I can't complete the plan, I often get angry. I either reprimand my subordinates or transfer my anger to other people. Even my precious daughter can't escape my anger. What should I do?"

(End of this chapter)